God’S Grace Through Gastritis, Gerd, and Grit

By Jehn Marie Kubiak

God miraculously healed a twenty-one-year-old Biola University student during the summer of 2017. Long before that process began, she battled erosive gastritis, GERD, panic disorder, depression, suicide, and she even found out she had ADHD.

This is the story of how God worked through all the trauma I enduredthe ways I dealt with each of these issues and how my physical issues coincided with a greater spiritual problem. Relevant research and self-help strategies make this story relatable for anyone enduring physical and mental illnesses.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 27, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973633839

Jehn Marie Kubiak

Jehn Marie Kubiak is a freelance journalist from San Diego, California. She enjoys writing, swimming, reading, painting, and playing music. Jehn graduated from Biola University with a BA in journalism and currently pursues an MA in pastoral care and counseling at the Talbot School of Theology. Keep up with her story at risingfromrubble.blog .

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Copyright © 2018 Jehn Marie Kubiak.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3382-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3384-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3383-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018908115

WestBow Press rev. date: 7/20/2018

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Part 1 The Journey

1 How It All Began

2 Transitions

3 Summer 2016

4 Fall 2016

5 Winter Break 2016

6 Spring 2017

7 Summer 2017

8 Fall 2017

9 Winter 2017

10 Talbot, semester 1

Part II Dealing with the issues

11 Stress-management

12 Anxiety-management

13 Gastritis

14 Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD)

15 Depression

16 Suicide

17 ADHD

18 Nutritional Deficiencies

Afterword

Endnotes

Dedication

To all who walked alongside me in this journey, God bless you in everything you do.

Acknowledgements

I am so overjoyed God called me to write this book about the crazy health journey He took me through. I’d love to thank a few key people who significantly impacted my life during this time.

First, my parents. I could not have recovered the way I did without your tender care and regular check ups. Thank you so much for paying a plethora of medical bills, taking phone calls during work, and consoling me during emotional break downs. Thank you for reminding me to set boundaries and that life is more than just academics or achievements. You’re the best parents I could have asked for, and I’m glad God placed me in your family. Also, thanks for helping me edit.

Second, my other family members. Aunt Shirley, you reminded me I didn’t endure these health struggles alone and that it was okay to not have everything in control. Rachel, you reminded me I’m part of the family and constantly tried to make me talk. Thanks. Jeremy, thanks for asking me how I was doing and spending time with me during the summer I worked at Pondo.

Next, thank you to my wonderful friends who encouraged me throughout the hardships and listened when I felt like I lost my mind.

Alyssa Yee, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I thank God we took several journalism classes together. You reminded me God’s pleased with my efforts–even when I’m not–and that my mental well-being supersedes grades.

My fluties, thanks for always checking up on me at rehearsals and spending time with me outside Winds events. I love playing music with everyone and hope we stay connected throughout the years.

Mr. Feller, thanks for inviting me to play with the Winds and always saying Hi to me at rehearsals. You welcomed me into a new family I will cherish forever.

Trevor Johnson, you often stopped me in the hallway and we had great conversations. Thanks for reaching out.

Becky Mitchell for seeing the strong parts of my writing, editing my articles for The Point, editing this book, and for the great times we had together at Biola.

Jessica Goddard for helping me out as a second editor for this book. Keep up the good work!

Sandra Harris, thanks for remaining one of my long-time friends and grabbing coffee with me at Starbucks. You’re one of the reasons I’m still alive today.

Carly Redmond, you’re also another long-time friend, and I thank God for the way you’ve cared for me over these years.

Carloyn Brandt and Pam Scodellaro for mentoring me since my headstrong high school days. God bless you for the wisdom you’ve poured into my life and the ways you care for the younger generation.

My journalism professors at Biola University: Dr. Longinow, Dr. Welter, and Professor Kitada.

Dr. Longinow, I’m so blessed I studied under a professor who cares for all his students so much. You reminded me about the importance of self-care and that God blessed me with writing talent, even when I feel like I don’t measure up. You remained patient with me during my health crisis–when I turned in less-than-stellar assignments–and I thank you for always seeing me as more than just a name on a roster.

Dr. Welter, I would not have graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in journalism on time, perhaps at all, if you didn’t meet with me that one day in March 2016. Thank you for giving me other options so I could stay at Biola and for reminding me I had support from faculty.

Professor Kitada, you still remembered me and everything about me after I hadn’t taken your classes for a year. Thanks for always checking up on me and asking about my well-being. You’re a blessing to the Biola community and I hope other students feel the same way.

To Kenny Soong, you processed things with me in a way others could not. Thanks to you, I made sense of confusing things and endured painful panic attacks.

Juana Carrillo, you loved me and understood me in a way many of my friends never did. Thank you for encouraging me along the way and seeing the value in the gifts God gave me.

Tracy Garrett, you’re such a lovely woman of God and your tender heart warmed my weary soul on dark days. Thanks for listening to my crazy life over meals and spending time with me.

Megan Shaefer, bless you and your warm heart! You intentionally reached out to me for coffee dates and always checked up on me. Thanks for sending those daily check-in texts when I was enduring all those panic attacks. I hope God blesses you throughout your ministry endeavors.

My manager at Blackstone, Rita, for always making sure I eat and am taken care of. You’re like a second mom to all your employees at Biola.

Many thanks to Steph Campos for always pulling me aside when something seemed wrong and making Blackstone a fun place to work.

Also, thanks to my other wonderful coworkers for supporting me, especially on the days when I needed a cover, and making Blackstone a great work environment.

Sarah Pak, you made me feel so welcomed at Imago Dei! I remember one day you pulled me aside and said, Finally! You always leave before I can talk to you! It’s actually because of you I became a greeter at Imago Dei and felt so welcomed. Plus, your Songs in Summit ministry inspires me as a worship leader.

Lastly, the rest of my Imago Dei church family. Thanks for always asking about my health and praying for me. You’re a blessing.

Foreword

I was 92 pounds and looked like what my mother called a walking skeleton in May 2017. Flash forward three months. I’m now 115 pounds, have muscle weight, can swim an unbroken 1,600 yard distance freestyle, and no longer follow a severely restricted diet. Two months of a hectic semester go by, and I gain another 10 pounds.

Wait a minute. What happened? How did I gain 35 pounds back within five months? That’s seven pounds a month, incase you did the math. Well, part of that came from muscle weight from all the swimming I did once my doctor let me dive back into the pool. However, it was mostly due to God’s miraculous healing.

Now, I know not everyone believes in miracles. However, through the severe health struggles I’ve endured over the last year, God has confirmed his miraculous nature. Yes, miracles still do happen. I defied most doctors’ presuppositions. If you asked me back in May when I’d heal, I’d say I didn’t know. I almost dropped out of school in March 2017–thankfully, I stayed–and didn’t even know if I’d return for the fall semester. But I did.

My doctors and specialists didn’t think I could heal that quickly–most people with erosive gastritis don’t rebound the way I did. Yet, through God’s power, I’m healthy again. This book chronicles the crazy journey God took me through and how he remained in control through every step.

Part 1

The Journey

1

How It All Began

Every great story starts with a back story, so let me tell you mine. Although all the major events occurred within the past two years, the roots of my story developed during my senior year of high school.

Bullying is more common than many parents and teachers believe. How do I know this? No, it’s not from speculation. I was actually bullied myself. I haven’t told many people about my high school experience because I didn’t even realize I was bullied until a couple years ago.

Two girls, one of whom was my best friend, gossiped about me, showed others our private text messages, and turned all my friends against me. Now I won’t divulge many details about these two people because I forgave them and understand they were only high schoolers at the time.

However, their actions hurt me deeply. I only had one close friend at my school when I graduated in 2014. I often sat at lunch alone and spent all my free time practicing flute or color guard. All the negative things these girls said about me eventually stuck in my mind and caused me to believe several lies about myself. I could never lead because I was too quiet. I was worthless, and nobody loved me. I could put all my effort into an activity and never improve because I was not talented. I was a loner who would never have any friends. The list goes on.

As a result of this bullying, I came into Biola University as a very lonely, insecure, and fearful student. I didn’t know what to expect.

I knew I’d have to prove my talent in a cutthroat major—journalism—so I immediately became a freelancer for the campus newspaper and wrote three articles per week. Despite what all my K–12 teachers had taught, hard work doesn’t pay off. If nobody broke the news to you already, I’ll tell you that the real world is brutal and unfair. Many talented people don’t receive rewards for their effort, and the slackers often get the great opportunities. It’s all about who knows whom.

But back to my story. I published more than fifty articles as a freelancer, yet the newspaper’s editor in chief offered me the features staff writer position instead of the features editor position for the next academic year. No biggie, I thought. I’m only a sophomore. That position, as well as a design editor position, opened up again in spring, so I applied for both. Guess what. I didn’t get either.

Those weren’t the only rejections I experienced. The campus magazine rejected me three times, and on the fourth try, I didn’t even get the position I originally applied for. Plus I received a rejection for an internship I really wanted. Rejection after rejection took a toll on my self-esteem and widened the insecurity I developed all the way back from high school. Due to this, I continued a pattern of self-loathing and believed I had to work extremely hard at everything to prove myself.

All my health problems began at the end of the spring semester of my sophomore year in 2016, as expected. One day, I noticed a chicken burger upset my stomach. I didn’t think much of it until I noticed heavier foods like bread and pasta made my stomach cramp severely. From then on, I ate less each day and fell into a deathly spiral.

Furthermore, I worked at a camp during the summer of 2015 that did not rehire me in 2016 due to a paperwork mix-up. I was devastated and scrambled to find another job that summer. Thankfully, I became a counselor at a different camp, yet events still took a bad turn. Because of all the insecurity I harbored, I always looked at other counselors and thought, Wow. They’re so much better than me. They’re extraverted. They have so much energy. Their kids love them. Yet here I am, watching my kids from a distance, afraid whether or not they like me. What kind of counselor am I?

My body later internalized these emotions, making me depressed and anxious all the time. I also believe this is when my Panic Disorder showed its true colors. I started avoiding the other staff and often spent my free time crying alone on the hiking trail or in the bathroom. I wanted to leave camp some days and go home for the summer. Yet I knew God brought me to that camp so I could teach the kids about him through my words and actions. That was why I wanted to become a counselor. I knew that even if the kids didn’t want to hang out with me, I could at least plant a seed of truth in their hearts.

During the third week of the summer, I felt tremendous pain in my stomach. I started skipping meals and lay down several times a day. As a result, I spoke to our program staff leader. In tears, I told her, Hayden, I need to go home. Maybe for the summer. I don’t know. But I at least need to make sure I’m okay. She told me to take as much time as I needed.

The following week, I went home for a couple days and my mom went with me to an urgent care clinic. The doctor performed a few tests and was convinced my symptoms indicated development of a gluten intolerance.

With this new information, I came back to camp optimistic. I eliminated gluten from my diet and felt somewhat better, and at least I made it through the summer.