If the Shoe Fits……

By M.J. Letshwene

Writing this book was not part of my plans; it was Gods calling. When I was told that I should write another book, I said to myself, it will not be possible because I am not an author. The first book I wrote, Life Is What You Make of It was written by my inner self. It was my way of healing my childhood drama. Writing set me free from the pain I went through. These are short stories based on life experiences. It motivates people not to follow majority when they do wrong. It will help you realize that no matter how complicated things may be, you must never give up.

Why do you want to learn the hard way?

Where did it go wrong?

Find out in if a shoe fits how to live in a Christian way. Excellent for motivating people that God is alive. A great book for families to guide them through lifes challenges.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: May 29, 2015
• ISBN: 9781493193660

M.J. Letshwene

Jacobine Letshwene was born thirty-eight years ago in Bethanie (Brits) on 21 November 1976. She is married to Godfrey Letshwene, and they are blessed with two boys, Katlego and Rekopantswe, and three girls Reatlegile, Oreatlile, and Promise. Her father is Moruti Freddy Nyathela, and her mom is Bertha Segoati. She studied National Diploma Education Commerce in Tshwane Universities of Technology (TUT) from 1995 to 1997. She started teaching from 1998. She furthered her studies with University of South Africa (UNISA) and received her bachelor’s degree in education management in 2005. She then received her bachelor’s degree in education management in 2009. She received her master’s degree in curriculum studies in 2015. She loves music because it gives her an intense feeling that everything will be all right. Going to church and listening to Bible verses inspired her to write this book. She realized that most people do not have time to read the Bible. She also discovered that those who read the bible do so selectively. She believes that she has been truly blessed. This book is a way of thanking The Almighty for all the blessings.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

When things go wrong

BEING IN LOVE is one thing, but marriage is another. People need to think twice before getting married. Youth of today rush into marriage; that’s why divorce rate is increasing yearly. They even get married for the wrong reason; that’s why they end up becoming victims for abuse. In African culture, we don’t just get married or get engaged within a month or two. An engagement is a promise to marry. It should not be confused with marriage. Sometimes it is used for selfish reasons, just to say ‘Hands off, my woman.’

Nowadays, gentlemen just buy a ring and do the ‘will you marry me’ stuff, knowing very well that it is against our culture. Love goes with respect. If he does not respect our culture, do you think he will respect you and your parents? On top of that, he will let the poor lady wear that ring for more than five years. The lady will also be on top of the world, not wondering what she has done to deserve a ring so soon. Assemblieftog, ladies. You cannot get married to a person you don’t know. How can you make such a decision within a month or two? That decision is going to affect you for the rest of your life. It will change your life drastically.

Why are you rushing? Why can’t you wait to know each other and then you can make a decision?

Sometimes the ring was even bought for somebody else that he had been with for five to ten years, and because it didn’t work out, he put it on the next finger he came across. With desperation, because most of your friends are married and you are not, you agree to put it on your finger without even thinking. Don’t forget that easy come, easy go. Don’t forget that you live for yourself, not for anyone else.

Marriage is not a walk in the park. It means joining the two families together, Honouring your parents by allowing them an opportunity to get lobola as a token of appreciation for bringing you into this world. Matthew 19:9 states, ‘A man will leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ Only a priest or a commissioner has the authority to pronounce you as husband and wife, not a piece of gold. Then after that, it means you are stuck with each other through thick and thin. You make all the decisions together, and you become soulmates.

Secondary schoolgirls and -boys tend to ask this question: ‘What is love?’ Well then, here is my answer: ‘Love is kind and patient, love is not jealous or rude, love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right’ (1 Corinthians 13). If you are in love and it is the opposite of what Corinthians tells us, then it means that you are in love with the wrong person.

There is Mr Right for each and every one of us. Don’t just settle for less because you deserve the best. You are worth more than you think. If the person you are with does not think so, he does not deserve you. Don’t waste your time by trying to prove to him your worth. We all have a picture of what we want in a relationship, so stick to it. If you are repeatedly being hurt and that person does not acknowledge his or her mistakes, then think again.

Mistake is meant to happen once. For the second and third time, it is definitely not a mistake. If you create a room for more than one mistake, you may as well create ten more rooms. Make sure you deal with that mistake seriously so that it doesn’t happen again. Don’t act like it is not a big deal, knowing very well that it is. Don’t lie to yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin and in the comfort zone of your relationship. Sorry does not always cut it. The damage is already being done, and the scar is there.

Don’t be scared to love because a fool once hurt you. Love wholeheartedly and unconditionally. If he or she throws it back to your face, take it, hold your head up high, and move on. There is someone out there who will appreciate what you have to offer. Don’t be in a relationship where you cannot express yourself, where you are scared, and where you doubt yourself.

You must love yourself enough to realize when it is not worth staying in that relationship. As Whitney Houston said, ‘Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.’ Most importantly, if you love God, find a partner who loves God as well, ‘for love comes from God. Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love’ (1 John 4:7–8). If he is rude and arrogant, show him the door.

If you are madly in love, happy, and all is well, then you can consider marriage. When I got married, Pastor Sikoe said, ‘Even though marriage is full of problems and challenges, do not think that God does not love you.’ Then I said to myself, ‘What is this old man talking about? I love my husband and he loves me. What problems and challenges can we come across?’ Five years down the line, I understood exactly what he was talking about. I now know that marriage is not an easy journey. It needs a lot of hard work. It needs commitment, dedication, compromise, and sacrifice.

I also discovered that storms come and go, and they only make you stronger and wiser. You need to make sure that you respect each other no matter what because once it is gone, it becomes hard to restore it. I then came to a conclusion that marriage is the same as a job. We all take our job seriously because we want to take care of our children in order to survive. If you make a mistake at work, you make sure that it doesn’t happen again, and you always make sure that you want to improve. Why can’t we do the same with our marriages? With God on our side, nothing can hold us back.

The most important thing is to communicate because through communication we can conquer the world. Communication is the key to a successful relationship, be it personal or business. Husbands and wives need to communicate regularly. Employers need to communicate with the employees. Friends need to communicate with each other. Parents need to communicate with their children. Educators need to communicate with the learners. Basically, everyone needs to communicate.

Husbands and wives need to be able to communicate about their feelings for each other, the things they like and those they don’t like. They need to be honest with each other because honesty is the best policy. An honest man turns her woman on. Don’t hide anything from each other, no matter how hurtful it may be. No one needs to be protected from the truth. Do not insist on your own way; meet each other half way. You will never agree on everything, so learn to accept each other.

Communicate about your day after work. Even though you are not working in the same field, show interest. Be a good listener if you have nothing to add. And offer a shoulder to cry on if necessary because if you don’t do that, someone out there will do it on your behalf. Remember, sharks are out there. Be a lover and a friend because if you don’t, friends can spell a disaster in your marriage. Communicate about your plans for the future—children, finance, buying a new car, and so on. Once you are able to communicate about everything else in your marriage, then you can communicate about the in-laws. This may be a very sensitive topic, but if you are fair people, it will be easy. Set the rules and boundaries of how you will treat your in-laws.

If you disagree about anything, then talk about it later when you are relaxed and not in the fighting mood. Most couples spend 90 per cent of their time talking about other people, criticizing them, and even making the conversation longer than necessary just to avoid talking about their marital problems. Try as hard as possible to sort out any misunderstanding that may occur.

Ephesians 4:26–27 says, ‘If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Don’t give devil a chance.’ Communicate your anger because pretending is bad for both physical and emotional well-being and it won’t sort out the problem. Even worse, your partner won’t realize the impact his actions have had on you. Don’t take anything for granted. Always ask if you are not sure of anything that your partner did, be it good or bad. Clarify any misunderstanding.

Do not wait for tomorrow because if you do, you will start irritating each other. Irritation will lead to disrespectfulness, disrespectfulness will lead to resentment, and resentment will lead to wishing death for each other. In our culture, if a husband dies, his family will say that