At Last! Inanimate Objects Speak Up

By Bernice Zakin

"This book, AT LAST! Inanimate Objects Speak Up, is the
authors 4th book to date and is comprised of tongue and cheek essays that the
reader will enjoy."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 6, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453550960

Bernice Zakin

Bernice Zakin is a retired interior designer who has always had literary ambitions. She has now written 8 books which include 2 books of light verse, 4 books of fairly humorous essays, one memoir and one travel book. This current publication is an additional collection of humorous essays. Bernice lives on Long Island, New York as well as Palm Beach, Florida and can be reached via email at [e-mail].

Book preview

Copyright © 2010 by Bernice Zakin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

84178

CONTENTS

A COMMENT

A GOLF HOLE

ALTZHEIMERS

BATTERY

BERNICE’S IMAGINATION

BERNICE’S CLOSET

BIG FAT BELLY

CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I AM?

CHOC A LOT

DICTIONARY

ELEVATOR

FROM SOUP TO NUTS

FRYING PAN

GUESS WHAT

I’M A REFRIGERATOR

I’M NOTHING

I’M THE OBITUARY PAGE

I’M A PICKLE

KEY

ME THE DIAMOND

MIRRORS

PITCHER

SELF DOUBTS ABOUT MY LIFE AS A SWEATER

SPAGHETTI IN THE AFTER LIFE

VACATION

VINTAGE STORES

YELLOW PAD

YOU CAN’T PUSH ME AROUND ANYMORE

ZAKIN’S LAST BOOK

#30

DEDICATION

Always to the memory of my late husband Albert Zakin

To my children Nancy and Jeff, and Barbie and Ken

All my grandchildren: Lizzie and Jon, Carly and Peter, Andy and Dana, David and Susan, Kenny and Alyson and Debbie and Michael

Finally my great grandchildren: 13 in number and are not to be slighted but are too numerous to name individually

(I do know their names however!)

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

To Elise Alarimo, indispensable and a major help to me throughout

the entire production of this book. Thank you, Thank you!!

To XLibris for doing their job with such dedication once again

microphone.jpg

A COMMENT 

So many people say they have me. They’ll say I have a comment to make—but that is definitely not true—I am not a possession and nobody really has me, nor can they make me.

I am an independent soul, and free to speak my mind, which is usually open and able to expound on any given subject.

Also, I actually have many nicknames, such as—an explanation, a commentary, an exposé, an expression or a description, etc. But call me what you will. I am me alone and am not beholden to anyone.

Therefore the next time you hear anyone mention having me—don’t believe them—remember what I’ve just explained to you. I’m sorry to sound so belligerent, but this is how I feel. I’m simply a comment on my own and proud of it.

golf hole.jpg

A GOLF HOLE 

Did you ever hear of me? I’m a golf hole. Actually, I’m a golf hole on a very famous golf course in the state of Georgia, where every year people play something called the Open.

This means that famous men from all over the world come to visit me and try to put a little white ball into me with what they call a putter. Isn’t that silly?

Most days I’m out in the air (hot or cold) with a long stick stuck in me. This stick has a small numbered flag attached on the top. I happen to be hole #18 which is the