Frank Clark Short Stories

By Frank Clark

This book is a collection of short stories written by Frank Clark. Stories are
humorous, imaginative, and introspective. An interesting and creative style of
writing outside the box of the classical literary short story. Many stories are written
in the vernacular to describe people and place. These stories are about everyday people in
everyday life.
You will identify with many of the characters and themes of these stories. The wit and
creativity of Franks writing will make you laugh, allow you to step into an imaginary
world and will give you something to think about.
Each story is amusing and will capture your interest. Read one story and you cant wait
to read the next. These stories are quite funny. You will laugh and you will smile. Enter
an imaginary world, a brief escape from the demands of your day. You will return to your
day feeling refreshed, relaxed with exuberant energy to complete your day. Maybe an
extraordinary day. Lastly, many of the stories are introspective. They give you something
to think about from a different point of view.
These stories have been written for you. You will fi nd them a delightful read. Enjoy
your read.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 30, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477106341

Frank Clark

Frank Clark is a short story author. He resides in Tampa, Florida. He is a humorist and an imaginative storyteller. Stories are about everyday people in everyday life. Frank’s mind is just full of themes. Everywhere he goes, people he meets and things that he sees all generate a story to tell, and he writes them well. Many of his stories are written in the vernacular to describe people and personalities. Interesting and creative writing style that’s engaging with thought-provoking stories. You will laugh, imagine, and see life from a different point of view. Frank stories are composed and published on his weblog at WordPress. The title of the website is “Frank Clark Short Stories.” He is a member of the Living Happy Writers Group. He has contributed stories to the “Living Happy Newsletter” and his stories have been featured in the online magazine, The Dolphin. “Frank Clark Short Stories” are entertaining. You will fi nd them a delightful read. Enjoy!

Book preview

Copyright © 2012 by Frank Clark.

Editorial Assistance

Provided by Carole Kane

Freehold, New Jersey.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

103263

Contents

Your time is valuable. I want you to enjoy each story within the time you have available.

I have organized stories by Read Time. This is determined by the number of words per story. The shorter stories are listed first, then the longer stories and lastly the longest stories. Again the purpose of this chart is to save you time and to allow you to read a story without feeling rushed.

Just select a story below to read. Enjoy your read.

Read Time—15 Minutes.*

Amigo-Amigo!

Beauty Operator

Bessie Mae’s Recipe

Bigfoot

Café Orleans

Disco Elephants

Easy Street

Follow Your Heart

Guardian Angel

I Got Sticks!

Nickel and Dime

Old Florida

Out of Order

Peachtree Junction

Rednecks in Suburbs

Run to the Store Now!

Santa Online

Sunday Morning

Tater and Mater

Two Bits Worth

Voodoo Snaps

Read Time—20 Minutes.*

Blinker’s On

County Fair

Customer Always Right

Dr. Gray Upstairs

Fat Cat Club

Gas Station Ninja

Goofed Today

Kid Day

Locked in Produce

Money Exchange

Nuts for You

Paintings You Write

Penelope’s Pogo

Spring Chicken

Suzy Smart

Thunder Rush

We Won the War!

Winter Haven

Read Time—30 Minutes.*

Bill Collector

Chocolatier Mountain

Gorilla in Mirror

Julia Mae’s Sari Night

Lions Once

Oasis on the Prairie

Pleasant Exchanges

Southern Lady Request

Sunrise Lotus

Three Kings and a Princess

Yappers and Woofers

*Approximate Read Time.

This book is dedicated to my son, Garrett.

Introduction

These stories have been written for you. I think you will identify with many of the characters and themes of these stories. They are written outside the box of the classical literary short stories.

They are about everyday people in everyday life.

I promise, you will laugh and smile. These stories are amusing and quite funny—at least I think so. They have made me laugh and made me smile. I truly enjoy them.

I promise, you will enter an imaginary world, have a brief escape from the demands of the day. You will return to your day feeling refreshed and relaxed, with exuberant energy to complete your day, or maybe end an extraordinary day.

I promise, you will see life from a different point of view. All of my stories have a message, told to you directly. You may also discover them as you read. You will feel inspired and refreshed to think about other possibilities for your life.

Finally, read my stories and you will get to know something about me. I truly love and respect all the characters I have created in my stories. People talk, dogs and cats talk, and even vegetables talk. I like accents and dialects. Accents are syrupy southern to the sound. I create dialect with the use of slang, misspelled words, and in the informal dialogues between my characters. My writing style is in the vernacular. I write the way people actually speak a language.

Need uplifting and thought-provoking stories? You will find my stories a delightful read. Promise.

Amigo-Amigo!

Amigo-amigo! Amigo-amigo!

Carlos and I are friends. Amigos! Every time we meet, we greet each other with Amigo-amigo! We have a common interest—dogs.

Today, Carlos and I are to meet at the park. He is bringing Niño and Niña. He describes them as small with short white curly fur. They are poodles.

Here comes Carlos in his late model SUV with trailer hitch. I don’t know why the hitch. He has no boat that I know of. Maybe he does. I like to fish.

From a distance, as Carlos drives into the park, I see two small heads resting on the sills of the doors. I see four ears flapping in the wind—one in the front seat and one in the backseat. They’re poodles. Must be Niño and Niña.

Carlos gets out of car. He is holding the smaller dog and has the other by the leash. Amigo-amigo, meet Niño and Niña.

Hello, Niño and Niña. Me and Carlos, amigos. I expected a reply, but there’s no reply because dogs don’t talk.

I attempted to pet them. Niña, meek and mild and in the arms of Carlos, allows me. I try to pet Niño. He growls and snaps his mouth at me. He starts to bark and then growls again. Carlos says, Don’t worry, Franco, give him time. He doesn’t know you. In a few minutes, once he sees we are friends and you not a threat, he will be your friend. You’ll see.

I go back to Niña, and she allows me to pet her again. Carlos says, You want to hold?

Yes, I’d love to hold her.

Carlos hands over Niña to me. She doesn’t resist. Just meek and mild. But I don’t know about Niño. He doesn’t like me for some reason. I hug and give Niña a quick kiss. Niña, mi amor. Niña, my love. As soon as I said that, Niño starts to bark incessantly. He would not stop.

Asked Carlos, Why is Niño so upset? He heard you say mi amor. He knows what that means. I say it to Niña all the time. As far as Niño is concerned, Niña belongs to him.

So he is jealous of me?

Carlos says, Yes, he is. Hand her over to me.

As soon as I did, the barking stopped.

Franco, he is possessive of her. Niña belongs to him and no one else.

I bravely squatted down to look at Niño. He does not bite me, yet. I said, Niño, you bark and snap at me. I don’t know why. Can we talk? Niño turns his head away and thinks to himself, What’s with this guy? He thinks I’m gonna talk. Fat chance! He is not my friend. Niña belongs to me and no one else.

One more attempt. Niño, amigo-amigo? Niño says nothing. Of course not, dogs don’t talk. "Niño, look—

kitty cat, kitty cat."

This guy is really ridiculous. He thinks I’m gonna fall for that trick. It will never work.

Niño, look—chewy, chewy. Not that trick. I do not like rawhide. Niño, I guess you’re not my friend.

Niño says, You’re right, man. I’m not your friend but man’s best friend. I’ll give you an E for effort. I’ll even give you a chance as a friend. ‘Niño, amigo-amigo?’ Niño says amigo-amigo."

Carlos, Niño and I are friends. He told me so.

You fell for that trick, Franco. Dogs can’t talk. Niño has a voice player in his collar that will mimic everything you say to him. Just listen.

Niño, amigo-amigo.

Niño, amigo-amigo.

Niño, Franco and I are amigos.

Niño, Franco and I are amigos.

Listen to this one. Niño, Niña mi amor.

Niño says out loud, Niña, mi amor and belongs to me. Now that I’ve said it. That settles it.

Adios, Carlos. Amigo-amigo! Adios, Niño. Amigo-amigo! Adios, Niña. Amigo-amigo!

All reply out loud. Adios, Franco. Amigo-amigo! Amigo-amigo! Amigo-amigo!

Beauty Operator

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Jimmie’s, 90 at Magnolia, ‘the permanent of waves.’

The number is 762-perm. Thank you for calling the beauty operator.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Neva’s on Orange, a blue hair salon, ‘your place for gossip and do’s.’

The number is South 2-neva. Thank you for calling the beauty operator.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Azteca, ‘a hoax of a cut.’

The number is Mayan 12-1221. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Yes, Quick-Quack-Quick.

"You want more information? Check online at www.beautyoperators.com. They’re all listed there. The number is Quack 4-quack, quack, duck. Thank you for calling."

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Psychedelic Cuts, ‘pink, orange and blues.’

The number is Nuke 7-blast. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator, how may I direct your call?

I beg your pardon. We are not that type of service. This is your third call. Maxine, a little frustrated, said, Okay, this is the number, 987-654-Call now. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Sister Divine, ‘your twenty-four-hour palmist.’

The number is Hex-fortune. No, I have never seen Sister Divine. No, I don’t know if her predictions are correct. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Christian Care.

We have no such number. Check your directory under, oh, here it is. Nursing home services, ‘you’re next in line.’

Am I next in line? I don’t think so.

The number is Yor 9-baths and pills. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Don’t have a good day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Daberta’s World of Braids n’ Fros, ‘girl, get yourself in here.’

That’s Harlem 4-gone. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

Is this place for real?

Of course. Daberta gets all the business.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Little Girl Curls.

Yes, ma’am, this is the wonderful world of curls. The number is She-is-precious. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Bad Boy Cuts.

Yes, this is a man’s salon. Have I ever been there? What do you think? Never! Don’t you ever call here again. Thank you for calling the beauty operator.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Slaves and Dames.

Let’s see, that’s an unlisted number. Private club. I’m sorry. Have I ever been there? No! I am not a slave and I am not a dame. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

I’ve got a secret.

What is this about? I don’t listen to such filth. You need to know the Lord. What a sick mind. You need deliverance. Ex-or-cist. Now, get off the phone. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a great day.

This is the beauty operator. How may I direct your call?

Peachtree Street Salon.

That’s Lula Bell’s place. Tara 4-gone-with-wind. You have a navigator?

Well, there are thirty-two Peachtrees. I need a street address and which Peachtree street.

Do this, just go nawth on Peachtree. God bless you. You will need it. Thank you for calling the beauty operator. Have a terrific day. I’m out of here!

Bessie Mae’s Recipe

Sunny Field, South Carolina

Bessie Mae Tanner’s Stir-Fried Collard Casserole

Mama, tell me about Grannie Bessie.

Well, she worked on a plantation farm not far from here. She was an in-house servant. She was the plantation cook. She cooked all the meals. Everybody, including the owner and the field workers, sat down together for all of her meals. Bessie would get up before the rooster crowed and would start a wood fire to get the stovetop hot enough to cook.

Come six o’clock, a big breakfast of flapjacks, biscuits, gravy, and pork sausage was ready to be served. Twenty folks gathered there every morn to start their day.

Bessie Mae had her own vegetable garden. She called it her ‘plantation garden.’ It was a garden of fresh squash, tomatoes, beans, and greens of all kind. She even grew her own herbs. Late morning she would tend to her garden and select the vegetables and herbs she would use to prepare dinner not only for twenty people but for an additional fifteen or so from all around.

Table was set for the seven o’clock dinner. She served everyone family style. So all foods—from appetizers to the main course dish—were set in place. Every glass of sweet tea was garnished with a leaf of mint fresh from her garden.

"She would