Discovering Balance: How to Disrupt Your State of Mind, Heal Your Soul, and Thrive

By Robyn Raye Gosbee

Robyn Raye Gosbee often made the wrong choices when she was younger.

Decades later, she examined what she’d accomplished and realized she was living a life that didn’t fulfill her spirit. Despite the trappings of success, she wasn’t making a difference in a way that mattered.

With some soul searching, she realized that understanding her own, adult values were critical to success in life, and that they had taken a backseat in her decision making.

In this self-help guide to coming to terms with the past and heading in a new direction, she draws on the teachings of Dr. Wayne Dyer and others to help you:

• create a strong foundation of self to build resilience, confidence, and a greater feeling of self-worth;
• take charge of your life to achieve greater happiness and fulfillment;
• navigate daily life with kindness, calm, and grace.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with all that life is throwing at you, and you want to enjoy a fuller, healthier, and more fulfilling journey, then it’s time to Love Yourself into Balance.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 15, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982212056

Robyn Raye Gosbee

Robyn Raye Gosbee is a student, author, personal coach to women and owner of Peaceful Home, a home consulting company focused on simplifying, personalizing and refreshing spaces. She began her career as an industrial (process) engineer and spent many years in strategy with a large healthcare non-profit. Robyn holds a bachelor’s degree from Western Michigan University, is an avid traveler as well as a lifestyle coach for the YMCA. Website: YourPeacefulHome.com

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Copyright © 2019 Robyn Gosbee.

Cover design by Gabrielle Boltz and Photograph by Marcia Gable, Zebrastripes Productions

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-1204-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-1206-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-1205-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018911083

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/12/2019

CONTENTS

Inspiration

Introduction

Chapter 1   Discovering Balance

Chapter 2   Waking Up

Chapter 3   Gaining Strength

Chapter 4   Realignment & Perspective

Chapter 5   You Have a Superpower

Chapter 6   Giving Pause

Chapter 7   Freeing Your Soul

Chapter 8   Life Soulutions

Chapter 9   Seven Spheres of Self-care

Pulling It All Together

About the Author

Appendix

INSPIRATION

This book is the result of years of life challenges and experiences that eventually led me to a new outlook on life and a sense of peace I previously had not known. In it, I share how I was able to turn my life in a new direction with the help of simple, practical, and—for me—life-saving jewels that have had a profound effect on me—my mind-set, physical health, relationships, and feelings of deep happiness and joy. No longer do my emotions run amok or flat line. No longer are snap judgments held close. No longer is there regret or guilt, and no longer is there resentment left from the past. This book is a condensed version of what I did that allowed me to travel to a new, more desirable destination in life and leave heaviness from the past behind—for good.

The idea of creating balance came to me a few years back when I was reflecting on my life—only because I was forced to slow down following an unexpected medical diagnosis and a surgery that went very wrong. I had nothing but time to think and make sense of the story of my life. I realized that everything in my life, every decision or lack thereof, had led me to my current state of being. I was gaining awareness, waking up, connecting the dots, and beginning to understand that most of the time I had chosen easy over what was right. I wasn’t able to recognize back then that there was a hole in my soul that needed my full attention to heal.

As I reflected, a few key elements stood out in my mind. Early in life, I was not prepared to assess certain situations. As a young child, my underdeveloped brain tried to make sense of what was happening around me—a father who disconnected from family and a mother sadly living in fear. Although I was not fully aware of that at the time, I knew deep inside something felt unsteady. I made uneducated decisions about life that affected my attitude and behavior for years to follow. I created my own stories about myself, life, and others and placed them deep in the file cabinets of my mind. There they would stay until I intentionally retrieved and challenged them as an adult.

I clearly didn’t have the tools I needed (nor do most of us) to manage my thoughts and behavior in my youth. Therefore, I also was not well prepared to make certain decisions. I made poor choices in my teen years that ultimately led to my not trusting myself or others as I moved in to young adulthood. I married when I wasn’t in any way prepared for it. I transferred into a college program in which I wasn’t particularly interested to keep from backtracking, and I accepted one career position after another that was not a good match for me. Being far from family and friends took a toll on all my relationships over time.

In retrospect, the decisions I made were not easy at all because I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I was living a life I thought others expected me to live. I wasn’t listening to my gut, my soul. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. The longer I continued along this path, the more lost I became. I was just doing the mindless busyness of life that had no personal value or meaning to me. I hadn’t learned how to think for myself.

With this book, I will introduce you to how to think and live differently; how to choose the lifestyle you want to live; and—very importantly—how to come to terms with your past. There will always be forks in the road, and either path can be taken. I will give you a process that will help you know in your soul that you’re doing the right thing—taking the right path—for you. It will help you create a resilient inner strength and restore balance to your life.

INTRODUCTION

Do you think it might be possible to achieve a feeling of wholeness in your soul, to heal deep wounds from long ago that keep you from living fully? How would it feel to create a new normal for yourself that enables you to better roll with whatever comes your way and be able to bounce back faster? How amazing would you feel with less fatigue, less stress and more energy to be able to do more of what you love? If you could discover a simple and empowering path to becoming more resilient and feeling better mentally and physically, would you take it?

If you’re feeling stuck for any reason, there is hope for what may seem heavy today. In this book, you’ll learn the techniques, principles, and practices I’ve used and honed over several years that will lift the weight in your life.

You’ll learn to shift your thinking on what is important and better understand your belief system so that you can make choices that better serve your well-being. You’ll discover ways to simplify your life and create different circumstances. You’ll learn to master your life, rather than allowing life to master you.

In writing this book, I wanted to create a usable list of what worked to move me, my health, my mind-set, and my well-being in an entirely new direction with peace of mind and purpose. It took me years to fully understand the impact it had and continues to have on my life. It is my hope you will take what I did and apply it to your life, beginning today, so that you can see results much faster—results that will stay with you for a lifetime. You will find exact, simple steps you can use again and again to sustain and nourish your soul, to give you that soul six-pack that will help you fill your cup with what matters most to you.

So many of us find ourselves lost in the monotony of life, not truly living and thriving. It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day routine and forget about the most important and essential ingredient for a life well lived—nurturing your essence. This book offers you a short list of basic building blocks for living well and feeling amazing about who you are and what you’re doing every day.

When you nurture your essence with intention and purpose, it will bring a natural balance to your life that will radiate from you, and others will feel it. A stronger yet softer image will emerge, and happy eyes will become a constant in your life. It is possible..

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You can’t build resilience and grit when you have a big hole in your soul.

- Oprah Winfrey,

CBS This Morning, March 6, 2018

CHAPTER 1

Discovering Balance

In your day-to-day life, balance is foundational to your core, your essence, your soul. Balance in life results from inner stability and knowing who you are, your core values, and what your purpose is in this life. Achieving the feeling that all is well with your life, that the important people, places and things you love are receiving appropriate attention and intention from you - begins with self-care. After all, if you’re not well, there is no energy left for anything else in your life.

Nourishing what is inside you—your body, mind and soul—allows an inner balance or peace that generates the energy required for a more stable life. This book is about achieving and maintaining internal balance so that your external life is more evenly balanced, calm, and peaceful. When you feel balanced on the inside—strong, confident, happy, healthy, and resilient—you are better able to manage the hardships and challenges that life can bring. Many of us struggle with feeling whole while we manage the busyness of life because we didn’t learn how to strengthen ourselves on the inside while allowing flexibility with what happens around us. Often balance—or the lack thereof—comes from deep-seeded thoughts we have about ourselves and life in general; thoughts about what we believe we’re capable of doing and how much we trust ourselves or others. Further, doubts and fears passed from previous generations without our realizing it can inhibit our success and prevent us from seeing opportunity right in front of us. As adults, we may simply accept our ways of thinking and lives as they are, without ever questioning why.

What is your life like today? Do you want something more for your life, something different, something better? Begin to think about why your life is the way it is; why you choose the same people, places, or things, again and again that aren’t right for you; why you put up walls; or perhaps why you allow others to control you. When you begin to ask why and move your focus to one of curiosity, something inside you shifts and you begin to move yourself into a mindset of problem solving. As you develop better questions, better answers will find you.

Know that at any point in your life, you—and you alone—can create a story for yourself that is not rooted in your past. Think about your story. Does it hinder your life today or help you flourish? What if you were able to tell yourself a different version of your own story? What if you were able to feel differently about you? What if you viewed what you do for a living from a different perspective? What if you could change what you do, have better relationships and feel a sense of inner peace every day, no matter what happened around you? What kind of difference would it make in your life to view it differently, maybe from another perspective you haven’t yet considered?

I learned through many years of denial that others do the best they can with what they have, where they are, and the same is true for you. You are not the same person you were a decade ago, yesterday, or even an hour ago. You are continually evolving and are always new. What determines your next moment is what you choose to bring with you from the past. Every day is a brand-new opportunity to be the person you long to be, with qualities you most admire.

When you feel that things in your life aren’t quite right, pay close attention to those things. For example, you may know who supports you in growing your life and who does not. You may know, at least in part, what you are doing that keeps you stuck in less-than-optimal situations—relationships, health, finance, vocation, vices—and you probably already know what you shouldn’t be doing. To get to a better place in life, it’s necessary to make a shift and think ahead to create what you want. Wanting something more or something different happens only when you change what you think about and what you do every day.

So how do you achieve balance?

Compare the person you have been up to this point with the person you want to become. How big of a gap is it for you? When you begin to close this gap, you’ll feel steadier, calmer, and more in tune with your own being. You’ll feel more in alignment with what is around you and more present and available with others in each moment. This is balance. It is stability and strength in the center of your being. When you close the gap between who you are and the person you were meant to be, you build resilience and self-trust. You resonate on the frequency of peace, gratitude, and love and begin to develop your soul six-pack.

What is a soul six-pack? It stems from a ritual of self-care that includes the practice of being mindful. It is the development of resilience and grit, compassion and allowing (being less critical and judgmental of yourself and others), kindness and love, grace and gratitude, and forgiveness and faith, both in self and in Source—God, the Universe, or whatever you believe in that is bigger than you. It is overcoming doubt and fear and creating forward momentum for living well. I might also add that it was important for me to learn that Faith and fear cannot co-exist.

Before you can develop your soul six-pack, foundational work must be done. If you were one hundred pounds overweight and wanted abs of steel, would you begin with sit-ups, or would you concentrate on making fundamental changes to your lifestyle first? Changes like increased movement, portion control, and reducing fat calories are just a few lifestyle changes (baby steps) that would go a long way toward reaching that big goal. If we want those abs of steel, it would make sense to give them a good foundation by first reducing body fat. The same is true for developing your soul six-pack. We must first reduce before we can