C. Brown: . . . Not Just Black & White

By C. R. Brown

During the fall of 2004, I became inspired to document my experiences and how theyve affected the way in which I do things. Ive had the privilege of capturing several of these experiences and highlighting how I progressed. In addition, Ive discussed how I gained clarity and provide feedback for how one could handle similar situations should they be faced with them. In creating this project, my intent was to give others a brief overview of my personal journal - and offer a linguistic tour of my mind.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jan 6, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524655945

C. R. Brown

Chris is a first time writer with Bachelor’s in Sociology and Criminal Justice. His passion to write emanates from his studies throughout those curriculums, as well as his time spent working in the human services and mental health fields. In this project, the topics range from love, to triumph, loss and even fear. He speaks from these experiences and provides a fresh prospective of the world that he’s come to know.

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© 2017 C. R. Brown. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/05/2017

ISBN: 978-1-5246-5595-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5246-5594-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016921031

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Acknowledgement

Chapter I

Disappointments

Chapter II

Confused, Leaning on Faith

Chapter III

Understanding Purpose

Chapter IV

Love and the Lessons It Provides

Chapter V

Distrust and Seclusion

Chapter VI

Fear and Anxiety

Chapter VII

Malice

Chapter VIII

Triumph

(Bonus) Chapter IX

Creativity

FOREWORD

I would like to personally thank those who’ve been with me on this journey to completion. I am excited to be offering this selection and additionally proud to have been blessed with this gift of communication. Some of the works in this project may appear different, as they were written at different stages of my development and with different points of reference/view. In no way are the views reflected in this literature meant to discredit, upset or agitate anyone in any manner whatsoever.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

F irst and foremost, I have to give thanks to my creator, my savior and my gift giver for blessing me with the words to put together. For without HIM, I truly don’t know where I’d be. To Mom and Pop for bringing me here. To my family for supporting me throughout each and every obstacle I’ve faced thus far - as well as those that I will later in life. To my former classmates, teammates, roommates, co-workers, athletes, residents and perfect strangers. To the distinguished men of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. To those that doubted, hated (as well as those that will continue to doubt and hate). To those unwilling to love and be loved. To those that tried to stop me from growing. Most importantly, to my initial and greatest inspirations, my dearly departed Grandmothers - Ms. Eva Beverly Ingram & Ms. Jean Williams Brown. I’ll cherish forever the impressions you’ve made upon me. The two of you have shown and proved that it’s not how you start, but how you finish. I will continue to carry that lesson with me until we meet again. I thank you and I love you!

CHAPTER I

DISAPPOINTMENTS

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A PRODUCT OF BROKEN PROMISES

A s children, we’re conditioned to have an optimistic outlook on the possibility of good things happening to us. The very thing that served as motivation for us, as children, builds and strengthens trust within us, as adults. As a reader, I’d imagine one would think this is some sob story intended to produce great numbers at a pity-party. Despite popular belief, I truly believe that expressing thoughts literarily allows one to grow and cope with the reality that, in life, there will be disappointments, catastrophes and malfunctions. Despite this, it’s of utmost importance that you don’t allow these to break your spirit. Truthfully, it’s easier said than done, but please note that it can be accomplished.

So one asks what exactly are promises and why do they carry so much weight? From my understanding, promises are made up of trust, confidence, plausibility, and above all else, faith. These elements are what people place into each promise that’s ever been offered, and accepted. When an individual makes a promise to another, basically they’re stating they have confidence within their ability to produce a positive outcome for that particular individual. In addition, they’re staking claim to the fact that what they’re promising is plausible (reasonable). If the promise isn’t, at the very least, believable, then the recipient of the promise has no reason to maintain trust and faith. These ingredients are the make-up of our spirituality, whether you choose to believe it or not.

Reflect on what’s transpiring through something such as reading the bible and you’ll notice that it requires those same two things to give the words read, meaning. Without the trust, that what you’re reading is true and accurate, you’d have no purpose to believe in anything, let alone a God that neither you nor I, can see. While reading that same text, if faith is not invoked – the same faith that leads to maintaining a better life through the teachings from the words of God, there’s no purpose in reading the manuscript. Imagine a life without these elements and still having promises continuing to be made; I dare say that it’d be an easy transition. These things have remained constant since the conception of the meaning of a promise. In essence, this is why promises are taken so seriously. This and this alone, is why many of those whom are offered promises are left demoralized. For the average individual this may be a tough pill to swallow. If this has ever been your reality as a young adult/adult, take a step back and imagine how young children feel once they’re handed promises that aren’t kept. Think about how much a child looks up to adults and try and understand the value they put on what’s said. You understand how naïve children are; primarily because you were once a child yourself. So, it’s not unreasonable to think that children are conditioned to place certain things in prospective, based on (their) priority rather than rationality.

Rationality is something that’s learned and harnessed as the years pass, and knowledge is acquired through experience. Children are completely oblivious to the fact that, what they hold so near and dear to them - which can be a promise made by their mother/father - may not come to pass.

For the most part, adults overlook the subtleties of broken promises because they’re focusing on priority (their) rather than the aforementioned, rationality. As stated previously, it can have astounding effects on all parties involved. By the standards of a child, not following through with a promise can be quite painful, but in the grand scheme of things, the stakes tend to be a bit more heightened. It can range from the loss of trust within a loved one, loss of a client or job (depending upon the circumstances). Sometimes it can even involve the loss of one’s hope for progression in our society, as a whole.

My objective in pointing this out is to remind you that, most everyone has been let down at some point in their lives. It’s important to not perpetuate the cycle by doing just that – being an ambassador for broken promises. Be better than that. Better than, making false claims simply to save face and get out of a tight situation. Better than a hostage taker to others’ feelings. Be better than that manipulative individual who makes promises for the glory of doing so. Being that promises have been deemed sacred to some, they aren’t to be used in convenience of securing items undeserved; or as emergency exits. I know how it feels to put a lot of faith and trust into things such as promises, only to have those very promises fall by the waist-side, due to lack of preparation, and confidence by the party that made the initial guarantee.

It’s been my experience that the most pain occurs when the facilitator of the promise is a parent or guardian. As a child, I would think that adults/parents had the answers to everything. You know, people use to always tell us, not be in such a hurry to grow up, because childhood is the best time of your life. One’s childhood moments shape their existence – they personify what being you, ultimately mean. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. In general, children display a deeper faith in humanity than adults. However, I believe a child’s eyes are opened for the first time, after their promises are broken. I guess what I’m saying is, be careful whom you overlook, and to who you are directing promises to, because it may taint their perception of humanity forever.

SO, NOW THE TRUTH IS REVEALED…

Well, I can’t say that I’m surprised to see, hear and feel what has now taken place in my community. Reason being is, it appears that those that oppose social change, have systematically developed a system in which they can eliminate those they believe are threats to their own peace and tranquility. I’m concerned with the level of gullibility that many of my peers have dealing with these issues of unlawful slayings of our brethren. It’d be different if there was more transparency from law enforcement, across the board. However, there is legislature that prevents this from taking place. My question is, why should doctrine (that isn’t actually for the people) be more protected than the citizens it’s supposed to represent and above all else, protect? I’d ask that ONLY those qualified to respond to this, do so. As a people we’ve gone through so much, that all we want is the ability to live life…and have our lives be valued the same as others. No one is asking to be liked or loved by anyone. All we’d like is to be respected as human beings and not denigrated to that of a wild animal.

Many of these issues have been perpetuated in different forms and fashions, but the effect has been astounding, to say the least. It is my sincere belief, that part of the problem is the lack of true identity; culturally. Another part includes the rendering of invalid information to those that are the most impressionable – the children. I think we can all agree that MOST behaviors in life are learned. So, in that same breath, how can we stop the bleeding and work on the issue of hatred, if it’s been allowed to manifest itself through law enforcement? I mean, we (as citizens) are supposed to obey the law and be respectful, right? Why doesn’t law enforcement have these same mandates? Studying criminal justice in undergrad, one of the first things we learned – while covering procedure and court cases; most commonly Miranda vs. Arizona, was the fact that you are innocent until proven guilty. Though this precedent highlighted other areas of concern dealing with suspects, it touches on the fact that due process is a right that ALL citizens are afforded. Law enforcement officers do not have complete autonomy to execute potential suspects, period.

So, what or why do those of us with darker skin pose a bigger threat to those with more pale skin? They say people fear what they don’t understand, and hate what they can’t conquer. I don’t understand why anyone should be that nervous, seeing as how they’ve been vetted and cleared to work by medical professionals, amongst others. What is evident is that so many people of pale skin hate ours, yet rush to tanning salons to emulate the very skin they shun. What’s also clear is that the things that we create are being written off as other’s breakthroughs. There’s also a clear dissention between how we’re viewed by those of pale skin – in terms of media and social media…but many will brush it off as nothing, or a simple misunderstanding of how views differ. Let’s be clear. If there are two separate entities that are doing the same thing – yet there remains strikingly different views towards the group containing minorities…we can’t call that equality. I’m sure you understand where I’m heading with this.

Example: A group of fairer skin individuals are demonstrating their 2nd amendment right to bear arms (to open carry a firearm/gun), by walking throughout the city non-violently and are not bothered (despite carrying large firearms and assault rifles in plain sight). Later, another group of individuals with much darker skin are demonstrating their 2nd amendment right to bear arms (to open carry a firearm/gun), by walking throughout the city non-violently, just as the aforementioned have, however these individuals (all lawfully carrying licenses/permits) are surrounded by police presence before they can make it a few blocks. They are threatened by these officers (that are supposed to be protecting them and their rights, and ordered not to make any sudden moves. Tell me, what is wrong with this narrative – outside of the fact that it ACTUALLY occurred? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out – America doesn’t have the same playbook for all of its citizens. If history has taught us anything, it’s that it must be broken.

Example 2: During the summer there were a number of African Americans that lost their lives at the hands of Law Enforcement officers of a different color. What we’ve learned most about these occurrences is that the media has an enormous effect on how narratives are written. The media shows visuals that they know will garner a reaction from viewers – mostly those with no understanding or knowledge of the communities in which these acts have occurred in. However, they speculate instead of delivering actual facts for ratings and views. It’s amazing how many people actually buy into what they see and label an entire community, negative, dangerous, criminal and worse.

There are positive movements that have been started to effect the change needed to move forward, progressively. The problem is, the ignorance of others (usually NOT of the African American race) calling particular movements terrorist organizations. There’s a stark difference in a protest and a riot… the difference is how the two have been mislabeled and delegated. BLM is NOT a terror organization – if that were the case, there would be mass killings at the hands of this movement. If someone is using a protest as an opportunity to target law enforcement or any other entity, it does not receive a thumb-up for those actions. BLM is a group of peaceful protesters that voice their concerns in an organized manner. I, have yet to see ANY rioters from ANY city that lost a member of the African American community, garner a BLM sign, wear BLM gear or even claim to represent BLM during the process. Let the media tell it, we are animals and not worth the energy of LEO’s (Law Enforcement Officers) respect, nor the oath they took to become an officer. This situation has since ballooned into a larger than life issue in the beginning of the football season. As players stood to honor America, Colin Kaepernick (a QB for the San Francisco 49ers)