Better Choices: You Can Make Better Choices

By Dr. Sterling Lands II

This book challenges you to see beyond your immediate circumstances and to act in step with your life goals. As a result of studying this book, the reader will be familiar with principles of the Better Choice Process.

Upon completion of this book, the reader should better appreciate the strengths of the analytical approach to decision making and be able to apply the methods presented in real life.

The Better Choice Process is easy to learn for anyone who is ready, has a little experience, and has a real desire to be effective in making better choices.

The key ingredient in the success of this process is your commitment to doing the right thing, the right way, for the right reason, expecting the right results to benefit others according to the principles of high integrity.

Share what you have learned with others and refer to the book continually.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 14, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504951340

Dr. Sterling Lands II

Dr. Sterling Lands II holds a bachelor of science degree, from Southern University School of Engineering and a doctor of divinity degree, from Master’s International School of Divinity. He is a licensed professional engineer with a specialty in process control. He is the president and CEO of ANAK Consultants and the organizing pastor of Greater Calvary Bible Church of Austin, Texas. He is the president of the Greater Calvary Rites of Passage youth development organization. He is the presiding bishop of the Family Life International Fellowship and presiding prelate of the Archdiocese of St. John the Baptist. He facilitates workshops and seminars on conflict resolution, analytical problem solving, character-centered communications, and a host of other subjects. He is the author of several books addressing character-centered youth development. He teaches the practical application of God’s Word and is a gifted speaker.

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2015 Sterling Lands, II. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/14/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5133-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5132-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5134-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015916193

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Preface

Why This Approach Was Developed.

Introduction

Letter from a fellow traveler

Section One

Integrity First

The Rolex Watch

New Belief System

Character Centeredness

Integrity is Critical

Where Do We Start?

Integrity Screen

Integrity Screen Work Sheet

Destination

Mission Statement

Vision

A Character Centered Vision

Develop Your Vision Statement

Mission

A Character Centered Mission

Strategic Objectives

Character Centered Strategic objectives

Pledge

R A P

PAD

Code of Honor

The Shrewd Manager

Honesty

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

The Young Man Named Honest

Transformation

Timeless Principles

Beliefs

Affirmation

Caught Up

Value System

What Would You Do?

Primary Emphasis

Point of View

Henry and Jules

Sharon and Missy

Uneasy Chuck

CCL Confession

Commitment

Character Traits

Code of Ethics

Victory Song

Midnight Chill

CCL Covenant

Section Two

Better Choice Process

Better Choice Quick Guide

Exercise Worksheet

Better Choice Model Overview

Priority Analysis

Principle Analysis

Problem Analysis

Choice Analysis

Action Analysis

Action Analysis Summary

Better Choice Process Diagram

Section Three

Better Choice Model

The Empty Cup

Priority Analysis

Principle Analysis

Manage Your Emotions

Nitty Gritty Exercise

Dreams and Desires Exercise

Reconciliation

Anger Management

The Shopkeeper & the Thief

Challenges

Problem Analysis

FAITH Model

FAITH Questioning Work Form

ASK Component Work Form

Intently Listening Component Work Form

Think About Response Component Work Form

Hearing Component Work Form

Facts Involved Versus Facts Not Involved Work Sheet

Differences Work Sheet

Choice Analysis

Action Analysis

Implementation Planning

Car Trouble Case Study

Save Your Marriage

Section Four

Commitment To Completion

The Challenge of Preoccupation

Identity

Build Trust

The Struggle is Over

Rules of Engagement

Up-Front Covenant

Storming The Gates

Storming Process

Storming Process Worksheet

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

This book is made possible through the dedication and hard work of the Greater Calvary Rites of Passage leadership team.

We acknowledge those parents, teachers, preachers, students and facilitators who are practicing many of the principles contained in this book.

I am indebted to the review team under the leadership of Sylvia L. Addison, for their vision and support and to Shirley Caddell, Cynthia White, Charles Henry, Nia Henry and JoAnn Davis for their selfless investment of time and effort in the preparation of this work.

Special thanks to the GCBC Family for their commitment to and implementation of character development and abstinence education.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my people in Freetown, Sierra Leone, West Africa, Accra, Ghana, West Africa and Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Preface

Where are the character centered leaders? What distinguishes the character centered leader from all others? Is it impractical to measure a leader by the content of his or her character rather than the color of their politics?

"God give us men. A time like this demands

Strong minds, great hearts, true faith and ready hands!

Men whom the lust of office does not kill,

Men whom the spoils of office cannot buy,

Men who possess opinions and a will,

Men who love honor; men who will not lie."

Josiah Gilbert Holland (1819–1881)

There is an extreme deficit of character centered leadership today. I believe that leaders would lead better if they knew better. The leader of high integrity behaves a certain way because he believes a certain way. The character centered attitude of the leader of high integrity shapes his actions and his conduct.

Thomas Jefferson once described the presidency as a splendid misery. Since there is no other role that is more rewarding and at the same time, more demanding than the role of leadership of a nation, I believe that a splendid misery is an apt description of leadership.

It is my intent to present the principles of character centered decision making. There is nothing magical or mystical about the principles outlined in this book. Much of what you will study in this book has been inspired by observation of various choice methodologies of professionals and interaction with students over the last five decades.

The principles in this book, if practiced, work. The material is field tested and the evidence of its effectiveness is found in the results.

This book is culturally relevant and designed specifically to be used by youth organizations, public and private schools, Church study groups, fathers and mothers, motivated youth and youth service groups as a tool for developing Better Choice Skills.

When this book helps you become more of a character centered leader of high integrity, then it will have accomplished its purpose.

Sterling Lands, II 12 May 2011

Why This Approach Was Developed.

One size does not fit all. This approach is therefore designed to address the multi-level and multi-layered security needs, significance needs, and acceptance needs of individuals searching for methods to make better choices. This approach is also designed to prepare the individuals that facilitate the training of those who have made past poor choices to make better choices. Proverbs, parables and quick stories are used throughout the book to draw your attention to the timeless principles associated with living a life of high integrity. The process presentation is facilitated through the character centered facilitation process created by ANAK Consultants, Inc.

Section one of the book challenges the reader to pursue transformation of the beliefs and incorporation of integrity as a long term character trait. You are challenged to think critically about how integrity is developed and its benefits. You are introduced to tools used to sculpture new thinking and develop refined belief systems.

In section two we provide an overview of the Better Choice Model.

Section three presents the mechanics of the Better Choice Model. You are challenged to see beyond your immediate circumstances and to act in step with your life goals. You are challenged to manage your emotions and manage conflict more effectively. The tools presented in this section are designed to help you make the best choice based upon the data that you have available to you.

Section Four presents tools to stimulate your life and career planning.

As a result of studying this book the reader will be familiar with principles of the Better Choice Process. The reader will be familiar with the goals and objectives of Character Centered facilitation.

Upon completion of this book the reader should:

Better appreciate the principles of Better Choices and the potential for solving problems analytically.

Develop an awareness of environmental influences on prioritization.

Develop an understanding of when to apply Better Choices mechanics.

Assess potential problems and future impact.

Better appreciate the strengths of the analytical approach to decision making.

Know the Better Choice Process.

Be able to apply the methods presented in the model in a real life.

The Better Choice model draws on the knowledge and experience of many experts in the decision making and problem solving field to present a simplified process for making better choices. The process is easy to learn for anyone who is ready, has a little experience, and has a real desire to be effective in making better choices. I want to help you employ a character centered process to tackle any challenge that you face day to day.

The key ingredient in the success of this process is your commitment to doing the right thing, the right way, for the right reason, expecting the right results to benefit others according to the principles of high Integrity. You will become more and more effective at making better choices as you learn how to apply these basic processes. The word process will be used throughout this book to mean a logical series of steps, or reasoning, which lead to a desired result.

I challenge you to share what you have learned with others, demonstrate a belief system transformation and refer to the book continually.

Introduction

What are the necessary ingredients of character centered leadership? What do all character centered leaders have in common?

Character centered leaders of high integrity may not be counted in the ranks of what society labels as character centered leaders. They don’t generally make the headlines. They are not selected to receive the leader of the year awards and they are not called upon to speak at political gatherings or elite assemblies.

Matter of fact, character centered leaders of high integrity will be found rearing character centered children of high integrity and building character center communities.

Character centered leaders do not look for instant gratification. On the contrary, character centered leaders of high integrity are rewarded by the positive manifestation of their labor in the ensuing generations.

Character centered leaders make Better Choices; bottom line. At the end of the day, what really counts is that which will last as an eternal testimony.

This book is designed to be useful in improving your skills in analyzing problems more effectively, selecting better courses of action, and implementing decisions successfully.

I will present a character centered process for obtaining desired results through the logical organization of information.

What do all character centered leaders have in common? Character centered leaders make Better Choices.

Letter from a fellow traveler

Ka-Bam! All at once it hits us. It was there all the time, right in our face; yea-right in front of us. You would think after all this time we would notice it or at least be a bit more aware of it. Though we have been conscious of it and could define it, we just did not seem to understand it. Somehow we missed how powerful and precious it was and still is currently.

In a recent study on choices, some very interesting results were discovered. The study sample was taken from a group of 150 men that reflected multi race/ethnicity and age range. Men who were from all over the globe were brought together in Austin, Texas because of the choices they made. We found that 91% of the men that were asked numerous questions about their choices admitted that the choices they made in most cases in their life experiences were not good choices.

It was also discovered that making wrong choices promotes making more wrong choices. In addition we discovered that most of us don’t know how to make better choices. The choices we’ve made during good and bad times prove that we need help and must be taught how to make better choices.

For example a 33 year old man awakes to the sound of a county guard saying, Chow time a day after he is arrested for a crime he committed. He was just 32 last year and his life seemed to be going great. Although things had been going well he began to have problems on his job. His supervisor criticized the quality of his work. His feelings mislead him to believe that he could handle the problems. Not knowing that he was trying to play God, he chose to trust his feelings. Without any counsel, sound advice or instruction from God, he made a series of wrong choices that lead him down the dark road that dead end with concrete and steel in a very small county jail cell.

It doesn’t matter how many years he made choices and remained out of serious trouble. His current series of choices has shed light on the truth of his need to know how to make better choices. What if this man would have known and applied the Better Choice Process is taught in this book?

1) Finding the Reason,

2) Making the Better Choice, and

3) Implementing the Better Choice

For certain the results would have been much different. For example, this man could have applied step 1 - Recognize the Problem. It is clear that this man could not and cannot solve a problem that he doesn’t recognize as a problem.

When we think about past Super Bowl games that were won, we don’t really consider the choices that the winning football team made during the course of the entire season. We generally only focus on who won the Super Bowl. Right? Right!

Make no mistake about it, knowing how to make better choices should have great value to us all but it certainly has great value to those who have had some of life’s hardest lessons.

Let us open our minds where they have been closed and become students learning what seem to be basic: How to make Better Choices. It wasn’t just athletic ability, bronze and determination that led to winning the Super Bowl. Believe it or not, one of the key parameters to winning was the choices that were made. We will win in the Super Bowl of life as we learn how to make better choices.

A Fellow Traveler

Lessons from the letter:

1. What are the primary principles taught in this letter?

2. What does the letter present as cause for the writer’s predicament?

3. What do you conclude regarding the writer’s choices?

Section One

Integrity First

The Attitude that prevails today is this: Everyone does whatever he wants to as long as it does not physically infringe on another person’s rights. This is remarkably similar to ancient prevailing Attitudes. We allow society, who ever that is, to define our beliefs and determine our behavior. Society’s definition of what we should believe is alright just as long as we can see the lines of demarcation.

Our conduct generally reflects whatever is acceptable. Yes we complain. However, we continue to do what we have always done hoping for a different result. Get this, we are not pleased with the results that we get by doing what we do, but we are unwilling to step outside of our comfort zone and change things. It is easy to blame others or society when we encounter poor results. Rarely do we inspect our practices to see if they line up with character centered principles. We can avoid conforming to society’s standards by taking character centered principles seriously and applying them to life. Independence and self-reliance are positive traits, but only within the framework of high integrity.

When you do not carefully observe the distinction between the quality of being honest and morally upright, compared to dishonesty and immorality, destruction soon follows. It is easy to say, No one can decide for me what is right or wrong. Just because you think drinking and drugging can’t hurt you does not mean that you will not get hurt and hurt others. Just because you think extramarital sex is okay, does not mean that the one that you are cheating on will not be hurt along with the one that you are cheating with. Just because you think money doesn’t define and control you, does not mean that you will not sacrifice your family for things and stuff or that you will not rob your family of the attention needed as you pursue more money. When we make excuses for our actions, we break down the distinction between right and wrong. If we do not take the principles of high integrity as our standard, soon all moral choice will disappear. Without high integrity, we crash and burn.

The Rolex Watch

One day my six year old grandson asked me, Papa, how do you get integrity? The question reminded me of when I first left Baton Rouge, Louisiana in 1967. I landed in St. Louis, Missouri. I had not been there for little more than a week when, as I waited for my bus on the corner of North Broadway and Washington Avenue, a man walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to buy a Rolex.

He rolled back his sleeve and on his arm were several shiny Rolex watches. I told him that I did not wear a watch. Unfazed, he opened his coat and showed me several other items that he thought that I might be interested in buying from him. Again, I said that I was not interested. Just then, my bus arrived and as I boarded, I saw the man move on to other people, still peddling his goods.

What, I asked my grandson, if I had bought the watch? After all, the asking price was very low and in his efforts to make a sale, he lowered it even more. Chances are the watches were not real Rolex watches, but then again, they could have been authentic and stolen.

In either case, I would have shown a lack of integrity in purchasing a Rolex watch from this man. Obviously, the makers of Rolex do not peddle their goods on street corners.

Lessons from the story:

1. What does the story teach about values?

2. What does the story teach regarding motives?

3. What does the story teach about integrity?

New Belief System

An investment in behavior modification is easy. More and more money is appropriated year after year to change behavior. We build more prisons to house more prisoners. Deep down we know that prisons do not rehabilitate. Is the goal to rehabilitate or to marginalize the impact of the have nots in our society?

Whatever the case, behavior modification is not getting the job done for the greater good. Over time behavior systems will change when and if belief systems change. To get different behavior we need different beliefs at the core of our being. We are society. To change society, we must change ourselves. That is a tall order.

"If we work upon marble, it will perish. If we work upon brass, time will efface it.

If we rear temples, they will crumble to dust.

But if we work upon men’s immortal minds, if we imbue them with high principles, with the just fear of God and love of their fellow men, we engrave on those tablets something which no time can efface and which will brighten to all eternity."

Daniel Webster (1782–1852)

How do you know when someone is real and when he is not? This is an age old question and it has an age old answer. The answer is revealed in the integrity of the person. How many times have you questioned the authenticity of someone and found that this person was not what he presented himself to be? Misrepresentation