A Journey of Self Revelation: A True Story

By Joy

Joy's journey has allowed her to re-invent herself, and after much encouragement from her close friends and family, she has put it down on paper. This is her true story of overcoming personal struggles that nearly destroyed her. She shares her journey that allowed her to a path of consciousness, opening one door after another to higher levels of self-actualization. This is her story of self-discovery, self-sufficiency, self-belief and realization that anything is possible if one puts their mind to it.


Author's Email Address:[e-mail]

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 24, 2008
• ISBN: 9781465327741

Joy

Joy is the pen name for bestselling author Joylynn M. Jossel, a multi-genre writer who now focuses on Christian fiction, children's stories, and young adult humor. Her first published title (under the name N. Joy) is a children's book, The Secret Olivia Told Me (Awarded the American Library Association Coretta Scott King Honor). In addition to her Christian fiction titles, Joy was a columnist for Noire Magazine, writing a column titled "The Urban Altar." Joylynn Jossel is the executive editor of Urban Christian, an imprint of Urban Books, LLC. This author currently resides in the Midwest with her husband, two sons and two daughters. You can visit her at JoylynnJossel.com.

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INTRODUCTION

How my personal writings took the shape of a book

I have known my very close friend Kal from a very young age. We practically grew up together. She was the quiet, reserved one. I was the bubbly, chipper one. We sure were two different personalities, but we were friends. What I remember most about her as we grew up was her care, her love.

As we became adults and married, we separated and each started living her own life.

I like to reason out the events that transformed our personalities into the kind that our families did not even recognize, by saying that life just happened to us. It was not in our control, at that point, to divert it in any way. Yes, we both suffered in different settings in our own ways.

The year 2006 saw me at the peak of my suffering ending up in a divorce the same year. I am able to admit that in 2007, I made a conscious decision to see myself in a better state. Once I had the determination for a better life, things simply happened one after another, magically, leaving me happily surprised throughout. The best part was that the goodness never stopped; it continued, non-stop, and still does… I started writing, without a conscious decision on my part. My fingers had a life of their own, and I chose not to resist. With the very first poem I wrote, I felt a sense of letting go. I felt just a little bit freer. My writing was like a drug and I was addicted to the feeling of liberation it triggered in me. I kept writing. Dr. SG, my spiritual guide, came into my life and writing took a new dimension, and the knots in my heart slowly started unfolding, making me lighter and brighter every day.

Around May 2007, I decided to share some of what I wrote with Kal, just like that. I continued to share here and there, without any expectations of a response. Suddenly, one fine auspicious day in August 2007, Kal wrote back:

I am so glad I am awake and reading all your letters, I know it is never too late, I love you for being able to express yourself like this in poetry,  . . . I am going to print it, and carry it with me, I know I can do it. I have had some demeaning, belittling things said to me; I felt so low and afraid, and things just deteriorated. That was 20 years ago. I used to look at myself at the mirror and could not smile, I could only see a very ugly, small, inferior person looking back at me with sad and angry eyes; I looked at my hands, and all I could react with was—HOW UGLY!!! I feel I am going to resolve all issues, with your help; it is within me the need to love myself and be nice to myself. You will take me higher. Before I go to bed, I am going to look at the mirror and give myself a big smile. I feel truly relaxed and my spirits have lifted. I intend to get there; reading your words is therapeutic. I am so happy now. These words of yours are so much a superior experience to read (compared to all the self-help books I have read—a lot of text, examples and guidelines, I could not put them to use); the relief I feel in reading your words is overwhelming… this is something that should be shared.

These heartfelt, loving, genuine, unconditional words uplifted me, gave me hope and courage, gave something indescribable back to me. These words felt extremely potent. I could not believe all this at first. I had just been sharing myself with Kal, who loved me for me. There had been no expectation of a response, no expectation whatsoever…

More words of encouragement to write followed not only from Kal, but also from my dad and two other friends, Maria and Ariana. I had dared to share a little of my writing with them. Ariana said, You need to write a book. Women and men of our generation, and not just Indian women should read all this. You have a gift, they all need to become aware, and you have a great deal to share and the ability to share. Maria also encouraged me with very similar words. My dad said to me nostalgically that I had inherited the writing capacity from my granddad and him, that he wanted to see me write my story.

I had my doubts. Was I ready to share all my personal thoughts, experiences, desires, dreams, failures, and my spiritual achievements with the rest of human kind? These were my truths, my perceptions, the way I saw things through my eyes, my brain, my mind… how would the rest take all this? Was I ready for all this? Was I ready to share my private thoughts, to share myself?

I spent quite a few months contemplating, thinking, pondering…

Then I recalled that back on Friday, May 11, 2007, in one of my writings to Dr. SG, unintentionally, jokingly, not really believing in what I was writing, I wrote:

"Now here is a funny for you (HA! HA!):

One day my story will end up in a book…

 ‘A Journey of Self Revelation’—a woman’s journey through childhood, adulthood, marriage, divorce and search for answers…

Was she able to find the answers she was seeking?

Did she find the peace she was looking for?

Did happiness come her way?

Find the answers by delving into the depths of her life.

I bet this is what you are thinking: ‘She is one crazy woman!’"

I guess, even though it was unknown to me at the time, subconsciously, I must have known what was meant to be.

I knew that so many others must have gone through what I had experienced. Nevertheless, could I make a difference to others, just a little, just like these others who vouch that I had started them on a new life course? My friend reminded me that I had already made a difference to a new acquaintance! I had made a difference to an 8 year old and a couple of other strangers I had not known before… they were getting attracted to me of their own accord and sharing their lives with me without me suggesting it. I was a solid, positive, shining strength in their lives. Kal stressed that even if I had to write my life story just for her, it would be well appreciated and worth all my time and effort.

And had I not written throughout 2007 already… had my fingers not wanted to just write and write… what I started calling my so called poetry and words that just seemed to pour out of me unconditionally, for my own self? So what was the barrier?

Therefore, I decided, after much reflection, introspection, and more encouragement from my dad, to take the plunge, at 12 am, on October 20, 2007, by writing with a new perspective. My quest to write for the benefit of even just one soul had begun.

1

REFLECTION

Let me begin with something I had already written, for me, before my decision to share myself with others… intertwining some excerpts from e-mails I wrote to my friends, to Dr. SG, and to myself.

But one of the things that has to be faced is… to find out who we are, where we have come from and where we are going… I am saying as you must say, too, that in order to see where we are going, we not only must remember where we have been, but we must understand where we have been. ~ Ella Baker

Saturday, September 15, 2007

As I sit peacefully on my king size bed, under the cozy comforter (my son is completely in love with this particular comforter), on a beautiful, almost perfect day, with my laptop, and gazing out through the vertical blinds swinging with the breeze and separating the bedroom from the balcony, I feel at one with nature. I am at peace with myself. I have a pondering expression and a smile on my lips. Nobody can tell that I am going through a difficult time with my health, as I face one of the common but major surgeries in a life. (Years of bleeding issues, hyperplasia, and biopsies have resulted in the decision to have a hysterectomy. The date is in October, and I am fully accepting of it, ready to embrace this new change in my physical self).

I am reflecting on my life, how far I have come, how much farther I have to go, my search for answers, how many of my questions have already been resolved, how many I am in progress with, how many are still to come… My dad had said, It is a life long journey. I am in no hurry to get my answers. They have been coming as they are supposed to come, at the right time, at the right place. I have learned that it is OK to look back on life at the past, but with a positive attitude, with the intention to just remember and progress, and then come back to the inevitable present moment… where I actually love myself, have faith and hope, peace, contentment and courage. Above all, I am finally in tune with my relationship with God and my true self, and I love my present attitude towards life. I am so in tune with my new found family The Art of Living folks, and the one person I have had confidence and belief in, the one person I am aware I have met not many months ago in 2007, and yet whom I trust unconditionally, someone I choose to call my spiritual guide. I choose to call him Dr. SG for the purpose of this book.

I have determination on my face, and a desire to go through and remember as far back as I can… just for me, my own personal therapy that I have been indulging in throughout 2007.

The key to the present is in the past. ~ Virginia Hamilton

2

MY CHILDHOOD… MY ADULTHOOD

The older I grow the more earnestly I feel that the few joys of childhood are the best that life has to give.  ~ Ellen Glasgow

A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong. ~ Thomas S. Szasz

I remember myself as a happy four-year-old, the youngest child in a beautiful family of two loving parents and five children. I lived with my family in a small town in India, where my father can count the names of the seven generations before him. I have always been proud of my heritage from both sides of my family. My grandfather was a self-made man who had built a printing and publishing empire on his own. My father was the oldest brother and was busy raising his family with the help of his really beautiful and young wife. At the age of four, with all my siblings already at school, I wiggled and beseeched my mother to take me to school too. My mother enrolled me in a catholic school, St. Joseph’s Convent, run by German nuns, with an English standard, where my sisters attended as well. I remember my first day in the Kindergarten class with my little friend then, Mira. All the children were crying, except the two of us; we got a lollipop each as a reward. Yes, I was confident of myself even then. I remember my older sister, who was just a grade ahead, how she proudly, gently and lovingly held my hand each day and took me to my classroom, making sure I was all right. I feel comfortable reflecting on the happy childhood days playing, eating, being with my siblings and loving the company of my parents. I remember my dad, as short-tempered, but always loving and caring for not just his own family but for everyone else. What I have always treasured about him is how he forgets everything else when he becomes aware that we are in need of care. He is the most unselfish person I know.

When I was in fifth grade, my mother fulfilled her dreams of starting her own school. My mother is a very beautiful, very loving, caring, giving, hard working, determined woman, and is full of wisdom. She used her education to establish a school from pre-school all the way to the tenth grade, gradually through the years. She was completely devoted to all those other children she treated as her own. The best part I remember about my mother’s school, and I am grateful for, is that our living quarters, our home, were right there (the middle second floor of one of the buildings, was where we lived; yes in the middle of all the chaos, the school anthem, the teachings and the laughter of all the children). The part that was critical to me was that I could always find my mother in times of need, whether it was to share sadness or happiness or to get help or just to be enveloped in her warmth.

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~ Anonymous

As I grew up through school, getting my education in all subjects, my interest laid in Science. My interest in Math was there, but not something I wanted to pursue, not knowing that later on in my pursuit of a Computer Science degree, I would actually love it and go beyond what I was required to do. I also liked Social Sciences, English, Sanskrit, Hindi and Economics, and I did well in all of these through school. I never liked memorizing historical facts and so never really scored very high in History. (My father later reminded me that it was his weakness as well).

Reflecting back on all subjects I studied, I am so aware that I did not study Psychology or Anthropology, and something tells me that I would have loved these subjects. Now I wish there had been an hour devoted through all my school years just learning ways of life, about humanity, about love and faith and hope, about one truth and one God. I wish I had been trained on finances/managing money the right way. I truly believe for myself that study of human behavior, of spirituality concepts, meditation practices, and above all the knowledge of the Higher Self is critical to humankind. I wish I had learned right from the start the art of being in silence a few minutes a day, every day.

I realized early this year that it is never too late. I could grasp on all these truths, one by one, any time I wanted to start. I did. I am still learning. I will always be learning, happily.

My college years were fun and hard work. These were also years where I actually learned how to associate with young men through coed education, with all the limitations and barriers all around me. My parents knew exactly what my college hours were, and when I would be back in the safety of our home. I was learning to spread my wings, just a little, taking liberties, just a little, by venturing out with my closest friends (who are still my closest friends today, settled in London) just a little, all within the invisible safety net all around me. I loved visiting my friends, and having sleepovers at my home. There was always so much to chat about, things we knew as well as the mysteries that we wanted to delve in—but were beyond our grasps—getting excited and sad at little things, but sharing always. These days, months, and years we spent together will remain etched sweetly in my memory forever. I have always believed in true, genuine, everlasting friendships, and I have always felt blessed in that department.

A very happy memory from the time I was in school and through college years is the one of the ice-cream man, Bhagat Singh. My dad knew him when he was young. Bhagat Singh was always on the streets with a closed freezer-cart full of delicious ice cream. Through the years, as I grew up, he always, amazingly, looked the same, never aging even a little bit. When asked about the reason of his perpetual youth, he would say his secret was, 40 kilometers a day walking through the town with the ice-cream cart, without any umbrella, but protected with a hat, laughing and talking gently to the young and the old. His life philosophy was working just fine. He was always smiling, always ready to say a good word. Whenever we met, he offered to give ice cream to all my friends. When I would say that I did not have money with me, he would say, Don’t you worry, I will collect it from your dad. My dad knew about this and it was always OK with him, and of course, we enjoyed ice cream, occasionally, when returning from college in the hot summer months. Every summer, he would deliver complimentary ice cream to my family, given along with his company. I still meet Bhagat Singh, and I still enjoy his ice cream even after all these years, every time I visit my hometown. I still get thrilled everytime I meet him. He still amazes me with his smile and never changing face. He has taught me about how life should be.

What I remember vividly is that even then, as I was growing up, I had a very determined mind. Things that were not right were not right. Only logical, scientific explanations satisfied me. They still do. People interpreted that as being stubborn.

Growing as the youngest member in my family was fun for the most part. It was also very difficult at times, because there were times when I wanted everyone to treat me as older than I was, to be like my other siblings. What I remember the most, though, was that I always felt loved.

Being the darkest skinned among all siblings also made some of my days very difficult and sad, since the society I lived in favored the light skinned. What still stand out are my parents telling me that I had beautiful features that no one could take away from me. I believed them, and stayed centered. Thinking back, all this sounds so trivial and inane… My children would not even begin to understand why being dark gave me grief during my growing years. I did have many other kinds of confidence, though. I was interested in creative art, including sketching and painting, and reading and even some rare times writing poetry. My parents never held me away from my creativity, instead, encouraged it every step of the way. I see my artwork at display, even today, in the school my parents own. I loved talking to people, young and old, and I could hold others’ attention, even then. That kept me going with the confidence I needed through life.

I realize today, it is more important that I hold my own attention to being one with myself, everything else will simply follow.

Doing well at school was never a question. Not going for a higher education through college was never an option. I did my Bachelor’s at a Science College, with Geology as my major subject, and Physics and Chemistry as minors. I was the only girl in the Geology class that year, and I remember getting quite a bit of grief from the male counterpart, who did not appreciate my very strict, non-talkative attitude towards them.

I was happy with my own circle of friends, always. I never have needed many. I have treasured the ones that I had, just as my friends treasured my friendship. I am confident that such friendships never fail; the ones who dropped out were not friends to begin with. Over the years, my faith has grown. I have complete faith in my friends.

As Dr. SG keeps telling me, We need to be with like-minded people, people with an overall positive attitude, people who want to progress themselves. I have been fortunate to have the company of such people, right from the start, through my childhood years. The year 2007 has seen me more focused on positive relationships.

While doing my Masters in Geology, in the year 1985, my parents started looking for a suitable groom for me, as is the custom in India. All my older siblings had been married, and then settled in the U.S. and Canada. My parents’ desire was to see me there as well.

Through the years, I have wondered if I would not have been happier living closer to my parents. Did my father not always promise, I will find a son-in-law who will live with us, so that my daughter never has to leave?

Now I know happiness does not come at a particular place, a particular time, or in a particular company. It is not something that has to come. I am happiness (my name suggests that too!) I have always been happiness, it never left. Then what happened to me? Why did I go through so much sadness in my life?

The answer comes to me clearly today. I had unknowingly suppressed my own happiness; I allowed negativity to overrule the positivity; I am the one who focused on my weaknesses and not my strengths. Above all, I allowed external events I had no control over, govern my very being. I had closed my eyes to my self and I put my faith in a container with a tight shut lid.

The journey to wholeness requires that you look honestly, openly and with courage into yourself, into the dynamics that lie behind what you feel, what you perceive, what you value, and how you act. It is a journey through your defenses and beyond so that you can experience consciously the nature of your personality, face what it has produced in your life, and choose to change that. ~ Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul.

3

MY MARRIAGE

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. ~ Pearl S. Buck

My father has a very close friend, Dr. Ajay, who has a son named Vijay. Vijay was classmate of Paul, whose older brother Pete was pursuing his PhD degree in the U.S. at the time. When Paul found out that my father was looking for a groom for me, he made my father aware that Pete had been looking for a bride as well. My father sent the details about Pete to my oldest sister, who was in the U.S., so that she could pursue my marriage arrangement with Pete. They exchanged e-mails, phone calls and photographs of him and me. Pete seemed to like what he heard and saw. I heard about all this and saw Pete’s picture, and liked him too. Finally, it was time for him to make his trip to India so that we could meet.

It was December 1985. I was anxious, and nervous and excited, going through all kinds of emotions at once. Meeting the future prospective groom was a big event, bigger than life itself, or so it seemed to me then.

Here is one of my self-therapy writings that I shared with Dr. SG on May 11, 2007, (for I wanted to remember the good times, acknowledging that I had been happy during the initial years of my married life):

"Today I want to remember Pete as he was when I first met him.

December 1985: A young attractive man, 27 years old, had come to meet me from the U.S. to my hometown. For months, he had been communicating with my oldest sister, about me, the young woman he might potentially marry. I had seen his pictures and liked what I saw, hoping that things would turn out the way I wanted them to. (This is how many Indian marriages are arranged.) He was doing his PhD. I was almost 21, doing my Masters in Geology, Physics and Chemistry.

I wore a pretty sari. I knew I looked good; I had felt good. My parents took me to the hotel Pete was staying at and introduced us. My heart beat fast. I had had no concept of dating. I had gone to a coed college, but meeting young men in a group at the college was the whole extent of it. I did not even know how to communicate properly with them. Therefore, meeting him alone in a room for the first time was very exciting and scary at the same time. My parents had left us to talk to each other, while they were somewhere around the hotel.

Pete was very nice, very sweet. We asked each other many questions in order to get to know each other better. However, the moment I saw his extremely fair skin in contrast to my dark skin, I had made up my very naive mind that this marriage could not happen; I decided that we would be friends. Towards the end of this visit, always the one looking for truth, I asked him if he liked me. ‘The question is, if you like me!’ he said. His response blew me away. Wow, what a guy! Of course, I liked him.

He told my parents that he wanted to come over to our house the next day. My parents were thrilled and so was I. I was soaring higher and higher, in my own dream world, not quite accepting that there was hope.

The next day, I wore a sari once more. My face was glowing with happiness. My parents left us alone again. He asked me about my favorite color… where I would like to go for our honeymoon! I could not believe it. Was that a proposal? I immediately wanted him to know that I was short sighted and that I wore contact lenses, and asked him how he felt about that. His response was, ‘I could start wearing glasses tomorrow. We do not have control over that. This is completely fine with me.’

(Now I realize how important it had been for me that Pete knew everything about me. I did not want him to be surprised after marriage, especially since in an arranged marriage, the kind we had, we get to know each other after and not before marriage).

I told him that I needed to get my parents. My parents could not have been happier. Their youngest girl was getting married. They immediately got the diamond ring they had bought for this occasion and put it on his finger. As was the custom, I bent down to touch his feet. He immediately pulled me up and said that I belonged at his heart, not at his feet. There was a wave of pleasure all around.

Pete left for his hometown. His parents called to congratulate us. He talked to me over the phone, making plans. He wrote a beautiful letter to me, how I had brought ‘joy’ into his life, and how he would do his best to keep me happy. The days passed, with me having nothing else but him on my mind.

Pete was in India for a very short time; we needed to have our wedding soon. We got married in January 1986, on an auspicious day confirmed by the priest, with family and friends, in his hometown, as had been the request from his parents. We went on our honeymoon to Darjeeling, to the gorgeous mountains. Both of us had been extremely inexperienced and it was quite a fun, exciting, adventurous journey discovering each other.

The Darjeeling trip was amazing, very beautiful. While there, I remember one very early morning, 3 am or so, we were supposed to see the sunrise at mount Kanchenjanga, from Tiger Hill. It was a wonderful experience. That day ended up with me being extremely tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. My eyes were more than half closed. I did not want to eat the potato stuffed ‘parathas’ he had ordered to our room. He told me that I needed to eat healthy to get my strength, that my mother had told him to take good care of me, that this was the time we needed to spend caring for each other, getting to know each other, gaining understanding of each other. He fed me. I was very satisfied.

Pete and I promised each other that we would never stop communicating, that we would always be there for each other. I thought that I would never be sad, with such a caring man as my husband.

We went back to my hometown for the reception my parents had planned for our friends and us. We had a wonderful time. As we departed from my parents, I was crying and so was he, for me! ‘So much sensitivity in a man,’ that is all I could think of.

Then, it was time for us to leave, to visit Pete’s family in his hometown, before leaving for the U.S. He showed me around. We were happy.

Finally, it was time to head to my real, future home, his home, our home…

Life in Pete’s San Diego apartment in the U.S. began. To this day, I believe that San Diego is the best place ever on earth. He appreciated all I did; he complimented me in every possible way. I was absorbing everything with wide eyes; I happily cooked, packed his lunch, took it to the university, where we ate together…

We would go to the beach and spend hours together, watching the big, strong waves beating the shores; the sea lions sunning on the water-beaten rocky mounds; picnicking together, and taking long walks on the beautiful beach, collecting sea shells. We did everything together, from grocery shopping, to everything else.

I knew I wanted to continue my studies. Pete helped me decide. I enrolled in the Bachelors program in Computer Science. We both studied together. He taught me some Math over the summer. He taught me how to drive. He taught me so much… my heart swelled. 

I wrote to my parents, ‘I am the luckiest woman in the world. Pete is so very understanding. He knows how I feel. He takes such good care of me.’ I could not have been happier; my parents were overjoyed.

We were both students, somehow trying to make ends meet, but we were very happy. I started baby-sitting when I was not studying. He continued at the university making progress with his PhD in Fiber Optics. We planned our first long trip, to Sequoia National Park, after saving enough for this beautiful adventure. That was the best vacation I have ever had with him, after our honeymoon of course.

I am so glad to put on paper that my marriage to him was not all that bad. We had some of the happiest times together. He made me so happy during our early life as husband and wife. I still believe that he is a very good person at heart. Life dealt him blows one after another, and I am just so sorry that I could not protect him or our lives together. What life has taught me is that we do not have much control over how life turns out, in spite of our very best efforts; some things are just not in our hands, that we have to accept the good and the bad, just the way God intended, with a smile on our face. I hope I will see him happy one day, getting all the good he deserves out of life. He deserves happiness, and I pray to God that he gets it, in the very near future."

The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. ~ Robert C. Dodds

The first year in the U.S., I remember missing my parents a lot. From being surrounded by family and friends, I was suddenly in a place I knew no one except my new husband. However, the love and caring he bestowed on me took care of everything. We led a happy student life, working hard, enjoying the beaches, enjoying get-togethers with his friends, and above all enjoying each other. We planned our lives; we dreamed of the time when we would have jobs, earn more, have a house and kids… Those times were the best of my married life. We did not have much of anything, since all that we really needed were love, dreams, and hope for a better future and we had all of those.

4

LIFE ON THE EAST COAST

Pete completed his PhD and we moved from the West Coast to the East Coast. We drove, and in approximately four days reached our destination, New Jersey. It was quite an experience. We did not have much then and we were going to begin a brand new life with everything new. It was exciting.

Pete joined a famous university and I went back to school to complete my remaining course work. We spent moments together, every opportunity we had. I soon completed my degree in Computer Science and started working in a corporate American company. We also went to India, just before starting my job. Everything had been going as planned.

Once my job began, new responsibilities came with it. I was enjoying my job, and we were still busy planning our lives and making new friends. I was able to enjoy my siblings in the East Coast, which had not been possible while I was very far away on the opposite coast.

We decided to have our first child. I got pregnant and was ecstatic, even though I was nauseous throughout my pregnancy. I worked until the very end. I remember I tagged alongside my husband after work; everywhere he went, because I did not want him to be away from me when the time came for the baby to be born.

During my pregnancy, Pete left his job and after a few months found work in Sydney, Australia. The university hired him instantly after a phone interview and I was very proud of him. The sad part was that he had to leave for Australia. His mother had been with us since the beginning of my pregnancy and I had felt very restricted; I had compromised, because he would be back with me during the last two weeks of my pregnancy.

Right from the start of our marriage, I had discovered that Pete’s mother had a controlling nature; she wanted to control Pete even as an adult. I found out that this was not a very rare characteristic in mother in laws living with their married sons. What makes a difference is the extent of control they desire and the son’s ability to diplomatically step away from it. In our case, there was nothing diplomatic about our situation; in addition, I did not have the skill, the maturity, or the right guidance to deal with such a situation.

In Pete’s extended absence, his mother’s control created stress and tension for me. The situation at home was not conducive to a happy environment. I developed gestational diabetes, and gestational hypertension. I remember being at the hospital for two nights to monitor my diabetes. Fortunately, a controlled diet was all I needed to keep things under control. I had gained altogether seventeen pounds. My sister, who lived in the neighboring state, used to come over from time to time to check on me. That provided relief. The situation at home remained tense and emotional.

During my visit to the obstetrician with my sister, I ended up telling her the reason behind my tensed behavior. She said that I needed to have a calm environment around me and to accomplish that I needed to take certain necessary actions. My sister communicated this to Pete; he agreed to rectify the situation and his mother left temporarily to visit her other son until Pete came back home.

During one of the ultrasounds, the technician saw something not normal in my baby’s heart, and I panicked; I cried. They wanted to do an EKG on the fetus. I informed my husband in Sydney. He immediately calmed me down, saying that he had faith that all was going to be well, that these ultrasounds