A Sleeve Too Long

By d.W. Whitfield

A surreal overnight stay in a hotel and a chance encounter with a man suffering from hallucinations began a process of querying the actual perception of reality. Further bizarre encounters working in various countries at home and even remembering childhood encounters began a man's interpretation of his past and present encounters. The explanation of these issues are here explored using a unique juxtaposition and blend of poetry and prose.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jan 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728384139

d.W. Whitfield

The author’s second novel originally from N. East England now resides permanently in Mid-West France enjoying the beauty of the countryside. His other full time occupation is that of an artist exhibiting paintings throughout Europe and being published in art books and periodicals.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

he wondered of the unfortunate reason of fate

of why this particular place here he didn’t understand

you obviously have to be somewhere but……

why here in this place which seemed alien ill fitting

he felt uncomfortable in this place it didn’t fit

he didn’t fit he walked as if attempting to shake off

his surroundings of houses and streets that draped themselves

around his shoulders like an ill fitting coat

was his birth ill timed from an earlier age the future lay

unimaginable so history spread its possibilities before him

but from which era had he been displaced

which to be returned but on the other was he too early

perhaps he would still be out of place

as age ground on the disinclination to mix grew with his height

there appeared to be little ground between them

he felt a foreigner amongst friends

parental attributes were unervingly lacking in any sympathetic

similarities by way of political or religious convictions

cultural leanings were an impasse sporting activities

musical preferences fashion food drink even the weather

possessed no common ground all lay as a gulf between them

only their physical resemblance and love bridged that mysterious

gap and bound them together

what of gene communication did they even as cells fail to connect

to pass on similarities of personality

if no such commonness of bond with ancestry

where to go what to do his age now of that

when the nest is flown but to any advice given

between such incompatibility fell on barren ground

as to be expected

what now

how lost in darkness of the light

as his snubbed snout searches fireflies

during a tripped flight

no indexed card of recognition

no hand that grasps to link the like of same

a dry wind to blow the deafened cry

lost before triumph

despair a thing too early tis the time of sunrise

of early hopes

sadness spits it’s folly against the wind and moans

blown with the whine hopscotched feet

snot nosed the first step leads the escape

follow the second the scent then widens

the nostril to be pulled into more puzzles

remember your cousin

his musing interrupted he looked up and smiled

with some little embarrassment

she was older than him although still a teenager

but seemed a woman not a girl

he nodded remembering how they played together as small

children full of innocence totally unaware of that adult world

as they inhabited their own reality of fantasy in long sunny

days where it never rained or blew discontent

his aunt and her moved away not so far

but that they saw less of each other then school days

separated them more as they grew into their own individual

private lives

their sisterly mothers arranged a weekend together to catch up

on old times and for them to be together more as a family

from not seeing so much of each other over all these years

in awkward hesitation they politely enquired as to each other’s

activities still at school but final year university sounds interesting

in polite bored tones they sat uninterested

his mood of embarrassment surrounded by women and a wish to

disappear to his room was denied in the awkward silences that

ensued as they found themselves strangers uncomfortable after

these distant years

nostalgia broke the ice in recollection of childhood days together

in sunlit innocence when it never rained and before prejudice

and bigotry were learned and later shook off as a dog divests

itself of water

they talked off those first uneasy moments as more memories

lead to laughter and easier communication their age drew together

tied no knot but hands that clasped and journeyed back

then resumed and turned memories again to savour sympathy

a wasted emotion that fills the space left with meaningless

intrusion while understanding gives time to accommodate thoughts

to stew the mix

she spoke to him with insight and simplicity holding his hand

while he listened to her eyes fully understanding the hidden loneliness

behind the smiles and gentle laughter

she too was ill fitted to her skin another mismatched genetic misnomer

an accident of God or nature of indifference who to blame

no judgement no fault for who would pick up the tab who would

accept accountability the pointed finger would then turn with prejudice

to victimise the victim no solace would be forthcoming

only bigotry and alienation

sympathy there’s a joke hand in tolerance

but keep the gun the glossy media calls the shots

pretence in smiling vulnerability

survival depends on instinct and silence

falsity always a front row smiler

while truth runs for it’s life

they talked as in childhood and the sun shone briefly

how the words now poured to overflowing their conversation

a catharsis for both in an intimate understanding that linked

as a panacea a shield against petulant malice

an unnexpexted meeting a pleasant reunion

he was so quiet on the journey home his mother thought

him asleep in a way he was somnambulant his conscious state

perambulating every word spoken no one had approached him

with so much insight and tenderness

but knowingly he also understood of her approach

she unconsciously needed to unburden pained emotions

unspoken secrets from others as a confessional not from sin

not from misconduct but from an innate difference

in sameness the mob unites the individual threatens

rock the boat and a cross looms that God failed to prevent

even one so young as he felt her strained casualness

he refused tea and went straight to his room

lay on his bed unable to remove the smile

of father confessor and acolyte in one

not of superiority or smugness

he was in love

youth in its shallowness may in its naivety…….

so enraptured he perceived himself now as some heroic romantic

penning excruciatingly sickly verse proclaiming undying love

his mood fluctuating uncontrollably as those unfortunate

to be the victim of pubescent genetic activity

her sudden disappearance her return to university without recourse

to inform him crushed his elated emotions into those

of devastating torture to plan his subsequent suicide on a grand scale

as he slumped to despondency and his ill fitting jacket

someone to see you

his mother’s voice caused him to look up

to watch after all these weeks his cousin walk slowly down

the garden path toward him a solemn look on her face

they looked she smiled

his mother watched from the kitchen window recognising

their loneliness that withdrew them from others

the older girl outwardly calm her son unsure and bewildered

and yet an air of vulnerability hung over them both

they linked as floating web lines that float and stream the air

never quite breaking in long strands that search in flight

for some anchorage some contact to earth themselves to catch

and cling and with it halt the relentless wandering

and attempt some understanding but then what

she didn’t know the answer to their plight and could only guess

at their unrest through moods and silence

her sister aware of the similarities hoping university would be

a saviour of sorts

and what of her son still young as she watched them talk

in a youthful seriousness judging by their facial expression

and now she felt as the outsider a frustration shared with her sister

to forge a link with their offspring their close emotional ties were

somehow inadequate more was demanded but both unequal to

provide that which was wanted and needed

their love stared unsure at one another

in a silent bequeathed frustration tongue tied

standing still watching light rain fall on glistening cheeks

in mimicry as one they turned to depart

each in their own tears

she became aware as she watched them talk of her own failing

to communicate as her sister joined themselves as outsiders

from their own children

he felt like a small boy again

listening to her an adult now explaining talking

his eyes downcast as he shuffled in shyness making marks

on the ground with a stick as she talked in that quiet way

she had in clarifying things without talking down to him

in time they relaxed and drew closer together they had missed

each others company no need to say it they knew it

she softened from the woman who arrived to the small girl

who stayed enjoying the company of a young man who left

the boy behind they were alone with out no no

they were always alone but without each other they were lonely

and so quickly now they began to talk talk and talk

and then and then some laughter

the summer academic break was upon them and seemed

to release those suppressed depressive emotions that failed

clarity of expression

all time was theirs to spend as they pleased together to spill

without embarrassment most intimate thoughts that dare not

be spoken theirs was a cathartic time without restraint

time together in overnight stays with bemused mothers glad

of the conviviality between them

in long walks through the countryside and talking always talking

he trying so hard to keep up with her ideas don’t worry

when you attend uni you’ll soon overtake my simplistic ideologies

he just grinned her conversation fascinated him with the books

she recommended the ideas about all manner of topics

no one else he knew were even interested in these subjects

never mind discussing them

as when the ringing bell announces to hold fast

hesitate the ear and hold the breath

stand the bold forward tongue in its declaration

tarry awhile with the mobile fast against the ear

for no app foretold these words from ancient thought

that she conveyed within those precious hours

he absorbed all still too young to raise a questioned finger

of youth he was exposed in thought and carefree flesh

still of those hours of dead weight of deafened anchorage

that dragged forgotten beneath those scrapped hills

but never the spirit so subdued to lie and flicker till death

the ash but nurtures warmth to seed the gentle blossom

with thorns and spiked armour that yields not from all onslaught

these hours and days left him running behind panting with delight

and wondering why she allowed herself so much time

in his naive company he dwelt little on this quandry

wallowing in the enjoyment in the ongoingness of it all

not withstanding the looks and comments from his mother

and of the amount of time spent together with those stupid

books and goodness knows what

comments that only alienated his relationship with her

widening the gap of any communication and understanding

that innocent question raised

feared deep an onslaught into emotional fragility did she know

did it show in innocence lost of laughter and gloom inappropriate

tumbling words from dry throated tears sugared words

of sickly tenderness turning then to spiked venom

of dismissive cruelty

unable to catch his breath his babbled incomprehension

revealed the overflow of sensory influx

the small newly acquired notepad filling daily with jottings

copied passages from books lines of songs new thoughts

insights poetry observations hip hopety prose

sounds of spring and songs of colour

a whisper of scent across the nostril

the tease of laughter from afar

moist lips a breath apart

fingers caressed and entwined

the entrance of flesh into flesh

thoughts that spoke with silence

the ecstasy of manhoods arrival

the appled fall from the garden

gladly embraced his first Eve

whom then cast forth with petulant fervour

memories volcanic that splashed blood

grief to burnt black ripped pain

the definitive silence of death

soundless lips moved with incomprehension

trying the sound of a word that refused commitment

of existence as with thoughts that numbed before fruition

his whole frame shivered with an ice cold clamminess

to his core in a slowing motion his mouth opened

with uncontrollable disbelief

no amount of comfort could calm his grief

the hurt the same collective despair each in their own plight

of emptiness each in their hollowness of isolation

the two women did not start anew

after the dark halt a pause then the grey weeks to follow

helped by familiarity as each tread the same line

not him he held high his sorrow as a martyred badge

the long red scar of the wounded hero for all to see

it was worn to be shown until his university not hers

but held no interest in old warriors there were too many

in spite he held fast against this indifference until one night

the weight of it crushed him to his knees and he sobbed

into his loneliness a long whimpering cry of a little boy

only then did a comforting arm embrace with understanding

from one experienced in loss

the scar no longer exposed and held aloft turned inward

hidden away under the pain with the rib returned

his studies continued in a dryness of enthusiasm left trailing

he looked once more at the unopened letter given to him

by his aunt his name neatly written in the small distinctive hand

he so often held

for months now he had gazed upon it no need to open it

he knew of the pain and her anguish they both shared

he knew of her burden and unable to bear its weight

she broke and splintered

he knew of it’s contents and threw it unopened into the fire

another letter lay on the mantlepiece to his mother

that he was leaving university and not to worry

he would not take her path

but pursue his own

still with one hand

clutching hers

CHAPTER 2

he drifted through low lit

small grouped people in a compendium

of shapes and sizes sitting standing talking drinking

murmuring mass of mouths and tongues and hands

some alone solitary within their own enclosure

within this enclosure

This floating flotsam ignored the chorused chant of stuttering

jazz improvisations in turn ignoring the crowd roomed

chattering as they journeyed together on their own caravan

he had arrived to listen and drink and listen as he wove a line

through this impervious throng to the bar

for him being here was an escape and an engagement

he glanced at those in tense rigid concentration eyes closed

in firm stony posture fixed by the gorgons glance lost in their

own journeyed path following those musical pied pipers

the head bobbers loose of limb pidgeon like cooing silently

but willing followers into wherever they were lead

he was a bar leaner a drinker a surveyor of idle curiosity

to the panoramic view before and around him of the

talkers the listeners the down right serious the gigglers

those oblivious to the music who came to drink and talk

not to listen

the music just background noise to break the silence

and their own isolated loneliness an afternoon

for socialising for gossip and humourous relaxation

why not was music his only reason to be here

isn’t it obvious but not to some

the point is this is that

yes no you can’t say that

it’s obvious no it isn’t

the art of discourse to propose a point of view to discuss

without rancour in clear precise detail of a practical or

theoretical hypothesis in the cut and thrust of intellectual

debate not so too ready too soon emotions surge to

the fore

logic and calmness take their leave overcome by passion

and self righteous opinion he watched with detached

boredom in their supposed correctness quelling any

reply no discussion only argument only me

the me is correct

any answer lies in the word and it’s meaning

and of it’s interpretation it’s subtlety of interpretations

and nuances cause misunderstandings and when

fueled by a little passion a little belief a little alcoholic

intake and voila the resultant outbreak of noisy

disparaging ill temper flairs into a blaze of insults

too few facts known by anyone results further into a

circular torrent of bombastic wreckage any one in

possession of facts wins hands down which prompts

the thought relating to freedom of speech and its

supposed inherent right to espouse ones ideas

devoid of any knowledge on any given topic should

surely exclude the right to participate in any discussion

what then of bombast in political and religious fervour

which devours whole continents by those who simply

have no idea and not only that but ..

and indeed not only that but as he moved away a

glance at his watch for what reason he knew not time

time a weighty intrusion go for another pint to fill the

time and his glass he had heard it all before and what

did they do these people who constantly prevaricate

nothing nothing but break the silence let music break

it instead some listened some talked some ignored the

throng watched without an audience save one who

enthralled viewed the unfolding drama as if in a

hollywood movie no ring master nor master of

ceremonies only himself but nevertheless ladies and

gentlemen welcome to the big top people laugh

the clowns are here they gasp at trapeze artists as they

weave and sway shrink back at the animals who growl

and snarl applaud the acrobats who twist and turn but

stay wary to those artists of the con the magicians of

clever worded tricks don’t forget the crisps and the beer

and the wine and the band played on while they all sank

but stayed afloat and swam throughout the performance

then as one they all applauded and shouted encore

splendid another pint please

a lull in the proceedings as the band took a break

the ship dropped anchor and the passengers went ashore

everyone mingled and talked some had never stopped

a tall man with an eye patch entered the room his one

eye a fired glaring annoyance scanning the room

obviously looking for someone in particular he came in

breathing heavily pushing barging through those standing

until he faced a seated woman who defiantly met his

one eyed glare with two of her own they both stared

he commanded her to leave she coolly refused

spectators silently fixed to this new act

scene one

as voices rose the barman came to politely ask for some

order he was politely ignored no problem no trouble

scene two

A chair rose serenely