Letters to Mom

By Cassie Mullinax

Writing about my experience and the help I received, is an addition to my healing process. My wish for this book is that women in this type situation will get help right away and don't take as long as I did.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Nov 7, 2019
• ISBN: 9781489725417

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Copyright © 2019 Cassie Mullinax.

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Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-4897-2540-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-2541-7 (e)

LifeRich Publishing rev. date: 11/07/2019

Contents

Introduction

Letters to Mom

I Am Praying For You

Letters from friends

Ending Comments

Dear God,

I would like to take

this time to say

Thank You for being there for me in my time of need.

Introduction

We met and married while Danny was in the military. When we first got married, things went very well. Everyone thought we had the perfect marriage. When he got out of the military, we moved to the area where he was born and raised. After about five years it started changing. He started showing a lot of anger and it kept getting worse. I started getting very depressed. We went to counseling and he kept telling the counselor that things were going good and I had a problem of depression. She wanted to started seeing me by myself. Danny would ask me what I wanted to do or go and when it wasn’t what he wanted, he constantly repeated saying are you sure you don’t want to do this? He kept after me on that so long I finally gave in to him to get him to quit needling me. My decisions were not what he wanted and that’s why we always did what he wanted and I finally gave up after every time he wanted to know what I wanted to do and did it, that very rarely happened. I finally got to the point to where I would not look up. I always looked to the ground and didn’t talk to anyone until I was spoken to first, then it was a very brief answer.

Danny got into a big fight with Angie and kicked her out because of a relationship she was having with an older man. He even took a condom out of his wallet and gave it to her and yelled, you better use this! What is a married man doing with condoms in his wallet if he isn’t having affairs? And I’m the slut? With help, I finally left him after 35 years. I was beaten down so bad, I could not leave on my own strength.

My parents wanted me to leave him but I felt trapped. My siblings were getting worried about me and kept in touch with my children. I had become so depressed, I was suicidal. My therapist asked me if I wanted to hurt myself, would I call her and I said yes knowing I wouldn’t. I started thinking of ways to commit suicide, and then thought if I should become paralyzed from the neck or waist down, then he would be angrier with me. After being hit with a belt, I showed my bruises to my daughter Angie and she talked me into going to the Sheriff’s office to get pictures taken and I did so.

I developed cancer and had major surgery and everything went well. I had a lot of prayers going out for me. I healed very nicely and Danny blamed the cancer for my depression. Of course, he was the only one that believed that and you couldn’t tell him different.

My children bought me an airline ticket for Mother’s Day to spend some time with my siblings. Danny wanted me to cash in my ticket so we could drive there. He got very mad at me because I wouldn’t. I mentioned it to Amy and she said it was not refundable. Needless to say, he wasn’t at all happy taking me to the airport. My siblings did not want me to go back. My daughter Amy even told me not to come back.

After I returned from visiting my siblings, it got worse. Danny started throwing things at me and hitting me, even pushing me down and kicking me when I was down. Then when I was crying, he yelled at me saying, quit acting like a baby and get over here it. The name calling got worse. He even called me a monkey f****n whore. Every time we would fight, he would call me ugly names. Fighting became more frequent over meaningless things.

My friend Martha helped me get a place and furnish it and I left with my two youngest children. After being gone a few months, Danny somehow got my phone number. He kept calling and harassing me. One time he called and Margie answered the phone. I thought she was laughing and when I turned around and looked, she was crying. I took the phone away from her and it was her dad calling me ugly names. I told him, he ought not to be talking to her like that, and he said, it’s true. I told him it is not! He tried everything to make me look bad to my children.

I finally decided to go back to him thinking it would be a less hell. He and I took a little trip and that went ok. It was ok for a while and it started all over again. When we got back, the hitting, kicking, pushing and throwing things stopped for a while. Then the yelling and verbal abuse started again. He started yelling at me calling me bitch, slut, whore and a mother f****n GD whorey a** bitch and our marriage relationship is that of a prostitute. He told me that the way he sees it that our marriage has been bad since day one and our marriage is over.

Once we were empty nesters, it really got bad. I more seriously looked into suicide. I purposely gained weight hoping to die of a heart attack. I was thinking of different ways to end my life. I mentioned to Amy that I have no desire to go on with my life. Amy called Dolly, Ginny and Patty. They said to get me out of there.

My daughter said she was coming to get me out of the house. I asked her to call my boss and tell him I will be leaving and I’m giving him a week notice. I didn’t have the courage to do it myself.

When I went back to work the next day, my boss asked if it would be a week or two or for good. I said for good. He asked, is it because of him? Meaning Danny and I said yes. He said, I figured so. He has seen and heard first hand how I have been treated. I lived in this situation till my children grew up and got married.

After a week Amy picked me up while Danny was at work. Amy called my siblings and said I was out and with her. They were so relieved and happy. When Danny got home, he was calling everyone to find me. He tried to sound caring, but no one bought into it. She kept me at her house for three days and put me on a plane and I was on my way to Yreka, CA. My relatives met me at the airport with open arms. They were glad to see me and made me feel comfortable and welcome.

Patty got me into counselling and it was very intense. It was hard and very emotional. I made it through with hard work. I have been doing really good ever since. Patty has been my rock.

I was afraid to make friends with a man. My fear was that I didn’t want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

More than ten years after we were divorced my path crossed with a widow man. We got to talking and as we spoke my wall started to drop. As time went by, we got closer in our friendship and things just started to fall into place. We decided to get married and he has treated me with respect and love. I have never been so happy in my life.

I wrote a letter to my children:

Hello all,

I sure hope things are going well with you.

One time I talked to you on the phone I said things were going better. Now it seems like everything backfired. I had gotten so confused that I messed everything up. Now your dad is saying he is worthless and good for nothing. He wanted more supper so I offered to fix some more and he said If I’m worth it. Then he said, could I have something to drink if I’m worth it. I think all this started when he didn’t want to do some construction cleaning Monday night. I helped scrub floors in three rooms. We finished at ten that night. My ankle was swollen and hurting. He wanted me to go the next night to finish the job and I said "I didn’t feel up to it because I was hurting so bad. He got very upset so I went with him. He complained how his ankle and back hurt. Nothing was mentioned about him being in that much pain while doing the floor. He gave me a good healthy lecture. He keeps using language that we were raised as swearing. He said he will not do anything unless I tell him what to do. He said all his ideas are totally worthless.

Angie is here to get all her things, after your dad kicked her out of the house. She didn’t say a word to me. Mary is moving in. Your dad said he would rather have Mary for a daughter than Angie right now. Andrea said, The only thing missing was that Danny and I didn’t have affairs, then it would be a soap opera. I do believe Danny was having affairs or he wouldn’t have condoms in his wallet. Why would a married man have condoms in his wallet if he isn’t having affairs, and I’m the slut?

I’ve been very depressed this evening. I don’t feel like smiling or laughing. I just want to go away. I don’t know what would happen if I did take off for a few hours. I’m not worried about you kids, I’m too afraid he will start yelling at me some more or do something to me. I’m afraid to find out. Anyway, I don’t have any gas money.

Angie said hi to me a few minutes ago. That surprised me. When we picked Amy up at the airport, Mary came with us. She wanted to see her mom. She enjoyed her visit. No one knows about this. Her mom was so happy. We all went out to eat and to the mall. Amy is going to town so I’ll sign off so she can mail this. Will write more later.

Love to all,

Mom

Letters to Mom

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These letters were given to me to read while in flight

Dear Mom,

Always remember I love you! This is the best move to do for yourself. I know it’s scary and you may feel like you have betrayed someone later on. But guess what?! You haven’t and you aren’t!!! We all support you in this and are happy your family is helping too. I wish I could be there for you, but that is my selfishness. Please remember, if times get a little tough or a lot tougher, we are praying for you. It’s a