Signs and Symptoms of Real Men and Chronic Adolescents

By Jamie L. Gray

As a Licensed Social Worker, I have worked over twenty years with families that are produced and raised by men, as well as women, who fit Dr. Grays definition of chronic adolescents. These men and women never quite reach legitimate, responsible adulthood. Therefore, they are almost completely dysfunctional as parents. I have seen many cases where the taxpayer supports and manages the entire family through social welfare, other public assistance, and penal institutions. I have investigated every kind of abuse from child neglect, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, to homicide.
Sadly, many of the children victimized by parents who are indeed, chronic adolescents, become no more than recycled incarnations of the dysfunctional souls of their predecessors. Moreover, these children are destined to repeat the same destructive behaviors over and over allowing the cycle of pain to repeat itself generation after generation. As a result, each generation evolves more and more in its pathological propensity towards violence, murder, and mayhem.
Dr. Gray has done an excellent job of identifying behavioral traits that truly separate Real Men from boys, or Chronic Adolescents, as he refers to them. Chronic adolescents are represented in both genders, all races, cultures, religions and social positions. However, his decision to address the problem as it is manifested in the African American male population is courageous, valid, and relevant; particularly because the black male has been named, an endangered species. When a society refers to a segment of its own human population as an endangered species, an alarm should sound in the minds of all human beings because we are all one species, homo sapiens, which are human beings. Therefore, if one group among us is endangered, we are all endangered.
I recommend this book as a guide for every African American adolescent boy or young man who seeks to recognize what a Real Man looks, thinks, and behaves like, for every African American adolescent girl or young woman who seeks to gain knowledge and wisdom that may increase her chances of choosing Mr. Right the first time, and for anyone who would like to understand the difference between a Real Man and a Chronic Adolescent Idell Harris-Crossley, LSW

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 6, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503590083

Jamie L. Gray

Dr. Jamie L. Gray is a published poet, a writer, a psychotherapist, a clinical hypnotherapist, a motivational speaker, an educator, an inventor, and an ordained minister. He has earned the following credentials: Licensed Alcohol & Drug Abuse Counselor (LADAC) Licensed Acupuncture Detox Specialist (LADS) DOT recognized Substance Abuse Professional (SAP) Nationally Certified Master Addictions Counselor (MAC) State of Tennessee Certified Clinical Supervisor In the field of addiction Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC) (Mental Health) Nationally Certified Criminal Justice Addictions Specialist (CJAS) Nationally Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist (NBCCH) Cal Banyan Hypnosis Center Certified 7-Path Hypnotherapist Cal Banyan Hypnosis Center Certified 5-Path Hypnotherapist

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Jamie L. Gray, EdD.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015912145

ISBN:  Hardcover   978-1-5035-9009-0

            Softcover     978-1-5035-9010-6

            eBook           978-1-5035-9008-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Cover Models:

1. Jarvis Lewis

2. Terry Barron

3. Jamie L. Gray

Photo Touch-up Artist:

Rolanda Everheart

Contributing editor:

Amber A. Ford-Anderson

Rev. date: 01/12/2016

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

About the Book

Introduction

A Real Man Is Capable of Real Love

A Real Man Makes Very Few Decisions Based on Emotions

A Real Man May Live with His Significant Other, but Never on Her

A Real Man Plays with His Woman and His Children

A Real Man May Live with His Mother but Never on Her

A Real Man Is Active in Raising His Own Children

A Real Man Does Not Remain in a Relationship with

a Woman Who May Provoke Him to Domestic Violence

A Real Man Is Not Intimidated by His womans Baby Daddy".

A Real Man Chooses His Mate Based on Holistic Attributes

A Real Man Defends His Principles and His Family.

A Real Man Is Able to Wash, Iron, Clean, and Cook for Himself

A Real Man Is Not Insecure about His Woman, yet He Is Not Gullible

A Real Man Does Not Fear or Flee from Work

A Real Man Works like the Ant

A Real Man Is Not His Son’s Friend or Peer

A Real Man Is Willing to Fight for His Woman but

Never Over a Woman

A Real Man Is Present at the Delivery of His Child

A Real Man Changes His Baby’s Diapers

A Real Man Will Not Hesitate or Feel Ashamed To Go to the Store and Pick Up Sanitary Napkins for His Woman

A Real Man Verbally Expresses Love to His Children on a Daily Basis

A Real Man Is Patient when Pursuing a Widow

A Real Man Is Never Jealous or Intimidated by His Woman’s Success

A Real Man Raises Other Men, not Chronic Adolescents

A Real Man Does Not Take Care of His Able-bodied Adult Children—He Provides Them with the Necessary Knowledge While they are Children

A Real Man Does Not Ride Around on the Passenger Side

of Other People’s Cars

A Real Man Does Not Allow Himself to Become Involved

in Triangulations

A Real Man Cries

A Real Man Respects Money

A Real Man Will Not Reside in an Unclean Environment

A Real Man Invests Time and Effort into

Maintaining His Physical Health

A Real Man Practices Good Hygiene

A Real Man Usually Receives Some Type of Rite of Passage

into Manhood

A Real Man Trusts His Ability to Make Sound Decisions

A Real Man Rises to the Challenges of Life

A Real Man Challenges His Fears, Negotiates Obstacles,

and Conquers Adversity

A Real Man Is in Control of His Emotions and Actions

A Real Man’s Style of Dress Changes or Evolves with Age

A Real Man Is Able to Learn and Benefit from the Mistakes

and Bad Decisions of His Life

A Real Man Does Not Use Words that Degrade Himself or Members of his Group in Public

A Real Man Recognizes a Higher Power and Fears His God

A Real Man Studies His Bible

A Real Man Has Principles

A Real Man Recognizes that he has Character Defects

A Real Man Is Swift to Make Sincere Amends when

He Knows that He Is Wrong

A Real Man Pursues Dreams and Goals with Vigor, Persistence, and Determination

A Real Man Feels Obligated to Leave a Legacy

A Real Man Forgives—but Never Forgets

A Real Man Enjoys a Natural High

A Real Man Is a Good Parent to His Inner Child

A Real Man Uses His Past as a Springboard to His Future

A Real Man Self-Evaluates

A Real Man Learns to Cook for Himself and Even for His Family

A Real Man’s Words and Actions Are Congruent

A Real Man Keeps His Promises

A Real Man Treats His Mind as His Real Home

A Real Man Is a Student of life for Life

A Real Man Knows that You Cannot Grow Flowers through Concrete Soil

A Real Man Seeks to Discover Himself and Pursues His Purpose in Life

A Real Man Is neither Discouraged nor Deterred by the Small-mindedness of Others

A Real Man Thinks before He Acts

A Real Man Respects the Dead

A Real Man Would Much Rather Preserve a Life than Take One

A Real Man Does Not Gangbang

A Real Man Respects All Other Persons and Expects Reciprocity

A Real Man Positively Motivates Others

A Real Man Is Capable of Loving another Man Platonically without Shame

A Real Man Is Reliable and dependable

A Real Man Aspires to Be the Storyteller

A Real Man Never Picks Fights

A Real Man Never Harms Innocent, Harmless, or Fragile Creatures

A Real Man Remembers to Be Nice to Children

A Real Man Models the Behaviors that He Seeks to Teach Others

A Real Man Assigns Priorities in His Life

A Real Man Knows Who, When, Where, and Why to Follow

A Real Man Takes the Time to Learn His Rights and How to Deal with Authority Figures, like Police Officers

A Real Man Does Not Engage in Sexual Acts or Flirtations with Children

A Real Man Does What He Says He’s Going to Do

A Real Man Always Asserts His Civic Duties and

Readily Takes on His Responsibilities

A Real Man Always Respects the Elderly

A Real Man Would Never Knowingly Expose a Mate

to a Communicable Disease

A Real Man Sees No Human Being as Superior to Him—

nor Does He See Himself above Others

A Real Man Knows that No Means No

A Real Man Picks His Battles and Only Fights Those

Necessary to Win the War

A Real Man Always Thanks His God for his Food before Eating

A Real Man Stays in His Lane

A Real Man Gets in Where He Fits In

A Real Man Keeps Up on Current Events and Is Cognizant

of the World around Him

A Real Man Is Careful in Choosing His Friends

A Real Man Will Usually Have Discovered Something

that he is Willing to Die For

A Real Man Studies His History and Teaches the Young

A Real Man Is Capable of Thinking and Walking Alone when Necessary

A Real Man Always Thinks with His Big Head, Not His Little Head

A Real Man Knows that Children Listen Much More to

Your Behavior than Your Words

A Real Man Prays

A Real Man Is Altruistic

A Real Man Recovers and Stays Sober

A Real Man Is Empathic

A Real Man believes that He Is His Brother’s Keeper

A Real Man Aspires and Inspires

A Real Man Does Not Engage in Criminogenic Activities

Meet the Author

Jessie Lee Gray (dad), India Mae Lackey Gray-Patterson (mom), Jamie LeVarr Gray (son), Jamilah MiMi Gray (daughter), Jemanuell Manny Gray (son), and Tahje’ Watkins (grandson)

Siblings (R.I.P) Jessie Bubba, Charlene, and Jeffery Jerry

Acknowledgments

The following people played major roles in shaping my thinking processes:

Janet L. Gray (ex-wife), Idell Crossley (friend), Amber A. Anderson (friend), Eugenia B. Griffin-Fallie (Manny’s mom), JoAnn L. Brewer (Manny’s godmom), Ms. Alexander (1st grade teacher), Baby Ruth Brewer (Manny’s god granddad), Dr. Barbara Pointer (college professor and mentor), Kenny Lackey (cousin), Juanita Lackey (cousin), Cheryll Hawthorne (friend), Alberta Love (friend), Mack and Annie Briggs (godparents), Emily Bowers-Williams (godmom), Dr. Howard E. Nelson (friend), Orlando Norfleet (counselor and mentor), Dr. Ray Turner (friend), Hon. Judge Tim Dwyer (friend), Katrina Butler (friend), Jonathan Head (friend), Jerald Hibler (friend), Floyd Thomas (friend), Charlie and Elouise Thomas (friends), George B. Scott (friend), Lindsey Mattel (Xlibris Publishing), Karen B. Roberts (friend), Dr. Linda McKayle (friend), Tia Ross (mentor & friend), Rosie L. Retic (friend), Jim Tolley (Friend), Kenny Williams Sr. (mentor and friend), Andrea Hatchett (God daughter), Regina Cade (God daughter), Darnell Thompson (friend), Deannette Jones (friend), S. D. Lackey (uncle), Gwen Reynolds (friend), and the following siblings: Janie, Ira, Shirley, George, Larry, Alma, Anna, Linda, Steve, Brenda, Angela (Anyie), Emmanuel, Felecia (Fish), Lolita, and Johnnie Rene.

Famous mentors;

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Coretta Scott King (civil rights activists), Minister El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz (Malcom X), President Barrack Obama, President Nelson Mandela, President William (Bill) Clinton, Winnie Mandela (freedom fighter), Oprah Winfrey (HARPO productions), Steve Harvey (Omnipotent Businessman), Muhammad Ali (The Greatest).

About the Book

Throughout the sixteen years that I have worked with young African American men and adolescent boys, I have identified a few recognizable traits that run consistent within the subgroups of what I have identified as real men and chronic adolescents. Real men are those men whose thinking processes, decision-making skills, and related behaviors mature with age. These behaviors are manifested before or not long after they turn twenty-one years of age, the end of adolescence. Chronic adolescents are men whose psychological and emotional ages of maturity along with their belief systems, decision making skills, and related behaviors are stuck in adolescent psychology even though their biological age may have matured way past twenty-one. This book highlights some of those traits as personified in both types of men.

This book is not intended to be viewed as a scientific work guided by empirical research and analysis. The signs and symptoms identified and discussed are based on the observations and opinions of this writer.

Black Man

Think Like A man, Act Like A man

Never expect a woman who feeds you, clothes you, and provides a roof over your head to view and respect you as a real man. Do not expect your good looks and sexual prowess to validate your manhood for your woman indefinitely. It is not enough. If your woman calls you her MAN all night long