The Weight of Womanhood: {To Be a Woman Is Not Easy}

By Rev Emmanuel Oghene

The Weight of Womanhood highlights the incomprehensible avoidable pressures put on women by societal expectations, male folks and sometimes women themselves. There is this culture of taking women for granted or taking advantage of women. Laban used his two daughters to swindle his nephew, Jacob, the Philistine Kings, and high officials used Delilah against Israelite leader, Samson who had become a pain in the ass for the Philistines’ leadership. King Saul attempted to use his daughters rather than any of his sons to kill David. Certain cultures imply that one of the worst things a woman can do is to conceive and bear a girlchild. They turn a blind eye to the murder of millions of growing girlchild in the womb on yearly basis. Moses’ older sister, Miriam resented and antagonized his wife to the extent that God was incensed to punish Miriam. King Rehoboam robbed his eldest son of his right because he preferred one of his stepmothers to the eldest son’s mother.

When Samson’s mother claimed that an angel had visited her to talk about the imminent conception and birth of Samson, his father did not believe her. She had to ask God to resend His angel to attest to her claim before Samson’s father believed her. Most men take women’s gynecological and maternal exigencies for granted. Once Hannah did not conceive and bear him a child quickly, though he was supposed to love her very much, Elkanah opted for a second wife, Peninnah who made life miserable for Hannah once she bore Elkanah children while Hannah remained barren. He did not do anything to restrain Peninnah from worsening Hannah’s miseries.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Sep 12, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664116504

Rev Emmanuel Oghene

Rev. Emmanuel Oghene can be described as a paper-pulpit pastor and Bible preacher by publication. He is divinely ordained to teach, preach, and publish the gospel of Jesus Christ and has been teaching and preaching since 1994. He began to publish in 2004 and presides over Emmanuel Oghenebrorhie Ministries that encompasses several arms. He makes the working word of God relevant to daily living in order to prepare the saints for heaven. His audiences often comment that he gives a realistic interpretation to the word of God in a way that they never heard or read previously and that he directs the word of God to where it matters in a man’s life and when it matters most. He can be reached on [e-mail] or [e-mail].

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Copyright © 2021 by Rev Emmanuel Oghene.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 09/10/2021

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Unless otherwise indicated, scriptures are from

Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.;

Common English Bible (CEB) Copyright © 2011 by Common English Bible;

Contemporary English Version (CEV) Copyright © 1995 by American Bible Society;

Christian Standard Bible (CSB) The Christian Standard Bible. Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible®, and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers, all rights reserved.;

Easy-to-Read Version (ERV) Copyright © 2006 by Bible League International;

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.;

English Standard Version Anglicised (ESVUK) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.;

Good News Translation (GNT) Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society;

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW) Copyright © 1995, 2003, 2013, 2014, 2019, 2020 by God’s Word to the Nations Mission Society. All rights reserved.;

International Children’s Bible (ICB) The Holy Bible, International Children’s Bible® Copyright© 1986, 1988, 1999, 2015 by Tommy Nelson™, a division of Thomas Nelson. Used by permission.;

International Standard Version (ISV) Copyright © 1995-2014 by ISV Foundation. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED INTERNATIONALLY. Used by permission of Davidson Press, LLC.;

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson;

CONTENTS

Dedication

Appreciation

Introduction

Chapter 1: Solving National Challenges and Individual Sacrifices

Chapter 2: Bias Blame

Chapter 3: The Enormous Weight

Chapter 4: Misery-milling Mismatched Couples

Chapter 5: Eldest Son’s Demotion because of His Mother

Chapter 6: Consent Trivialization and Trampling

Chapter 7: Endless Cut-throat/Convulsive Competition

Chapter 8: Classification of Women into The Marital Status of Wives & Concubines

Chapter 9: Necessary Claim’s Evidence Back-up

Chapter 10: Unpleasant Scandalous Usage

Chapter 11: Suffering in Silence

Chapter 12: Malignant Masculinity

Chapter 13: Women-Against-Women War (WAWW)

Chapter 14: Siblings Against Spouses Supremacy Struggle (SASSS)

Chapter 15: Daughters Only Dilemma (DOD)

Chapter 16: Widow Whackers

Chapter 17: Husbands Against Wives (HAW)

Chapter 18: Sons’ Spilled Sorrows (SSS)

Chapter 19: Brothers Against Sisters (BAS)

Chapter 20: Sisters Against Sisters (SAS)

Chapter 21: Husband’s Liquidating Household Leadership (HLHL)

Chapter 22: Mothers Against Daughters (MAD)

Chapter 23: Sons Against Stepmothers (SAS)

Chapter 24: The Nerve-racking Responsibility, Duty and Expectations

Chapter 25: First Wife’s Frustration (FWF)

Chapter 26: Michal’s Men

Chapter 27: Failed Efforts to Please Her Man

Chapter 28: Fathers Against Daughters (FAD)

Chapter 29: Girlchild Gendercide Czarists and Czarism

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DEDICATION

All women whose lives were cut short by man-made avoidable pressures.

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APPRECIATION

Yet, my greatest gratitude goes to the Lord who, during the final phase of this work, proved beyond all doubts that this is His project. His presence and intervention were so real whenever I was ready to work on this manuscript. It was an unprecedented experience indeed. God bless my friend, Rev Philip Olukunle, an embodiment of Christian faith, for his encouragement.

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INTRODUCTION

A woman ignored her husband’s unfaithfulness/infidelity. Finally, one of his mistresses died in the hotel room while they overnighted. He was jailed for murder. Now, this man, his family and friends are blaming the wife for condoning his infidelity until it got him into trouble. Her sister-in-law is leading the attacks on her. It is not like she is even threatening to divorce him and remarry in the immediate, yet they think she should be blamed for his current troubles. They ignore the fact that he caused her pains while he had the chance to cheat on her. The sister-in-law argues that it is her responsibility to save her husband from his weaknesses - womanizing. No matter what a woman and wife do, someone would find a reason to still blame even when she is the victim.

A man impregnated his three daughters. Most commentators queried his wife and mother of the girls for not exposing him until they got pregnant. This is the love of her life, the only man she had ever been intimate with, and inevitably, loyal to more than even her parents. Her offense is failure to expose the evil. If she is to be blamed, what about their father who committed the worst abomination next only to taking human life? It seems not fair to lump her together with the monstrous man, heinous husband, and faulty father. Too often, women are blamed for faults that would outstand anyone to the point of not knowing how best to react.

If you blame her for not doing enough to stop her husband’s abominable incestuous madness, what would you say if she had a baby by another man while still married to her husband? None would blame her husband for neglect if she sought sexual satisfaction in the bed of another man or even by their son. If she got pregnant for their adult son, she would bear the blame alone and, even her mother would encourage her husband to kick her to the curb. Her family of birth would disown her.

A man set out to host his mother. His older brother had taken on the responsibility of the family head after the death of their father. The younger brother got a job after his university education. He had to host their visiting mother according to their tradition to formally establish his consolidation as a worthy son. He bought the required live goat which was slaughtered to prepare a porridge meal combined with yam and plantain. Everything was prepared and his wife was supposed to ensure that everything went well. However, before the arrival of the mother, his older brother and other family members, the wife had sent more than half of the cooked food to her mother’s home. The husband did not know about it.

When the guests arrived and it was time to serve, she brought out about a third of the cooked food. The husband followed the wife into the kitchen to ask her where the rest of the food is, this is an important occasion for him. It was later that he learned from the neighbors that they saw her mother and younger sister take a big black bag away. The way they carried it, it seemed to contain something heavy. His investigation confirmed that she sent the food to her mother. The reason — poverty.

He traveled frequently on official duty and never failed to buy foodstuffs along the road to share with her parents. Why insist on sabotaging his special occasion? He knew that a portion would be sent to her family, but it should be after the main reason he prepared the feast. It was the end of the marriage. As guilty as she was, her family expected too much from her as one of them who was fortunate to have married a rich man. Most poor families expect too much from their daughter who married into a rich family. As a result, they push the fortunate daughter to do things that cost them their marriage.

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CHAPTER 1

Solving National Challenges

and Individual Sacrifices

Judges 8:18-19, 28 confirms that Gideon’s mother lost her other sons because God chose Gideon to carry out the national assignment of delivering the Israelites from the oppression of the Midianites. Judges 6 says that the entire nation cried to God to save them from the Midianites’ oppression. When God decided to answer their prayers for help, He chose Gideon to lead the defeat of the Midianites and the king of the Midianites decided to slaughter Gideon’s brothers because they looked so much like him and thought killing them would mean that they had killed Gideon along with them.

When Gideon claimed that God’s angel appeared to him to lead the termination of the Midianites’ oppression of the Israelites, his mother never knew that she would lose all her other sons as a result. It is like when Judges 11 says that because God chose Jephthah to free the Israelites from the oppression of Ammonites, he lost his only child – a source of great sorrow to the mother of the girl. Gideon’s mother and Jephthah’s wife and mother of his only child lost their children because their son and husband, respectively, were chosen to serve the nation or solve a national problem. This suggests that anyhow, women pay a personal price for the endeavors of their son or husband. Judges 8:22, 28 and 12:7 say:

22 After that, the Israelites said to Gideon, Be our ruler—you and your descendants after you. You have saved us from the Midianites.

28 So Midian was defeated by the Israelites and was no longer a threat. The land was at peace for forty years, until Gideon died.

7 Jephthah led Israel for six years. Then he died and was buried in his hometown in Gilead. (GNT)

There is no reference to Gideon’s mother or Jephthah’s wife, rather it was Gideon and Jephthah, even though their mother and wife, respectively lost their children as part of the sacrifices for them to emerge as their nation’s ruler. Gideon’s mother and father as well as Jephthah’s wife were the unsung heroes and heroines of their (Gideon and Jephthah’s) forty-year and six-year respective reigns.

Judges 8:22-32, 9:1-22 recounts the scandalous and sorry story of Gideon’s marital misadventure. This is one of the most marital misadventures in human history. First, verse 28 confirms that he ruled Israel during the last forty years of his life. His emergence as a national leader or ruler was the direct result of God empowering him to lead the defeat of the Midianites. Verse 22 says that afterward, the Israelites offered that he and his sons ruled over them for as long as they wanted. Verse 23 says that Gideon’s response was that any of his sons would not rule over them after him rather they should look up to God to provide them a ruler after him.

Verses 29-31 say that he married many wives who bore seventy sons. After all that number of children, he went a steep scandalous step further to contrive concubinage with another woman who bore him another son – bringing the number of his sons to a total of seventy-one.

After his death, the seventy legitimate sons heeded his wish and did not strive to rule over the Israelites in his stead. However, the only child out-of-wedlock named Abimelech chose to break rank of obedience with his legitimate siblings to disobey his wishes that they should not be ambitious to rule the nation after him.

Knowing that his legitimate brothers had the right to the national leadership seat of their father more than he did, he chose to assassinate them so he could be freed of a guilty conscience to rule the nation as their father’s only surviving son. This means that shortly after losing their husband, the mothers of these seventy sons except the youngest; Jotham, lost them in a single day because the bastard child Abimelech had no regard for their father’s wish that they never strive for the leadership seat of the nation after his death. The mothers of these seventy sons’ only mistake was marrying and bearing children for a man who had an insatiable desire for intimacy with the opposite sex. Despite having many women who bore him seventy sons, he still went for an additional woman to bear a son that turned out to be a monster in his absence.

There is the curious concept of ‘Searching for the Sinker.’ It means that Gideon was unknowingly searching for the woman who would bear him the child that will shatter his legacy. Otherwise, what else was he searching for, getting a concubine that would bear him a child? If twenty women bore his seventy sons, what else was he searching for taking another woman under the guise of past-time or concubine?

Also interesting is the fact that the only thing he achieved throughout his supposed forty-year reign was leading the defeat of the Midianites at the beginning or to usher in his reign. It seemed that his only achievement after the defeat of the Midianites was marrying as many wives as he could to bear as many children as possible.

Of course, social event planning professionals, wine suppliers, food producers, and suppliers would have loved his reign because he would order their services for countless wedding ceremonies and child christening ceremonies. The king, prime minister, president, head-of-state, and the leader of the nation’s leaders or leading citizens was a party animal – can you beat that. He spent his forty-year reign to party. Classic party-ping-pong. It explains why the world is the way it is.

It is most likely that Gideon’s mother died before him. But if she were still alive, she would have witnessed the loss of her grandsons like she witnessed the loss of sons because one of them must become a national leader. It would have made Gideon a killer son – a child who causes pain to the parents, wives, and other family members. It makes Gideon another King Saul or that Gideon and Saul shared curious commonness. Scandalous sickening summary – just as Gideon caused his mother to mourn her other sons, so also, he caused his wives to mourn the death of their sons. It had to do with him seeking to become the ruler of Israel and one of his sons seeking to become ruler of Israel after him. It would not have mattered except that there are many Gideons till date. They sacrifice everyone around them to reign and remain relevant.

It is likely that if Gideon never emerged as the leader of Israel, his brothers would have been safe. If he did not have so many children, he would not have had a concubinage relationship that produced Abimelech who killed his sons. Perhaps, it should be that if he did not seek pleasure with too many women, he would not have had Abimelech who ruined his fatherhood legacy. In the same way, if Saul never became king of Israel, his family members might never have suffered the way that 1 Samuel 31:1-6, 2 Samuel 3:6-39, 4:4, 21:1-14 imply that they did.

A man disapproved of a marriage proposal to his daughter by his lifelong friend’s sons mostly because of pride in life. The friend’s son who lived abroad asked his father to get a girl from a good family for him to marry. His father zeroed his search on his lifelong good friend’s daughter. She was still schooling. The young man promised to sponsor her schooling after their wedding. Her father said he does not want it to go down in history that his son-in-law funded the education of his daughter. He said if he were serious, he should return to marry her when she would have completed her education.

The young man left, and his family found another girl for him to marry. Ten years later, the girl got pregnant for a member of a robbery gang. The father ordered her to never have anything to do with the robber. When she got pregnant for him a second time, he got angry and scolded her for being wayward and disobedient. When she could no longer endure the father’s insults, she reminded him that she would have been married to a better man and living abroad and would never have found herself in the environment where she got intimate with a social misfit. It silenced the father forever. This daughter lived the rest of her life feeling that if not for her father’s pride-prompted decision, her life would have been much better.

A man claims that God has given him an assignment. The wife obediently and loyally agrees to support him without questioning him. He goes ahead to pursue the acclaimed God-given assignment. Suddenly, he is not satisfied with the supportive wife or woman in his life. He does things that cause the wife pains. If a woman loses her man but has a child by the man, she will take consolation that the child represents a piece of the man she loved. Her widowhood plight is worsened when her child for the man dies because of the avoidable mistake of the same man that she had spent a considerable part of her life supporting devotedly and dutifully.

Genesis 12 and 20 can be interpreted to mean that Sarah devoted her life to please Abraham. Though they were born and bred in the same household, Abraham could not resist her beauty and took her for a wife. She obeyed Abraham to make him happy. Afterward, Abraham said God had asked him to relocate to a place he could not even specify, she loyally followed him. If she went to bid her childhood friends or best friend goodbye and they asked where they were relocating to, she could only say ‘he said God will tell us when we arrive there. Where? I do not know, even he does not know as we speak.’ That is highly illogical as it is laughable. But that was the kind of thing that she had to do because she loved him. To protect his own life, he gave her up for another man. He was not willing to die for her.

He did this twice and each time, he collected the bride price on her. Here is a man who never paid the bride price on her because they shared the same father named Nahor. Nahor could never have collected any form of bride price from Abraham for him to marry his half-younger sister, Sarah. Though he married Sarah free of charge (FOC) (without payment of bride price of any form or shape because his father (Nahor) was also Sarah the bride’s father), yet he collected bride price on her from Pharaoh of Egypt and Abimelech of the Philistines headquartered at Gerar. He can be alleged to have used his wife, Sarah to increase his wealth.

He knew from his experience with Pharaoh (in Genesis 12:10-20) that God will compel Abimelech to return her, when he gave her up in exchange for great gifts and favours from Abimelech. It was like approving phony marriage between his wife and kings for personal profit. That is the equivalent of younger sister and/or wife’s trading on the marriage or marital stock exchange.

Stories of brothers who use their beautiful sisters to entice men in position of authority and influence to get jobs where otherwise could not have gotten a chance/opportunity, are rife. A young man wanted to join the army. He had been rejected twice. He found out that the officer-in-charge of the recruitment depot was interested in his beautiful younger sister. He asked her to speak to the officer-in-charge to assist him. She did. When next he showed up for recruitment exercise, he was selected and began his military career in earnest.

Genesis 16 can be interpreted to mean that in his wife’s desperation to reciprocate his goodwill of not taking another wife despite her failure to bear him any child, she opted to convert her Egyptian maid, Hagar into his concubine. He reluctantly agreed to the proposal, however, after she got pregnant and reviled Sarah, he did not take any action to restrain the maid turned bed-mate from making life miserable for Sarah. It took Sarah’s insistence for Abraham to approve that she could do whatever she liked to restrain the excesses of the maid-turned-bed-mate. Sarah’s reciprocal kindness was turned into a club to beat her (Sarah) emotionally.

Genesis 21:1-21 can be said to mean that when Hagar’s son, Ishmael mocked Sarah’s son, Isaac, Abraham gave the impression that he expected Sarah to condone it. This means that just as he had ignored Hagar’s abuse of Sarah, he meant to ignore Ishmael’s mockery of Isaac.

As in Genesis 16, Genesis 21 confirms that it was only when Sarah insisted on something definite being done to punish Hagar and Ishmael did Abraham reluctantly approve. Like the devoted wife she had always been, on the two occasions, she was unhappy with Abraham’s treatment of her. She asked his permission or approval to react as she deemed fit. Men hardly reciprocate women’s loyalty to them appropriately.

There is another angle to it. Genesis 13 says that when Abraham’s servants and his nephew, Lot’s servants disagreed,