A Recluse No More: Battling with the Dragons of the Mind

By Sameer Zahr

This book is about a lot of things: the causes of living in the dark chambers of our mind, the struggle to be free from demons of fear and guilt, the respect for parents and cultural influences, the racial indifferences and focus on inner power, the demonstrations and public service for better safety and quality of life, and finding what one really wants as a life purpose and going for it like an incarnated avatar.

Liya faced great challenges and opportunities in her youth. She used her intelligence, her talent, and her inner and outer beauty to become an empowered avatar and a role model to many. She shared her secret to success: Live in the present moment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jun 10, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982229351

Sameer Zahr

Sameer Zahr is the imaginative mind behind the captivating novel "Midlife Moon: From Darkness to Bright Light." With a lifelong interest in writing, Sameer has penned ten novels, all of which are available on Amazon, weaving tales that carry poignant messages of love and transformation for humanity. A seasoned international businessman, Sameer embraced his passion for storytelling after retiring, bringing a wealth of worldly experiences to his literary endeavors. Each of his ten books reflects Sameer's commitment to infusing his narratives with humanitarian and spiritual themes, offering readers stories that uplift and inspire

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Chapter 1

THE HARD FACTS OF LIFE

Liya Abebe lived in a big house on top of a hill in the Greenbrier Valley of the Allegheny Mountains, West Virginia. She inherited the mansion from her late father, Kamil Abebe, the legendary NBA star in the nineties. Liya lost her father when she was nine. He was flying back home from a game together with Liya’s mother, Amanda, in his two-propeller-engine plane on a stormy day. The force of nature ruled and took their lives away when the pilot lost control and crashed over the Appalachian Mountains.

Liya found out the next day. Her governess, Melissa, told her the terrible news. Upon hearing, Liya screamed and cried her heart out as Melissa held her. She then ran to her room and locked the door, oblivious to the knocking and the repeated pleadings to open. She realized how alone she’d become, in a heartbeat, and she could not speak for several days. She had no siblings and no close relatives that could share her misery. Liya felt deprived and abandoned, screaming and crying for several hours. Then suddenly she became completely silent, refusing to talk to anyone from the house staff. She refused to eat and spent most of her time alone for two full days before she accepted some juice to drink from loving Melissa.

Her father’s friends and teammates attended the funeral and tried to lighten Liya’s grief, but to no avail. She broke down again during the church service and refused to go to the cemetery. It took her two weeks of continued agony before she mustered enough energy and desire to go back to school. The governess went with her that day and alerted the teacher about Liya’s sad condition and made sure the other kids treated her well. Liya struggled and could not socialize with her third-grade classmates. They respected her grief and left her alone.

•

Kamil Abebe came to the United States on a student visa from Ethiopia. He won a scholarship to attend the West Virginia University, as a basketball player. He was six foot eight and weighed 230 pounds. He had harmonious facial features with a small nose and piercing black eyes. Thick curly hair crowned his head, and his compassionate look manifested his permanent welcoming smile. He was blessed with green-dark skin that consistently attracted many girls.

He practiced diligently and became a star, known for his rocket speed and the acrobatic shots he looped under the basket. He graduated with a bachelor degree in humanities and was approached by several NBA clubs as a rookie. Kamil preferred to stay on the East Coast, and as West Virginia did not have an NBA team, he narrowed down his choice to the Atlanta Hawks and the North Carolina Hornets. He finally chose the Hornets club, as it was closer to his newly adopted home state West Virginia, which he loved.

Kamil broke the Hornets’ record with his average score per game before his twenty-third birthday. He was recognized as one of the best forwards in the game across the land. His fame brought him a great fortune, and he refused many offers from other clubs but remained with the Hornets for the rest of his career. His looks and his graceful demeanor led to several hefty sums from commercials that added to his rapidly rising wealth.

At the age of twenty-five, Kamil met and fell in love with a beautiful young woman from Charlotte, North Carolina who was the captain of the cheerleaders for the Hornets. Amanda Johnston was a true southern belle: five foot nine with long blonde hair and a gorgeous radiant soft-skin face that featured a dainty nose, big green eyes, and luscious pink lips. Kamil also loved her inner beauty, which adequately complimented her outer shape and pleasant appearance. Many friends referred to them as the ebony and ivory couple.

Kamil and Amanda got married at the end of the basketball season, and that was when Kamil decided to construct his mansion on the hill. The lot was seven miles away from the fancy Greenbrier resort in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia. He chose a twenty-acre property close to Boulder Run, with gorgeous sweeping views of the vast Greenbrier Valley. It took him two years to finish the construction of the fifteen thousand square foot living space. The mansion featured seven bedrooms, three living areas, a large kitchen and adjacent quarters for the staff.

He also built a professional-size basketball court and a large swimming pool. He had the property electronically fenced to keep intruders out. The only access to the house was through a large iron gate from the narrow country road with a long driveway to the front porch. Security cameras were placed inside the house and all around the property and were monitored by a security guard in the control room.

•

Amanda was six-month pregnant with Liya when they moved in. Furnishing arrangements were made for the entire estate in advance, including a large section for the new baby and the governess. The couple hired a staff of six people to look after the property consisting of two gardeners, two housekeepers, a cook, and a chauffeur. Kamil’s wings of success made him fly higher in sports. He further enhanced his social life by holding monthly parties at his mansion. His plane seated twenty passengers and was used to transport many of his guests from nearby states.

A big party was held when Liya was born, and Amanda’s family flew from Charlotte for the occasion.

Liya had a spoiled upbringing and was immensely loved by her parents and the staff. She was a lovely child with a unique light olive-colored skin and facial features that were a mix of both of her good-looking parents. She had her mother’s green eyes and dainty nose and her father’s dazzling smile.

At the tender age of three, Liya went to the Lewisburg Baptist Academy, a private school for prekindergarten through twelfth grade. The chauffeur, or her mother sometimes, would take her and bring her back during school days. Liya was sociable and friendly to her classmates and teachers. By age six she was already the tallest in her class and playing basketball after school. She chose this sport because of her father’s love for the game. They played together at the mansion whenever Kamil was at home, and she managed to learn a few tricks from her professional Dad.

Amanda adored her husband, Kamil and appreciated his gentle, humble manners. His generous giving to the poor and needy particularly touched her. He had created a charity for that purpose. He treated Amanda royally, and he was loyal and loving beyond her expectations. She was with him at few big games, especially the last four matches leading to the Eastern Conference championship.

•

The loss of her two loving parents caused a serious change in Liya’s attitude toward people and life in general. Kamil’s last will and testament left everything he owned to his wife, or his daughter if Liya survived her mother. The assets were held in a Trust that was handled and executed by one of Kamil’s main bankers. The trust stipulated the current staff to continue providing their service to Liya if she inherits the estate and the assets, in the absence of her mother, and a governess to take care of her at least until the age sixteen.

As a minor, Liya depended wholly on what the bankers and lawyers told her regarding her inheritance. She had no idea about the worth of the estate she inherited other than the fact that she was the sole heir to everything. Nevertheless, her continued lavish comfort did not reduce the extent of her grief. On the contrary, her anger was heightened, and her bitterness about life, in general, became more acute in the years that followed.

Her teachers and friends in school did not succeed in diminishing the impact of her loss in her daily life. Her mother’s family attempted to embrace her lovingly, but she continued to reject their appeal until they finally gave up and left her alone. Everyone around saw the drastic change in her character, and she refused to receive any advice or suggestion to let go and have fun. Liya turned into a loner. Her patient and loving governess, Melissa, who was the closest to her and the only one she could communicate with, was adamant about protecting Liya from the excessive attempts by people to try and get closer to her. Liya remained in that state of mind until the age of twelve, before she agreed to see a psychologist.

Her therapy did not last more than three years, and the only degree of success the psychologist could achieve was to convince her to play basketball. She refused to play with others, and she played alone at home for at least an hour every day, dribbling and shooting the ball at the basket from different angles. This new routine helped her to revise her memory of her father.

Liya spent her early teens pretty much by herself, avoiding making friends in school and just focusing on her studies and playing basket every night. She looked the other way whenever a boy from her class approached her to go out with him. Her only companion whom she trusted was her governess Melissa, a middle-aged astute lady who came from Britain when Liya was born. She became Liya’s surrogate mother, and Kamil left her a hefty sum in his trust if Melissa decided to go back to her country when Liya turned sixteen.

•

Shortly after Liya’s sixteenth birthday at home, Melissa sat down with Liya in one living room and said, Sweet Liya, you are a bright and responsible young lady, and I am extremely proud of you. I hope you will begin to open up and welcome new people in your life. I look at you, and I see a gorgeous woman, though much taller than me already, who deserves to be happy and hopeful about life. I’m sure this is how your parents would have loved to see you as well. I’ve been here for about sixteen years, and I’ve only visited my country four times during the first nine years, and I’ve been with you all the time since then. As you may know, according to my agreement with your parents, I am entitled to be released from my task now. How do you feel about that?

"I expected us to have this conversation later. I did not want to initiate it because my heart tells me ‘don’t let her go.’ Honestly, you’re the only one I love now, and I wonder if I can face the challenge of living alone without you. I am still quite vulnerable when it comes to being with other people in my life. The traumatic loss of my parents continues to lay heavy on my mind and aches my soul. I cannot thank you enough for your sacrifice to make me a priority in your life for the last seven years. I’ve grown accustomed to your face and accepting of your advice and appreciative of your unconditional love and care.

Will I miss you if you decide to leave? Of course, I will! Could anyone else take your place? No! Will I survive without you? I will try my best, as I cannot oblige you to extend your stay for my sake. You’re still young and healthy, and you have a long life to live with your loved ones. So please feel safe to go back to your home country as long as you promise to keep in touch with me regularly, and perhaps you can revisit me some time. Liya said compassionately while the two of them were sipping their afternoon tea.

I appreciate your good understanding lovely Liya, and if I may, I only have one concern when I depart from this beautiful place, that has now become your full responsibility to manage. My main concern is your lack of interest to mix with other people. This is not normal, and it could lead to more damaging outcome down the road. Won’t you snap out of this cage that you put yourself in? Look at you, a gorgeous beauty, a basketball player, a brilliant student, and blessed with abundance that very few are privileged to have! Why don’t you start going out, or fall in love with a nice guy, or invite some friends to visit you at home? I’m sure you have hidden dreams and desires of your own that you would like to see fulfilled. So, go out there, and do it!

"I thank you for your kind words, Melissa. Don’t you think I would like to? The few times I tried to get out of my shell, a large magnet from within draws me back to my dark solitude. I’ve already surrendered to these dragons in my mind. They win and rule over me now. They keep reminding me that I’m supposed to live in grief forever! The threat of guilt and shame keeps haunting me.

I feel I’m doomed to this miserable destiny; hence for me to be alive is not much different than to be dead. Why should I be entitled to live, when the dearest ones that I loved died before me? Call it a cerebral hemorrhage, or ugly darkness created by the inner demons that block me from seeing the bright side of life! I don’t know! I feel my hands are cuffed, and my body chained by these forces of agony and despair. Liya sadly confessed.

"Oh come on, dear Liya, don’t be so hard on yourself. I suggest you stop reading these dark stories every night and find books that uplift you and take you to higher levels of consciousness. Why do you fill your mind with such ugly horror stories? Wasn’t the loss of your dear parents dark enough? We’ve all been trying to get over it, yet you continue to inject these outside influences in your mind unnecessarily.

Forgive me for expressing these harsh remarks to you, but as I said I worry about you because I love you and want you to be happy! Melissa said with misty eyes, all while trying to control her tears, Liya jumped out of her seat and hugged her, and they both cried together.

After a couple of minutes, Liya said, I will, and perhaps I can express how I feel in a journal I will start to write, instead of reading offensive material. I thank you for shedding new light into my dark corners. I will miss you, and I hope we can visit together again soon.

Well, that’s better! I won’t be leaving you for at least another month, and before I go, may I recommend that you develop a closer rapport with Miranda, our senior housekeeper? Not only is she loyal and honest, but she’s also been worried about you a great deal, and too afraid to address her feelings openly. You can trust her, and she has good motherly characteristics. Please do not live in isolation!

"But I’m not afraid to remove myself from society, and I have no problem being alone. I find most people shallow and judgmental. I may give it another shot though, to see if I can find a true friend who thinks from the heart, not the mind, someone decent and mature like you. I promise to call you and give you my progress reports if any!

And before I forget, my father left you something in his will, and I’m entrusted by my lawyers to hand you this envelope, as an appreciation of all what you have done for my family and me. Liya handed her the envelope, and when Melissa opened it she screamed and shouted, Oh my God, I don’t believe this. I don’t deserve it! What do I do with all this money? 500,000 dollars? Melissa started crying again, and she hugged Liya profusely with gratitude and joy.

Please Melissa, you’ve been more like a mother to me. You stood by me; you never imposed your thoughts on me, you respected my parents when they were alive, and you never exercised any authority on me since they’re gone. I don’t think I could have survived this post-traumatic condition without you.

I’m flattered and utterly grateful to the time I spent in this home. I hope I was able to be of some help and it has been a unique experience for me despite the unexpected loss of your dear parents. May I now suggest that you and I go to the kitchen section and greet the staff? They would be together soon to have their early dinner? They would love to see you!

Now?

Yes, my dear, now is better than later, please break the ice… we all live under the same roof, no?

Fine, let’s do it!

They walked towards the kitchen and indeed found the staff sitting together around the kitchen table chatting and munching on some food. As soon as they saw tall Liya walk in, they all stood up in awe of her unexpected visit. Melissa spoke and told them, Miss Liya wanted to come and say hello to you, as I would be leaving you soon.

Hello everyone, I apologize for my silence and solitude. We don’t talk much, and since Melissa is leaving us soon, I wanted to tell you that I’m available if you need anything, so please do not hesitate to ask me. They all whispered thank you, thank you, and then Miranda said, we want you to know dear Liya we are all here for you, and we appreciate your approach to see us, and again we’re sorry about your loss.

Thanks, Miranda, and thank you all for your loyalty and good service. Enjoy your meal and I will see you later. Bye!

They all stood and said bye when she walked out with Melissa, You made their day, Liya. Thank you, and I will go back to have dinner now. The cook will send you your dinner to your room in thirty minutes. Enjoy your evening and we’ll talk again tomorrow.

•

Liya was touched by Melissa’s loving words and encouragement to change her thoughts of grief and start to taste the happier aspects of life. She was also pleased that she broke her silence and talked to the staff. She was silently grateful to her father who showered her with such abundance and good people to take care of her.

She entered her vast bedroom quarters and sat at her desk pondering how to start writing in her thick leather-bound journal that she had received as a birthday gift from Melissa. She listened to some soft music while swimming in a new set of positive thoughts. The knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, and she decided to have her dinner first and then continue with her new journey.

As soon as she finished eating, she started her journal. She wrote:

I lost my parents seven years ago, and I’m still in pain! This pain has hardened into a shell that closed the door to all my hidden dreams of joy and happiness. There is a thin line between pain and pleasure and between sorrow and joy. I am asked to cross the border and see the other beautiful seasons apart from just the dark winters that have dominated my long period of grief. I ask myself, did I invite this pain into my life or was it imposed upon me by destiny? Even if I chose it, why do I let it dwell within me for so long?

Why do I weep with sorrow in my heart when I could also weep with tears of joy? Isn’t it the same mind and the same heart that produce feelings both of joy and sorrow? They could not be separate from one another; hence if I had chosen sorrow I could also choose joy!

I realize it’s not easy because I allowed grief to linger for such a long time already. But, as Melissa suggested, I should try to shift to the other side of light without fear, also knowing that my parents would be happy for me, watching from above.

I should also start believing when people compliment me for my outer beauty and recognition of my basketball skills. I am about six feet tall already, and I could grow more in the next couple of years. That would make me uncommonly tall for a woman. Will my height offend or shove aside other girls who may not feel comfortable in my presence? Is it a blessing or a curse to be so tall? Perhaps I should start focusing on what is evolving within me and leave the outer looks to destiny. Anyhow, my height came from my father’s genes, and I’m proud to carry them in his honor.

How about Melissa leaving me? Am I going to be insecure alone or can I develop a new strength to learn how to rely on me for a change? I will miss her, and I will spend more valuable time with her before she leaves. She will be delighted to see a positive change within me, and I will keep her apprised of what’s going on after she leaves. I owe her my continued love, and I wish her the best. I yearn to change the course of my current state of mind and my caged-in behavior. Will I have the strength to do it?

I will make it a habit to write in this journal every day and refer to it as a means to know myself better.

Liya read what she wrote and smiled realizing that she enjoyed her style and the idea of writing thoughts down on paper. She was not disappointed with the quality of her prose and her communicative flow. She did not touch any of the books that night and decided to replace them with positive and inspiring self-help books. With these new ideas and practices, Liya managed to have a more pleasant sleep noticing the shift from her earlier dreams of dark clouds, ugly creatures and horror scenes to new visions of peaceful and enjoyable walks in a garden of light and beautiful roses.

•

The next day, a Saturday in Spring, Liya heard a knock on her door at around 8:00 am. It was unusual since no one dared to disturb her that early. When she asked who it was, the door opened, and Melissa entered holding a tray. With a big smile on her face she said,

"I was eager to see how you slept, and given the short time we have together, I wanted to spoil you a bit. I brought a light breakfast and my coffee mug so we could chat and greet this new day with gratitude and appreciation. I hope you