Who Ate the Last Cookie?

By Bernice Zakin

PS: I get up early in the morning, so Im always available.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 10, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514421987

Bernice Zakin

Bernice Zakin is a retired interior designer who has always had literary ambitions. She has now written 8 books which include 2 books of light verse, 4 books of fairly humorous essays, one memoir and one travel book. This current publication is an additional collection of humorous essays. Bernice lives on Long Island, New York as well as Palm Beach, Florida and can be reached via email at [e-mail].

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Bernice Zakin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 11/09/2015

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

719438

CONTENTS

Previous Books Written

Dedication

Testament

Important Notice

Acknowledgment

This Is The Book I Wrote After I Stopped Writing

THE POESY SECTION

A Future Enigma

A Hand Out

A Word To The Wise

Adam His Story In History

AD Infinitum

Always

Bad Day

Big Event

Brrr!

Buy Now

Bye Bye! Comedy Central

Cal Is Now Lo-Cal

Changes

Debates (Written Before The Debate!)

Donald Oh Donald

Election Times Are Coming Hillary Says

Farewell

Firearms

Gone

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Skimm

Here I Go

Holiday Hurrahs

Holiday Thoughts

Home Alone

Hot Stuff

Important

Impressed With Success

In Regards To

Isis

Jessica And Loren

Joan At 88

Matinee

My Choice

Off They Go

Old Age

Oregon On Fire

Out With TV

Party Bridge

Phoney Baloney

Prediction

Quel Est La Difference

Query

Re Tire Ing

Sad Day In Charleston

Sad News

Sale

Say It Isn’t So

Sextuplets

Someday

So There

Switched

Telephone Call

Thanksgiving

The Best Choice

The Days Of Rosy Poesy

The Donald

The Game Blame

The Kochs

The March Of Time

The Pope Of Hope

The Racket

The Rally

The Recent Gun Deaths At The Oregon School

The Summer Season

The Third Bush?

Tick Tock

Tide

Time Passes

Togetherness

To The Future

Truism

Unhappiness In The Night

Unraveling Traveling

Warning

What A Story!

What Republicans Think

What To Do?

What To Do First

Why

Woe Is Me

Zzzz’s

23 Flights Up

23 Floors Up

Who Ate The Last Cookie?

A Big Problem

A Fish Tail

A Letter To Satan

A New Neighbor

A Night To Remember

A Pretty Pickle

A Smart Cookie

A Wonderful Time

Accolades!

Animalistic Behavior

Anniversary

Another One?

Back In Time

Bodily Organs

Brownie Brittle

Coincidences

Double Dutch And Other Childhood Games

Epitaph

Explanation Needed?

Fleeting Thoughts

Friends To The End

Good Advice

Gossip

Growing Older

Guess What?

Guess Who?

Guns

Ha Ha Doc

How To Be Happy

High Hopes

I Apologize

I Cheat

I Love My Stuff

I’ll Be Doggoned!

I’m Sad And Depressed

Isn’t Anybody Healthy Anymore?

Let There Be Light

Lost And Found

Lucky

Lucky Me

Luncheon Blues

Mea Culpa

My Attire When I Retire

My Interview With God

My Jewish Holiday Experiences

My Late Friend

My New Book

My Year

Nice Me

Nothing Lasts Forever

Observational Inquiries

Once Upon A Time

Overstocked

Palm Beach

Post Haste

Problem #1

Relationships

Sad To Say

Scrambled Eggs

Shopping Tips

Soft Balls

Sold!!

Soup

Strange Thing

Taking A Bath Versus Showering

Tears Of Happiness

Tell Me

Terrific Me

The Case Of The Nonagerian Groper

The Last Of The Last

The Loss Of Friends

The Muddle Of The Night

The Second Time The Lights Went Out

There’s No Statutes Of Limitations

Things That Bother Me

Things To Think About

Tragedy

Turned Pages

Vertigo

Weather Or Not

What Did He Mean?

What Happened To My America?

What Is Best?

What Is My Decision?

When You Gotta

Who Knows?

Who’s Next

Who Said Crime Doesnt Pay?

Who Trumps This

Will Power

Wouldn’t It Be Wonderful If?

Addendum

The End

PREVIOUS BOOKS WRITTEN

POETRY

From Bad To Verse Or The Verse Is Yet To Come

Cool Verse And Hot Doggeral

OTHER WORDS

If You Take The Train Home Where Do You Put It?

At Last Inanimate Objects Speak Up

Alphabetically Alliterative Collection Of Corney Compositions

Grandma Has A Tale

I Went, I Saw, I Ate

Stuff From Out Of My Head

Stuff I Forget To Remember

This Book May Be My Laster And Also My Worster Which Is Baddera Than Awfuler

Who Ate The Last Cookie?

DEDICATION

(A repeat from previous books but always relevant)

Always to the memory of my late husband Albert Zakin

To my children Nancy and Jeff, and Barbi and Ken

All my grandchildren: Lizzie and Jon, Carly and Peter, Andy and Dana, David and Susan, Kenny and Alyson and Debbie and Michael

Finally my great grandchildren: 13 in number and they are not to be slighted, but are too numerous to name individually

(I do know their names however!)

TESTAMENT

I Bernice Zakin, who is more or less of sound mind, and is also possessed of a full stomach at the moment, freely and guiltily admits to having eaten the actual cookie, the picture of which appears on the cover of this book.

It was also the last one of a batch made by Louisa Zambujeiro who is a terrific cookie baker.

So thank you Louisa

It was delicious!

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Anything seemingly worthwhile in this book is purely coincidental.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

To Elise Alarimo, indispensable and a major help to me throughout the entire production of this book. Too bad there are not several of you and then I would be willing to share your capabilities with others. Right now I want to keep you all to myself. You are absolutely great. Thank you! Thank You!

To XLibris for doing their job with such dedication once again

THIS IS THE BOOK I WROTE AFTER I STOPPED WRITING

Yes indeed! I stopped writing so these pages are simply leftovers of my thoughts.

Because!

1. I’ve nothing left to say

2. Except maybe a little something that just popped up in my head

3. But I’m not going to expound on that until I have clarified my ideas.

4. Therefore this is actually the very very last book I will write. (Absolutely!)

THE POESY SECTION

Herein are some pages

Guaranteed to rhyme

So read them if you care to

And if you have the time

glyph.jpg

A FUTURE ENIGMA

We know that Shakespeare said it first

And the Dems then said it next

A pox on both your houses

Which keeps the red states vexed

Though Rebs won Congress fairly

And trounced the Dems a lot

So now they want to push their cause

Which Dems DEEM a devious plot

But the shoe’s now on the other foot

And the red states have the edge

Which the Dems will now attempt to change

And to do this they now pledge

Though who will win we cannot say

We’ve two more years to guess

And if things don’t get much better

We’ll still be in a mess

So we want the next election

To bring our country HOPE

Therefore we’re optimistic that

We don’t elect some DOPE!

A%20HAND%20OUT.jpg

A HAND OUT

When God invented the human hand

He was very very smart

Because each finger on that hand

Plays a most important part

For instance – a hand has just one thumb

Which helps other fingers move

And really is the greatest thing

To make each hand improve

The pinky’s just a pinky

But the forefinger connotes knowledge

It’s the smartest finger that we have

And could almost go to college

The finger next to the pinky

Is perfect for a ring

And at a person’s wedding

It’s the most important thing

Finally the one in the middle

Is the one each person knows

As the one that sends a message

To all our nasty foes!!

glyph.jpg

A WORD TO THE WISE

There’s a motto just be happy

And another don’t be sad

So be happy if you’re healthy

And not ill (perhaps a tad)

Well-being is a blessing

Well-being is a boon

But when you’re ill you feel distressed

Then wish to be well soon

Try eating what is good for you

Not white stuff (it’s the worst)

Just eat enough to fill you up

But not to make you burst

Food is meant to nourish

And exists to help kids grow

But TOO much of the wrong stuff

Is definitely a NO

So my advice to all of you

Who wish to reach old age

Just stick to what is good for you

These words I swear are SAGE

glyph.jpg

ADAM

HIS STORY IN HISTORY

When Adam and Eve made love in the past

There were no other folks to say

T’wouldn’t last

But Adam was Adament and wanted

A wife

And so very soon he ribbed Eve to his life

They lived and they thrived and they soon had 2 kids

Who grew to be Christians

But looked like two yids

Which is why they’re are Christians

And Muslims and Jews

(But really most people can be what they choose)

Now churches abound and synagogues too

But where Muslims worship

They can’t wear a shoe

And although our world now is becoming quite sad

The cause of it being religion is bad!

But despite those who think this and then wonder why

Remember– there’s only one God in the Sky!

glyph.jpg

AD INFINITUM

Everything today’s commercial

Everything is just an AD

If I watch a TV program

Most of it is bad

Because there is no story

They advertise instead

So why should I be watching

I’m better off in bed

glyph.jpg

ALWAYS

My fingers glide down the names

On the obit page ever so slow

I start alphabetically ABC

AH! There’s a name I know

This was a wonderful person

Who accomplished much in life

And he’ll be missed forever

By friends - his kids and wife

Many charities too were aided by him

Because he helped the infirm and poor

So we’ll recall all his good deeds

With fond memories for sure!

glyph.jpg

BAD DAY

Sunday Morn

Home Alone

What to do

Charge my phone

TV- very dull

Turn it off

Sit and mull

Read paper

Bad news

Eat a snack

Sit and snooze

Call a friend

Not home

Too bad

Write a poem

Look out window

Heavy rain

Glad I’m home

Eat again

More TV

Still bad

Really bored

So sad

Walk around

Same rooms

Look at plants

No blooms

Hot tea

Piece of cake

Very tired

Bellyache

Go to bed

Count sheep

Finally - fall asleep

Sweet dreams

Sleep tight

Never move

Through the night

Wake up