Living In The Real World

By Dr. Don N. Bacchus

LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD is about the awareness of reality. As we face the challenges of real life, it is important to be rational and realistic. Be respectful of valid scientific evidence. The denial of reality is self-defeating and dangerous. Be open to new learning. Seek to understand others and learn to be tolerant of their differences. The book LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD is about truth and love --- the two greatest forces in the universe!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Apr 30, 2024
• ISBN: 9781977274540

Dr. Don N. Bacchus

Dr. Don N. Bacchus graduated from Andrews University and from the University of Hartford. As part of his training, Dr. Bacchus completed internships in both clinical psychology and school psychology. Dr. Bacchus passed the National Licensing Board Examination in Professional Psychology in 1983. He has served as a clinical psychologist and as a school psychologist in the states of Michigan and Florida for a total of thirty-seven years. Dr. Bacchus served the United States government for a number of years in the area of psychological disability determination. Dr. Bacchus also spent sixteen years in clinical practice providing supportive psychotherapy to clients. During this time, he performed personal injury evaluations and served the courts on a number of occasions as an expert witness. Dr. Bacchus taught university classes in psychology at the University of Central Florida. During his career, Dr. Bacchus published several professional articles. He is also the author of the books Beyond Psychotherapy, Savior of the Child, and Parenting with Open Eyes. Dr. Bacchus and his wife, Roseanne (a retired classroom teacher), have been married for 53 years. Their daughter, Karen, is a doctor of pediatric medicine, and their son, Joseph, is a doctor of clinical psychology. Dr. Bacchus and his wife have two grandsons, Joshua and Aaron, to whom this book is dedicated. 

Book preview

Living In The Real World

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2024 Dr. Don N. Bacchus

v2.0

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Outskirts Press, Inc.

http://www.outskirtspress.com

Cover Photo © 2024 Roseanne J. Bacchus. All rights reserved - used with permission.

Outskirts Press and the OP logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Special thanks to my wife, Roseanne, for all her love and support in writing this book. A special thank you to her for editing the manuscript. I am also indebted to our son, Joe, Doctor of Psychology, for his enlightening comments. In the text, the use of the pronoun he is in no way a reflection of gender bias. It is only used for simplicity and convenience. Many important concepts in this book are repeated for emphasis and for reinforcement. The main goal of this book is to heighten your awareness as you live in the real world.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Human Nature

Knowing What Is Normal

Risk And Adventure

Simple Ways To Remain Healthy

Impulse Control

A Solemn Promise

High Anxiety

Your Certainty

No Magic And No Miracles

The Guardian Angel

Naïve And Gullible

Enhancing Your Intelligence

Essential Life Skills

Truth

Pain And Suffering

Good Choices/Good Decisions

Develop Your Sensible Intuition

Effective Self-Talk

Assertiveness

Stupid And Crazy

Early Indoctrination

Good And Evil

Organized Religion/Personal Religion

Greed, Fraud, And Hatred

Staying Safe In A Dangerous World

Brain Injury

False Comparisons

Life Is Quite Predictable

Trust

Repressed Rage

A Simple Life

Racism

Process And Outcomes

Develop Your Intelligence

Sleep

Lonely And Isolated

Crime And Violence

Levels Of Human Awareness

Social Relationships

Socially Appropriate Behaviors

Trial And Error

It Is All Business

American Education

Your Child May Be Depressed

Learning To Drive

Physical And Mental Illness

Graduating Into Adulthood

Time Management

Good Decision Making

Labels And Cults

You Can Die For A Dollar

Your Enemies List

Psychopaths Are Everywhere

Sound Judgement

The Process Of Normalization

Control

Independent Thinking And Adolescence

Learn To Fight Back

Not In Love With You

Bullying For Money

Solve Your Own Problems

Adversity

Incompetent Parenting

Natural Disasters

Learn To Delay Gratification

Playing To Your Strengths

Make Death Your Friend

Belief In God

The Therapy Of Kindness

Having Too Much To Do

A Philosophy Of Life

Dealing Effectively With The Police

Some Things To Teach Your Child

The News Media

Suicide

Habits And Addictions

People Pleasers

Stress

Truth And Honesty

Your Dog Is Not Your Boss

Attachment Disorder

Genetics

The American Dream

The Therapy Of Gratitude

American Politics

Social Relationships

Tribalism

Technology/Social Media

Competent Professionals

Evil People

Reserved People

Cause And Effect

Problem Solving Skills

Be A Better Human

Many Roads To Therapy

Peace With Your Past

Stay Physically Well

How To Feel Good About Yourself

Be Rational And Realistic

Tremendous Mystery

The Therapy Of Compassion

Do Not Misperceive

Random Thoughts On Religion

Self-Regulation

Joy Is A Body Thing

Winning And Losing

Power Over You

Respect For The Truth

Smarter Than Everyone

Sibling Rivalry

On Being A Good Person

The Therapy Of Religion

Marriage And Parenting

Love Is What You Do

Never A Victim

Get Up And Dance

Great Experiences/Great Memories

Learn To Observe

You Rationalize Too Much

Getting Beyond Adolescence

The Teenage Brain

Choosing A Career

Working Parents

The Biracial Child

Read Them Like A Book

Self-Acceptance

The Therapy Of Exercise

Rhythm Of The Universe

Protect Your Brain

God’s Will Or Human Choice?

Diversity

Competence

Psychiatric Diagnoses

Learn To Experience A Range Of Emotions

Do Not Take Things Personally

Driving A Motor Vehicle

Respect For Boundaries

Simple Ways To Meditate

What People Think And Say About You

Raised In Poverty

Pay The Asking Price

Learning To Ignore

Better To Be Peaceful Than To Be Right

Playing The Odds

How To Have A Low-Stress Day

Learn To Be Effective

Find A Way To Learn

The Slow Learner

Set Realistic Goals

Lovingkindness

Accurate Perception Of Reality

Living In Darkness

Conflict With The Law

Be Somewhat Overprotective

Take Some Time To Waste Some Time

The Culture Of Aggression

School Shootings

The Darkness Within

Living With Depression

No Need To Win Every Time

Filter Out The Ugly

Know Right From Wrong

Learn To Be Happy

The Key To Success

The Therapy Of Forgiveness

Talk About Trivial Things

You Are Not Invincible

Celebrate Your Differences

Value Affect More Than Intellect

Dealing Effectively With Disrespect

Bullying

Where Are The Good Role Models

Road Rage

Your Effect On Others/Their Effect On You

Let West Meet East

Rigidity

Home Education

Unhealthy Homes/Unhealthy Schools

Meaningful Frustration

Divorce

Construct System/Destruct System

Toxic Parents

Strong And Assertive

Work Before You Play

Your Life Of Trauma

Child Abuse And Neglect

Bravery And Stupidity

Raising A Responsible Child

Laziness Was The Original Sin

You Are Not The Savior Of The World

Think On These Things

Your Sacred Path

The Power Of Your Unconditional Love

INTRODUCTION

Overwhelmed and unable to cope, many people deny reality. In the end, it is our personal interpretation of reality that matters. Factors such as intelligence and personal experience contribute greatly to our understanding of reality. Learn all that you can about the workings of the real world and acquire the knowledge and the skills to effectively live in it. If you understand reality and if you acquire the skills to effectively deal with reality, you will live a meaningful life. The denial of reality can produce deadly outcomes. It is important to cultivate beliefs that are rational and realistic. Some people’s understanding of reality is heavily influenced by their religion or by their childhood indoctrination. Resist the temptation to adopt other people’s interpretation of reality. Many people create their own warped version of reality and then crawl inside to comfortably live there. This is dangerous. Be an independent thinker and a keen observer. Search for the valid scientific evidence. Reality is always shifting. The real world now appears to be overrun by sadistic criminals, bigoted racists, religious hypocrites, biased news reporters, and crooked politicians. This may be our new reality. It is not about being pessimistic and it is not about being optimistic. It is about being rational and realistic. Quit fooling yourself. Learn to live in the real world.

HUMAN NATURE

Humans are more about self-preservation than about self-sacrifice. We are naturally selfish. Humans possess a tremendous instinct for survival. We will do everything possible to survive. Some people are inherently good and some people are inherently evil. Some people are loving and some people are hateful. Some humans are highly intelligent while some humans are low in intelligence. In every group there are good people and there are bad people. We should never throw groups of people into the same basket. It is important to get to know people as individuals. Generalizing and stereotyping are dangerous practices that should be avoided. We need to cultivate toleration for all people irrespective of their race, religion, culture, or sexual orientation. There is a lot that we do not know. Therefore, let us be conservative with our judgements. Good people are kind and considerate. Good people will help others to survive. Bad people are mean and inconsiderate. Humans possess a highly developed brain that can be used for great good or for great evil. The good news is that we were all born with a capacity to love that can be nurtured and developed. It is our only hope.

KNOWING WHAT IS NORMAL

Within any group it is important to know what is normal. Knowing what are normal behaviors will help us to fit in, get along, and experience success. When we discuss normal behaviors, we are talking about social interactions at home, at work, and in the broader community. Normal behaviors are the expected or typical patterns of behavior for any group or for any society. Normal behavior is behavior that is adaptive, socially acceptable, and functional. It is important to know what are normal behaviors so that we can practice them, get along with others, and be part of a community. Parents need to teach their children to be socially appropriate and how to conduct themselves as good citizens. When we practice abnormal behaviors, we run the risk of becoming socially rejected and punished. Abnormal behaviors interfere with healthy relationships and the pursuit of wholesome goals. Abnormal behaviors often include deviant behaviors, irrational thinking, mental illness, and breaking the laws of the land. The major socialization agents of home, school, and church are charged with the task of teaching normal behaviors to members of society. Without exception, abnormal behaviors must never be normalized. It is one thing to be taught good behaviors. It’s another thing to practice what we have learned.

RISK AND ADVENTURE

Life offers adventure. At the same time, life presents significant risks. It is important for us to calculate the risks we are taking before we engage in any activity. What is the down side? What can possibly go wrong? As a parent, discuss with your older child the many ways in which he can die such as drowning, electrocution, suffocation, getting hit by a moving vehicle, or falling from a high place. We cannot afford to protect our children from the realities of life. It is a form of mental suffering that we must all endure. Consider the laws of probability. What are the chances that you will emerge on the winning side? It is important to understand cause and effect and to take all precautions to minimize risk. To live a meaningful and fulfilled life, we must be willing to take well calculated risks. At the same time, we must take preventive measures that will keep us alive.

SIMPLE WAYS TO REMAIN HEALTHY

It is not enough to have knowledge. We must be disciplined to practice what we know. It does not cost a whole lot to remain healthy. Learn to sleep well at night. Keep yourself on a consistent sleep schedule that will allow you to get at least seven hours of sleep nightly. Eat nutritious foods. Purchase whole foods instead of processed foods. Keep your sugar intake to a minimum. Eat a colorful array of fruits and vegetables. Drink pure water throughout the day. Get some daily exercise. If the weather is too bad for a walk outside, walk in the house until you are tired. Get into the habit of walking daily. Soon your body will begin to crave it. If at all possible, spend some time every day in the sunshine. Have at least one hobby that brings you joy. It may be cooking, music, sports, writing, gardening, or art. Have at least one friend to whom you feel an attachment. Make sure that your friend is easy going, caring, and positive.

IMPULSE CONTROL

As you live in the real world, remember, there are many ways to die. You have to be aware of danger and you must cultivate strong impulse control. Practice stopping yourself. Command yourself to stop. There is risk when you drive. There is risk when you go to the beach. There is risk when you attend a concert. There is risk when you go hiking. There is risk everywhere. You cannot quit living. Be rational and be realistic. Engage in activities that are low-risk or better still engage in activities that are relatively risk-free. Take every safety measure that may prevent a disastrous outcome. Cultivate strong impulse control and develop mastery over your own functioning. Be well able to stop yourself on your own command.

A SOLEMN PROMISE

As you live in the real world, make a solemn promise to yourself that you will not experience premature death, become a patient in a psychiatric hospital, or be an inmate in a prison. These are broad long-term goals that will give your life structure. To achieve these goals, you must practice self-awareness and you must be able to regulate your emotions and behaviors. Real life demands that you make top-notch decisions at every turn. This solemn promise to yourself will encourage you to guard your physical and mental health. In everything that you do, calculate the risk and take preventive measures to avoid a disaster. Invest in good nutrition, daily exercise, proper sleep, and relaxation. Live a meaningful life.

HIGH ANXIETY

Be aware. All humans function with high anxiety. It is our major