The Gal Guide to Navigating Narcissism: How to Survive the Love You Hate to Love

By Gabrielle St. George

Narcissists aren't just overconfident or egotistical, they are emotionally abusive and adept at creating toxic environments. Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can take a devastating toll on your emotional health creating long-lasting trauma and, in some cases, PTSD. Being controlled and const

• Language: English
• Publisher: Level Best Books
• Release date: Nov 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9781685120351

Gabrielle St. George

Gabrielle St. George (Aka The Ex-Whisperer) is a Canadian screenwriter and story-editor with credits on over 100 produced television shows, both in the USA and Canada. Her feature film scripts have been optioned in Hollywood. Ms. St. George writes humorous mysteries and domestic noir about subjects of which she is an expert-mostly failed relationships, hence her debut soft-boiled series, The Ex-Whisperer Files, which launches with How to Murder A Marriage. She is also the author of the non-fiction GAL GUIDE SERIES: How to Say So Long to Mr. Wrong, How to Know if He's Having an Affair, and How to Survive the Love You Hate to Love.

Book preview

Chapter One

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? (HINT… NOT SO DEEP)

WHAT IS NARCISSISM?

According to the Mayo Clinic, Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Then there are people who are simply narcissistic. The difference between a person with NPD and your garden variety narcissist is that a narcissist hasn’t been diagnosed as having a mental disorder. They too feel superior to everyone around them, have a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and have no empathy for other people’s feelings or situations. They have no awareness and no insight into what they do and so they feel no shame or remorse for their words or actions.

Behind the narcissist’s projection of extreme confidence hides the truth of who they actually are—a fragile and deluded person with little to no self-esteem who is ready to explode at the slightest criticism. As their partner, you traverse the landmine-laden space they occupy at your peril. In their perpetual quest to avoid feelings of shame, narcissists invent a phony public persona for themselves in order to hide their defects from the world. This fake person must always be right and perfect. Narcs refuse to accept their flaws and blame others for their mistakes and for everything else that goes wrong in their world.

Pro Tip: Everything will always be all your fault.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has outlined nine key criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The official criteria for NPD include:

Grandiose sense of self-importance

Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Belief they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate

with, other special or high-status people or institutions

Need for excessive admiration

Sense of entitlement

Interpersonally exploitative behavior

Lack of empathy

Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them

Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

Not all of these traits must be present. If a person exhibits 55% of the above characteristics, they can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

It’s not fully understood how a person becomes a narcissist but like most mental health disorders, the cause is likely complex. It is commonly thought that genetics and neurobiology have an impact on vulnerable children who are then affected by parents who are neglectful or overprotective.

Narcissists aren’t just overconfident or egotistical, they are emotionally abusive and adept at creating toxic environments. The trick is being able to identify a narcissist before you get sucked in by their charisma and caught up in their web of pathological lying, manipulations, demands, and emotional unavailability. These performers come across as ambitious, passionate, fun, and charming. But then so did Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and Hitler, among other infamous narcissists.

Being good at narcissism isn’t easy, it’s exhausting to be constantly center-stage and a narcissist has no choice but to perform 24/7. But once in a while their mask slips and the real them, the dark them, is exposed. This rarely happens in public although sometimes they can’t help but make a scene in a restaurant or at a family gathering (if this happens it will be all your fault). More often the narcissist saves their true colors for the people closest to them and only reveal their ugliness in the privacy of their home.

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can take a devastating toll on your emotional health creating long-lasting trauma and, in some cases, PTSD. Being controlled and constantly manipulated can leave you feeling like a mere shell of the person you once were. To extricate yourself from these co-dependent unions requires an inordinate amount of courage and strength. It is extremely difficult to do this alone and if you don’t have a support network of friends and family you will likely need the guidance of a therapist or abuse counselor to help you navigate your way out of the abyss. Try to remember that the real you is still there, albeit in hiding, and she deserves to live the healthy, happy life of her dreams. Cut the narcs in your life loose, reclaim your power and remember the dreams you once held for yourself so you can allow them to reemerge and joyfully manifest. It’s not easy but it’s doable. You just need to educate yourself and prepare for battle. You can break free.

YOU’RE SO VAIN (I Bet You Think This Song Is About You):

14 Top Tips for Spotting A Narcissist in the Wild

(You might not notice any of these traits right off the bat)

1. Narcs Suffer from a Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Grandiosity is more than your plain vanilla vanity. Narcissists live in a fantasy world where they are the superstar with a slew of adoring fans. Their distorted sense of superiority has them believing that no ordinary people, places, or things will do, they require the best of everything. They are consumed with delusions of their success, intelligence, power, and attractiveness. As their partner, it’s your job to ensure that you never burst their bubble with facts or anything else resembling reality. If you dare to do so, you shall incur their wrath which could include aggression, rage, or the silent treatment. Narcissists believe they’re better than everyone else even when they have no accomplishments to show. They talk big but if you listen closely, you’re likely to discover they’re exaggerating if not outright lying about their talents and achievements.

2. Narcs Bully, Belittle, and Browbeat

They love putting others down to prove their superiority. When narcissists are around people who are truly confident, they perceive them as trying to steal the limelight. They feel threatened and treat them with contempt. Narcissists monopolize conversations and insult and belittle anyone they deem inferior. Often the only way to raise themselves