Cool Verse and Hot Doggerel

By Bernice Zakin

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 9, 2010
• ISBN: 9781450077835

Bernice Zakin

Bernice Zakin is a retired interior designer who has always had literary ambitions. She has now written 8 books which include 2 books of light verse, 4 books of fairly humorous essays, one memoir and one travel book. This current publication is an additional collection of humorous essays. Bernice lives on Long Island, New York as well as Palm Beach, Florida and can be reached via email at [e-mail].

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Contents

Dedication

Special Acknowledgment

Acknowledgment

HUMOR

DÉJÀ VU

MY COMPUTER’S CUTER

TOOT TOOT

ROOT TOOT FOR THE TUTOR

PERPLEXED

I MEAN WHAT I SAY

GO WITH THE FLOW

GONE AND FORGOTTEN

HIRED AND TIRED

NO REASON—JUST RHYME

SHHH!

123 46

GASP!

MY BED

TOGETHERNESS

HELP!

WHAT TO DO?

THE NEED TO READ

MANHATTAN MAMS

PEEK-A-BOO

LIST-LESS

A TICKLISH SITUATION

COOKING WITH GAS

A POET’S LAMENT

HURRY BACK NOW

CONFUSING AND LOSING

CAN THIS BE A RHYME?

IN OTHER WORDS

DEAR ME

THRU THICK AND THIN

YAWNING TIME

TRAVEL TIME

ADVICE TO TEENS YESTERYEAR

ADVICE TO TEENAGERS TODAY

FACT OR FRICTION

RHYMES OF THE TIMES

IT WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAYED

WRITTEN IN 2002

DEAR MR. TRILLIN

SAD BUT TRUE

LOVE IS A CAT ASTROPHE

MONEY SAVER

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

MY CAR

TIMES A CHANGIN’

LOST

AH! THE SOLUTION

YOU CAN BANK ON THIS

DRY HUMOR

MOP THE GLOP

VERSE

WHY

ADVICE IS NICE

C’EST VRAI

SEX SELLS

OUT WITH THE NEW—IN WITH THE OLD

THE ERROR OF MY WAYS

WAY TOO EARLY

I CAN’T BEAR THIS

HI THERE

THE BOOK OF FLIES

TO AND FRO

HELP WANTED

THE LEAGUE OF NATIONALITIES

STYLE SHOWS

OBSERVATION

LONG AGO AND FAR AWAY

THE STATUTE OF LIBERTY

THE PERFECT WORLD

THANK YOU PATSY

THE END’S THE SAME

CROSS WORDS OR LIFE’S A PUZZLE

BE WAREHOUSE SHOPPING

PARTY SMARTIES

POETIC LICENSE

GENERATION GAP

HOOKED

THE KISS OF DEPTH

MOM’S THE WORD

NEWCOMERS

LEAVE DON’T GRIEVE

MAYBE?

THE CHESTNUT MAN

WHERE’S THE MONEY

FACTS ARE FACTS

CHANNELING MY THOUGHTS

TO SUM IT UP

PERCHANCE TO DREAM

NO REST FOR THE WEARY

MY DAY

EARLY DAWN

23RD FLOOR DAWN

DAY TIME

23RD FLOOR EVENING

NIGHT TIME

A SIGHT TO BEHOLD

ONE PLANE, 2 PLANES 3 PLANES

MOON

JUNE

LA DIFFÉRENCE—C’EST MOI

WISE WORDS FOR WISEACRES

THE OBIT IN MY ORBIT

FUELTILITY

THE LATEST AND THE GREATEST

LOGIC

LOVE’S THE BEST

GREY MATTERS

NE PLUS ULTRA AT 33480

YOUNG

MIDDLE AGE

OLD

DECISIONS, DECISIONS!

WORDS OF WISDOM

THE BEACH IS MY NICHE

NEWS

BONES OF CONTENTION

FINDERS KEEPERS

YOU CAN BANK ON THIS

A HITCH IN TIME

LINDA TRIPPS UP

CUT TO THE QUICK

WHAT’S NEW?

THE MEAN QUEEN

U (UNLIMITED) S (SOCIAL)

A (ACCOMPLISHMENT)

SCHOOL DAZE

MORNING JOE

ONWARD AND UPWARD

FOIL THE OIL

MORE ON THE GULF SPILL

LET’S CHANGE THE CHANGE

MAHER’S ON MARS

ROYAL PAYOLA

THE VIEW FROM THE TOP

SILLY POEMS

GO FISH—NO FISH

"SOUP OF THE EVENING

BEAUTIFUL SOUP"

WHAT’S WHAT?

AN ALPHABETICAL ADO

WILL HE

BEING CAGEY OR PIGGING OUT

WHO’S WHO

A BAD BOY TALE

FLIM FLAM FILMS

WAY TOO EARLY

WHATTA WABBIT!

SERIOUS

THE ATOMIC AGE

NEWS ITEM

AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY AT THE WORLD TRADE CENTER SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

A HOPE FOR THE WORLD

FRUSTRATION #1

FRUSTRATION #2

A DIFFERENT VEIN

A PRAYER FOR THE FUTURE

LET’S KEEP THE FAITH

WAR

AMERICA’S LAST HOPE

SICK

BAD DAD SAD LAD

IF ONLY

WEATHER

GREEN IS CLEAN #1

GREEN IS CLEAN #2

GREEN IS KEEN

THE NAME OF THE GAME

WEATHER OR NOT

HELLO TODAY

WHO KNOWS?

A FLORIDA COLD SNAP

OCTOBER

JULY

THE COLORS OF LIFE

GLOOM IN MY ROOM

WITHER THE WEATHER

EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI

TRAVELOCITY

STORM’S THE NORM

UNDER THE WATER

TSUNAMI

PLAGERISM’S

MODERN VERSION OF MILTON’S

PARADISE REGAINED

(EXCERPT)

ODE TO THE NIGHT THAT FAILED

WITH PARTIAL APOLOGIES TO JOHN KEATS

WITH PARTIAL APOLOGIES TO KEATS

ODE TO A NIGHT IN TOWN

ADAPTED FROM A CHILD’S GARDEN OF WORSES BY R.L. STEVENSON

ADAPTED FROM A CHILD’S GARDEN OF VERSES BY R.L STEVENSON

WITH APOLOGIES TO ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON AND "A CHILD’S GARDEN

OF VERSES"

AGAIN APOLOGIES TO ROBERT

LOUIS STEVENSON

OUR TREE WAS TOPPED—AND A WARNING TO THE TREE SURGEON WITH APOLOGIES

TO JOYCE KILMER

WITH APOLOGIES TO JOYCE KILMER

TO E. THOMAS STEADMAN WITH PARTIAL APOLOGIES TO LEWIS CARROLL

BLANK VERSE

U.S. MENU

BLANK VERSE

ENCOUNTER

MOVING DECISION

GAMES

ON WITH THE GAME

THE GAME’S THE THING

WRITTEN MANY YEARS AGO

THE BRIDGE OF SIGHS

THE HERO’S A ZERO

OR

TIGER—THE BEAST

A SORRY TALE

DO I SEE DOUBLE ON THE BIDDING BOX

TRAVEL

VACATION ELATION

WINTERS AWAY

GONE AND FORGOTTEN

BUSH

WOE BE GONE A-HINT TO THE USA

TRUER WORDS HATH NEVER

POLITIC’S US OFF

THE BUSH WACKER

THE SCHEMEY MEENIES

APOLOGIES TO ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON

ADVISE WITH CONSENT

THE VOICE FROM BEYOND

DEEP IN THE HEART OF

DEEPER IN THE HEART OF

STILL DEEPER IN THE HEART OF

FACING THE FACTS

CURSORY RHYMES A TAKE-OFF ON NURSERY RHYMES WRITTEN BEFORE BUSH’S 2ND TERM OF OFFICE

YANKEE DOODLE

JACK & JILL

TWINKLE TWINKLE

GEORGY PORGIE

A DILLER A DOLLAR

LITTLE JACK HORNER

MARY MARY

LITTLE JACK HORNER #2

JACK SPRAT

HUMPTY DUMPTY

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

WHAT’S UP DOC?

DÉJÀ VU

BUSH FALLS ON HIS TUSH

PALSY WALSIES

NO HERO

SUCCINCT, CONCISE AND TRUE ABOUT

A MOTLY CREW

RUMMY GO WITH THE FLOW

OBAMA

BAD BEHAVIOR AGAINST THE SAVIOR

OBAMANIA

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

INS AND OUTS

A MODERN FAIRY TALE

DO OR DIE

PEACE BE WITH YOU

IT COULD BE WOISE

YES WE CAN

QU’ EST QUE LA DIFFÉRENCE

BARACK THE JOCK

POLITICS—GENERAL

ALAS! A LASS

HAPPY NEW YEAR

DILEMMA

TOUJOURS GAI

OLD DUMB, WHITE, BLACK, BLIND AND?

HOME IS WHERE OUR HEART IS

WASHINGTON DILEMMA

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE KORAN

QUEL DIFFÉRENCE

A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

SCRAM

MCCAIN’S CAMPAIGN EXPLAINS

FACTS IS FACTS

WE’D LIKE THE FACTS

RUM’S THE WORD

C FOR SENATORIAL SIN

WHO’S THIS GUY ANY WAY?

ELECTION SELECTION

EENY MEENY

DEM POLL REPRESSES THE GAL

WITH THE TRESSES

THE MULTITASK’IN ALASKAN

HIGH HOPES

TIME FOR TEA?

THE PRESIDENT SETS A PRECEDENT

DO NO EVIL

STRAIGHT FROM THE HIP

TIME AND OIL ARE RUNNING OUT

DON’T FIX IT—DON’T NIX IT

IF AND WHEN

AGE

AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS OLD!

SKIN DEEP

ONE TWO THREE OUCH!

WHAT HAPPENED?

OLDS WELL THAT ENDS WELL?

SO LONG

AIN’T IT THE TRUTH

COMMUNICATION DILEMMA

FACTS ARE FACTS

AGE IS RELATIVE—IT MIGHT BE YOURS

THE AGING THAT’S WAGING

BUSSED ON THE BUS

SHHH! #2

MEDICAL/HEALTH

KEEPING THE DOCTOR AWAY

WISE MEN SAY

STIFF’S TOUGH

A FRIEND TO THE END

MY DIET’S A RIOT

A SICK CHICK

EITHER OR

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

PUT STOCK IN YOUR DOC

MY PILL BOX IS A PILL

VEGETROUBLES

A WORD TO THE WISE

A MISTAKE’S AN ACHE

FRIENDS

BIG DAY

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

FRIENDS TO THE END

THANKS BUT NO THANKS

A GOOD FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY

TO ELLIE FAREWELL DEAR FRIEND

DEAR CLAIRE

FAMILY

JEFF 50

JEFFREY

KEEP GOING ALBERT

ALBERT

NANCY’S BIRTHDAY POEM

60?

BUSY LIZZIE

TO LIZZIE AND JON

LIZZIE

HI JON

CUTE KIDS

DOUBLE VISION

NO BARGAIN

A MOVING DECISION

AIN’T THEY GRAND

TO CHARLIE

ADOPTED FROM

THE OLD WOMAN IN THE SHOE

WRITING CLASS

LOW CLASS

THESE WRITERS DELIGHT US

RABELAIS, ELASTIC & SPOIL

EPITAPHS

SAD BUT TRUE

EPITAPH #1

EPITAPH #2

ADDENDUM

Dedication

To my wonderful family

My numerous friends

My nodding acquaintances

And any interested strangers

Special Acknowledgment

To Elise Alarimo for helping me all the way through and Xlibris for printing everything so well.

Acknowledgment

For Al in absentia

My children currently

My grand children lovingly

Great grands absolutely

Friends finally

And all others hopefully

HUMOR

DÉJÀ VU

The wit had a fit when he dreamed his obit

And moaned that he missed

All girls that he’d kissed

And the diary he used to confide in

Then oh how he wept

For the bed where he’d slept

And the nice car that he used to ride in

But alas, it now seems

It wasn’t all dreams

But the notice he’d read

That he really was dead

In the paper which listed he died in

MY COMPUTER’S CUTER

My chat room hasn’t a sofa

Louis Fifteenth isn’t there

I’ve no need to wonder

If things are asunder

Or where shall I place a new chair

My window hasn’t a curtain

There’s nothing to make it ornate

No chintz to encumber

There’s only a number

Like ninety five or nine eight

So when I’ve a need for companions

And don’t wish