The Unspoken

By Nadine Lobosco

This is the untold story of Mariam, the twin soul of Jesus. Information about Mariam has been kept hidden from the world until now. Two thousand years later, the soul of Mariam has returned to tell her story. To reveal information that has been planted deep within her.
Follow Mariam from ancient Bethlehem to modern day New Jersey in a delightful twist that reads almost like a detective novel. Now in the body of Nadine, she encounters men from a lifetime long ago as she searches for her one true love. Horrified at the tangled web of lies and deceit she uncovers along the way, Nadine recalls the way out of the matrix we have come to know as life. There is only one problem…she needs the other half of her soul, and the dark will stop at nothing to prevent this reunion. Unlike anything you have ever heard before, this story will make you question everything you believe.
A romance novel of biblical proportions.
Jesus Christ

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Sep 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9798765226544

Nadine Lobosco

Nadine Lobosco is an author, spirit guide and prophet. Holding a master’s degree in Counseling, she spent most of her life helping souls to find healing. She later left the business world in pursuit of higher spiritual knowledge. Her mission has always been to learn as much about her soul as possible so that she can share this information with others.

Book preview

CONTENTS

Truth Be Told

Dedication

Prelude

I Just Loved Her Like No Other

Things Are Starting To Get Really Interesting

The Mystery Of My Eye Bags Revealed

Probably My Biggest Mistake

My Life As Mariam

The Opening Of Angels Of The Grove

Lions, Tigers And Reptilians, Oh My!

The Big Blow Up

Learning About My Twin Soul

Road Trip

Mary Magdalene’s Marriage To Jesus

My Struggles In Letting Go

Reliving The Rape

The Truth Of What Happened To Mariam

The Magdalene Energy In New Jersey

Does It Never End?

Puzzle Pieces, So Many Puzzle Pieces Swarming In My Head

Here We Go Again

Something Is Just Not Right

I Just Don’t Believe It

A Blessed Retreat

The Women Of Jesus’ Time Just Keep On Coming

Yes, I Know I Am Crazy!

Shattering Of The Heart

The Truth Revealed

Bye Bye Demons

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

Mariam Speaks

Ancient Wisdom Slowly Being Revealed

You Can’t Put Together A Puzzle If You Don’t Have All The Pieces

Yuck Anger!

Oh No Here We Go Again

And Just When You Think Things Can’t Possibly Get Any Worse

Jesus Aspect #2

They’re Trying To Kill Us

God Speaks

The Pyramid

Secrets And Lies

Oh No Another One

The Naked Truth

The Truth Spilleth Over

The Dark Ugly Truth

Revelation

My Dear Sweet Drew

History Is Beginning To Repeat Itself

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Falling In Love With Jesus

Karma, Karma And More Karma

Good Old James

Jesus Just Isn’t Who This World Has Him Cracked Up To Be

And Another One Bites The Dust

Revelation Is Here, Wake The Fuck Up

Souls On Fire

Whole And Complete On Your Own

I Found It! I Found Mariam!

Sometimes We Need To Be Hit With The Truth

It All Gets Replayed Out

Friend Or Foe

Temptation

Connecting

Disconnecting

Help Me My Witchy Poo Friends

To Live Or Not To Live

Fuck You Lucifer

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

The Necklace

My Dear Sweet Brother

And So It Begins

Judas…Still Up To No Good

What The Fuck People

My New Bff

More Puzzle Pieces

No Humpty Dumpty On This Wall

Keep Digging Nadine

What A Trip He Is

Viracocha, Viracocha, All I Need Is Viracocha

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction…But I Try, Yeah I Try

Lucifer Rears His Ugly Head

A Magic Carpet Ride

Arrogant Adam And Dumb Little Eve

Sail Away

And Just When You Let Go, He Returns

He Returns And All Common Sense Goes Out The Window

What A Fucking Mess

Door #4

Holy Fuck Me

Here We Go Again

The Vultures Are Circling

Abracadabra Abrakazam Make This Nightmare End As Fast As You Can

Sometimes You Just No

Dooms Day

A Magic Carpet Ride

She Knows, She Knows

The Dark Needs To Be Stopped Now

Rise Up Men,…Arise From The Dead

Who Are You Really?

The Seven Ceremonies

And Then I Remembered

The White Buffalo Calf Woman

And Yet Another Door Opens

What The Hell Was I Thinking?

I Just Can’t Keep My Mouth Shut

Truth Serum

Time For Some Fun

An Angry Pot Boils Hot

If I Don’t Laugh I’m Gonna Cry

The Epitome Of Stupid, Sorry My Love

Walking Straight Into The Fire…Well Maybe I Flew There

Oh Brother

It’s My Birthday And I’ll Cry If I Want To

Me Insane, Whatever Are You Talking About?

Sleeping With The Devil

Activation Halted

Oh The Tangled Webs We Weave

Oh My God

How Many Damn Doors Are There?

Nobody Knows Who The Hell They Are

Fuck Me

Send In The Troops

What Goes Up Must Come Down

Round Two

Get Me The Hell Out Of Here

Gross, It’s All Just Gross

I Truly Can’t Take Much More

Dancing With The Devil

We Will Not Give Up

Might As Well Get This Over With

What A Clusterfuck

Jesus My Savior

Finally Some Words Of Wisdom

Oh My God, Jesus Is Alive

Why, Oh Why, Oh Why?

A Good Guy?

Plenty Of Fish

Could It Be?

Go Away Mary Mags, Go Away Already

If I Got Embarrassed Anymore, I Would Be Really Embarrassed

Warning Signs, Oh Let Me Look The Other Way

Mother Mary Was Not A Virgin For Crying Out Loud

Jesus Is Dead Again

No, No, He’s Alive And Well

Oh No She Has A Mother

Sometimes You Just Gotta Do What You Gotta Do

Yes! Yes! Yes!

No!

I’m Sorry But What The Fuck?

Why Don’t You Just Punch Me In The Face

And What The Hell Am I Doing?

Alice In Wonderland

The Beast Of Burden

What The Hell Is He Doing?

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

Dark Dark Go Away, Come Back Never

I Seriously Think They’re Trying To Kill Me

Finally!

This World Is So Sick

The Reptilian Strikes Again

Wake The Fuck Up Already

Explosion Of The Good Kind

I Hate Porkchops

A Clean Slate

How Can Something That Feels So Right Be So Wrong?

Be Careful, The Dark Is Tricky

I’m Not Insane Jim, The World Is

You’re Gonna Grow A Pinoccio Nose

Crap, Crap And More Crap

Oh Jesus!

I Love Making Love To You

The Saga Continues

This Is Why I’m So-Called Insane Jim

What Took You So Long?

Beam Me Up Scotty

Nope, They Still Need A Lot Of Work

Stupidity At Its Best And Yes I Am Talking About Myself

Where The Hell Did These People Come From?

Is Lilith Going To Walk Away And Could You Blame Her If She Did?

No One To Blame But Myself

Answers

Can Somebody Please Help Me Find My Dignity?

Nope Didn’t Have Enough Yet

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I Hate Porkchops And I Now Hate Pineapples

Come On Lilith, We’re Leaving

I Don’t Know

This Has Got To Be A Joke

My Head Just Wants To Explode

I Can Not Tell A Lie

Enough Already

Truth

Throwing Out The Trash

Bye Bye Bitch, You Fucked With The Wrong Witch

Happy Birthday To Me

A Never Ending Nightmare

Uh Oh Here I Go Again

I Just Can’t

Oh Witchy Poo

Here I Go Again

Fuck You, Fuck You All

May The Best Man Win

And Then The Lightbulb Went Off

I’m So Mad At Myself

Heaven Or Hell, Where Was I?

What The Fuck Is Happening?

Can’t Fool Me Bitch

No Such Luck, What The Fuck

What A Shit Show

Fuck This Being Nice Shit

The Standoff

Healing

Disappointed

And Then The New Moon Hit

Clarity, Fuck Me

Speak Up Nadine

The Fifth Dimension

Weirdness At Its Best

Witch Or Bitch?

Taking Back My Power

Smart Or Stupid…I Just Didn’t Know

What The Hell Is Going On?

Truth And Honesty Between Eternal Flames

Fuck Me A Thousand Times Over

Hiding Out

New Love

I Still Didn’t Know

Who Are You?

Tony The Tiger

Forgiveness

Outrage

Insight

The Point Of No Return

They Just Don’t Go Away

The Tower Strikes Again

Eternally Yours

All Of Them Rolled Into One

The Return Of The Jedi

I’m Done

I’m Not Going Anywhere

Magic Is In The Air

Wrong

Goodbye My Love

Why Oh Why Oh Why

Prince Charming

The Breath Of Fire

The 11/11 Portal

The Heart Doesn’t Lie

The Universe Has Spoken

Bye Bye…Butterfly

12/12 Portal

Dooms Day

The Empress Emerges

What A Revelation

Blown Away

Justice

Union

Strike One

Strike Two

Strike Three

And The Saga Continues

The Universe Speaks Or Maybe It Was Mother Ayahuasca

No More Crap

The Pink Cadillac

A Note From The Author

TRUTH BE TOLD

Mariam’s story is a story for all of us. What are we really doing here? Are we stuck in a matrix controlled by an elite few who’s only desire is to keep us all enslaved for their own power and greed? Was the real truth purposely kept hidden from us? Was Mariam hidden away from history so that those in power could tell their own tale? Did Mariam know the way out? Did her twin soul hold the key? Were we really separated from the other half of ourselves way back in the beginning of time? So many questions. So many puzzle pieces. So much confusion. Mariam was facing a seemingly impossible mission and she knew that only pure faith and love would be able to overcome the dark set out to destroy her once again. But there was this cord pulling her towards her one true love. A pull so strong it could not be stopped. The twin soul journey is not an easy one. You need to fight for it. You need to want it badly enough. And I did.

My name is Nadine. In this lifetime anyway. My experiences have come to be known as my truth. And maybe my truth will resonate with you. Maybe you will remember your own story. Maybe you too will be taken by an uncontrollable force beyond your wildest dream. Let it take you where you need to go for you are going there anyway. There is no stopping your destiny.

I was just a normal girl living a normal life. Yes, I always knew I was a little different. An outgoing introvert riddled with an anxiety I couldn’t explain. So many people suffer from anxiety…unresolved past lives. The energy of which gets stuck in our bodies. Lingering. Just waiting to be noticed. To be healed.

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the women and men of Jesus’ time. To the souls who have hurt Mariam all over again so that she could heal the pain deep within her heart. Was that God’s plan all along or as humans do we just keep making the same mistakes? I will let you be the judge.

PRELUDE

Darkness Will Not Stop Me

I was cold, shivering. I couldn’t stop. I found myself alone. The labyrinth sat before me. I couldn’t take my eyes off the picture of the cross in the middle. And so, it was with great hope and courage that I stepped on. I went straight to the cross and sat down upon it. My body was no longer my own. It started moving in all directions almost like a pendulum. I was in control of nothing; but I wasn’t afraid. I had been waiting for this moment for a long time. There was no stopping me. I would not be denied the truth of who I was any more. I would no longer live in bondage. The light within me had become so bright that darkness could no longer hide. I started chanting. Breathing heavy. Heavier. Faster and faster. Crying out from deep within my soul. Screams came out of my body as the battle of light and dark within me finally came to an end…

I look down at my hands, they are shaking. My heart is beating a mile a minute. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. And then I see it again. The same scene. This man and I are kissing as we lean up against a tree. We are so in love with each other. I can feel his breath upon my skin. I can feel his heart beat as one with mine. His touch sets my whole body on fire. The passion is intense. He lifts up my skirt and enters me. An explosion of feelings I can’t explain. I shutter as waves of ecstasy move through me.

Nadine…Nadine. I come out of my trance as I hear the doctor calling my name. I follow him into his office.

Nadine you have a hyperthyroid…Grave’s disease. This is a serious illness. There is no cure except to have your thyroid removed.

What a horrible name for a disease, I tell him. I’m sorry but you’re not touching my thyroid. I believe the body has the ability to heal itself.

You’re being stupid Nadine. If you’re not going to listen to my professional opinion, then try this medication but I don’t know that it will work.

He hands me a prescription. I throw it in the garbage on my way out of his office. I was not worried. I would heal my thyroid naturally. Heal my throat chakra. Somewhere deep in my soul I knew my voice needed to be heard. Spirit now speaking to me through my body.

I went with my sister to see an angelic healer. Julie was astonished, Mary Magdalene is standing right at your head. She’s not saying anything; she’s just standing there. I was lying on the therapy table excited and curious now. I didn’t really know much about Mary Magdalene. I laugh at that now for I was soon to learn more about that woman than I ever wanted to know. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Still naïve to the truth of the world. Julie made a face, I see a black hole in the lower area of your body by the sacral chakra. That’s your sexuality. And some guy saying ‘shhh it’s a secret.’ And I need to tell you he’s a little bit creepy. I can’t see anything more but I think you may have been sexually abused.

Sexually abused? Julie, I grew up in a very nice family. I am one of the few who has had a perfect childhood. I don’t think this is something I could have blocked from my memory completely, I said.

I don’t know, she said, I can only tell you what I am seeing. And I’m not being shown anything more than that.

After leaving Julie’s house, my sister said to me, There’s this woman down in Virginia that Peter swears is the most divinely connected person he knows. She supposedly can hear the angels. Why don’t you call her? Peter was our cousin. He was totally on the God path now. When you spoke to him it was all he talked about. He was all light and love and full of crap if you ask me but I was intrigued. I would call this woman.

I have to tell you that at this point in my life I was not very Godly. I was raised Catholic. Need I say more? Religion held little meaning for me. I had recently gone to see a nutritionist, again on my quest to heal my thyroid and truth be told the bags under my eyes, and of course, this nutritionist just happened to be a little bit psychic. Leave it to me to find a nutritionist who sees things. I was laying on his table one day and he said, Nadine I don’t know how to ask you this but are you mad at God? God. I had not even thought about God in so long. Not since I was a little girl I remember praying to Him every night. But no more. Upon leaving his office he said, You know you are psychic like me, don’t you? I didn’t know what to say to that. I just stared at him and left.

I wasted no time calling Shelly. The very next day I called from my office at the high school where I was now working. I finally landed my dream job with summers off. I studied the book THE SECRET and was manifesting like crazy. It was like I had these super magical powers. Truly at the time I thought I had this world all figured out. But there was so much I still didn’t know. So many secrets yet to uncover.

Hello, said some woman who answered the phone.

I was excited. I loved talking to psychics. Hi. May I speak to Shelly please?

This is her, Shelly stated.

Hi Shelly. This is Nadine, Peter’s cousin. It was suggested that I call you. Funny how life works sometimes. How it brings people together. Long lost souls. Shelly was very sweet and funny.

Nadine, where are you?

I’m at the school where I work. I replied.

Who is that woman that is just a terror? Whoa is she wicked. It’s like she’s out for no one but herself, Shelly was feeling the energy of the head of guidance. I was impressed.

She’s my boss. And you’re right. This place is all about politics not the kids. I leave everyday with this slime upon my body.

Yes, Shelly said, I can feel it. So, tell me what else is going on? I filled her in on my session with Julie. Shelly said, The person saying, Shhh…it’s a secret is your cousin Jack. When people pass over they sometimes return with an important message. Jack just recently died from a drug overdose. He never much fit into this world. Such a beautiful soul. He was like a brother to me. Shelly revealed, In a past life you were taken from your home in the middle of the night at the age of 11 and used as a sexual maiden by both men and women.

No wonder I was always afraid to go to sleep at night. Checking the closets, under the bed. I was traumatized. In our conversation, we began talking about using essential oils to help heal and I said, My sister has been using the oils for years.

Shelly told me, I have been downloading information from the angels regarding the oils and raindrop therapy for years and had no idea why. Now I know that the information was meant for you and your sister. You will be healing people’s souls with these oils. Call your sister and start working on things right away. You will not be at your present job for more than a few months. You will be moving to New Jersey where your sister lives.

I had no sooner hung up the phone with Shelly and I was talking to my sister. Oh my God Lucy you are not going to believe what Shelly said to me! Without a second thought, we began planning our new business venture. It was like we both knew it was meant to be. We never questioned it. Now my husband, that was a different story.

We are not moving, he was adamant. We were sitting in the backyard having a drink. You can’t leave your job and your retirement. We have a plan, remember? Yes, the plan to both get our retirements and move to North Carolina to spend our golden years. Somehow that no longer held appeal. I wanted to live my life now. This was calling me.

My mind had already been made up. There was no stopping me. I looked at my husband and stated, I’m going. You can choose to come with me or not but I am doing this. I prayed to the angels for help. I recently learned all about the angels and how all you need to do is ask for their help.

The kids were screaming. Two boys were fighting in the hallway as I entered the school building. One ended up in my office. Tony, what are you doing? C’mon you can’t keep getting into fights.

Well that kid was being a jerk, Tony replied.

And my professional advice, There are jerks all around us, Tony. You don’t think I want to punch a few people out myself? But we can’t act like that. You are giving your power away letting that kid get to you. Here, take this crystal. I handed him an amethyst stone. It will keep you calm and don’t you dare throw it at anyone. He laughed as he left my office.

There was this little witch’s shop in my hometown that I loved to go into. She had crystals and herbs and all sorts of neat stuff. One day when I was there I decided to do a tarot card reading. The tarot reader told me that she has never had someone get so many high spiritual/psychic cards and that I should be the one doing the reading not her. Needless to say, I bought my first deck of tarot cards that same day.

Jennifer ran into my office, Oh my God Nadine, did you hear they may be laying off four guidance counselors. Read my cards! People would sneak into my office now to have their cards read. I had to hold back a smile because Jennifer was really upset but I was praying to be fired. I pulled cards for her and there it was, the DEATH card…the death of her job.

Two other guidance counselors ran into my office. Read our cards too! They were all panicked. And there it was again, the DEATH card. And yet again, DEATH. They all gasped.

I was trying so hard not to show my sheer joy over what was happening. And then the wicked witch of the west walked in, Ladies we are having an emergency meeting in my office. We followed her out. My three friends slumping along and myself practically skipping down the hall. And then she broke the news, I’m sorry to tell you all this but we are laying off four guidance counselors and you were the last four hired. My co-workers began to cry.

I looked up and shouted, Thank you my angels! I couldn’t wait to tell my husband that the angels had me laid off. I knew they were responsible for this. My destiny was calling. The decision was final. We would be moving to Jersey.

Four months later my sister and I opened THE THREE GRACES. That’s how quickly it happened. It was a crystal shop that had all spiritual tools in it and a room in the back for our healing work. I went to many garage sales with my mother and learned how to antique old furniture creating a beautiful and magical space, if I do say so myself. We had become certified in Raindrop therapy and worked with Shelly and the angels to take this therapy to a whole new level releasing information from past lives to help heal people’s souls. The synchronicity of the Universe was at play and the course of events occurring were beyond anyone’s control. We were now working for God and we would soon find that the angels would guide us every step of the way.

I JUST LOVED HER LIKE NO OTHER

I was so excited like I was going to meet a celebrity. My sister and I were at my cousin’s memorial service down in Virginia and decided to go visit Shelly on our way home. Shelly runs an animal rescue which sits on top of a mountain of very high vibration. I swear you feel like you are entering the gates of heaven when you drive up the winding dirt road leading to her house. It reminds me of a monastery. There was this light that lit up around Shelly with her long white hair and bright blue eyes. It didn’t matter that she was wearing old beat up clothes. She was beautiful.

We met in a cat house because her home is filled with dogs and to allow people inside causes too much of a commotion. Shelly doesn’t even sleep in the house anymore. She made a bedroom in one of the cat houses. Yes, she sleeps with about ten cats in a little room with a toilet, sink, and mini fridge. No television. No cable. No nothing. This is her life. She is fully committed to just working and helping the animals, living on the land with them. Shelly said, I am so tired by the time I go to sleep that I don’t much care where I lay my head down. I usually only get a few hours sleep anymore. There is just so much work to do and it’s only me and Crystal here. We have so many sick kitties. I am constantly running to the vet. Our vet bills are sky high. We survive only on donations.

I asked her, Shelly why do you take the animals to the vet? Can’t you just heal them yourself?

Well, she replied, I do when I can but sometimes they need medication and such. We have this one cat who has a hyperthyroid and his medication is really expensive. I didn’t say to her that I cured my thyroid naturally. I didn’t really speak up much around her. I believed she knew best at this point. So, I didn’t say it, but I thought it.

And so, my sister says to her, Shelly I was wondering if you see something wrong with Nadine’s body. She only has a bowel movement once a week. This is not normal. I swear to you that is what my sister said. We are sitting with this beautiful creature and she asks about my bowel movements.

Shelly replied, There’s nothing wrong. Her body is in tune with the way of the Essenes and their eating habits. She is fine.

I ask the most pertinent question on my mind, Am I ever going to heal these God awful bags under my eyes?

No, she says, but you will reach a point where they will no longer bother you. As your third eye opens, they will expand outward. I didn’t really believe this though. I believed we were capable of healing anything. But again I kept quiet.

Shelly told us more about herself. I was fascinated by her. I didn’t always live in this kind of poverty, she said. I used to work in the business world for a high-end perfume company. I never went to college but worked right up there with the big boys. A benefit of hearing one’s angels. People always thought I was brilliant but it wasn’t me. My angels told me everything I needed to know. I enjoyed a bit of a lavish lifestyle for a little while. High heels, fancy clothes, expensive wine, traveling the world. But I eventually gave it all up to follow my destined path. Now she began to cry. She was always crying I came to find out. She was a sensitive soul. I was on the road one day heading to the airport for work when the truck in front of me swerved and a ton of nails came flying out of the back of the pick up going all over the road. I stopped to help the man who owned the truck and as I was bending down to hand him some nails, our eyes met. The tears were immediate. I knew I was looking into the eyes of Jesus. My life was never the same. I missed my plane and quit my job shortly thereafter. And that is how I eventually came to open an animal rescue. I didn’t love cats. I didn’t even like cats. But I knew God was leading me somewhere and I followed with out question. I was in awe.

Well, ladies it is time for me to get back to work or else I will be up all night trying to catch up. I didn’t want to leave. I could stay there all day and talk to her. We hugged good-bye. In the car on the way home, my sister started to feel ill. The next day she was spinning, dizzy. We called Shelly and she said that it was because she was adjusting to the higher vibration and energy of what was going on and that changes were now occurring in her body. Yes, this was our new way of life.

There were many months when we wondered how we would ever pay our rent at the shop and then the angels would send someone in. Before long they were buying everything off the shelves. We had nothing to worry about. We were being taken care of and our place of healing would be supported. Our space soon became a portal for the women and people of Jesus’ time.

THINGS ARE STARTING TO GET

REALLY INTERESTING

Shelly had known for a while now that she was the reincarnated soul of Mary Magdalene. It started with a deep love in her heart for Jesus at a very young age which just grew stronger and stronger as she got older. I talked to Shelly often. I felt such peace when I was on the phone with her. She was always telling me stories. After meeting the man with the nails, my remembrance of Jesus grew with such a longing for him. Nadine, the colors of the sky or a song on the radio would take me right back to the crucifixion. Memories of that lifetime with Jesus would just wash through me as if they were happening in my current life. I eventually found myself living in two worlds at once as I relived parts of my Jesus life until one day I just knew. She was crying again. I just knew that I had been in the body of Mary Magdalene. One time I felt as if my whole abdomen was missing from my body. It was the strangest thing. I didn’t know what was happening until later it was revealed that Mary Magdalene had been four months pregnant at the time of the crucifixion.

Why was your belly missing? I asked.

I guess because it hadn’t been revealed yet that Mary Magdalene was pregnant with Jesus’ child, was Shelly’s answer. She continued on, I asked my angels how this was possible. How I could be Mary Magdalene and they told me that after Mary Magdalene died, her soul split into different aspects. They said that others from the time of Jesus would be coming into my life to prepare for what was to come. And now here you are. You and your sister were both there. You were part of this group of forty women who worked with Jesus. They did not follow him like the apostles; they walked before him and prepared the way for him. I did not speak much. I mainly listened. I soaked it all in.

Slowly one by one the women came into our shop. A sense of knowingness filled us completely. They all had different issues to work on but we all felt that one day we would be working together again. Lucy and I held classes for these women. We were all awakening together though somehow, we were running the show. It was like the blind leading the blind but for some reason we were put in charge. Well really, Shelly was the one leading the pack at this point. But my angel cards always showed me that I was to be the leader. I didn’t realize at the time that God would eventually show some things only to me. The truth ready to be exposed. One painful reveal after another. Little could have prepared me for what I was soon to discover over the coming months and years.

I was in a meditation class with this healer named Marie when I found myself repeating the words, Mariam I am I am. I knew this was my name back then during our Jesus life. Later that day Marie strolled into our shop. She can hear her angels speak too like Shelly. She said she was getting a message for me, Your younger sister had you killed in a past life because she thought you were a witch. She was jealous of you.

After she left I told Lucy what she said. There is something really weird going on between me and Matilda.

I know, Lucy said, I feel it too. And what’s up with her relationship with mom? Their energy is bizarre when they are together."

I know, I said, I can barely stand to be around the two of them anymore. I could throw up right now. Something definitely didn’t feel right. Hey Lucy, I was wondering, do you think we should send Shelly a portion of our profits to help support the animals? I think that it would create a good energy.

Lucy said, Yes, I agree but not yet. Let’s first worry about making a profit before we decide how to spend it. Besides I just sent her a lot of money. My sister was married to a very wealthy man.

THE MYSTERY OF MY EYE BAGS REVEALED

Shelly came up to do treatments out of our space and that night did a treatment on me. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t feel her hands upon me. It was like I had stopped feeling. Shelly said, You were killed over 2000 years ago. You were a seer of the future and working for God and these three men took you and put you in a pyramid and left you there for several days. One of the men was your brother. The men came back and wrapped you in a cloth and sewed the cloth up and when they got to your eyes they slit them and then sewed the rest of you up. And there it was, the mystery of my eye bags revealed. The catalyst that kept me seeking and moving along on my spiritual journey. I always knew in my quest to heal my eyes I would reveal secrets hidden deep within my soul. Things I didn’t want to see. This was just the beginning.

Shelly went to leave the room in which she was doing my healing but I stopped her. I gave her a hug and stared into her eyes. Thank you for helping me, I said. This feeling was overcoming me but I couldn’t quite put it into words.

After learning this information about how I was killed in the pyramid, I started consulting my angel cards to see who it was that killed me. My cards were really speaking to me now. I flipped the cards over. First a picture of a pyramid. Then a card titled SISTER followed by a card stating YOU ARE SEEING THINGS ACCURATELY. Oh my God. I was talking to myself. Matilda. She was my brother in that lifetime. I immediately called Shelly. She barely said hello when I blurted out the question, Shelly, was Matilda one of the people who killed me in that pyramid?

Yes, Shelly said. Hopefully you can both find healing for this now.

We hung up the phone. I was shocked. Tears wanting to escape. Vomit stuck in my throat. It is what I have come to know as my sign that my angels are telling me something of deep importance and it is truth. That is why I can’t stand to be around her anymore. My God how many times has this girl killed me? I worked hard at trying to forgive my sister without telling her about it. It was not easy. I could feel her energy now. There was this eerie feeling between us. Needless to say, family gatherings were not the same. And when she was with my mother – forget it! I would want to slit my eyes myself! Yeah, I knew who two of the three people were in that pyramid. You can’t hide from the past. It’s just there. You can feel it. Like it or not. Good or bad. It’s karma and it keeps coming back until it’s healed.

Shelly loved to talk about her Jesus life and I loved to hear about it. It stirred something in me. It helped me to remember. Shelly told me about how Mary Magdalene studied at the Essene School. Her and Jesus. She didn’t mention Mariam but I know I was there too. I remember learning important things at the mystery school. Things my soul would slowly reveal over time. I believe it was Jesus’ grandmother Anna and the other elders that ran the mystery schools. I was very close to Anna. We were taught how to move the kundalini energy within our bodies to help reach such heights of spirituality and Oneness with God. Something that I would later learn was what allowed Jesus to do all that he did.

PROBABLY MY BIGGEST MISTAKE

We were at the shop. Lucy tells me, I think it may be time for us to expand. Our lease is up in a few months.

Yes, I reply. I am feeling that too. We have met so many people from the time of Jesus. I think we are supposed to create a space for us all to work out of.

The women all walk into the shop. This little group of healers from the time of Jesus who have all found their way to us. We close the doors and go into the back room for our Angel Talk class. Jolene is crying. She is new to the group. Dragged there by one of her friends. She tells us, My partner took all of my money. He scammed me out of thousands of dollars. We had an online business selling spiritual tools and other things.

As she is leaving Lucy says to her, I feel like I know you.

Jolene agrees, Me too. I feel a very strong connection. I think we are going to work together.

Yes, definitely, Lucy says. I give Lucy a sideways glance like really? Wouldn’t have been my choice. Now don’t get me wrong, I came to love Jolene but I felt this energy that was somehow warning me.

It was then that things started getting crazy. I was home one night and felt compelled to watch the Bible Series on tv. When the Moses story came on, I broke out in sobs and couldn’t stop crying for days. Not sure why I called Shelly. She never got the message though and didn’t call back. That whole week I was in agony feeling abandoned by Shelly. She finally called me back. Shelly, I can’t stop crying.

What is going on? she asked. I told her what happened. Shelly can hear animals speak. She tells me, Nadine my dog Bear, the biggest dog I have, is standing in the middle of the hallway and won’t move. He is saying to tell you that you were there. At the Burning Bush. You were with Moses. He is saying that you were Moses’ sister Mariam. You saw him placed into the water and when the Pharaoh’s sister took him out you felt such a great sense of loss. I think I was reenacting that for you.

Oh my God. This is crazy. What does one say to that? It’s not everyday that you hear you are Moses’ sister from a dog but for some reason I didn’t question it. I knew it to be true. And what is really funny is that my husband and I brought one plant with us down from New York when we moved and it was called The Burning Bush.

The Moses card had been coming up in my readings prior to me even calling Shelly. My angels were trying to tell me but I wasn’t understanding them fully yet. After I got off the phone with Shelly I went to my cards again. When the angels want you to know something, they will keep repeating it until you figure it out. And they were trying to tell me something else. At first, I thought they were telling me that Jesus and Moses were one in the same but Shelly said no that Jesus didn’t live back then. I called her again. Nadine, your husband is an aspect of Moses, Shelly said. I soaked that in but I was more concerned about this other card I was seeing.

Shelly, I said, were you Moses’ mother? There is this one angel card that keeps coming up and it’s a picture of this woman holding a baby. I see you when I look at the woman. It’s someone from the time of Moses.

I didn’t live back then Nadine. My Jesus life was my first incarnation. In fact, you are the only persn I know that had a life pre-Jesus. I am so interested to see how you are different. What you remember from back then. I let it go. I told myself that I was just reading the cards wrong. But I was seeing something important. I just didn’t realize it at the time. Nor did I trust myself. But I saw her. I saw Shelly’s face in that picture.

I would call Shelly as often as I could. Shelly, I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what is wrong with me. And why do I feel you so strongly? Like I miss you. It’s really weird.

Shelly said, I believe that you are reliving the crucifixion and all that you felt back then. You and Jesus were very close. I believe that you feel Jesus through me.

I hung up the phone with her, mumbling to myself, Well, yes I am sure that is true, but I miss you. I feel you. I can’t stop thinking about you even though I hardly know you. This is weird. There is more going on here. My feelings for you keep getting stronger. As I slowly relived my Jesus life I would cry my way through it revealing emotions that were hidden deep within me.

MY LIFE AS MARIAM

I was sitting down at the inlet drinking a chai latte. Savoring every sip. Staring out onto the water. To me, my latte is emotional. It is so comforting to hold that cup in my hand. I close my eyes and can see the same scene that I have been shown for many years, just now realizing what it is. I am sitting on top of the rocks overlooking the water. Jesus sits aside me. We are close. Best friends. We sit and talk for hours as time eludes us.

I was on the phone with Shelly, Mariam was the sister of John the Baptist, she told me. When your mother Elizabeth died, Mother Mary took you in. You grew up with Jesus and became a very close friend and confidant of his. Yes, I thought. They had a very special connection. Shelly went on, Mariam was spiritually very open so growing up around Jesus and his high vibrational energy allowed her energy to increase as well. Like a lightning bolt, Mariam could walk in a room and raise the vibration of everyone in it. She had the gift to be able to change the energy of a situation and could alter a group or the thought of another by implanting thoughts into their head.

Shelly, I said. I loved Jesus but I wasn’t allowed to be with him for some reason. I married a guy named Nathaniel. He loved me a lot and took care of me and our son. I believe our son Benjamin was born with a muscular degenerative disease and Jesus healed him. I was starting to put things together now from stuff I had read and thoughts coming to me. This knowingness started to fill me. I had also figured out that my husband and son from my Jesus life were once again my husband and son in this life. This seemed to be a repeating pattern with a lot of people. We were somehow all reliving what happened back then. Patterns repeat until we find healing for our souls.

Jesus helped Benjamin to release past life trauma so that he could live with an open heart. It was then that Jesus healed him so that he could walk and be a normal child, Shelly told me.

I think he was stoned to death…my son. Because he defended Jesus. And my husband was also killed by the Romans. I’m not sure if it was before or after the crucifixion.

Many people believed that you stopped speaking because you were grieving but the truth is Mariam didn’t speak much because she was kything or rather heart speaking to God all the time. She gathered information from God to share with the other women. Mariam grew within with such strength that kything was the most prevalent way she communicated.

I related very much to Mariam and I know this sounds weird but I could feel myself turning into her. Not only in how I acted but also in appearance. My hair grew longer and straighter. The way I dressed became more simple. I no longer wore jewelry and would rarely put shoes on my feet. I was in my room getting dressed. Sad. Mumbling to myself again, This world is so disgusting. Some people have so much and some so little. Why is that so? Please God help Shelly. She was constantly on my mind now. I worried about her. My lord, why do I love this woman so much? I shuffle through my clothes, overlooking my designer clothes and going straight for the plain black t-shirt. I put on jewelry and then take it off. I am off to the shop.

A woman, Molly walks into the shop to do a reading with me. Hi Molly, come on in the back, I say. Molly works at the yoga studio next door. We haven’t moved into our new space yet. Actually, we haven’t even found our new space yet. I feel a strong connection to Molly from our Jesus life. Well Molly, I don’t usually tell people what to do but your angels are clearly giving you a message to trust in God and move on. Do not let the fear of money keep you in a marriage that is unhealthy. Your cancer is a result of this.

I know, Molly said, that man has been so abusive to me for so many years. I know I need to do this now. Thank you, Nadine. You have been such a blessing in my life.

We are old souls Molly. I know you. It is no coincidence that we have met. You will help a lot of people as you learn and grow, you will teach others.

THE OPENING OF ANGELS OF THE GROVE

My sister, Jolene and I opened our new space in the summer of 2014. In the beach town of Ocean Grove. The three of us walked around the town and a feeling of deja vu overcame us. It was a cold and windy day so we pulled our hoods up over our heads as we strolled through town. I asked Jolene, Isn’t it just perfect?

I feel like we have been here before, she replies.

Yes, Lucy says.

As witches brewing up our concoctions of healing herbs. I laugh, We are like the Witches of Eastwick.

Except now we are angels, Jolene chimes in.

We are the Angels of the Grove, I state. That’s it. That’s our new name! We later google the meaning of the grove and it refers to a gathering held in the woods. Well we were the gathering of the women from Jesus’ time but we no longer had to hide in the woods. Or so I thought anyway. This is so exciting. I’m going to tell our story on our website. How we are healers from the time of Jesus coming back together once again, I say.

No! What are you crazy? Jolene barks at me. Don’t you dare do that. It is not safe. No one can know who we are. As she says this, we are walking down the stairs into our new space.

Here we are in the basement, hidden away once again! I exclaim. I still think we are supposed to tell our story though. As we enter the space we all pull our hoods back down and I get a flash vision of us in our Jesus days. We are all scurrying around the town in our brown cloaks trying not to be noticed. We walk into this dwelling pulling down our hoods as we hide out waiting for Jesus to come. The visions that I started to get were just glimpses but they filled me with such a remembrance.

We worked hard to get the new space ready; painting old furniture and cleaning up the basement to transform it into the shop. Jolene and I are laughing hysterically. Lucy says to us, You two are nuts. I swear to God.

Giddy as hell, I say, Look at us. What the fuck are we doing? There is so much dirt on this floor I am just making mud with my mop.

Jolene chimes in, This is gross. What the fuck.

And my holier than thou sister, The mouth on you two. I should be at the beach right now. Or sitting by my pool. And instead I am here with you two nut jobs.

Lucy hangs up the phone with the contractor. Well I found someone to put up the walls for the therapy rooms but it is going to cost us $20,000. That coupled with everything else puts us in debt of about $40,000. What the hell are we doing? Come on ladies, let’s go out to a nice lunch. I’ll put it on the card. There has to be some perks to owning this place. It didn’t make any sense why the angels found us a space that cost us so much but this later made perfect sense to me as our faith would be tested.

At lunch, Jolene and I talked about our Jesus life. I think I was the mother of Mariam and John the Baptist, Jolene stated.

But Elizabeth died when Jesus was young. I know you were at the crucifixion. I said.

Yes, I was, Jolene replied, I wonder if I went into another body after that? I wonder if that is possible?

Hell, anything is possible anymore, I say. So if you were Elizabeth that means you were married to Ben. So how come he is hitting on me and not you?! Ben was our landlord. We came to find out through Shelly that he was the father of John the Baptist and Mariam. He helped out the women in our Jesus life and here he was helping us out again.

Who do you think I was? Lucy asked.

Jesus’ sister, the words just come out of my mouth.

Well that makes sense, Lucy said.

Shelly later confirmed that Lucy was in the body of Ruth. Yes, Jesus’ sister. She was married to a Roman soldier and they were very wealthy just like my sister today. She would bring some of the Romans to see Jesus.

Shelly also confirmed that Jolene did indeed go into another body after Elizabeth died. Over the next several days, Jolene kept hearing the name Esther being repeated over and over again. We called Shelly. Shelly, it’s me and Nadine, Jolene said. I believe I was a woman named Esther. I keep hearing her name. I googled her and she was the wife of Zebedee and mother of apostles James and John.

Yes, Shelly said. I can see her. You went into several bodies my angels are telling me. Esther was a very strong woman. She made sure everyone was protected and that the women kept hidden.

That explains why you got so mad at me for wanting to put our information on the website, I said.

Oh no, Shelly exclaimed, you can’t do that. You guys need to keep hidden up there. Darkness will find you and try and stop what you are doing. The women from the time of Jesus were hidden back then too. They prepared the way for him. They were unseen.

LIONS, TIGERS AND REPTILIANS, OH MY!

We held a class with this woman Maya who I used to work with in New York. Maya channels the angels. Like they come right through her and speak. Her voice and personality change. She is highly regarded up where I used to live.

We did a meditation at this class going back to our first life on earth. I saw myself flying around almost like an eagle. Everything looked dark and dreary and I didn’t want to land. I just watched what was going on from above.

Maya did one more class after this for a select few. Really talking about the dark. The reptilians thought to have deprogrammed the human species deactivating our DNA. They can shapeshift and use metaphysical knowledge for their own power and control. My sister’s friend Cara shapeshifted at that class right before our eyes and ran out of the room. Maya told us that Cara was a reptilian. Maya was very knowledgeable on the dark. She had been attacked by many and knew the truth of this world. She was sent to teach us about the dark. You can’t just ignore it.

My sister didn’t want to have anything to do with Maya after this class though. Because of how upset Cara became. I don’t think she’s a reptilian Lucy says, Shelly even talks about how high Cara vibrates.

Ugh I say. It just comes out of my mouth. I don’t know. There is just something about her energy that I don’t like.

The next morning, I wake up and recall vividly a vision I had of all these angels falling from the sky and Cara is one of them. I immediately call Shelly. Shelly, I had this vision of the fallen angels. The dark angels. They are people Shelly.

No Nadine, she says, the dark angels are not people. Well that is that. Shelly says it is not true so it must not be true.

I hang up the phone and mumble to myself, I know what I saw. I didn’t make that up. When you are in that space of God, you just know things, there are no doubts. But then you go out into the world and you begin to question yourself.

I was on my biomat, a bed of amethyst and black tourmaline crystals, lost in another world. I see myself in the body of Mariam as I walk into this dwelling. As I enter Jesus is kneeling before a woman, helping her. He senses my prescence and looks up. Our eyes meet, locked in a loving embrace. I can feel him. His energy swirls about as if he is wrapping his arms around me. The sensation of his touch feels like it is happening in the present moment as I slowly open my eyes and return to the room. What was my connection to Jesus? I know this man intimately. I walk up to my bedroom and lay on the floor in front of the sliding glass windows. And I begin to touch myself. Sexually. Erotically. And I feel Jesus on top of me. Inside me. What is happening? I do not know as my body explodes in a sea of heavenly bliss.

THE BIG BLOW UP

Hey guys, I say to Lucy and Jolene as I walk into the shop, I have an idea. Since we are not really making any money just yet why don’t we take the cash we are getting from the classes we do and instead of splitting it three ways, why don’t we split it four ways and send some to Shelly and the animals? I felt a sense of responsibility to help Shelly out financially and to connect our two places. I think it will create a good energy and come back to us tenfold. And I keep getting this angel card of a bridge. I believe God is wanting me to be the bridge between the animal shelter and our place.

Lucy said, I don’t think we are in any position to be sending money to a charity right now and besides I send Shelly plenty of money from my own account whenever she needs it.

I agree with Lucy, Jolene said. You know Janice said to me that her spirit guides told her we are giving our power away to some woman in Virginia. Janice was another shop owner in town. She had been in the body of Claudia, the wife of Ponctious Pilate. We somehow just knew this.

Well I don’t agree with that, I said. Shelly is the heart and soul of all that we are doing. I am going to do a fundraiser for Shelly over the Christmas holiday. I had this great idea to have people take a piece of paper and draw a heart on it and place like $10 or $20 inside and send it to her. How cool would it be for her to get all those hearts in the mail? That is how you send love out into this world.

I do my own thing for Shelly for Christmas, was my sister’s reply. For some reason, she was getting angry.

Me too. said Jolene. And I don’t want to be soliciting my friends and family for money. If anything, I think we need to concentrate on helping our place succeed. Oh yes what Godly people I was working with. Let’s think of ourselves, not a charity in need. That’s the Christmas spirit.

Nadine, trust me, Lucy said, Shelly does not want us to be sending her money from our shop.

Well I don’t think that’s true, I said. I know when God is asking me to do something. Now my sister is getting irate. I have never seen her so angry. This is bizarre. She picks up the phone and dials Shelly.

Shelly, do you want us to be sending you money from our shop? Nadine seems to think that you are a part of this place when it is the three of us put in charge of this space, not you.

Yes, Lucy, Shelly said, You are right. You need to keep that place running. I am not a part of ANGELS OF THE GROVE. God has placed me above the three of you as an overseer.

You hear that Nadine, Lucy screams at me.

Fuck you Lucy. You are twisting things. I was just trying to do something nice.

Now Lucy jumps up from the couch and is in my face, No you weren’t. You were trying to get us to pay for all the phonecalls you make to Shelly because you call her all the time and don’t have any money.

That is not true. Shelly doesn’t ask me for money. Fuck you Lucy. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I am done. I storm out of the room. I was ready to blow a gasket.

I could hear Shelly still on the phone with them, Calm down everyone. You all have different energy. Nadine carries a lot of God energy with her. You are all in different places.

I called Shelly later that day, crying. My anger turned to tears. What did I do wrong Shelly? I don’t understand why they were so mad at me.

Nothing Nadine. She said to me. You did nothing wrong.

Shelly really helped to build my confidence and show me who I truly was and who God would have me be here. I soaked up her words like a sponge. I loved her so much and could talk to her forever. I found myself starting to talk to her in my head until eventually it was constant. If I wasn’t talking to another person, I was talking to my new imaginary friend. I missed her terribly. I was longing for something yet wasn’t quite sure what. I told her how I felt too. Shelly, I said. I talk to you in my head all the time. It’s really weird. And I love you so much. I just have this overwhelming amount of love for you.

Well it’s nice to feel so loved Nadine, she said.

Shelly, I continued, Sometimes I try and merge our bodies together and I float up to heaven. I can only do that with you. It’s so strange.

And then she abruptly ended the phonecall, Oh Nadine, I have to go. Talk soon. I hated being in this world more and more and just wanted to escape.

LEARNING ABOUT MY TWIN SOUL

I would read