Attack of the Printers with Feet

By Roberto Piloto-Sanchez

When Printers with feet come to Earth
One boy will lose his best friend.
Make fun of giant monsters.
Meet several people.
Stop for a hotdog.
Find out that intergalactic printers are plotting to take over the Earth.
Get into a paintball war.
Get beat up by giant monsters.
See places that dont even exist.
Meet up with a magical genie.
And find that the greatest hope of allwas in the printers he killed.
And by the way, this isnt in order.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 20, 2009
• ISBN: 9781469118451

Roberto Piloto-Sanchez

Roberto Piloto-Sanchez is 12 years old and lives with his family in Miami, Florida. He used Xlibris to publish his first book: “Attack Of The Printers With Feet.”

Book preview

Chapter 1

Holy crap did I just see a walking printer!?

I, Bob, am walking down the street to finally obtain the_

Ok dude, why in hell are you narrating the way to go to CVS? ,asked my friend Joe. Because I’m bored . . . 

We’re going to CVS aren’t we?

Yeah but_

Told you, case closed.

Just to get tic-tacs. I muttered under my breath. Oh right! The introduction, I forgot. I’m Bob, I’m 14 years old, I like pie and have absolute zero experience with girls. My real name is: Babble-owski Ondersomsenjong Bong-Bong . . . ,but my friends call me Bob, I cant imagine why though. It’s not like Babble-owski Ondersomsenjong Bong-Bong is such a long name. It’s only 34 letters. Oh well.

Anyways . . . just then I tripped over a little fat kid who had fallen two inches off his tricycle and broken a hole in the Earth’s crust. Dude!, shouted Joe, are you all right?

I got up very angrily and said-almost yelled—Yes . . . I’m fine, not at all hurt that I tripped over a 300 pound two year old, broke seventy five bones, and my esophagus fell out of my mouth.

So I take it your fine?

No you idiot, I’m not Fine!

 . . . I think that fat kid ate your esophagus.

Can’t you concentrate on anything for ten seconds?!?! . . . . . . "

I’m sorry, did you say something? Joe replied.

Funny thing is . . . I don’t think he’s kidding. Let’s just go get the damn tic-tacs already. We began walking along talking about tape and ointment for sore rashes on people’s eyelids.

We reached CVS and walked in. When we got in we saw a gory mess of the president that looked like he fell into a meat grinder.

(oh yeah, we live in the year 2045 ,the president is called president Jangle Somserson, The first Martian president.) Holy chocolate covered Jason Voorhees’ with a side of gravy and pork chops!

I know . . . there having a sale on tic-tacs!, five for the price of 1000!! Yaaay!

I ignored my semi—retarded friend and focused of the meat-grinded looking president. Wow I wondered, how could this be . . . he beat John McCain when he ran for president for the 85th time after losing to Barack Obama in the 2008 elections. Somserson won by 110 percent of the votes. I rushed to the police officer standing by Somerson’s liver.

What happened?

Well . . . he a-

Orale-way! Don’t give it out just like that!!, interjected the store clerk who seemed to know what happened to the president-and also seemed to be Mexican-.

Oye!, you got something against Mexicans?!

Oh! Uh, no of course not, G-George Lopez is hilarious.

That’s what I thought you-, then he began murmuring in fast, distorted Spanish. I was pretty sure he was cursing at me. Whatever. Now Bob, If your done talking to yourself in your mind I would like to tell you that president Somserson was supposedly assassinated. The police officer said.

Ok, that’s all good but how do know you know my name? The cop’s eyes shone brightly as if he were wearing glasses. He then uttered in a small, sly voice The less you know the better, Ob. Without moving himself, he slid out of the room still standing in the same position and looking at me creepily. Huh, weird, I murmured to myself.

I’ll say, Joe said, he called you ‘Ob. Joe . . . why are you carrying 4 bags full of tic-tacs? They had such a great sale.

Joe it was 5 for 1000 dollars!

I Know, I bought fifty of them! . . . 

Joe . . . did you have any money when you came here?

Nope he replied with a smile on his face. So what did you use to pay for it? With the smile still on his face he said:

Your credit card.

I was about to rip out his liver and feed it to him when I saw something scurry in the woman’s pit-hair trimmer section. It looked like a printer with a pair of human feet attached to the bottom.

what the . . .  I said softly.

Dude, what’s wrong with you, do you need some vitamin C or something, you look like you have just discovered a tumor in you left buttock.

Then I passed out.

Chapter 2

"Ok, I wanna know if they made

a new type of printer . . . with feet"

I awoke to a sharp pain in my head.

Ow . . . Dude why does my head hurt?

Because I hit you with a bucket of acid.

Dude what the shit did you do that for?!

Because that’s what you’re supposed to do when someone faints.

NO! you pour a bucket of cold water on them!, not throw a bucket at them!, full of acid nonetheless!, what happened to the smart Joe, did he shrivel up already?!?!

Yup, was the only thing Joe said, smile still posted on his face. Whatever, I said still kinda pissed, did you see the thing?

You mean the thing about the thing?

No, not that thing. The thing by the things over there, you know with the things.

Oh, the thing by the things. The thing that you say had thing with things on it, that thing.

Yeah, I think we both are talking about the same thing that I saw by the things about the things with some things on it that aren’t those things over there, but those things over there were certainly on the thingy that I saw next to the thing with the thing on its thing. That thing

I see replied Joe.

You do? I said flatly.

No, sorry I don’t know if the thing by the-

Don’t start that again!

Sorry.

We left CVS shortly after that.

Seriously, though, did you see it?

Joe let out a big sigh, see what Bob, see what?

That dark thing, scurrying by some aisle, can’t remember which one though.

The men’s thongs? because if that’s it, what you saw was just a gay midget.

No, it wasn’t that aisle; to me it looked like . . . . I was too embarrassed to finish my sentence.

Like what? questioned Joe, in a kind of challenging way?

Like a printer with feet . . . happy?

 . . . . Joe burst out laughing.

Yeah, and I’m supposed to be the dumb one in this book. He was able to choke that sentence while roaring in laughter.

Stop laughing you jerk, I know what I saw.

Ok yeah right, whatever you say.

"You’re starting to piss me off