From Hell to Heaven, One Man's Journey

By Daffy Gustav

With the confession of several years of secrets, Daffy Gustavs life changed forever. As he leads others down an emotional path lined with heartfelt poems that detail the disbelief, pain, frustrations, and eventual healing that followed his divorce and estrangement from his children, Gustav shines a light on the unfortunate effects of heartache.

Gustav, who one day came home from work and discovered an empty house, shares poetry that provide a realistic glimpse into what it is really like to experience the breakup of a marriage, to lose your children, to endure monumental financial challenges, to survive betrayal from other family members, to grapple with a variety of emotions that accompany such a life-shattering chain of events, and finally, to be guided to change. Through it all, Gustav provides inspiration to others that it is indeed possible to find hope, inner-peace, and love after suffering a personal tragedy.

From Hell to Heaven, One Mans Journey shares introspective reflections from an honest man as he learns to survive lifes greatest heartaches and transform his anger into understanding love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 2, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504904957

Daffy Gustav

Daffy Gustav is a divorced father who, by the grace of God, has endured monumental emotional and financial hardships to transform into the person he is today.

Book preview

From Hell to Heaven,

One Man’s Journey

By

Daffy Gustav

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2015 Daffy Gustav. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 06/12/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-0494-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-0495-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015905147

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Contents

Coming to Closure

My Ex-Wife and Friend

The Societal Entitlement Program

Abuse of the other….

Life’s Determination

Why the Mundane

Being Alone

Feel the Squeeze

Love Look at Yourself

When your love takes another

Working thru the Void

Growing Up

The Playground

Indifference

Serpent’s Tail

Your Friendship to me

When there is only Spew…..

Will I ever be free?

Life of Impossibility

Optimism in Finding the Other

Why we desire to be loved…

The Toys that make us….

Flat again

Feeling the Light of your Life

Why we can’t see eachother

This is for me

Freedom…., What is it

The Pig

Carrying the Ball

Opening the Gates of Tomorrow

Children in Flux

Anger & Lies

Sabotage of Self

Holding your own hand

She called me again…

Antiquated Ideals

Sadness

My Son Who Takes

Guilt

If I were to die

Humble we must be

Fear of Commitment

What is Normal?

Why she does not trust Men

Extortion

at 18

Make a Stand

Tighten the Noose

Hope

Give and Take

Infidelity, What does it mean

Casual Sex

Daughters

I must let you go

Mental S&M

Rejection

Drinking

Meeting the Other ½ Way

Helping Others…

Is there another for me?

Nakedness

Self Preservation

Professor’s Limited Realities (my experience at Cal Poly)

The Sweet Voice (My ex-wife’s fake sweetness)

Self Righteous = Self Sabotage

Recreating your Past

Ignoring Intuition

Heart vs. Head

Settlement Time

A Family That’s Bought

Extreme Exploitation

Remorseless Bitch

Sample of my new life

My Friend that plays with his Ass

Separation of Past Souls

Frustrational lack of Knowledge

Running from Yourself

Blocking my Destiny

Conclusion of Tomorrow

Tomorrow

What is Truth?

A Foreigner

My Teachers

Friends That Count

Lonely – Get over yourself

Family Gone Awry

True Rewards

Breaking the Strings that Bind us

Mom’s time to let go

Life’s Inequalities

Significance

Sacrifice

Honor

Discarded Past, Who are you?

Who Cares

Emotional Neediness

What Others Think

All I have done for you….

Right or Wrong, Is there a difference?

Self Pity vs Sadness (acceptance)

Emotions

Love’s Emptiness

Acting Rich vs Faith in Self

How Dreams Get Lost

Sex and Nativity

Expect Nothing

What I Want in Another

Taking it

Faith in a Friend

Why I have few Friends

My Childhood

Usery

Fear of Feel

Anger in Deception

Abnormal Acceptance

Be a Victim, It’s Easier

Bitch

Blame

Comfort in Abuse

Comiseration

Depreciation

Fighting Yourself

Paid Love

Not Allowed

It’s Time to Get Real

When a friend wants to go

For Who Are We…?

Resolve

Waiting for Another

Lessons or Lesions

Feeling Lessor Than…

An Apology

Ladies or Whores

Goodbye to Dad

Live your dream…

Purpose

Laughter Cry

Imposed Pressure

Inner Scorn Wall

Funny Hair Days

Self Regulation

Giving of Self

Contentment

Mannerisms

Input

Becoming Real……..

Autonomy

Planning your life

Goals

Aspirations

Closet Ghosts

Acceptance from others…

Girl versus Woman

How I love you

Worthiness

Optimism in the Void

About Daughter

Commitment

Why get out of bed

Optism of Others

Triox of Relationship Abuse

What I Sexually Want in a Partner

Let Yourself Be Loved

Purpose

Imposed Pressure

Inner Scorn Wall

Love

Death of a Loved One

End of a Legacy?

Love

Tomorrow

Heritage (Release of yourself)

Lessons from the Past

My Dad

Gustav Trust

Tomorrow’s Plight

Work Today

Apathy

New Wife

Come on, Get it on!

Restructuring

Irreconcilable Peace

Responsibility vs Drama

Measure Stick

U Think you are Beautiful

Transitional Inversion

Love Versus Loyalty

Fun with Son

Tor’ back without God

Do or Die

Homogeneous Reality

Assume Beyond You

Societal Erosion

Trust

My Daughter’s Future

Faith & Gospel

Law vs. Internal Disorder

Personal Responsibility

Value Added

God’s Calling….

How to be De-Part

Here Comes China….

Stayage at your Feet

Faith & Gospel

Floccin Chickens

Self Righteous

Mediation

Stir-Fry

Forgiveness

Rodeo Time (written for the 2012 Country Rodeo)

Joy

Tortilla Plant, Dallas, TX

Being A-Hole (the positive side)

Being A-hole (the negative side)

Transectional Alignment

Deepest Fears Materialize

Real Men

You Can’t Hurt Me Anymore

Love’s Courage

Emergence of Soul

Parental Competitive Infusion

Testimony

Do

Gospel

Clam Washout

To be an American….

Demanding vs Expecting

Family Colloidalism

Those Seeking Another

The Bar Scene

Pound My Brother

In the Gapness……

Refinement

Business Integrity

Strive

Kings Counsel, the Beginning

Merry Christmas, One and All!

Surviving in Todays Holiday Season

Cast Aside

Over Extended

Wavering Faith

Prevelation

Men Needed Today

Sin Passages

God’s Favor

Beating Mediocrazy

Winning in Today’s World

Walking in Grace

The Ugly Three

Talons of Mine

Makes Me Cry

Your Calling…..

Making a Step

Unrest for the Unrest

Fear Factor

Men’s Retreat 2013

Follow the rebel Jesus theme for the Men’s Retreat

Be Me

Home and Family

Broken Pidgeon Song

Getting to Know God

Clay

Living in this World

Intuition’s Pull

God’s Will

Company Organic Growth

Be Onto Thee

Appreciation

Live Through God

Assurance

Insiduous Proportioning

Insiduous Unknowingness

God’s Will

Bully

He is guiding….

Scant Words….

Chism Talk

Maternal Digression

Together (not from the Carpenters Band)

Greed

Christmas 2013

My New Wife Song

Run or Love (a song)

Soul Contract’s Purpose

Called to be a Hero

Getting Sued

My Son

Accepting Yourself

Breaking Routine

Inhibited Life

Equalization

Pain

Our Cross

Less than Alone

What’s Important

Compassion for Humanity

Argue Champion

Bipolarity

Limiting Frustration

God’s Opportunity

Where am I?

Where am I going?

Keep Moving

Taking the Initiative

Forgiveness-2..…

Let it go….

Hope

Optimism versus Pessimism

Who to Serve

Depression (Deep-Regression)

Light for your Life

Fearless Faith

I hereby

dedicate the lengthy works held within these pages to the many friends and family that through their perpetual physical, mental and emotional abuse towards me has allowed me to write my experiences of trying to deal with their ass-backward thinking and lifestyles.  It is from their actions that created these poems as well as the one’s I have used for self healing, with God’s guidance of course!

David Wensloff, PE

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Subtle at first the drops start

Growing in density and size they come

A break in the clouds, the gray and white ones part

Making the rainbows in duality is awesome

The mystery of the event is so intense

Being drilled with rain and struck by the beauty

Engulfed by natures pendents

Running for shelter and cover is a self-duty

Under the trees the amazement sets in

For there are 2 rainbows majestically playing

Riding the skyline as one displaying

The wonder’s of life and appreciation.

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Coming to Closure

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If married to one who ducks taking on life

There is always a void of reality

The reference point is always superficial

As if not of this world it could be

The fact of having not much but debt and my promise of my future

The decision is made to dump the blood sucker

For when this is done maybe I can see my tenure

As all I feel is a realization of being fucked over

All my work, dedication and skill has made us

Her vacuum of need and clinginess is of such disgust

I feel like wiping the slime from my skin

For it has been part of my soul that has given in

I must stand firm with the settlement

For only this will allow her to righten her Kharma tent

As driving from others and sucking them dry

Is not why we are here on earth to try.

My Ex-Wife and Friend

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For 8 years I felt she loved me, then things began to change

We lived afar and work took me aways

At home with 2 small kids she felt alone and strange

Many things I noticed after the long hard days

She was bored as a stay at home Mom

Desiring something more she found a group in Kansas City

Off she would go at night, me with the kids, at home

Into the night with her friends, off doing her dity

Soon a roommate appeared with her daughter with amuse

Into our house as a friend and companion to keep company

As the 1,200 sq foot basement was not being used

It sounded so swell, how could I say anything?

Back towards work to pay the bills I focused

Covering 4 states through all of the weather and long nights

Looking forward to being home is all I wished

Walking into the house, wife naked with candle light

On the massage table she lay, with the roommate rubbing her back with bliss

This is wrong I thought to myself, something is not right!

It was explained to me only friends they were just seemed short of a kiss.

Later sometime but still soon after

My ex-wife asked if I was interested in a threesome

Laying there in shocked realization without laughter

I felt it hit home to the depths of my discovered truthsome.

The Societal Entitlement Program

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It is said in today’s society when a woman is guided to marry into money’s place

The concept on the surface supports survival of the fittest, to move up

Mother’s groom their daughters in manners and grace

Hoping and longing the security it brings for within they feel setup

The daughters strive to please their elders

Foregoing true love in lieu of approval

So like hookers they seek the stupid and unperceiving

Sharing their fluff and muff quenching their upheaval

Through their lives they accept less of themselves

Agreeing with the lack of self-confidence delved by mothers

Seeking love and security without it as part of their shelves

Pulling from a partner, forever seeking reassurance from others.

Abuse of the other….

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In relationship we try to make a mutual gain

For in this is the meaning of life and sharing

One works hard to make this avail

But it has to take both, unless it is to fail

When one side decides to quit, it should be presented to the other to spit

Unfortunately often it is not revealed as this takes courage without repeal

Once withered, it grows and festers, lashing out at other times with jestures

Taken by the other, this is an attack, as if a knife in the back

So the game goes on, without score

With one of the two taking the bore

So the abuser is allowed to reek, as the other is trying to be meek

To be meek is the same as to be humble, the attacker will soon stumble

As it is said the meek shall inherit the earth

So will the attackers dwindle in the hearth.

Life’s Determination

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Funny, looking back, the parents guided

As youth, we partook in the lessons

Through adolescence we continued to trust unabated

Knowing that we would be set adult life without tensions

Reality strikes, say about twenty

Playing and touching on life’s purpose with measure

The security of the next is gone, but done plenty

Oh my God, it is up to me to achieve life’s treasure?

College (a parent guide) is tough with so much indeciveness and challenge

Yet, it is the knowing, that helps in future years

So after college, when does it help in life’s range

It only delivers a place in stature, but nothing about why one cares

Alone, employed with bought crap we are not content

Wait a minute; wasn’t my life’s purpose supposed to be laid out?

I followed the script to a tee, but where is my tent?

The parent’s efforts were not appreciated and from this there is much doubt.

With education in tow, we ask – so tell us ….

Dumbfounded they stutter, we do not know either…

Shock sets in, it is for ourselves to discover thus

Our own lives mission, without guidance, for only this will weather.

Why the Mundane

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Comfort comes in many levels of our lives

Skipping through life without goals sets us there

Taking the easy path is most leisure in strife

The paychecks of perks are bimonthly, so why spare?

After a few years, there sets a wonder….

Doing the mundane is simply not a life fulfilling

So how did this mundane life creep onto me without ponder?

As I never agreed to the emptiness like holes in a water bottle be drilling…

I did all I thought that was needed

For my aspiring goals were kind of completed

Going through my life it seems to be deeded

So what the hell, I guess I am not needed!

Being Alone

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Alone is a gift we give ourselves to understand and see

We reminisce and ponder the thoughts and discussions with others

As a personal reflection of who we are supposed to be

Working this line just leaves chatters

Stepping beyond this void of self denial

We feel ourselves questioning our inner core

As judge and jury we push the sentence with no appeal

A lesser person we accept for ourselves with terms and no adore

This is the flipside of what being alone is about

For self love and acceptance is the deeper feeling

Knowing that this is our true selves for there is no doubt

Reassured tomorrow, friends and family is who we will be dealing.

Feel the Squeeze

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Divorce is an interesting test of life’s values

Coming to grip with the other and their lack of reality

Fantasies they lived in explains the disconnected dues

And now they strike back from their sinking ship, limited in its totality

The one divorcing spent the time to care

Setting up the