Sibling Rivalry

By Patricia S. Crawford

Sibling Rivalry is a book that is near and dear to my heart because of the rivalry that has transpired among my siblings and I. I describe this book as therapy for the soul. Sibling Rivalry is the clear depiction of various facets of rivalry within the home. This book will help you to understand where rivalry in the home derives from and possibly help you to understand your own personal situation. Sibling Rivalry is structured to help break generational curses, heal, forgive, and restore love that has been lost. Revelation states that Cain and Abel where the very first Rivals amongst siblings. Cains jealous nature left their parents without both of their children. Cain killed Abel out of jealousy and because the Lord showed favor over Abel. Cain did not have to be jealous of his brother because God had told Cain how to receive favor for himself. Jealousy and anger was so deeply rooted inside of Cain until it made him commit murder. Cain would have rather killed his own sibling then to take the advice of the Lord God our Savior. God was not pleased with what Cain had done so God cursed Cain. This books reveals different types of rivalry inside of the home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: May 14, 2015
• ISBN: 9781490759258

Patricia S. Crawford

Patricia was born and raised in Newark New Jersey and migrated to Texas in 2007. A Southern Belle at heart but a Jersey Girl for life. Patricia attends the Potter’s House of Dallas where she serves as a member of Mega Care and the Starting Over Ministry. Patricia is also an advocate for battered women and an alumni of God’s Leading Ladies in which she graduated with honors. Patricia love’s listening to Gospel and R&B music. Some of her favorite musicians are Kem, Leela James, Chrisette Michele, Maxwell, Tamela Mann and Mary Mary. She often enjoys watching HGTV and several cooking shows. Patricia enjoy’s cooking scrap booking making flower arrangements and interior decorating. Patricia has a great passion for writing and helping others. Family and friends would describe Patricia as kind gentle dependable honest trust worthy fun and sold out for the Lord.

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Copyright 2015 Patricia S. Crawford.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN:

978-1-4907-5924-1 (sc)

ISBN:

978-1-4907-5926-5 (hc)

ISBN:

978-1-4907-5925-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015906394

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Contents

In Loving Memory of My Brother Darryl Crawford Sr.

Introduction

Mommy Dearest

The Golden Child

Collateral Damage

Daddy’s Namesake

The Prodigal Son

Before She Came Along

The Princess

I Had More Than Enough

It Was Her That Divided Us

The Awesome Will of God

I Dance to the Beat of My Own Drum

Your Own Blood

She Didn’t Want Us

The Wicked Stepmom

The Favorite Child

A Testimony

A Memoir to Kharyi a.k.a. The Boy

Conclusion

I dedicate this book to my brother, Darryl Crawford. My brother and I have had our share of rivalry. Up until the day that the Lord called his angel home, my brother and I never got to the root of our rivalry. I loved my brother with all my heart. In life, we fought; but in his death, I love. Brother, forgiving you in life was not easy, and now I suffer in silent shame because I was so bitter inside that I never stopped to take a moment out to wonder what life would be like without you. I reflect on all the time that we lost through anger and bitterness. I often wonder what our relationship would be like if God gave us a second chance, a chance to get it right. A chance to love and not to fight with you every day. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t help but wonder! It is my prayer that I make it through those pearly white gates one day in hopes to walk those streets that are paved of gold by your side.

In Loving Memory of My Brother Darryl Crawford Sr.

darryl.jpg

I loved you, but God loved you best.

If I had a second chance, I would tell you that I love you every day of my life.

Signed: Missing Piece to the Puzzle

Introduction

Sibling rivalry is the heightened competition between siblings for the attention of their parents. Sibling rivalry usually begins when a new baby is born into the family and the older child fears that the baby will replace him or her. The older child may become extremely jealous and display unwarranted behavior toward the baby. The older child may demonstrate behaviors, such as talking like a baby, bedwetting, and/or whining for no reason at all. Sibling rivalry can create competitive behavior, such as jealousy or hatred among one another, as well as some bitterness toward the parents. Rivalry is caused by praising one child over the other through gifts, time, and scholastic challenges. Parents must learn to create balance between each child and somehow find a way to evenly spread their love. Parents must also demonstrate signs of affection toward each child equally.

There are many other ways that sibling rivalry surfaces within the home. Blended families have also been known to have sibling rivalry rear its ugly head within the household. Stepmothers are the biggest offenders to be known as the starter of rivalry between stepsisters and stepbrothers. Stepparents have the tendency to treat their own better than they treat someone else’s children. We must treat others’ children the way that we would want them to treat ours.

Sibling rivalry can also be caused by outsiders such as spouses, husbands, wives, in-laws, friends, and even family members. You must keep your relationship close enough that you will allow outsiders in to love but not divide and wage war on your family. Unions are to unite, not ignite.

I was inspired to write this book because of all the sibling rivalries that have transpired within my own family. I have been directly and indirectly influenced by sibling rivalry, and my heart bleeds for the families that are experiencing such a demonic and generational curse. I have spent years of my life dealing with my own personal battles and wars among my own siblings. I want nothing more but for families that have been destroyed by such unfortunate circumstances to be reunited through forgiveness and by God’s grace and mercy.

Although I have used real-life circumstances, which some more cruel than others, I find no pleasure in calling any one’s situation to the carpet. I have spoken from my heart, and now I must speak from the hearts of the victims of sibling rivalry. I applaud anyone who can find their personal story in this book and stand up to own it. I am no different from any of you, and I have shared my own personal ugly truths about the rivalry among my siblings. We must hear the ugly truth and stop the jealously and hatred in our own homes. Our children are growing up with hate in their hearts for their sisters and brothers because of this generational curse that has not been broken since the years of Cain and Abel.

We as parents must take a step back and ask ourselves some tough questions: Am I a contributing factor of the rivalry among my own children? Have I said or done something to cause this type of behavior to manifest within my own home? Have I not treated each one of my children equally, and have I favored one child over the other? These tough questions are not for you to get down on yourself but for you to think about your actions as a parent and to recognize the fact that you may have made some mistakes as a parent in raising your children. We are perfect in God’s image only! We were never intended to be perfect people in the world.

Today I open the doors to my childhood home to show you an imperfect place with imperfect people. Come inside and take this journey back in time with me. Come inside so that you can see that my home was no different from the one that you grew up in. Let’s smile, cry, heal, and restore together while the yolk of this curse is being destroyed through forgiveness. See the world of sibling rivalry at its finest. Oh, but don’t judge and don’t hide because your story may be different but very similar to mine. Support me through mine, and I will support you through yours! Please don’t worry about wiping your feet on the way in because you will only find yourself wiping them again on your way out. Why are you looking at me like that? I told you that my home was messy and that we had real-life issues within. Better yet saddle up because this may be a bumpy one!

PEACE, LOVE, AND FORGIVENESS.

Mommy Dearest

The storyteller: Destiny

I grew up in a home which consisted of two older brothers, a little sister, and me. Our mother passed away when I was just three years old, and my sister was only three months old. My oldest brother was seven, and my younger brother was five. Our father had a close family friend that worked with my mother. She lived in our basement and helped our dad raise us. She was like our live-in nanny. She became our auntie as time went on.

Our auntie would cook, clean, wash our clothes, do the dishes, comb my hair and my sister’s hair, give us baths, and make sure we went to bed so that we got enough sleep for school the next day. She made life fun for us. She gave us the love that we would have gotten from our mother had she lived. Auntie was the mother that we never got the chance to know. If she never told us that she loved us, we could wake up every morning and look in her eyes and see the love that she had for us. Auntie saved the day, but this was a lot of responsibility to place on a woman with no children. Our dad knew that this was not our auntie’s responsibility, nor could he continue to burden her with such a heavy load.

After a while, our dad decided that he needed companionship and some help with all these kids. Finally, he met this woman and decided to move her and her son into our home to help raise us. This woman and her son had settled into our home while her older son was off in the navy. Our father was about twenty years this woman’s senior, so calling him a sugar daddy would be an understatement.

I don’t remember how old I was when she first moved into our home, but I do know that I was very young, and I never felt comfortable with her being there. I always loved her son though. I considered him a brother, and when he would visit his family for the summers in South Jersey, I would miss him so very much. I couldn’t wait to take that hour-and-a-half ride down the turnpike to pick him up and bring him back home, where he belonged. I don’t know if it was because he would stop his mom from picking on me or because I genuinely loved him or what. I’m just kidding. I really loved him. He was the best part of her. The only good thing that ever came from her was him.

The role that Joan Crawford played in the movie Mommy Dearest had nothing on my stepmother. We would come home from school and open the front door with the aroma of potatoes being cooked with onions and peppers seasons just right and steak smelling so good. I mean a feast prepared for a king. We would run upstairs to the bathroom to wash our hands to prepare for this delicious meal, only to hear her say, No, I made this for my son. You all better make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This is for my son. We would sit and watch him eat and feel like we were the children of the help.

Uhmmm, I could understand why she never liked me growing up because I got sick of her mess, so I began to speak up, while my siblings chose to stay quite. Heck, closed mouths don’t get fed; and if mine don’t get fed steak and potatoes with onions and peppers tomorrow after school, then her sons won’t either. Believe that!

I decided to ask her why her son gets to eat steak and potatoes and we can’t have any. She told me that that’s her son, and he is the king, and he can have anything that he wants. Really! Okay, we’ll see about that! Some time had passed, so I decided to talk to my father about the meal plan