Character Is Fate: I Seek Refuge in Allah from the Accursed Satan!

By Khalid A. Mustafa

The best way for me articulate an insightful glimpse of self is through the words of a friend. Michelle states: "You are a very generous man. You understand what it means to be a man, what differentiates the man from the boy, and what males and females alike need and want from you as a man. You give great attention and focus to your ability to handle responsibilities, understand the needs of others (often more than they understand their needs themselves), and deliver on those needs in a very special and unique way. You are clear about the importance of righteous good deeds and this central principle in your life generates much of the giving you do to the deserving and the not-so deserving. Your heart is in all that you do and you are so forgiving of others, yet you never seem to fully forgive yourself, finding more appropriate respite in The Cherisher and Sustainer of the Universe and keeping faith in His message that His mercy outreaches His wrath. You are extremely self-motivated and driven. When you have set your mind to something, there is little that can deter you from the path unless it is well substantiated. Others who stand close to you can sense this as you pull them closer or as you push them away. What you know, you know and you are also wise enough to know that there is much that you still have to comprehend."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 21, 2009
• ISBN: 9781469100791

Khalid A. Mustafa

The best way for me articulate an insightful glimpse of self is through the words of a friend. Michelle states: "You are a very generous man. You understand what it means to be a man, what differentiates the man from the boy, and what males and females alike need and want from you as a man. You give great attention and focus to your ability to handle responsibilities, understand the needs of others (often more than they understand their needs themselves), and deliver on those needs in a very special and unique way. You are clear about the importance of righteous good deeds and this central principle in your life generates much of the giving you do to the deserving and the not-so deserving. Your heart is in all that you do and you are so forgiving of others, yet you never seem to fully forgive yourself, finding more appropriate respite in The Cherisher and Sustainer of the Universe and keeping faith in His message that His mercy outreaches His wrath. You are extremely self-motivated and driven. When you have set your mind to something, there is little that can deter you from the path unless it is well substantiated. Others who stand close to you can sense this as you pull them closer or as you push them away. What you know, you know and you are also wise enough to know that there is much that you still have to comprehend."

Book preview

CHARACTER IS FATE

I seek refuge in Allah from

the accursed Satan!

cover.emf

Revolutionize your thinking and nurture your essence with

the concepts illuminated through an autobiographical guide

to spiritual, moral, emotional, and intellectual actualization

of one soul’s journey for peace

Khalid A. Mustafa

Copyright © 2009 by Khalid A. Mustafa.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2009910436

ISBN:    Hardcover    978-1-4415-8195-2

Softcover   978-1-4415-8194-5

ISBN:    ebook   978-1-4691-0079-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

52964

Contents

PREFACE

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

PREFACE

Here is a plain statement to humanity, a guidance and instruction to those who fear The Originator of Creation (Allah)! So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith.

—HQ, 3:138-139

The purpose and theme of this book is to take you on a journey of my soul’s struggle for paradise. It is imperative that you listen for the essence of my meaning and feel the depth of my sentiments as we travel through the chaos of a human psyche in a desperate quest for peace.

The traditions of Prophet Muhammad ibn Abdullah exemplify that a Muslim possesses patience within every calamity as our pristine desires are forged in the crucible of toil persevered. Taking the time to acquire information is to demonstrate value in the data, yet the ability to understand and apply this information correctly eludes us like the last hour of the Cosmo calendar. As the circumstances of your life consume you, belief in a solution resonates in your brain, and you are willing to lend me your ear. I offer you my life as a guidepost to the path of self-actualization.

Character walks us through the abyss of our miserable existence that we camouflage through materialistic gain of overpopulated, highly depreciable items to symbolize accomplishment. We usually have minimal control over what happens in our life, but clearly, we have the ability to control the response. Initiating change is an important idea to consider before enslaving self to someone else’s agenda or as a means of discovering our own identity.

Social scholars venture to suggest that actions definitely influence the principle of cause and effect in the course of life. Therefore, we all should be concerned about how we respond to uncontrollable circumstances and learn from our mistakes. The calumnious state of my life, rooted in a single act of stupidity over thirty years ago, motivates the purity of my intentions in offering me to you in the most humble form of love imaginable.

I open my soul and direct you through the lessons of my experiences in quest for salvation. The incriminating nature of the content expressed compels me to change names and seamlessly connect otherwise-unrelated experiences to protect the guilty. The idea is for you to grasp a soul’s metamorphosis and individual struggle for excellence through a sea of difficulties instead of suggesting blame.

Fatherhood is a sacred trust awarded to the male as an obligation to be there, in any way possible, for the proper development of his children. We must give the best of ourselves, no matter what forces attempt to destroy the bond, for the proper development of the child. I can never change the history of my faults and shortcomings, but I can influence the reality in the minds of the future.

In April 1997 I was ordered to leave my home and children with due prejudice. I cannot describe the depths of the pain and loss that I still carry within me. However, nothing will ever compel me to relinquish my obligation as a father. I dedicate Character Is Fate to all my children, whom I birthed biologically or adopted through marriage, for them to learn about me in a way no one else will be able to provide.

Being driven to do right and be upright is an encompassing trait of my personality. The ironic paradox in my adventure is that those I love most are societal victimized by the intensity of my unwavering compulsion to discover truth. The duality in my nature manifests actions oozing with honey-saturated cyanide. I am sweet to the palate, nutritious for the soul, but lethal in the bloodstream. I inevitably carry the essence of destruction into the lives of those who stand too close. Standing alone, I keep others at a safe distance so they can benefit from the wisdom without securing a sure death in the process. Most of us are afraid to die (untying dysfunctional relationships) in order to truly live. The frustrations of loneliness only subside through sincere prayer, in pleading for mercy, for a solution to my cry. So please Allah (Originator of Creation), my struggle to become a sincere Muslim (mind of peace) can live as an example for others and be the path to transitioning into paradise. What would cause you to struggle and sacrifice for something unattainable in this life?

Is it possible to put the Originator of Creation above everything and be sure that the best will come from such a commitment? Those endowed with esoteric insight may understand, as I believe, that religious symbolism in the duality of creation holds the key to our salvation. My ex-wife resides with love in my heart, as my new wife secures her seat and the mystery of the future knocks on the door. Through labor, she bore, and with sacrifice, she cares for our children. The viciousness of actions in her determination to control my path necessitated our separation. For years, I dedicated myself to making our marriage work by ignoring destructive patterns and expected different results. My actions only proved to compound the problems beyond repair. Just because two people love each other does not necessarily mean they need or can prosper being together. If we could ever unite on this understanding, it would allow us to provide the best possible future for our children. My experiences say that this will never happen.

I cannot overlook the fact that this script may be the only real venue remaining for my children to know me and comprehend what I tried to represent in their life. Starting from that portentous date of November 13, 1976—etched in my mind for eternity—I start you on a journey through the life and mind of a convicted murderer. The existence of an urban tragic hero’s struggle, against astronomical odds, to obtain paradise is a continuing drama of my life through the abyss of oppression.

I do not desire recklessness in my words or sense a need to glamorize the ignorance within my life as I state what is necessary to make my point. The sentences themselves mean little beyond the documentation of events unless you listen closely to the heartbeat of my soul and feel the essence of my pain. To you, my children, I counsel to worship Allah alone, with no association or partnership, and believe in the unseen to guide your actions. Your success depends on the manifestation of sincerity canopying your intentions.

FOREWORD

Open Your Heart

Hear Another Perspective

When Khalid first asked me to read his manuscript, I was intrigued. I consider writing a book, published or not, a significant accomplishment, and I was impressed by the effort. It also takes a certain type of bravery to write an autobiography. There are often many motivators for writing an autobiography, and the tone and intent of authors vary widely. For some, there is a level of boastfulness or overevaluation of one’s contribution to society, but Khalid seemed to want to use his life as an example and an opportunity to teach. He is a teacher at heart, so this was no surprise.

As I began to make my way through Character Is Fate, I was shocked at how much I didn’t know about him. We had developed a friendship, but still I expected surprises, yet what I learned far exceeded my imagination. There are many closer to him than I, and my guess is that they too will be surprised at what they learn about him through his book. It isn’t just what he has shared, but how he has shared it that astounds me. He has exposed himself in this book, presenting more insight into the man he is through the positive experiences and decisions in his life while revealing parts of his life that are difficult to reconcile with who he is today.

For me, this book articulated an approach to life that I had never considered—a by-product of both my often-blind approach to life and Khalid’s unique approach to life and to impactful storytelling. I have spent my entire life trying to compartmentalize everything, making sure that everything was neat and in its proper place. In reality, life is sometimes messy—and often unruly. So how, with all of the challenges and factors that are beyond our control, do we continue to move toward the level of character that will ultimately propel us toward our destiny?

I had been struggling with this question for most of my life by the time I met Khalid. He glided into my life in such a smooth way, vulnerable enough to be open to the experience, but confident enough to move without missing a step. The experience thereafter was surreal at first. He has those eyes and this gaze that he employs. It is his way of looking through you to see your soul. Our friendship seemed to develop out of thin air. We discovered that we had many of the same interests, not the least of which was embracing a personal journey of discovery. Our friendship became one of mutual benefit—a symbiosis. Each possessed something that the other needed in order to move forward. I observed that he was embarking on a solo exploration, although I knew this was not possible for me. I had tried to go it alone and had made little progress. What progress I had made was slow and more painful than I was sure it had to be. In any event, I had almost given up on the challenge, finding myself alone with no partner for the process. Khalid’s presence in my life was truly an unexpected blessing. We are so much alike. I see so much of myself in him, both the strengths and weaknesses. This leaves me overjoyed and anxious all in the same breath. As our friendship developed, I found myself constantly amazed at his insight and the depths to which he would go to love and be loved. We became partners on the journey for a while, each seeking a deep level of understanding of self and the other, each trying to improve to be of benefit to others, each always in search of greater ways to love. This meant allowing ourselves to be extremely vulnerable; after all, the journey was punctuated by trying to address limitations and weaknesses, so honesty and vulnerability were important bricks in the foundation that allowed us to move forward. I am not sure that you can go through a life-changing experience like this without developing and sharing a deep bond and a great love. There was a certain pleasure in pleasing that we both took from the experience, and the mission of improving our own lives and helping others was as pure a relationship as I had ever had. Khalid gave so much to me and I in return. I am sure there will never be another experience quite like it.

Eventually, our lives went in different directions and we lost touch over the years, and I often wondered where Khalid’s life journey had taken him. I was delighted to see this personal testimony come to fruition. As you read through the pages that follow, I am sure that you too will never have another experience quite like it.

In this manuscript, Mr. Mustafa pushes us to think beyond the simple and