Humpty Dumpty and Stuff

By G. Withers

Humpty Dumpty fell down the hill. If it werent for the bottom, hed be tumbling still.

This is a book full of wisdom. All ages can benefit from the knowledge contained in its pages. However, there is a warning. This book is intended for early teens and ninety-year-olds specifically. It is recommended that all other age groups be supervised when reading it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Nov 9, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524518417

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Copyright © 2016 by G. Withers.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 11/09/2016

Xlibris

1-800-455-039

www.Xlibris.com.au

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CONTENTS

HUMPTY DUMPTY

So Cool!

The Facts

Fleas

Fish

Music— and Lunch

Bombe Alaska!

Near Miss

Or It Could Have Gone Like This

STUFF

Seagull Supper

I’m on the Phone

Bananas

Spaghetti

Life

The Nursing Home

Walk by the Lake

Crackers and Cheese

Camel Travel

Hungry

You Can’t Dance

The Chickens of Pen’s Aunts

Temporally Controlled

After the Duck Dinner

Alfonse

Panda Pup

Tetchy

Flowers

Nursing Home Days

Teens

Vikings

Help Me Forgive

Trouble Brewing

Always Right

McCaffity Garden

Rich

Dentist McCavity

Three Wishes

So Be It

Stranger

Move On

Lost

Dad’s Biscuits

The Counsellor’s Tough Bikkie (Cookie)

Words

My Patient

Hospital ‘Food’

My Child

Mum Met Dad

Dog Meat

Cookie Nonsense

Can You Hear the Silence?

Listen Up

Picture This

School Teacher

Scout Rally

Dog Beach

Dads

Skateboarder Girls

Humpty Dumpty

– Completely Unabridged –Completely Corrupted (And, for most part, mostly unedited)

So Cool!

Humpty Dumpty sat on the fence,

Gradually becoming increasingly tense.

He was feeling like a bit of a fool,

Trying his best to look really cool.

He shifted one way,

Then the other.

Being cool …

Was becoming a bother!

Was anyone looking?

He had to take a chance,

And get down smoothly,

Without a hole in his pants.

His launch from the fence

Didn’t move him an inch

Getting down

Wasn’t going to be cinch.

Five minutes later,

He started to yelp.

(It is really not cool,

To yell for help.)

Now I don’t know,

If you can hear what I’m saying.

If you sit on fences,

You may need de-railing.

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The Facts

Now Humpty Dumpty, he really was rotten.

He had a small crack—a fact he’d forgotten!

He had no nose, which was perhaps just as well,

Because after a week, he started to smell!

Of course people noticed, so all the king’s men,

They went and super glued him together again!

The smell could not get out, but soon inside,

Humpty now has putrefied!

____________________

Fleas

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty, then, gave a great guffaw!

For all the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Had taken a wrong turn—again!

They took the road that led down to the lake,

Now this really was a fatal mistake!

The horses always came back covered in fleas.

The men had to find them all, if you please.

The problem was getting the horses to stop.

They thought if they kept running, the fleas would fall off.

Humpty laughed ’til he cried, at the circus below him.

The men all riding horses, trying to throw them!

The king’s men were not at all pleased,

Not at