What Kind of Mess Is This?: 27 Suggestions: Breaking Cycles of Being Consumed by Problems at Work and Other Group Settings

By Tameka Lancaster

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 24, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456863845

Tameka Lancaster

Tameka Lancaster lives in Little Rock, Arkansas, where she practices mental health therapy. She has worked with children ranging from age five through geriatrics. In addition, she worked with couples and families. The population served, suffers from various DSM-IV diagnosis, including substance abuse. In more recent times, Ms. Lancaster has created her own practice.

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What Kind of Mess Is This…

27 Suggestions: Breaking Cycles of Being Consumed

By Problems at Work and Other Group Settings

Tameka Lancaster, LCSW, LADAC

Copyright © 2011 by Tameka Lancaster, LCSW, LADAC.

ISBN:          Softcover                                 978-1-4568-6383-8

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4568-6384-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Suggestion 1 Rescue is Robbery

Suggestion 2 Enabling Is Like a Ball and Chain; Helping Is Fun and Free

Suggestion 3 If It Goes Pass Your Nose, It Is None of Your Business

Suggestion 4 Learn Fluidity With Trust

Suggestion 5 Understand People Are Like Seasons

Suggestion 6 Stay Humble

Suggestion 7 Learn Your Relationship-Building Pattern

Suggestion 8 Don’t Compare Your Insides To Someone Else’s Outsides

Suggestion 9 Focus More On The Similarities

Suggestion 10 Remember Progress Not Perfection

Suggestion 11 Stay In Your Lane But Be Flexible

Suggestion 12 Always Treat Others With Dignity And Respect

Suggestion 13 Learn To Respond Not React

Suggestion 14 Remember To Be Grateful

Suggestion 15 Don’t Meditate On The BS (bull$#@#)

Suggestion 16 Listen And Learn

Suggestion 17 Learn To Take What You Like And Leave The Rest

Suggestion 18 Remain In Faith

Suggestion 19 View Expectations As Premeditated Resentments

Suggestion 20 Know That Vengeance Is Not Yours

Suggestion 21 Stay Mindful That There Are Always Options

Suggestion 22 Watch Thinking And Speaking In Absolutes

Suggestion 23 Take Responsibility

Suggestion 24 Keep Healthy Boundaries And Set Limits

Suggestion 25 Realize Everyone Has Something To Offer

Suggestion 26 Determine If You Are A Victim Or Volunteer

Suggestion 27 Keep It Simple

Final Tips And Remarks

About The Author

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all the men and women who have stood by my side and helped me through my workplace/people struggles; they sacrificed their time to listen, share and care. I wish them all the best and a life with love, joy and serenity! I also dedicate this work to my wonderful group of special friends and both grandmothers, Irene Bealer and Melvinia Stewart. These wonderful women have inspired and continue to inspire me to pay attention in life and offer my contributions as best possible. They are forever reminding me how to treat and love others—including myself.

Acknowledgements

I want to acknowledge and thank several people. First, I would like to thank Rita Lancaster for always being encouraging and willing to help in any way possible. I acknowledge and thank Mr. Norris Tillman and Rod Shelby (who have always had nothing but kind words to say) for their contributions in making this journey a little bit lighter and pleasant. I thank, Mr. Chris Gates for the guidance offered as well as the coaching. And last, but not least, I acknowledge my friends and family for their on-going support and encouragement (they did and do the best they could/can).

Introduction

For many of us it is very difficult to function in group settings. Although we may be surrounded by people, we find it difficult to connect. In some instances, individuals may go so far as to say, I am different from them or they aren’t on my level. The odd thing is that no matter where they are they think are different from the others or on a different level, usually a much higher level than the others. (Imagine that, everywhere they go, the outcome is the same, in spite of the fact the people are different and perhaps don’t know each other. Okay folks, who really has the problem here?!?. Keep reading and you will find out.)

I would be the first to admit that it is very difficult at times to get along with others in any group setting i.e., work, church, family etc. I would contribute this to all the things that make us different. Some of the things that make us different include: upbringing, culture, race and age. Differences are good too; the differences help us to learn from one another and be of assistance, where one may fall short the other may be strengthened. In other words, my limitation may be your strong point. But, you might be shocked to find out that we are probably more alike than we are different. (I know just when you thought you were so special, darn; I hate to burst your bubble. I’ve got a nice little section in this book that will help you understand exactly what I mean. Look for the section noted, Look For The Similarities.)

No matter what our circumstances may be, the outcomes for us in terms of lasting effects depend largely upon our thinking. The way we think has a lot to do with how we function and channel our energies. If you are generally a positive thinker then your actions will most likely be geared toward positive things and people. If your default button is set on negativity then your life will likely reflect such. When it comes to dealing with people, our success or defeat lay largely in how we think about people and ourselves. (Let me be fair and say, my perspective is just one out of many; just because it is noted in this book doesn’t mean that it is the gospel. Plus we all know there is no one thing that works for everybody. But I do think it’s worth long strong consideration. Not to mention that I certainly know it has been effective for many. Here is where you find the importance of listening and learning or in this case reading and learning after which you can then take what you like and leave the rest. If you want to learn about the listening and learning and taking what you like and leaving the rest then keep reading, I’ve got just the info for you, Ha!)

I know this is something that you guys have heard before, but it is true that if you don’t know how to love yourself then there is no way you can love someone else. The same negative messages that you tell yourself about others are, in part, the same negative messages you tell yourself about you. If you are overly critical of others, then my guess would be that you are very hard on and/or critical of yourself. (Woo! Talk about misery. There ain’t anything worse than a good beating that you have put on yourself.) With that said, imagine how others feel with a critical personality in their