Episode 321 – Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to give yourself as much love as you are giving to someone in active addiction.  Give yourself love and grace. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok not to have all the answers.   Today’s podcast will be a slight departure from our traditional format.  Today we will hear from Aimee, who is the wife of one of our members.  Aimee will share from the perspective of what it’s like to live with someone struggling with alcohol addiction.   Aimee is the wife of Kris, one of the members of Café RE.   Kris shared his message on episodes 175 and 278.   He also does a lot of work for Café RE. Take a listen.  Kris stands out by helping others and being of service.    https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-175-anxiety-and-alcohol/ https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-278-day-one-emotions/   Registration for the Bozeman retreat is open for Café RE members today and will be available for non-members tomorrow.  For details, go to: www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman .   Odette’s Weekly Message – Finding your better you.   Odette is focusing on loved ones.  She is an adult child of an alcoholic.  She has experienced her own struggles with addiction and married someone who struggles with addiction.   When Odette’s Dad went into treatment, she was advised by the counselor that the whole family would be impacted.  While only one family member has the disease, everyone gets infected at some level.   Being a part of the solution for her Dad was a tough spill to swallow.  Odette attended Al-Anon to learn how to take care of herself while her Dad was treating his addiction.  Odette remembers how scary some of the meetings were because of the number of broken relationships.  Her inclination was to try to fix the problem, but she quickly learned she had to get out of the way and learn to take care of herself.  She is still learning to detach with love by setting boundaries.   [10:33]  Odette introduces Aimee.   Aimee is 37 and lives in North Dakota with Kris and their two kids.  She is a teacher, loves playing piano, singing, and leading worship at her church.      [13:45]  Tell us about your journey and how you experienced life with Kris.   Aimee met Kris her freshman year of college and fell in love right away.  She was so enthralled with him; everything seemed normal. Kris was deployed overseas in the military.  He would call Aimee and was always drinking when he called home to deal with the stress of deployment.  Aimee knew there was a problem.  They got married, and when Kris came back from deployment,  Aimee got pregnant right away.  Kris was deployed again, and Aimee didn’t drink because she was pregnant.  Kris came home ten days before Ava was born, and they were two different people because of the time apart. Kris’s drinking continued to escalate.    They went through ups and downs, and Aimee thought things were getting better.   Their marriage has been a wild adventure because of moves, career changes, etc.  Aimee had a mix of resentment and shame about Kris’ drinking.  At the height of his drinking, he would turn things around on her to avoid being attacked.  As a couple, they tore each other apart.  Aimee tried to protect Kris.  She would set the alarm so she could pick up the beer cans before the kids got up in the morning.  She lied to her pastor about Kris’ absences and recognized she was compromising her values.   Kris’ emotions were intense and amplified when he was hungover.   [10:15]  Did you start second-guessing yourself?   Aimee said she was constantly questioning if she was enough.  She took her marriage vows very seriously and started to become a doormat.  There was a lot of manipulation.  Kris would gaslight Aimee about his drinking, the bank account, and other things.  Engaging in church and prayer was instrumental for Aimee.  She began to realize that being a martyr or savior wasn’t a safe place to be.  She couldn’t compromise her safety.  They went on a road trip, and Kris drove drunk for five hou