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    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 22, 1890
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 22, 1890
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 22, 1890
    Ebook93 pages48 minutes

    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 22, 1890

    By Various Various

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    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateNov 27, 2013
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 22, 1890

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      Book preview

      Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 22, 1890 - Various Various

      The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 99.,

      Nov. 22, 1890, by Various

      This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

      almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or

      re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

      with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

      Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 99., Nov. 22, 1890

      Author: Various

      Release Date: June 25, 2004 [EBook #12737]

      Language: English

      *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

      Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed

      Proofreading Team.

      PUNCH,

      OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

      Vol. 99.

      November 22, 1890.

      DOUBLING THE PART.

      Mr. S.B. B-ncr-ft, having retired from the Stage, thinks of taking to the Booth. 'WHEN THE CUE COMES, CALL ME.' AW!—VERY LIKE HIM—VERY!

      [One day last week Mr. S.B. BANCROFT wrote to the Daily Telegraph, saying, that so struck was he by General BOOTH's scheme for relieving everybody generally—of course generally—that he wished at once to relieve himself of £1000, if he could only find out ninety-and-nine other sheep in the wilderness of London to follow his example, and consent to be shorn of a similar amount. Send your cheque to 85, Fleet Street, and we'll undertake to use it for the benefit of most deserving objects.]

      A GOOD-NATURED TEMPEST.

      It was stated in the Echo that, during the late storm, a brig brought into Dover harbour two men, with their ribs and arms broken by a squall off Beachy Head. The deck-house and steering-gear were carried away, and the men taken to Dover Hospital. Who shall say, after this, that storms do not temper severity with kindness? This particular one, it is true, broke some ribs and arms, and carried away portions of a brig, but, in the very act of doing this, it took the sufferers, and laid them, apparently, on the steps of Dover Hospital. If we must have storms, may they all imitate this motherly example.

      WHAT A WONDERFUL BO-OY!—In the Head-Master's Guide for November, in the list of applicants for Masterships, appears a gentleman who offers to teach Mathematics, Euclid, Arithmetic, Algebra, Natural Science, History, Geography, Book-keeping, French Grammar, Freehand, and Perspective Drawing, the Piano, the Organ, and the Harmonium, and Singing, for the modest salary of £20 a-year without a residence! But it is only just to add; that this person seems to be of marvellous origin, for although he admits extreme youth (he says he is only three years of age!) he boasts ten years of experience! O si sic omnes! So wise, so young, so cheap!

      If spectacular effects are worth remembering, then Sheriff DRURIOLANUS ought to be a member of the Spectacle-makers' Company.

      ALICE IN BLUNDERLAND.

      (On the Ninth of November.)

      [Our difficulties are such as these—that America has instituted a vast system of prohibitive tariffs, mainly, I believe, because ... American pigs do not receive proper treatment at the hands of Europe.... If we have any difficulty with our good neighbours in France, it is because of that unintelligent animal the lobster; and if we have any difficulty with our good neighbours in America, it is because of that not very much nobler animal, the seal.—Lord Salisbury at the Mansion House.]

      The Real Turtle sang this, very slowly, and sadly:—

      We are getting quite important, said the Porker to the Seal,

      "For we're 'European Questions,' as a Premier seems to feel.

      See the 'unintelligent' Lobster, even he, makes an advance!

      Oh, we lead the Politicians of the earth a pretty dance.

      Will you, won't you, Yankee Doodle, England, and gay France.

      Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, let us lead the dance?

      "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be,

      When they take us up as matters of the High Diplomacee."

      But the Seal replied, They brain us! and he gave a look askance

      At the goggle-eyed mailed Lobster, who was loved (and boiled) by France.

      "Would they, could they, would they, could they,

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