Alignment: Move from Internal Chaos to Clarity

By Jennifer Cochern LCPC

In Alignment, Jennifer Cochern shares stories from her own life and those of her clients using her alignment model. The model makes use of the everyday human system and pairs it with the foundational concepts of accountability, boundary setting, and communication for a life of clarity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jul 25, 2017
• ISBN: 9781504381253

Jennifer Cochern LCPC

Jennifer Cochern, LCPC, is a writer, seasoned counselor and trained energy healer. She has worked with hundreds of clients to promote personal growth, healthier relationship skills and a belief in self. Jennifer lives on her ranch in Homedale, Idaho with her partner Malcolm and their many animal friends.

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Copyright © 2017 Jennifer Cochern, LCPC.

Interior Graphics/Art Credit: Matt Cochern

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-8124-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-8126-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-8125-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017908304

Balboa Press rev. date: 07/19/2017

The Alignment Model is dedicated to my beautiful grandchildren… who already embrace the future we all dream of.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1     Alignment: To bring into line

Chapter 2     Being Human

Chapter 3     Accountability: The quality or state of being accountable

Chapter 4     Creating a Culture of Accountability

Chapter 5     Boundary: Something that indicates or fixes a limit

Chapter 6     Emotion: The affective aspect of consciousness

Chapter 7     Communication: A process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior

Chapter 8     Communication Styles

Chapter 9     Transition: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

Chapter 10   Alignment Strategies

Preface

F RESH OUT OF GRADUATE SCHOOL with my brand new counseling license in hand, I had the privilege of working with women and their children who had experienced abuse at some time in their lives. This was a privilege for me because I could see the courage that it took for them to come for help and work towards healing and wholeness through self-awareness. They came to a specialized agency to heal from cruel and often dangerous relationships that had started either in their childhoods or later in adult partnerships.

At first I believed, based on my clinical training that people just got off track, that domestic violence had created a situation that made life confusing and dangerous. For some clients this was true, and their healing was a shorter journey back to physical and emotional health. They needed consistent validation that they weren’t crazy, only the dynamics of the relationship were. They needed support to regain confidence in their abilities and step away from the abusive partner. I found that when women had healthy underlying relationship skills, they could get back on track and be on their way.

But what about those clients who didn’t have a solid foundation from childhood, due to physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect? There was no healthy track to return to. This was when I realized that my job, and their ability to heal, would be more complex and was going to take longer.

I began to pay close attention to my intuition, that small, wise voice that is almost always right. This voice encouraged me to show these women that they could build a new, stronger foundation, like building a new house from the ground up. I hadn’t been taught any counseling theory that described this process but it felt right to me. My supervisor encouraged short, measurable goals. So, I improvised.

I described the basic process of building a house, from my limited knowledge, to specific clients: leveling and preparing the ground, putting up short supporting walls, and then creating strong bearing walls to hold the load of the future structure. This metaphor allowed me to begin focusing on another basic process: personal accountability, boundary setting and practicing healthy communication, what I consider the ABCs or foundations of a balanced life. As the client began building a new foundation and stepped into new, never before tried areas of her life, she could refer back to these basics and adjust as needed.

These concepts were shared through stories about my personal experiences as well as metaphors that would come to me randomly during a session. I shared specific situations that helped me to build a solid foundation through the lessons of my own life choices. Over many years of working with hundreds of women, I wondered if there was a way to share these basic concepts in a broader way. Occasionally, a client would comment during a session, You should write a book. I didn’t see myself as a writer, so would shrug the idea off. It took a new therapist sharing a funny stick figure that depicted alignment as thoughts, words, feelings and actions lining up, to help me see a way to manage my own life. I considered what it might be like to share this model with others, people just like me who struggle to find balance and clarity within themselves.

I knew that the basics I had been teaching clients, along with the concepts of alignment, would work beautifully together to create a simple, useable model. The alignment model is for anyone wanting to move from internal chaos to clarity and ultimately to experience personal power and alignment on a daily basis.

This book is personal. It is based on my life experiences as well as experiences that have been courageously and generously shared with me by family, friends, mentors and clients. Stories have been a path to human connection throughout history. I believe that the content and stories being shared here are common to many people and can potentially help many people to continue on their healing journey into alignment.

My hope is that the stories and examples shared throughout this book, along with the alignment model, will encourage people at many different stages of life to learn more about themselves in a deeper way. Alignment is not discovered just once but many times, through ages, stages and transitions that we all experience throughout a lifetime.

Acknowledgements

I ’D LIKE TO THANK THE following people for their encouragement, support, challenge and belief in me as I stepped into the world of professional writing and got the alignment message out of my head: Terri Hughes, my coach, who believed in the importance of the alignment message and my ability to share it before I did; Darlene Phillips, my therapist who taught me the concept of alignment through an awesome stick figure; Bev LaChance, my director at the WCA who graciously gave me the time to sit in coffee shops and write in the middle of my work day; the hundreds of clients who have trusted me with their struggles, victories and growth; the many personal development leaders and healers who ha ve shared their passions through books, workshops, trainings and personal sessions and motivated me to keep following my dream; Kathy Gaudry, my editor who saw the diamond in the rough stone of my manuscript and polished it up, my friends (you know who you are!) who listen to my endless ideas and accept me for who I am; my sister and best friend Stephanie who has always believed in me; my partner and loving teammate Malcolm, who has co-created our world where I feel fully aligned; my amazing children, Rachel, Matt, Jona and Abby who have shown me how to parent, evolve and grow into the woman I am today.

AlignmentDragonfly.jpg

T HE DRAGONFLY SYMBOLIZES CHANGE IN the perspective of self-realization; it is the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life. The dragonfly’s flight across a body of water represents the act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looking into the deeper meanings of life.

The dragonfly has the property of iridescence which is the ability to show itself in different colors depending on the angle of light around it. This property is seen as the end of one’s self-created illusions and a clear vision into the realities of life. This points to self-discovery and the removal of inhibitions.

The dragonfly is my favorite symbol. You will see the dragonfly at the beginning of each story as a reminder to embrace change, move towards maturity and finally shatter the self-created illusions of your life.

CHAPTER 1

Alignment: To bring into line

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Albert Einstein

My Introduction to Alignment

I ’VE SPENT MOST MY ADULT life believing that if I read the right books, attended trainings, went to a new therapist to work on my issues and committed myself to a daily self-improvement practice, I’d learn the secret to feeling better about myself and have healthier relationships. These activities have indeed assisted me in my growth, but I was still unsatisfied with the day-to-day conflicts and how I could live my life in a state of peace.

Alignment is based on right now. Becoming aware of this moment. Checking in with what I’m thinking, saying, feeling and how I’m behaving related to any issue. I can do this once or many times each day to see if each area is matching up and supporting the other.

Before I knew what I just stated above, I was having another one of those times in my life where I felt confused and unbalanced, unsure of what to do next. Several times in the past I had gone to therapy when I was feeling discouraged, hopeless or just plain lost. I hoped that someone else would help me figure things out. My sense of imbalance this time was related to having made some