Overcoming the Power of Difficult and Dangerous People

By Shirley Hancen

Men are not disturbed by things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen. Epictetus

Blessed is the man who fi nds wisdom, the man who gains understanding for she (wisdom) is more profi table than silver or gold.

She (wisdom) is more precious than rubies nothing you desire can compare with her her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace. Proverbs, Chapter 3

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 3, 2009
• ISBN: 9781465321275

Book preview

Overcoming The Power

of

Difficult and Dangerous People

Shirley Hancen, MA

Illustrations

D. Hancen

Copyright © 2009 by Shirley Hancen, MA.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

59068

Contents

Foreword

Reggie

Brutus

Greda

Yvette

Tess

Marvin

Aria

Cliff

Eville

Allslime

Vulnerable People

Insecuria

Hurthia

Goodia

People of the Ego

Overcoming the Ego

Jesus, the Hero

Wisdom

Know Yourself

Humility

Detachment

Choices

Honesty

Harmlessness/Empathy

Courage

Integrity

Confrontation

Forgiveness

Simplicity

Reggie

Brutus

Greda

Yvette

Tess

Marvin

Aria

Cliff

Eville

Allslime

Healing

Peace

Acknowledgments

Dedicated to Mary Swanson, my mother

Foreword

Difficult people suffer from problems as a result of their own unresolved history. Since they cannot change the past, they carry their issues into their present-day relationships. It is difficult to encounter these people every day and continue to maintain our energy and enthusiasm. It is easy to react to negativity with negativity. To be able to create an attitude that cannot be penetrated by difficult people would be the answer.

The words turn the other cheek confused me for years. I felt like they were telling me to be a doormat. After some disappointing life experiences, I decided to look again at these words. I now see them as having an entirely different meaning. I believe that they are telling us to take responsibility for ourselves. That means, we alone determine how we feel and act. We cannot allow anyone to make us feel bad unless we let them.

This book is a combination of psychology, philosophy, and theology. Psychology identifies the problem. Philosophy confirms man’s moral struggle throughout the centuries. Theology provides us answers to end our moral struggles. The ultimate goal of man’s life should be the pursuit of peace. With a peaceful spirit, feelings of anger, rage, shame, and envy can be replaced with wisdom, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. Competitiveness can be replaced with self-acceptance, humility, and self-respect. Harmfulness can be replaced with integrity and courage.

Difficult and dangerous people can hurt us and at times have the power to destroy us. We can feel defeated around them, or we can see them as a lesson to make us wiser and stronger. An encounter with one of these people will either bring out the best in us or the worst in us. If we are able to detach from a difficult situation and choose a response that will diffuse and empower the aggressor, we have mastered the lesson. If we have wisdom to walk away from harm, we also have mastered the lesson.

There are two sides to every human being. There is the dark side that is a slave to the ego. The ego is the part of us that wants to be powerful, rich, intelligent, beautiful, etc. The ego wants to be more and to have more. Many people never move out of the ego state or the dark side of the personality, the side that is a slave to the opinion and the admiration of others. Some people become discontent with the superficiality of the ego and start to look for a deeper meaning to life. They no longer want to live by the standards set by mere men, but want to define who they are and what they want by higher standards.

Our society values money, power, beauty, and fame. These attributes provide a level of safety and security to those that fit. Unfortunately, these standards exclude many. Not everyone has the capability of becoming powerful, wealthy, beautiful, intelligent, etc. The majority fit in the normal category. They are forced into a life of hard work, economic stress, and feelings of powerlessness in the hands of those that hold the power. They have little opportunity to learn of their higher capabilities because they are bound to the world of the ego, not necessarily their own, but those of authority figures, family, and acquaintances.

This system is based on competition and dependency. The rich are envious of those that are richer, the powerful resent those that are more powerful, the beautiful are jealous of those that are more beautiful. Some react with jealousy and strive to be more, and some are angry and strive to take away. Competition creates dependency. Some people don’t care because they see through the ego games and look for ways to live a more satisfying and enriching life.

It is good to be beautiful, wealthy, intelligent, athletic, etc. Unfortunately, not everyone can be that lucky. Many of the lucky people live healthy, happy lives. But this book describes people that are so anxious to be more that they use and abuse others. It is interesting that as we study them, they can be classified as both difficult and dependent.

Here are examples how some people think, be it conscious or unconscious, in order to meet the demands of their ego.

• If someone needs to feel powerful, they need to have someone less powerful to feel good.

• If someone needs to feel rich, they need, of course, to associate with people that have less. They enjoy flaunting what they have.

• If someone needs to feel intelligent,