The Forgiving Soul: How to Forgive Yourself, Others and Life

By Dr. Samuel White III

The Forgiving Soul shows you how to:

Accept the grace, mercy, and love of God that forgives your soul
forgive yourself of your sins, shortcomings, faults and failures
Use Conflict Resolution Skills to foster peace and harmony in the family, church and society
overcome life’s unfairness and injustices
participate in the Process of Forgiveness that heals your heart

Is it difficult for you to forgive someone? Does the anger and pain of the past keep you from going forward in life? Do not let another day go by! Discover the peace, healing and freedom of God’s grace and forgiveness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973678090

Dr. Samuel White III

Dr. Samuel White, III is a graduate of Harvard Divinity School, Pastor, Spiritual Care Manager, prolific writer of 14 books, and founder of Agape Theological Seminary. Dr. White wrote this self-help book to inspire readers, to love themselves, live in the moment, have an attitude of gratitude and enjoy life with Jesus.

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Copyright © 2019 Dr. Samuel White, III.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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Unless otherwise cited, scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-7810-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-7809-0 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/29/2019

OTHER BOOKS BY DR. SAMUEL WHITE, III

Loving Your Soul: How to Love

Healing Your Soul: Christian Self-Care

Caring for Your Soul: Improving Your Life

Sex and the Soul: Overcoming Temptation

Hope for Your Soul: Words of Encouragement

It is Well with My Soul: Spiritual Care for the Dying

Aging Gracefully: Spiritual Care for Aging Adults

No More Tears: Comfort for the Grieving

My Brother’s Keeper: Church Ministry for Young African American Males

The Capitalist Christian Contradiction: God Against Greed

Dying in Peace: Preparing for Eternity

ALL BOOKS AVAILABLE ONLINE OR WEBSITE:

drsamuelwhite.com

DEDICATION

To our merciful, forgiving, loving Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who was crucified for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities. I am eternally grateful for your unlimited grace that forgives me and empowers me to forgive others.

To my wonderful wife Sandra, dynamic daughter Alexandria and strong son Samuel IV. Thank you for forgiving me for not being a perfect husband and father. Your love looks beyond my faults and sees my needs.

To my deceased father Samuel, marvelous mother Anna, big brother David, older sister DeeAnn, twin sister Cherise, youngest sister Renee and youngest brother Van. Thank you for forgiving me for as a wayward teenager and young man.

To my members of Friendship Baptist Church, who I have had the privilege to pastor since 1996. Thank you for forgiving me for the sermons that did not inform you, the pastoral care visits that did not comfort you, and the leadership that did not inspire you. I appreciate the grace and love that you bestowed upon me and my family.

To the critics, detractors, back stabbers, enemies, player-haters, pernicious preachers and malevolent members, who broke my heart, wounded my spirit and challenged my soul. It is because of you, that I have learned how to practice Agape and forgive. You are the real inspiration of this book. I not only forgive you but thank you.

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

CHAPTER ONE

The Forgiving God

CHAPTER TWO

Forgiving Yourself

CHAPTER THREE

Forgiving Others

CHAPTER FOUR

Forgiving an Unfair Life

CHAPTER FIVE

Fostering Forgiveness

Final Thoughts

APPENDIX 1

Conflict Prevention and Intervention

APPENDIX 2

How I Handle Conflict

APPENDIX 3

Scriptures on Forgiveness

APPENDIX 4

Conflict Resolution Session

APPENDIX 5

Forgiving Soul Self-Examination

Notes

Bibliography

PREFACE

I will never forget the day I was baptized and called into the ministry. I remember hurrying home and sharing the good news to my family. It was as if I had won a million dollars. I was so happy. I could not wait to get home and tell my family about the Lord.

My father was sitting in his easy chair reading the newspaper when I burst into the living room. I enthusiastically shared, Dad, dad, I got saved and baptized and the Lord called me into the ministry! He put down his paper, looked at me with a smirk on his face and said, There is no money in that thing, and beside the Church is nothing but a Buzz Saw son, It will cut you up into pieces.

I asked him what he meant, and he said, You’ll see. I did not say anything else. I slowly walked away feeling shocked and dumbfounded.

I really pondered my father’s comments. Why would my father say such a thing? How can Gods’ Church be a Buzz saw? The Church is supposed to be a place of love where the wounded can be healed, not where you become wounded. Love, peace and harmony should be atmosphere of the Church, not hate, strife, criticism and divisiveness. Are the people of God so harsh and critical they would cut me up and wound my heart and soul? Is it really that bad in the Church?

I was too naïve and inexperienced to really appreciate my father’s comment, however, over the years I have discovered that the Church can be a Buzz Saw. There is a spirit of evil that influences some congregants to be disrespectful, divisive, and destructive. I have seen angry, controlling, belligerent people stir up strife and create a depressing atmosphere in the Church. I have watched mean-spirited people with vitriolic words break the spirit and shatter the faith of new converts. I have observed explosive church meetings where seasoned members argue with each other over petty issues. I have known many Christians and several Pastors who have left the ministry because of Church Hurt. The hypocrisy, pettiness, constant criticism, apathy, cheap grace, narrowmindedness, cold hearts, hostility, competitiveness, passive-aggressiveness, worldliness and mean-spiritedness has broken the heart and fractured the faith of many believers. Unfortunately, for some Christians the Church has become a Buzz Saw.

My father’s comments echoed the prophetic words of Jesus to Peter, Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. (Luke 22:31, NIV) Personally, I now know what it is like to be sifted like wheat and I have felt the Buzz Saw of the Church. I know what it feels like to be rejected, ignored, ridiculed, disrespected, and disdained by members of the Church. I have had Christians scream curses at me, slam doors in my face, call me the n word, ransack my home, attempt to get me fired, deny giving me my salary, not pay my taxes, organize against me, write hate letters, gossip about me, spread rumors, treat me like was invisible, and even physically attack me.

Unfortunately, my father was right. The Church can be a Buzz Saw. My thirty -four years of professional pastoral ministry have not been easy. I have pastored some unmanageable congregations and dealt with some very difficult Christians who I struggled to forgive.

Forgiveness has always been difficult for me. There were too many instances when I forgave someone, and they continued to take advantage of me. They would take my kindness for weakness. Like Peter, I found myself asking the Lord, How many times, shall I forgive my brother?

I can understand why Peter asked about forgiveness. Some people are so callous and insensitive they will constantly hurt your feelings. They smile in your face and stab you in your back and never apologize, or they will pretend that they did not do or say anything to offend you.

How do you forgive someone who appears to have no conscience or show no remorse? Is it possible to love your enemies, bless those who curse you and do good to those who despitefully use you? How does a Christian live, work or worship with a difficult person? How can you forgive someone when your heart is filled with sadness, bitterness or vindictiveness? How do I forgive and forget? What do you do when the person who offended you refuses to apologize or is no longer available to give you closure? How do forgive jealous, insecure family members and fair-weather friends and hypocritical Church members?

How do you forgive yourself when you have made a tragic mistake that cannot be erased from your memory? How can you love yourself, when you hate yourself for doing evil? How does a person with a low self-esteem stop disrespecting themselves and putting themselves down?

What do you do when you are angry with God or life has treated you unfairly? How do you cope with life’s injustices and indignities? What do you do when bad things happen to good people?

What can a Pastor or layperson do to become a Peacemaker or minister of reconciliation (II. Corinthians 5:18) and resolve conflicts within the Church, in families and in society? How can Conflict Resolution Sessions foster forgiveness, healing, reconciliation and agape love?

I wrote this book to help clergy and laity answer these questions and stop the Buzz Saw in the Church. The Forgiving Soul teaches us how to forgive and experience spiritual and emotional healing. Furthermore, it equips us to be ministers of reconciliation within our personal, social, familial and professional relationships.

INTRODUCTION

Where is our sense of civility? Civility is the recognition that all people have dignity that’s inherent to their person, no matter their religion, race, gender, sexuality, or ability states, Opal Tometi. There is a gross lack of civility, politeness and forgiveness in the world. Anxiety, prejudice, hatred, anger, violence, jealousy, fear, competitiveness, greed, hostility, and distrust lurks in the soul, poisons the tongue and corrupts our ability to communicate. Consequently, we do not treat each other with civility and kindness. We are disrespectful, mean, rude and even hostile to each other. We are unable to disagree without being disagreeable.

America has become more divided racially, socially, economically, culturally and spiritually. There is growing hostility toward African Americans, Muslims, Jews and other minorities. We are alienated from each other. We have segregated ourselves and do not appreciate our cultural and religious differences. Moreover, there is an increase in the gap between the rich and poor; the haves and the have nots.

We have witnessed a decline in civility and bipartisanship, and a rapid increase in hostility between those who have different opinions. Republicans and Democrats no longer debate and dialogue about the issues. Attack politics and dogma has replaced thoughtful discussion between parties of differing views. Our political polarization is a disservice to the American people and corrosive to our souls.

Unfortunately, the Church has lost its moral compass and there are far too many Christians filled with racial prejudice, cultural intolerance, sectarianism and social indifference. Like the Church of Laodicea, we have become Lukewarm in our commitment to Christ, peace and justice for our neighbor. Moreover, some Churches have become mortuaries because of a gross lack of love and grace.

Where do we go from here? Bishop T.D. Jakes admonishes us, It is important that we rebuild an atmosphere of forgiveness and civility in ever aspect of our lives. The Church should be the primary institution that instructs people on love, forgiveness, reconciliation, unity and civility. We are called to impact Americas socio-cultural milieu with gospel of Jesus Christ and the values of charity, civility, morality, love, justice, freedom, and forgiveness.

The Church must recapture its spiritual roots by refocusing its attention on the cross of Jesus Christ who saved and reconciled humanity unto himself. It is at the cross of Christ that God forgives, heals and reconciles all broken relationships. The gospel of Jesus Christ was and is the answer to our troubled war-torn world.

Moreover, it is through the crucifixion and redemptive suffering of Jesus Christ that we can experience the liberating power of forgiveness that frees us from the world’s hatred, prejudice, jealousy, greed, competitiveness, vindictiveness and violence.

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has called the Church to fulfill the Great Commission and preach the gospel (Matthew 28:18-20). As ministers of reconciliation (II. Corinthians 5:18), we must preach, teach and witness about the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ and promulgate love, forgiveness, healing, peace and harmony in the world.

The Church and people of good will must rediscover therapeutic qualities of forgiveness which frees us from corrosive anger, vengeance and sadness. Forgiveness empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

The first chapter is called the Forgiving God and it lays the theological and spiritual foundation for forgiveness. It is through the redemptive suffering and death of the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, that we are forgiven and saved. There cannot be any forgiveness, healing and reconciliation without the cross of Jesus Christ who teaches us how to be loving, merciful and forgiving.

We must repent of our sins and accept Christ as our Lord and Savior to be in a relationship with our Forgiving God. The A.B.C.D Plan of Salvation instructs us on how to receive the grace and forgiveness of God. Also, we need to understand that Jesus Christ is our High Priest who daily offers forgiveness and absolution of our sins through Confessional prayer and Holy Communion.

The second chapter tells us how to Forgive Yourself. Since Christ has forgiven us, we must forgive ourselves, however, self-acceptance and forgiveness are difficult for some people. There are many souls who have not forgiven themselves of their transgressions and are full of toxic guilt, moreover, they are haunted by past sins, and skeletons in their closet that rob them of inner peace.

Some find it difficult to forgive themselves of their physical imperfections and loathe the way they look. They tend to use superficial, unrealistic beauty standards to measure themselves. Consequently, they do not feel good about themselves and constantly put themselves down.

Some have become disappointed in themselves for their low social status, defeats, losses, or mistakes. They failed in school, work, relationships, life decisions and feel like losers. They no longer believe in themselves and have developed a low self-esteem. Consequently, they have accepted mediocre standards and stop pursuing their dreams. They treat others better than they treat themselves.

It is through our relationship with Christ that we become children of God and learn how to love, forgive and respect ourselves. The closer our relationship with Jesus Christ, the great our self-awareness of our divine identity which enables us to forgive our faults, failures and flaws. It is through Christ that we discover that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

In the third chapter we learn how to Forgive Others. Once we discover that God forgives us, we can forgive others. Forgiving others is a divine process of letting go