The Helpmate

By Gwendolyn O. Hinton

The HelpMate is a book that can assist you in the trials of your marriage. Most of us are always looking for a way to support or end our marriages. The author has written this book in faith hoping that it will be advice to those who are seeking refuge for their marriage. Also, the book describes the role of The HelpMate so that we can understand what position we uphold in our marriages as women who are wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts and friends. The book is an easy read and can possibly be helpful to you in sustaining your marriage. Whether your marriage is in the beginning, struggling or attempting to survive, The HelpMate can help. If youre seeking encouragement for your marriage The HelpMate is a wonderful motivating tool that you can benefit from.
A lot of the authors life in a long-term marriage has been disclosed through various trials and tribulations in her own marriage. The disclosure is to serve as a weapon to help husbands and wives recognize where they may need help to survive in a marriage that they both want. As the author of this book I dont believe that we should wait until the marriage is at a dead end and then try and look for the help, but look for help when the life of the marriage is in the beginning or surviving stage so that you will never have to worry about your end being a dead one. Read the HelpMate and be open and receptive for life changing words that may fulfill your palate, knowing that others go through similar struggles in an attempt to keep a good and strong marriage. Remember to become selfless because when we marry 2 Shall Become 1 and only God can explain to us what it means, but we have to be able and willing to walk in our roles with love. Be Blessed and May Grace and Peace Abound With You as You Expose Yourself to The HelpMate.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781514468135

Gwendolyn O. Hinton

Gwendolyn Octavia Hinton, is a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mother and a wife. She is a woman of strength who enjoys all of God given assignments. She is a woman who has always used her gifts and talents to empower others. Gwen serves as a Minister, Certified Teacher of Psychology, Certified Cosmetologist, has a BA in Psychology, a MS in Mental Health Counseling and has attended Seminary pursuing a Masters in Divinity. She has been a participant of Who’s Who and rewarded various certificates for her outstanding work in her community. She is also the founder of 2 Shall Be 1 Ministries and her community re-entry project The Start House for the ex-offender. In addition to her academia and community outreach she is also a Family Program Coordinator/lecturer/therapist in the Community Education Centers. Gwen is working on several other projects to help with societal change and writing this book The HelpMate is another of her endeavors. Her purpose is to empower others so that they may be able to empower themselves for a changed and better future. May God Bless All of The Readers of this Inspirational book.

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The HelpMate

Gwendolyn O. Hinton

Copyright © 2011 by Gwendolyn O. Hinton.

ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4568-8117-7

ISBN: Ebook 978-1-5144-6813-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.xlibris.com

67925

Contents

The Foreword

Chapter 1 A Special Place

Chapter 2 Challenges Are Facing You

Chapter 3 Submit To Who

Chapter 4 Value and Worth

Chapter 5 To Thine Own Self Be True

Chapter 6 When The Road Gets Tough

Chapter 7 GOD Days and Bad Days

Chapter 8 Who Am I and Where Am I

Chapter 9 Where Is The Lord in All of This

Chapter 10 These Shoes Don’t Fit

Chapter 11 A Slave Mentality

Chapter 12 Focus on The Rewards

Chapter 13 The HelpMate

Chapter 14 Ask God How

The Summary

Dedication

The HelpMate would not have come to fruition, if it had not been for the following special people in my life. First of all I give all Honor to God for allowing me to be the one to write on such a topic, then I am thankful to My Mother Pearlena Hodge (thanks mommy), Michelle Lewis, Barbara Hodge, Cynthia Guest, Erin Walker, Princess Curry, Vanessa Waters, Anthony Hodge Sr., Samuel Hinton, Roxanne Hollis, Dana S. Hinton, Shawn Dwayne Hinton, Pastor J. Michael Sanders, Zorie and Shalonda Stokes, Janice Middleton, Bill and Bonnie Stevens, Xlbris Publishers and a host of others who were influential in my life. Thanks Be to God!

THE FOREWORD

by Michele Elease Lewis

Marriages are the target of demonic annihilation. In times when love is tested, covenants broken, faithfulness forsaken and pain moves in, Minister Gwendolyn Hinton dressed for battle and believed the unbelievable, forgave the unforgiveable and with her faith she answered the infamous question, ‘What Would Jesus Do’.

In society and sadly, too many churches, people are pretending and dying. One of the most sacred and holy institutions on earth [marriage] has been scrutinized, scandalized, demoralized and defiled by man, the media, musicians and even some ministers. Too many people marry for fame and fortune, divorce when it’s gone; engage in adulterous lifestyles and call it quits over differences in personality and often without any attempt to reconcile. Minister Gwendolyn takes a stance and proclaims a bold and confident trust in the Lord, our God.

The HelpMate is a challenging, painfully honest and refreshingly hopeful work for the married, the separated and the single. This inspirational testimony declares there’s nothing [NO THING] too hard for God. As declared by the prophet and the Gospel writers:

■ Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me? i

■ Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. ii

■ Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God. iii

■ Jesus replied, What is impossible with men is possible with God. iv

It’s thought-provoking and will challenge one to pray earnestly, search inwardly, forgive diligently and wait patiently [on God].

There are some things in this life that require a sovereign solution because they are beyond human resolve. You don’t know what the person sitting next to you is going through, so pray for them. Let’s believe God for the restoration, reconciliation, renewal and revival to manifest in marriages worldwide. Stay positive and expect a miracle. I serve a great God and I expect to see the unexpected show up!

God is so great, awesome, and eternal and yet He alone, loves and cares about you and me so much that He wants permission to be up close, personal and intimately involved in every area of our life and marriage. As you encounter the author’s heart, let Christ Jesus into your own heart. The HelpMate is real: real people, real life, real issues, real pain but best of all a real God.

i Jeremiah 32:27

ii Matthew 19:26

iii Mark 10:27

iv Luke 18:27

Chapter 1

A Special Place

Have you ever felt like you were somewhere that you did not belong but knew it was a place you needed to be? In your spirit you just knew you needed to be here in this place but couldn’t explain it to anyone, but you just knew. You begin to sit quietly and think about the place you’re in and then your mind begins to wonder but how did I get here and what is the purpose for me being here? Is there an end to this beginning and how long will I be here or have to be here?

Some questions that we ask keep us in specific places for a very long time or it can be for a brief moment. Whatever the case we’re there and we know it because we have begun to feel the experiences that we encounter. Sometimes the experiences are good and sometimes the experiences are bad but in the end we discover that we have been in a very special place. God has a way of moving you from once place to another without your permission but for a reason to a purpose. It’s always a cause and effect but sometimes we get lost in the cause and don’t realize it until the effect takes place. Wherever we land we always realize that we’ve been somewhere. You will have evidence of your move from place to place in your life, in your marriage, in your experiences and your specific roles in life and in awhile you may wonder, Wow, how did I get here!

At the time of writing this book I was in a special place and didn’t realize how special it was in year 2006 until today in the year 2010. The Lord had allowed for me to be moved away from my husband for a period of 8 months to spend some special time with me. Although I was not in the same home with my husband for 8 months in the year of 2006 I had spent some very valuable time in a special place with God while I stayed in connection to my husband. As the Lord renewed and restored me as a person He also taught me personal things about myself. I realized that I had been dying and it was death on a continuous basis in my relationship but I continued to want to carry out my special role of The HelpMate. I wanted to remain in the special place that God had placed me in but I was dying and God allowed for me to go to a place where He gave me thoughts of peace and tranquility. It was such a difficult move for me but I sat down and I knew in my Spirit that I had to do something because my final death was knocking at my door. My emotions were shot and I was wearing the mask of all times that said I’m Happy. That’s the place I wanted for my husband and me but there was something that God had to do to show us that we needed help. Yes, we were both in special places, making personal decisions about the roles we play in marriage. It was very deep. Who would have thought that this is where we would have ended up after 30 years of marriage?

How do you know when you’re unhappy? Well, it’s a feeling you get of sadness in the relationship. If he always brought you gifts and now he doesn’t anymore, that’s a change. I used to get flowers; jewelry, candy and you name it. My husband was always giving gifts. I’ve since learned that not only was he always making up for something he did wrong to me but this was his form of love to me. In giving gifts was a way to speak his love to me and just recently I’ve tried to accept and understand his language without scrutinizing it. Boy, do I really miss his gifts. Are you missing anything and you’re not sure how to get it back? That’s some kind of place to be in. If you are a believer in God you can rely on Him. He’s the best gift giver to replace, renew or restore you to that special place better than it was before, if that is what you desire and if that is best for you.

Trust, faith, hope and believe. Two Shall Be One. If you can hope in what you want then you can believe that it will happen. If you trust that all things will work together for good and then you can have faith that it will then Two Shall Always Become One because of the perfect will of God. I remembered when my husband asked to marry me and I was shocked because it wasn’t what I had expected. I had just recently said to my girlfriend that I wasn’t going to date anymore unless the next guy had proposed marriage. I didn’t realize that I was hoping for marriage and believing that it would happen and happen so quickly. Once we were married my faith became so strong in what I thought marriage could be. No one ever sat down and told us exactly what to do but we had had parents who we learned a few things from. The rest we learned as we went along. As The HelpMate I always trusted in my husband. Whatever he said, needed or wanted me to do I was faithful most times in my attempts. Like I said we learn as we go along. There was a lot to learn about marriage and now I realized that we were one. We were in the special place of matrimony where there should be you, your husband and God in a triangle. If one of you is missing from the triangle, it’s perfection will become straight lines that aren’t connected and just drifting in mid air. Well, if marriage begins to start swimming all over the place that tells us that there are connections of miscommunication and we need a special hook up to revive what’s appears to be broken.

I don’t know how many of you believe in pray but pray does work. Have you ever heard it may not come when you want it but God will be right on time? Communicating with the great communicator will make a world of difference when you need to talk about brokenness, a place that you went to and don’t remember the journey there. All of a sudden you were there and it’s like being on a boat without a paddle. Stuck in the middle of the mud, drowning in the middle of the sea, calling for help and not receiving any answers. In all of my travels I have learned that if I pray no matter what condition I’m in someway and somehow I will get an answer. It may not be what I want at the time and it may be just what the doctor ordered, but in any event I realize that my communication with the great communicator had been acknowledged.

In the first years of our marriage we had lived 3,000 miles away from our family and it was just our son and us. A young married couple with a family and we were trying to survive in a foreign land. I remember we didn’t have any food in the refrigerator and we didn’t know where we would get some from, but in my heart I had believed that something would come through for us. At the time I don’t remember whether I was in touch with my faith but I do remember that I had always spent some time with God to understand that He was my source. I’ll never forget we walked to the mailbox and there was an unexpected check from the government. Wow! We were ecstatic! A new marriage, two walking together as one, believing and trusting with faith that all things would work together, not knowing that it was our faith that brought forth the miracle. What a special place at a special time in our marriage.

When I think about it your special times and your special place, as The HelpMate will develop from a variety of episodes in your life. Whether it is a good time or a bad time, you realize after awhile that you’ve been in a special place all the time. An ah ha moment just comes upon you.

When my husband left me this last time and this was a biggie, I was left in a very special place. I was hurt, distraught and full of unbelief as well as anger. Yes, I felt depressed, despised and deserted. I know what it feels like to feel like your bottom has dropped out from beneath you even when you had thought you really didn’t need or want that bottom anymore. I’m thankful for those that the Lord sent with prayers and encouraging words. I’m grateful that I had a personal relationship with the Master because where would I be? In my time