Resilience and Courage: The Key to Endurance

By Patricia Elliot

A toolkit for success; offering reflective stories, activities and more, this book is essential for everyone in their journey toward achieving positive mental health. Promoting action for a positive lifestyle and strategies for improved overall wellbeing.

‘A beautiful soul, who shone from within when passionately talking of her 7 attributes for success. Some years ago, there I was sat in a room filled with people, yet I felt the only one in the audience. Pat’s engaging and friendly style using visualisation and humour connected directly with everyone as she inspired and motivated us all to practically improve and encourage ourselves as individuals. Pat’s honesty and willingness to share her own fallibility resonated with us all, and really did lead to a superbly powerful message. Danielle McGregor

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Aug 17, 2020
• ISBN: 9781728353104

Patricia Elliot

Scottish based Patricia Elliot is an author of academic and self-help books, Inspirational Speaker, Broadcaster, Blogger, Mentor to entrepreneurs, Winner of various business awards and founder of MindCircles - a toolbox of self-help products and services to combat stress, anxiety and mental health issues. Patricia holds University degrees in Music, Law, Psychology, Education but what she values most is her degree from the University of Life. She has faced many challenges, but the most traumatic was the loss of her eldest son to suicide. She decided to share her experience in The Weight of Emptiness. Patricia has a natural affinity for people, is empathetic and compassionate, loves life and enjoys a good sense of humour. Her writing style is engaging and positive, always sensitive and encouraging. She has a positive attitude and her ability to motivate, empower and support others provide a message of hope and encouragement to her readers.

Book preview

Author also of:

7 Attributes for Success (Inner

Success & Happiness)

The Weight of Emptiness – Comfort and

Hope for the loss of a loved one

RESILIENCE AND

COURAGE

THE KEY TO ENDURANCE

PATRICIA ELLIOT

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© 2020 Patricia Elliot. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/17/2020

ISBN: 978-1-7283-5311-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-5310-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020908713

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Patricia Elliot LL.B, M.Phil. (Psyc), PGCHE¹ is a leader with vision and values. She is a well-respected graduate of both Glasgow University and Strathclyde University with over 25 years’ experience in industry and academia in the fields of business, law, stress management and psychology. Starting at a very young age, Patricia also studied and achieved LRAM and ARCM at the RSAMD in Glasgow; her instruments being piano, violin, composing and orchestration. With her knowledge and experience Patricia is an examiner in business topics for various institutes and author of academic books as well as her own personal books. She writes and validates examination papers and courses for universities and continues to be inspired by the many students and colleagues she has met over the years.

Her vision is to help people realise their true potential and understand that this requires resilience and endurance. A daunting task you may think but Patricia looked back over her life and thought about how she dealt with different situations, particularly challenging ones; the most recent being the loss of her child Bruce to suicide. Following this tragic event many people have shared their stories of loss which Patricia included in her book The Weight of Emptiness.

From her own experience and that of the many others who have shared their inspirational stories Patricia realised that those who cope best, including herself, had certain attributes which they used to not just cope but also improve their lives. Patricia describes these attributes in her original book 7 Attributes for Success (Inner Success and Happiness)². Having suffered the loss of her son Bruce, Patricia has needed to use all her techniques to help her cope with her grief. She has found that the most helpful attributes are resilience and audacity (being brave). More than that she has learned that the key to leading a fulfilling life and enduring each day is having resilience and courage.

When you lose a loved one you are not a victim, nor are you a survivor as this presumes that you have overcome something. You do not overcome the death of a loved one—you learn to endure each day.

Patricia has looked at these seven attributes towards experiences—past and present—and knows that they can be altered in a positive way to help deal with life’s challenges.

The original book 7 Attributes was written by Patricia following her own experiences and the many interviews she carried out over the years.

Patricia has designed CircleSafe³, a mental health app for individuals, MindBites⁴ meditations, and an online programme, Steps for Success⁵ (where each of the steps is available to download as a PDF document) to help individuals realise their true potential using easily accessible tips and tools. Through her books, online programmes and MindBites meditations, Patricia is fulfilling a lifelong dream to help others understand that they can lead fulfilling lives by knowing the secret of resilience, courage and endurance.

Having written books and articles for academic professional journals, and with her passionate and inspirational style, Patricia is sought after for participation in radio⁶ and television programmes⁷.

Her books, online Steps for Success programme and MindBites meditations are dedicated to the select few who have ‘gone that extra mile’ and helped Patricia throughout her life, both in the happy times and in the not so happy ones and to say a big thank you to them for never giving up and believing in her, particularly when self-belief was ‘low’. The time is now right!

Patricia always welcomes constructive comments from individuals and hopes that readers connect with her and feel comfortable enough to contact her through the website www.mindcircles.co.uk.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

So many people have helped me throughout my life, both in the happy times and in the not so happy ones. There are too many to mention here but I must thank those few who have gone the ‘extra mile’ for me particularly in my times of need.

Those with vision have always supported me and I have found that since the tragic loss of my eldest son the attribute that has helped and continues to help me the most is resilience which thankfully I seem to have in abundance. My eldest son was not only supportive but provided me with information about what tips and tools I should include in my books to help people. Sadly, he was the one person who did not seem able to use his attributes to the best effect. I talk about this in my book The Weight of Emptiness⁸.

In my 7 Attributes for Success book I gave thanks to a colleague and friend, George Runciman, who, at a particularly challenging time of my life, threw me a ‘lifeline’—work as an examiner for various professional bodies. This ‘lifeline’ set me on a positive path which brought with it further opportunities which enhanced and continue to enhance my life.

I continue to thank my oldest, dearest friends Margaret Robinson and Morfydd MacLaren who are always there for me with cups of tea and as good listeners. My friends and colleagues Stuart Mallinson and his wife Anne have been positive motivators, providing very necessary emotional support. My thanks and gratitude also to Peter Batty who edited my manuscript with the utmost care and attention. I tend to re-write when I review chapters or pages so with Peter’s editing I was truly able to say ‘enough is enough’!

As a creative, innovative person, my head is frequently full of ideas. It has taken a number of years to develop CircleSafe, MindBites, MindCircles and the Steps for Success online programme and thanks must go to Walter Taylor for his never-ending patience, putting up with me for years and always ready to make changes almost at ‘my beck and call’. Thanks also to Eddie Macarthur of Stealth Studios for his valuable comments and ‘keeping me smiling’ when I am doing the voice-overs for my MindBites meditations. His talent and skills for compiling my MindBites audio and video has resulted in amazing meditations.

As with all my books, I write for you all: that is, everyone, family, friends, colleagues, all who know me, have met me, lifelong friends or passing acquaintances. The size of this book does not permit me to mention and thank everyone who has supported me, but you know who you are. Special thanks to those who have shared their stories on their losses, their life experiences and how my tips and techniques have helped them face life challenges—I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

CONTENTS

About the Author

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Resilience and courage

Confidence

So where do you start?

CHAPTER ONE

OVERVIEW

Systematic repetition

Stress and benefits of stress prevention

My ABC core techniques

My 7 attributes

Life is not easy

CHAPTER TWO

SYSTEMATIC REPETITION – it’s all about habits!

Motivation

List making—good or bad?

CHAPTER THREE

STRESS

Steps for Success programme – background and overview

What is stress?

Stressors

Fight or flight

Stress symptoms and impact

Benefits of stress prevention techniques

CHAPTER FOUR

MY ABC CORE TECHNIQUES

Overview of my ABC core techniques for well-being

BENEFITS of my ABC core techniques

Real-life story

Laughter

‘A’ FOR AFFIRMATIONS

3 Ps Principle

‘B’ FOR BREATHING

Calming breathing exercise

Everyday breathing effectively

Focus breathing

Cleansing breathing

Coping breathing

Relaxation, calming & energising breathing

‘C’ for Creative Imagination (also known as Visualisation)

Benefits of my ‘C’ technique

CHAPTER FIVE

Attribute 1 – Self-awareness

What self-awareness is

How do you become self-aware and maintain it?

How do you find out who you really are?

Challenging your belief system

How to find out who you are

Using questions to become self-aware

Quidia – the starting point to find out who you are

Difference between self-esteem and ego

Brief difference between encouragement and praise (also see Chapter 9)

Past Conditioning

Fear of success

Choices

Daily activities to help you move forward

CHAPTER SIX

Attribute 2 - Resilience

What does resilience mean?

How to bounce back from setbacks – some factors

How to ‘hold on’ to positives (tenacity)

Effective communication

My Effective Listening Model

Conscious choices

CHAPTER SEVEN

Attribute 3 – Courage

What it means to be have courage—to be brave

Facing challenges

View challenges as opportunities

CHAPTER EIGHT

Attribute 4–Interdependence

What it means to be interdependent

Jealousy and possessiveness

Resisting Jealousy

Simple techniques to quickly release anger

Difference between interdependence and dependence

How to become interdependent

CHAPTER NINE

Attribute 5 – Encouragement

How to start encouraging yourself

Do not wait for someone else to encourage you

Some types of individuals

CHAPTER TEN

Attribute 6 – Value

Learn how to value and respect yourself

How to deal with difficult people

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Attribute 7 – Know How

What is the ‘Know how’ Attribute?

Never be afraid to find out or ask

Intelligence vs. intellect

CHAPTER TWELVE

Summary and overview

APPENDIX I

My ‘A’ - AFFIRMATION EXAMPLES

AFFIRMATIONS EXERCISES

3–2–1 Exercise Instructions

3–2–1 exercise for you to try

My ‘B’ technique - BREATHING EXERCISES

RELAXATION BREATHING EXERCISE

Effective breathing exercise

Exercise – Efficient breathing exercise

Breathing fundamentals

Chest breathing

My ‘C’ - CREATIVE IMAGINATION

Explanation of my creative imagination

Exercise: using your creative imagination

COLOURS – some meanings

SYSTEMATIC REPETITION (HABITS)

Examples of bad and good habits (just in case you can’t think of any!)

Habits – good and bad habits exercise

STRESS SYMPTOMS AND THE DIFFERENT AREAS THAT ARE AFFECTED

LIFE EVENTS STRESS SCALE

APPENDIX II

TESTIMONIALS

APPENDIX III

QUIDIA exercise

APPENDIX IV

Quidia shapes explanations

CIRCLE

SQUIGGLE

SQUARE

TRIANGLE

RECTANGLE

APPENDIX V

Rationale behind Steps for Success programme

INTRODUCTION

Resilience and courage

"

Life is not easy and when life changes, it is difficult but you need to accept it. The secret is to have resilience and courage and you will manage to endure every day. Believe me, it is worth it. Patricia Elliot

"

Nobody said life would be easy and never was this more apt when I lost my gorgeous boy to suicide. It was then I realised that I needed resilience more than ever to help me endure every day. I hope that my tips and techniques for living a fulfilling life even after loss will help you all. A close, true friend, Liz once said to me, ‘You hold your grief well’ and she knows that this is how I want the outside world to see me. However, the smallest signs, a flower, a piece of music and I can collapse with tears leaking out of my eyes and falling in torrents down my cheeks. Both these ways of dealing with grief are good as they help you cope with everyday life.

They say there is a book in everyone and although that is probably true the actual writing of the book is a different story. I have always liked writing whether that is small notes, articles, diaries, and so on but when I was asked to write my first book 7 Attributes for Success (Inner Success and Happiness I was honoured but also terrified that I would not be able to do it or it would not be good enough. Having spoken to many authors I found out that they all feel the same. I am a perfectionist and the most challenging part of writing anything is to know when ‘enough is enough’.

Confidence

In addition to resilience and courage you also need confidence to write a book. My confidence was given a boost when I was asked to write academic books. When I was approached by a leading academic publisher my first thoughts were that I could not write these books. However, I realised that having read some of my work, these publishers had confidence in me to ask and knew that I had the knowledge and expertise to do so. As I like working under pressure, I enjoyed the experience even more as the publishing deadlines were very tight.

The writing of academic books was the catalyst for getting to grips with writing my own personal books. However, writing about my experiences takes even more courage and confidence as it is very personal and I want to engage readers and hopefully help them by sharing my experiences.

When I lost my eldest son to suicide I decided to make this tragic event very public. I am fortunate that I can talk about my son and my loss but this option is not available to everyone. By sharing my story, other people have shared their experience of losing a loved one and I am left in no doubt that ‘sharing helps healing’.

"

From our most challenging experience we gain our greatest strengths. Patricia Elliot

"

I have often said this quote and I make no apologies for repeating it here. However, having such strength is not easy but I have found that the secret is to be resilient. Having resilience in abundance will help you endure everyday.

I write this update on my book because the content needed to reflect my most recent experiences, especially the traumatic loss of my son. I also wanted to give the book a new, more engaging title that would captivate the content and ‘catch’ the readers’ eye. With the influence of experience and reflection, I have changed the names of some of the seven attributes described in 7 Attributes for Success.

I looked back on my life, particularly the most challenging tragic event of the loss of my son and how I continue to deal with this loss. I have written about my loss in The Weight of Emptiness⁹ in which I include stories of loss shared by others. I realised that those of us who cope best, including me, are using our attributes in a positive way. The attributes that help most are resilience and audacity (courage or bravery).

I still include information on all 7 Attributes but also devote a chapter to resilience and courage as I believe that if you use these attributes in a positive way you will not only realise your true potential but you will manage to endure each day with a positive mind and spirit.

"

We all have these attributes but those who cope best no matter what challenges they face are those who USE them. Patricia Elliot

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I know we are overloaded with