Please Sun Rise

By Beverly Jean Stovall

All of my life it seemed as if I was wandering through a maze in a dark tunnel that had no light in it. The tunnel was comparable to my life, which was cold, dark, and empty, and had no sense of direction in it. I was lost and could not find my way in it or out of it because it was so dark. But I believed that the light I needed so desperately was at the end of the tunnel. So consequently I spent my entre life wandering aimlessly in the tunnel looking for light in the darkness. After a lifetime of searching I found the light at the end of the tunnel and discovered that the darkness had nothing to do with the tunnel because it was just as dark on the outside of the tunnel as in the inside…Where is the way where the light dwelleth? And how do I find it?

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 31, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973666264

Beverly Jean Stovall

Beverly Stovall; her background, degrees, or characteristics have nothing to do with what qualifies her to tell this story. God has chosen her to write for Him and uses her writings to be as a voice of one crying in the wilderness as she journeys through the dark forest of life looking for light.

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Copyright © 2019 Beverly Jean Stovall.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

All scriptures are from the King James Authorized Version 1611 of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-6620-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-6619-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-6626-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019908082

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/30/2019

I dedicate

this book to the memory of Elder Lionel Hayes; my bible instructor for many years, who graced me with The Scripture Account which contributed a desire and knowledge of the Word of God in me that has sustained me throughout my Christian journey.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I give special thanks to Debra A. Bowie, who worked with me untimely as a collaborator and editor in the writing and publication of this book.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Please Sun Rise

CHAPTER ONE

THE SEARCH FOR LIGHT

CHAPTER TWO

THE REVELATION OF LIFE

CHAPTER THREE

MY LOVE STORY

CHAPTER FOUR

A PSALM FOR ME - PART I

A PSALM FOR ME - PART II

CHAPTER FIVE

THE LOVINGKINDNESS OF THE LORD

CHAPTER SIX

CLAIMING GOD’S PROMISE

CHAPTER SEVEN

THE SUN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

FOREWORD

Please Sunrise, is the long-anticipated chronicle of a simplistic approach to understanding the process of newly found Salvation by Faith in Jesus Christ.

I came to know Beverly Stovall as a church sister and friend over the last twelve or so years. We developed a quick bond as we discovered our past lives had like acquaintance with pain and darkness.

As we would spend time talking about our growth and development in our faith in Jesus Christ, we also shared the difficult times in understanding the process of how we mature in our faith.

Sister Stovall began to share with me the premise of the process of growth in faith, a culmination of her own experiences and the writings of this book.

Please Sunrise is a real-life account of the struggles and turmoil that often accompanies the life of a new convert, who without a clear understanding of the process of the walk of faith, might inevitably lose hope. I can appreciate the raw and honest details that Sister Beverly shares throughout each chapter.

This book will benefit anyone who has asked the question, I accepted the call of Jesus Christ, what do I do next? Sister Beverly lays out steps that will help the believer to take the next step towards their faith journey.

Each chapter begins with a beautiful poem inspired by the Spirit of God, given to Sister Beverly to set the tone for that chapter.

I pray each reader of this work will take away from it a sense of purpose, determination, and understanding of what the process is to complete faith in Salvation through Jesus Christ.

-Belinda Davis

PREFACE

It is with great reverence and much fear that I attempt to give to you a portion of what the LORD has given to me concerning, not just what is already in progress, but also what will shortly come to pass within the lives of each and every one of us upon the face of the earth. The circumstances may vary, but the process is the same.

Please Sunrise is a voice of one crying in the wilderness. It is my declaration of God’s will and God’s way in my life, given in the hope that it will help many of you to recognize God’s will and accept God’s way in your own life; that we all may be ready with the right answers in response to the eternal questions God asks of us through chastisement and reproach.

Please Sunrise is a reflection of God as a light that is hidden in the darkness: the darkness of ignorance that is clouding our minds, and the darkness of evil that is blacking our hearts. It is a mirror reflecting the brightness of Jesus, as the expressed image of God’s person and as a light that shines in the darkness that can only be seen through eyes of understanding that have been enlightened and illuminated by the Spirit of God.

INTRODUCTION

Throughout the entire history of mankind there has been one question that man has pondered in his heart that has motivated his behavior throughout his life span. We can hear the tones of this question resonating in our ears, and feel it pounding upon our hearts, but we cannot see it with our eyes or understand it in our hearts until it is revealed to us by the Spirit of God.

Many times it is not until after we have achieved success, gotten financially secure, raised a family, or even acquired wealth, power and fame that we realize there is still something missing in our life. God has placed a void in our hearts that only he can fill, but even after we come into the knowledge of who the Lord is and receive him into our hearts, the eternal question still remains.

As we read through the Bible we can hear Moses asking this same question after God had called him by name and revealed his purpose and his will to him.

And Moses said unto God, Who am I?, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt? {Exodus 3:11}.

If one were to tell the actual truth about being called, we would realize that we are all called, but not all of us answer the LORD when He calls us. (Here am I). God calls us to fulfill his word, his purpose and his plan through our lives and whatever this purpose is, it is generally for the benefit of his people. If we are saved today it is because we have been called by God and ordained unto eternal life.

Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began. {II Timothy 1:9}.

And when the Gentiles heard this, they were glad, and glorified the word of the Lord; and as many as were ordained to eternal life believed. {Acts 13:48}.

We generally associate the word called with vocation, as in preachers, teachers, evangelists, etc., but our vocation is only one of the definitions of call. When God calls us it is generally an invitation or request for us to come to him. It is an opportunity for us to meet him and be reinstated into the fellowship with him that we had in the beginning before the fall of man.

Acquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee. {Job 22:21}.

As I search the scriptures to get answers for my own eternal questions, I see that God had been calling me for a long time. But because I did not know who he was, or anything else about him, my response was similar to Samuel’s when the LORD called him.

And the LORD called yet again, Samuel. And Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, Here am I; for thou didst call me. And he answered, I called not, my son; lie down again. {I Samuel 3:6}.

The LORD called Samuel three times, and each time he ran to Eli (the priest) because he thought it was him calling. The LORD had been calling me also many times and I was as clueless as Samuel because I did not know the LORD.

Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, neither was the word of the LORD yet revealed unto him. {I Samuel 3:7}.

The LORD calls us in various ways, but Samuel did not get a response from God until he responded to him, and we don’t get one either. Samuel was fortunate that he had a man of God to direct him in what to do to get a response from God.

Therefore Eli said unto Samuel. Go, lie down; and it shall be, if he call thee, that thou shalt say, Speak LORD; for thy servant heareth. So Samuel went and lay down in his place. {I Samuel 3:9}.

Our response is more than just what we say to reply to God. Eli’s reply to God for Samuel was appropriate because it involved some of the things we need to have in approaching God. Having an attitude of servitude in approaching God is a necessary factor because it reflects humility and a willingness to hear and obey his commands and instructions.

Some of us may be like Samuel, and cannot recognize when the LORD is dealing with us, and maybe some of you may even be like me. I did not recognize God’s dealings with me either, but it did not matter then, because I did not have an attitude of servitude, or a willingness to hear and obey either. I did not have a man of God to direct me, so the LORD used other methods to get next to me.

On the following pages I will attempt to paint you a picture with words of how the LORD dealt and directed me on my journey of faith in the hope that maybe someone else may be able to recognize the LORD’S dealings with them throughout these pages and know what to do to get an answer from him for their own eternal question. Who am I LORD?

PLEASE SUN RISE

I must find a little peace!

Whether you’re friend or foe;

and enjoy this thing once more

that makes me feel aglow.

So here I am again,

here to see this lovely sight;

and bask in the silent beauty,

of this thing that is the night.

Mysterious is the aura of the rising moon;

and the dew is like silver on the glistening lawn;

And though I’ve lived my life in the shadow of gloom,

they say the darkest hour is just before dawn.

A falling star makes iridescence of the dark blue sky,

and I wish for the right way to put my soul at ease;

and I hear myself crying, though not knowing why.

Oh please… sun rise! Please….

Beverly Jean Stovall

CHAPTER ONE

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THE SEARCH FOR LIGHT

I t is not so difficult now to understand why things happened as they did. I had thought Please Sunrise started one cold, dark, dreary night as I was standing near the front porch at my father’s house at four a.m. in the morning.

I had been up about three or four days on a full speed run, (speed – meth- amphetamine, crank, crystal meth, water, etc.) and had come home from an associates house that I often got high with because I was tired.

I was still in a euphoric state from the drugs and could not sleep, but I felt as if my entire being was utterly exhausted. I felt as if all of my motivation, strength and zeal for life had left me and I no longer cared about anything. I felt utterly empty and hopeless.

I not only felt tired. I was tired! Tired of caring for loved ones that had no love to return; Tired of struggling to find a meaning for my miserable existence in a world that held no hope; and tired of medicating my misery in an effort to numb the pain of the reality that my life meant nothing to me or anyone else!

What was wrong with me anyway? Why did I ache so bad on the inside? I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea at all of even where to begin to go about finding a solution to my problem. To tell you the truth, I really did not even know what the problem was. How could I know the answer when I found it?

As I stood outside the porch and looked up into the dark blue sky, a tear trickled down my cheek. I loved the night. It was so beautiful! Shades of dark blue and black, sprinkled with a rainbow of orange, purple, and green and white stars. Beautiful! Just like my drugs. They made me feel beautiful. Like everything was alright, even if it was just for a little while…..only as long as I was high, and then they would always leave me empty.

Just like me, the night was empty. No one else was up but me. It was so cold! It was so lonely! I knew I needed to go to bed but I could not rest. My mind was racing. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I did not know why. How I longed for the warmth of the sun to come and rescue me from this beautiful, yet cold and empty night.

As I watched a falling star silently streak its way across the sky, my heart felt as though it were about to burst. I was screaming on the inside. Screaming because of the ache in my heart! Screaming because of the yearning, and the emptiness and unhappiness I felt within me. I hurt! I hurt, and I did not know why.

The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? {Proverbs 18:14}.

My life flashed before me in an instant; and as far back as I could remember it had always been miserable and empty. There had always been that feeling way down deep on the inside that I could not cope with. I hurt! I hurt and I did not understand why, and I did not know what to do to make it stop.

I tried so hard to make it stop. I tried with alcohol and I tried with pills! Red devils and Yellow jackets! Bennies and Cartwheels, Valiums and Percocets, and anything else I could get my hands on, but no matter what I took, it would not make the pain go away.

So I tried harder, and with stronger drugs. I went through the rainbow on LSD with orange sunshine, white lightning and purple haze, while smoking marijuana and hashish in the den of opium and heroin and periodically resting from the chase in the methadone clinic; but it was the crack cocaine that eventually sent me into the depths of hell.

The heroin would fix me up and the crack would drive the heroin out of me as soon as I would smoke it and I would be sick all over again and need more. It soon became a revolving cycle of endless torment within me,

It was costing plenty of money. Money that I did not have! Astronomical figures that could only be obtained illegally. I was in the department stores day and night and in the jail cells for months at a time. The drugs would numb the pain for a little while, but when I would come down it was even worse than before I took them. So I did my best not to come down. I knew that drugs were bad for me but I did not care. I felt as though life was not worth living anyway, so what would I care about drugs being bad for me?

And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and madness and folly; I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. {Ecclesiastes 1:18}.

For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. {Ecclesiastics 1:19}.

The more I thought about it the angrier I got. I felt an intense sense of rage boiling up inside of me and I wished that I had never been born. I wished that I could just die and that it would all be over. What did it all mean anyway? I hated everything about my life. I hated my father. I hated my mother. I hated my brothers and sisters. I hated everyone and everything that was a part of my life, and most of all, I hated me.

Therefore I hated life: because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all is vanity and vexation of spirit. {Ecclesiastics 2:17}.

As I stood there gazing into the heavens and watched the illumination from a falling star as it disappeared into the darkness, I thought maybe this nightmare that is my life will somehow end with the night. Maybe the morning will bring about a change; and words that seemed so far away that they seemed to come from another person in another lifetime, were recalled to my mind.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.{Psalms 30:5}.

It was as if those words were comparable to a light that fell from the heavens and into my heart and exploded in my innermost being, and that light expressed itself in words that flowed out of my mouth and radiated up into the heavens as I poured out my soul to a God that I did not know for the first time in my life.

At the time I had no idea at all about the excellent workings of the Spirit of God within the heart of every man, and not even a clue that there even was a God in heaven with a purpose and a plan for the life of every man or woman that would recognize Him as the source of that life and depend on Him as the provider of that life.

I had no idea at all that that poem, (Please Sunrise) and the ones that were to follow were not just a collection of rhythmic and rhyming words that I just happened to write, but were as the words of the scripture that also poured out of the heavens and into my heart on that fateful night. They were not my words. They were His words. His words! Words with life-giving, life-changing power that could open blinded eyes, unstop deaf ears, and resurrect the dead back into the land of the living.

It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life. {St. John 6:63}.

I must have written the words of the poem down on paper because my sister told me that I came into her room and got into her bed with her and read her the poem. She said that as soon as she saw me she knew there was something different about me but she didn’t know what it was. She said that my countenance was different and that there was a look on my face that she had never seen before. You were so serious! She said.

Of course, this was something very unusual for me, seeing that before that night I don’t think that I had even one serious bone in my body that I ever let anyone see and was a renown cut-up and clown all over the city.

When you read that poem to me it made me cry. She told me. I knew right then that you had ‘the gift’ in you. It was as if God put his purpose down in you or something; and then she added as an afterthought, I didn’t even know you could write.

As she was telling me all this over the telephone, a feeling that I have come to recognize as the witness of the Holy Ghost came over me. I did not even remember coming into her room or any of the details that followed the events of that night: but I had known from that night on that God was calling me to write. I also knew from that night on that I would someday write a book called Please Sunrise, but I didn’t know when.

I feel that I must take the time here to explain what really happened that night. For everything that happens to us in the natural, physical realm, there is also an unseen and usually unknown spiritual ream. The old timers used to say there are two sides to every story.

There is our side, which is what we see and what we experience, and even what we understand, and then there is God’s side. I use the word side, but the truth of the matter is that God does not have a side. He does not have an interpretation, because He is.

Although I did not know the LORD or even acknowledge that he existed, he was revealing His purpose for my life to me. God was commissioning me to write for him, and because I did not know Him I thought I was supposed to write a book about my life. Had I known anything about the LORD I might have realized that whenever he is involved in anything or anyone it is not about them. It is never about us! It is about Him, and His life for us, and in us.

God made us all different. He knows each and every one of us and usually communicates with us with something we can relate to. Jesus spoke in parables and used natural things and situations to get the people to understand what he was trying to express to them.

I have written poems since my early childhood and have always loved to read. He dealt with me with a poem because I have always loved words. I knew nothing about prayer because I did not even believe there was a God in heaven. So he used something I could identify with. He used a poem.

Prayer is to address God in a humble manner in thanksgiving, praise, confession, supplication, intercession and worship. Prayer is also an expression of sincere desire. It can be directed to anything or anyone, but to get results from God, you have got to go to God. You know you are on the right track when you get right results.

After the poem, which was actually a prayer, I still knew just as much about the LORD as I had before I prayed, and what I knew was nothing. I did not even know enough about him to recognize his hand in orchestrating the circumstances of that night. But he knew me.

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. {Romans 8:29}.

He knew that I was blind, and wretched and miserable and deaf. He knew when he called that I could not hear.

Yea, thou heardest not: yea, thou knewest not; yea, from that time that thine ear was not opened: for I knew that thou wouldest deal very treacherously, and was called a transgressor from the womb. {Isaiah 48:8}.

I had thought I was just looking for peace as the absence of conflict, which I was! I was looking for a way to calm the turmoil and unrest that I felt inside of me but I could not seem to find it.

We looked for peace, but no good came; and for a time of health, and behold trouble! {Jeremiah 8:15}.

There is no peace, saith the LORD, unto the wicked. {Isaiah 48:22}.

I must admit that in those days I was just about the most miserable person you ever wanted to see because I had no hope. I don’t think that there is any worse predicament a person could find themselves in then to be without hope. We can look out on the streets and see many examples of people who have lost all hope, people that have given up on life and are just existing from day to day.

I had no knowledge at all about the peace of God that passes all understanding, (Philippians 4:7) and I did not even have a clue that great peace, (Psalms 119:165) and perfect peace, (Isaiah 26:3) were even an attainable solution to the turmoil within me because I did not know the Lord. I was a stranger to the good things God had promised to his children because I did not know Jesus.

That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world. {Ephesians 2:12}.

A person would think that after an experience such as I had on that night, and after praying a prayer that the LORD Himself had caused me to pray I would have found the Lord that very night, but I was so blind from the darkness that I did not even know that I was lost.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost. {I Corinthians 4:3}.

Lost

1) Not made use of, worn or claimed.

2) Unable to find the way.

b)   no longer visible.

3) Lacking assurance and confidence.

4) No longer possessed.

b)   no longer known.

5) Taken away or beyond reach or attainment. Denied.

6) Insensible, hardened.

7) Absorbed.

8) Without God. Separated. (Webster’s New Colligate Dictionary).

It is quite amazing if one would really think about being lost. A person could actually be singing in the church choir, or teaching Sunday school, or even preaching the gospel and be lost. If we fit these definitions of lost, then we can assume that we just might be lost. But Jesus saves!

For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. {Luke 19:10}.

What a wonder Jesus is! What a loving, righteous and merciful Savior. At some point in our lives we will become aware of the love of God, and the grace of God that will lead us to salvation.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. {Romans 5:8}.

For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared unto all men. {Titus 2:11}.

Grace is an unmerited assistance given to man from God for his regeneration and sanctification. It is special favor, mercy, pardon, and approval from God that grants us with the means of achieving holiness by freeing us from sin and giving us access to Jesus Christ.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. {Romans 5:1}.

By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. {Romans 5:2}.

God’s grace appeared to me in the form of a desire to do right, even though at the time I really did not even know what right was. All I knew was that I was tired of doing wrong, and although I did not know about the spiritual aspects of light and darkness, I wanted very badly for that night to be over. It was as though I literally felt the darkness, and I felt something that night that I cannot remember ever feeling before.

I felt a desire for change! I did not know how I was going to make the change, and did not even have an idea what the change would be, but somehow I knew that it was going to take more than me to be able to do it.

I did not know it at the time, but I had just made a giant step in my quest for a new beginning, and although I did not know how to pray, who to pray to, or what to call him, I had acknowledged that I was helpless and reached out beyond myself in my need. I poured out my heart to anyone or anything up in the heavens that may have been listening; but I was as the Athenians in the book of Acts of whom Paul wrote this inscription;

For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD, whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you. {Acts 17:23}.

It is not an amazing wonder that I did not hear anything from the Lord that night. If a person were to take a close look at the poem/prayer, they would be able to see the reasons why it did not seem effective, the reasons being that it was not directed to the right source, not prayed in faith, and was basically quite selfish.

I was concerned about my own needs and desires and nothing or anyone else mattered but me. But the prayer did have one thing going for it. God was listening, and he sent me hope and a desire to change.

Hope deferred (delayed) maketh the heart sick; but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life. {Proverbs 10:12}.

I said that the prayer did not seem effective, but God is so good! He knew that the only way I could put my soul at ease was to be righteous, and He began to work a desire in me that would bring about a change.