Marks on My Path to Righteousness: Abornagainone

By Mark Kenneth Hill Jr.

This book of poetry represents my spiritual and emotional journey over the course of a year. I created a blog www.abornagain1.com that I utilized as an outlet of expression and to help others who could relate to my experiences. I often felt alone on my journey following Christ and God gave me this gift to provide at times peace and relief. I refer to my poetry as emotional enhancers. They are pain killers, nostalgic, loving, joyous, and relevant.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512746198

Mark Kenneth Hill Jr.

Mark Kenneth Hill Jr., is a man after God’s own heart. He had a fruitful life filled with a variety of experiences that ultimately caused him to turn his back on God. God relentlessly chased after him and demonstrated his love through his grace and endless mercy. Through a suicide attempt he had a spiritual experience that changed his life forever and altered the path he was on.

Book preview

A poem about the struggle getting over a love that never was meant to be

Posted on January 7, 2014by abornagain1

LOVE DOOR

The wound in my heart doesn’t seem to heal I’m not Superman not made of steel

I try to stay occupied to keep my thoughts close by if my mind goes idle my thoughts take a journey down a dangerous road of sex, love & pain lies and deception constant arguments questioning what I got myself in

IN LOVE IN too deep the pain prevents my sleep

Sleep alone at night with my memories by my side constantly going through my phone reliving moments that were captured but are forever gone

Gone is my love how it exist no more there’s no knob on my love door someone took it when they left

Unscrewed the nails placed them in a zip lock and left it on the floor, threw the knob away as no one can replace

YES old screws are what I’ll use to try to move on searching for the right fit before I throw them out and give up on this love KICK

But these screws don’t seem to work

Many new knobs have come my way but the screws just wont stay they slip out at the softest touch and fall to the floor and scatter all over the place

But I always pick them up and put them back in their place each time their place seems to move further and further away

They use to be kept by the door….then there was the drawer OH and that time I took them outside and buried them but I dug them right up I had to have them close by in case my knob turned back up!

Man who am I kidding I should just get a whole new door all together

you know, start over….. me constantly staring at this door with so many memories and the noticeable hole where the knob should be makes me feel silly for holding on to these screws

But these screws remind me of what it felt like to be complete

For everyone who has ever heard that famous line…..I’ll call you tomorrow

Posted on January 7, 2014by abornagain1

Mr. Call you tomorrow

Filled with empty promises and misdirected fingers

Waiting by the phone for that special ringer

Here we go again back in the same cycle

Foot off the pedal but the wheels still cycle

Mr. Call you tomorrow

I promise I will, let me hit you right back.

Ok just call me tomorrow I’m already on my nightcap

Tomorrow comes….and where is Mr. he said he would call

Checked my log….maybe I MISSED ya

Mr. Call you tomorrow

You already know tomorrow is a mirage

It looks real pretty but up close it’s just an empty garage

Filled with nothing but space and an outlet charging my lifeline

Awaiting on Mr. I WON’T miss ya this time

Mr. Call you tomorrow

Mr. When is tomorrow?

Tomorrow is code for when I get ready

When will that be….as tomorrow is where you left me

Pick me up on the corner of I can’t believe I fell for this again

Will tomorrow ever end?

Mr. Call you tomorrow

Mr. Don’t call me tomorrow

Call me sorrow

Call me neglect

Call me regret

Call me I’m not done with you yet

Whatever you call me it won’t be tomorrow

Tomorrow I’m done and taking back my heart I let you borrow

Never allowing your job to define you….you DEFINE it knowing God’s plan isn’t one we always understand….my stint as a Doorman & how the Lord taught me how to be a better steward over my finances

Posted on January 7, 2014by abornagain1

Down on my luck is what I felt when altering my career path driven by pain that no longer allowed me to appear sane and put together

Down from the place I was once held so high that pedestal that almost reached the sky until the keeper decided he no longer needed me there

Down I fell hard to the ground my heart making the most obnoxious sound that no one seemed to hear

Down I was…down on my luck created by choices and influential voices

Down I WAS but somehow looking up provided me with the courage to GET UP and start fresh knowing that wasn’t my last breath

On this cycle of embarrassment and self pity wondering if anybody can see me

On my knees praying for forgiveness as his comfort is what I needed to live again

On a sick bed of defeat nurturing my wounds with weed, alcohol, and ecstasy

On a road to recovery….completing my education to further my knowledge of my destination and working anywhere to eat

Obvious pain I wore on my sleeve as my pain was too deep to keep

Obvious lies became clear for even a blind man to see…finally realizing the ONLY LIAR was ME

Obviously I accepted and felt deserving of this treatment and this epiphany seemed all the more perverted

Residual tears

Residual years

Residual fears and residual tears that keep me in despair

Mistakes I make constantly attempting to wipe clean the smudges of this residual agony but these mistakes are no longer healthy

Allowing myself to feel deserving and unworthy of his love doesn’t even make sense to me

New direction I am in not understanding which way I’m going but willing to walk down the path that leads to where ….I’m unknowing

The one thing I do know is now..now in the end I am a DOORMAN ready to move forward but still crying myself to sleep one day soon I will attain my VICTORY!

Words

Posted on January 7, 2014by abornagain1

Be mindful of what you say, The Bible says death and life are in the power of the tongue. I know this is easier said than done but you have to put forth the effort to watch your words. Often you may encounter someone who speaks to you in a nasty or disrespectful tone, but rendering a similar response only stirs up strife. I find that being kind is always the answer even if being kind is remaining silent! I know I wear my emotions on my face so without saying anything it’s evident that I’m not pleased. Not saying that that’s 100% right either but we’re all a work in progress :)

Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Morning Blues

Posted on January 8, 2014by abornagain1

God work on me, I know you’re a gentleman so be very gentle if you can

Not to snatch off the ban aid and leave me with a sharp sting but slowly peel back my layers revealing everything

I am unaware of all that needs to be corrected but I do know there’s a list of things I am READY for you to deal with

My attitude can be downright nasty….I mean the way I handle things even at times ponders me

But I can no longer hide behind brutal tones, neglected calls, and that line LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING!

I often can’t even stand the presence of ME….is that healthy?

Ok, I’m not as bad as I use to be but what’s the difference between fighting with my words versus fighting in the streets?

Isn’t the end result the same thing? Poor mood swings, bitterness about everything, and bottled up anger that slowly seeps and begins to reek….smelling like IT’S IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO STAY AWAY FROM ME!

My thoughts run rapid…taking twist and turns in reverse always reliving past hurts wishing for do overs so certain people I will be sure to DO OVER!

If the word of God is like a mirror why do I walk past it every day not even given it a glance?

The funny thing is I even carry it around in my messenger bag!

How do I know what needs to be corrected if I won’t even look inside to define the imperfections of my soul?

Am I afraid of letting go?

Does holding on to the past feel better than walking into a future that is unknown?

It’s like having 20/20 vision and walking into a pitch black room eyes wide open but can’t see what’s in front of me but the only way to exit is to take one step at a time when no one’s hand is holding me

Not being able to always feel God’s presence having moments when I question whether or not he is with me

Wanting to stand on top of a building and SCREAMMMMMMMMMMM to the top of my lungs and roll around in the fetal position balling my eyes out while kicking!

Such a childish, toddler like reaction I know

I have so much room to grow

I am more than ready to step out on the ledge blindfolded and trust that you KNOW where I’m going

But I have to tell you…sometimes I might murmur and complain because I am so accustom to doing things MY way

Sometimes I might resist the change because my flesh is so