Why Marriage Is Hell And How It Can Be Heaven

By Dr. Franziska-Maria Apprich and Dr. Kathy O'Sullivan

This book is dedicated to those women and men who have sat with their partner at the best table the restaurant has to offer but quietly reject the other and their annoying ‘little things they always do’– in short, ALL partners ☺ . Let’s see if we can turn the hellish marriage into a heavenly marriage – we just need a sense of perspective. It can be heaven on earth – when you are more aware of the little things.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fran Apprich
• Release date: Sep 19, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536554595

Book preview

Why Marriage is often Hell – and how it can be Heaven

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The Six Ins and Outs of Marriage

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This book is dedicated to those women and men who have sat with their partner at the best table the restaurant has to offer but quietly reject the other and their annoying ‘little things they always do’– in short, ALL partners ☺ . Let’s see if we can turn the hellish marriage into a heavenly marriage – we just need a sense of perspective. It can be heaven on earth – when you are more aware of the little things.

Acknowledgements:

Writing this book was truly liberating. We are not married. Say what? You might think now that therefore we are not entitled to write about marriage – but here is why we believe we are as qualified as those who offer advice one day, only to announce their divorce the next day: We have not made this mistake yet! ☺ For us living in the moment, enjoying what life has to offer and being content to wait for the right partner (while also being content without one) are more important than making the wrong decision. We are not saying that marriage is wrong - but for us – till now, at least, it would have been the wrong decision. We were lucky enough to observe rather than experience. Maybe that has caused issues with how others perceive us, because, like it or not, people think there must be something wrong with those who do not marry, yet we contend that the issue is theirs, not ours.

We have tried to reveal the honest truth about marriage and its downfalls. After all, we’ve listened to enough friends and acquaintances in marriages and long-term relationships over the years! Seriously, though, we’ve noticed patterns emerge, and perhaps it’s easier for us to notice the patterns, being somewhat detached, than it is for those caught up in the maelstrom of conflicting and powerful emotions.

So, you, as the reader have become our friend, our friend who can actively prevent behaviour that might lead to divorce.

•  Communication: Yes, you have heard this a thousand times before. But it is how we say things rather than what we say. The tone, the phrasing, the selection of words. And don’t forget: around 90 percent of all communication is non-verbal. So it DOES matter if you kiss your partner when he or she comes home from work or how you barricade yourself behind a huge cushion in bed. It DOES matter if you have sex every day or only before he or she goes on a business trip to prevent the occasional cheating. It DOES matter if you bring him or her a selection of their favourite food when at a party... we often notice people do little things for their friends that they don’t do for their partners. Why not?

•  Laugh: Humour means not only to make each other laugh, but survival! It is an art form that has been around for centuries.  If you can laugh together (even about yourself) you can make it. Life is laughable after all – we are only here for a little while and then get eaten by worms...so don’t take it too seriously. Life does not want to be taken seriously – and if you do it will only make you feel miserable all the time. It is similar to a kid that is taken too seriously and is brought up without boundaries, ostensibly to instil self-confidence and self-expression. Well, more often than not, that kid will turn into a monster! Don’t let this happen!

•  Being kind: Just recently we watched a movie that said: chose somebody kind to marry. We could not agree more. Even though it might sound ridiculous, it’s a truism that a kind partner is a good partner. At the beginning of your relationship journey you might be thrilled and excited by behaviour that some would perceive to be unkind. With your rose-tinted glasses, you see it as being assertive, see that person as knowing what he / she wants. But in the long run it will disgust you if he / she doesn’t pick you and the kids up from the airport, never makes you a cup of tea when you have your period or have come home from the dreaded weekly management meeting and cannot be bothered to lend you a helping hand when your computer crashes and you lost a month’s work. 

So - let’s communicate, laugh and be kind. It will change your marriage, your life and your spirit. It’s the little things that keep love alive and nurtured.

Introduction:

We are two people who frequent both the academic and corporate worlds (not always the easiest combination, as they are sometimes diametrically opposed to each other!). We have lived all over the world and we have loved all over the world. Please note that by ‘loving’ we don’t ONLY mean the physical act but the falling in love with different cultures, different food/drinks and people of both sexes. We believe that people can have same-sex crushes without it being sexual. There’s nothing wrong with a girl crush or a bromance. It is about appreciating, it is about noticing, it is about celebrating.

We are not married; we have no children and therefore have time to write a book that should have been written a long time ago (while saluting the wives and mums, as well as the husbands and fathers of this earth). You guys rock! It is devastating to watch our friends struggle, to blame themselves or their loved one for their unhappiness and to believe that divorce is the only way out. Now, sometimes it might be – but sometimes we still love that person; it’s just that we just do not know how to dig ourselves free of the bottomless pit of every-day life stress and unhappiness.  From talking and listening to many couples we found out that they were in search of something exciting, new and mind-blowing. Most of them preferred to experience this with their partner rather than a stranger - but felt that they could not ask their partner. They could not share dreams, hopes and fetishes.

Society is designed to make you feel guilty about your dark side. We believe that the dark as well as the bright side are both vital for a successful relationship. We are all NOT only good. But we are all also NOT only bad. It is about embracing both – as