Hidden Blessings: A Black Father's Journey

By David A. Cox

Coxs story departs from accounts of modern-day, single mothers. In this
book he narrates the story of how he became a single fatherfrom
his marriage, divorce, and how he learned to raise his family without a
mother or mother-figure. All the while, he combats low self-esteem, trials and
tribulations of life, as well as maturing in his walk with God.
He broke me all the way down to have me trust Him in all that I did and all
that I thought. In doing this, it brought me closer to Him and to my girls. It
wasnt an easy road at all, but I kept faith, the author recounts.
This book touches both believers and parents as Cox tells how he was able
to rise above all difficulties, become a positive influence for his children, and
develop a strong relationship with God all throughout.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 16, 2010
• ISBN: 9781450066655

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Copyright © 2010 by David A. Cox.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE

The Setup

CHAPTER TWO

The Take Down

CHAPTER THREE

The Move

CHAPTER FOUR

Let’s Try Dating or Not

CHAPTER FIVE

Moving On

CHAPTER SIX

Here We Go Again

CHAPTER SEVEN

God at Work

INTRODUCTION

Born in Cleveland, Ohio, I was the oldest of three children. My father was a truck driver, and my mother cleaned houses. We lived off Route 105 and St. Clair. The hood for sure! Our apartment had two bedrooms and one bathroom. My father was of large stature. He was six feet four inches and weighed 250 pounds, and he sure did not play. My mother stood at about five feet seven inches, and she ran the house.

Together they made sure we stayed out of the streets and into our schoolwork. With my dad gone all of the time, Moms (that’s what we called my mother) made sure things at home were straight. My dad made sure we had clothes, food, and a roof over our heads while our mother taught us right from wrong. She would talk to us all the time. Teaching us the importance of family, looking out for each other, and most of all, teaching us to pray. We didn’t go to church every week, but we believed in God. Somehow even as a young man, I knew God was watching over us. I knew because even with all the crime and drugs around us, we were still able to grow up untouched by it. We had a praying mama—she was always praying for us.

For recreation, our family turned to sports. My sister and I played basketball, and my brother ran track, so we were always busy after school. My sister and I became very popular playing ball. Everyone knew us as ball players, and my brother could run forever. I played for my school and for my church. Playing for my church allowed me to learn so much because the pastor would always talk to us about God. Between the pastor and my moms, I was getting a full dose of what God is all about. Being the oldest, I was always watching my younger brother and sister when my parents went always. Taking on responsibility had always come easy for me. I remember as a teenager, I was faced wit a lot of peer pressure.

Growing up in the hood was hard! So many things coming at you—drug dealers, robbing, and stealing. Even though we were raised in a good home, we still lived in the hood. In high school, I played ball, but I also started learning about music. My friends and I formed a band, but the funny thing about forming a band was I couldn’t play an instrument. However, I did know how to mix records, which was my job in the group, to scratch and mix music. In school, I wasn’t the smartest. I was about a C+ student. My mother just told me to do my best, and I did. My mother told me to use common sense and that will take you far.

I was never a follower. My friends would always come to my house to see what I was going to do. My mother told me I was a leader. I never thought of myself as a leader. I just knew what I wanted to do. I asked my mother one day why she named me David. She said, I named you after King David in the Bible, and that I was special because when I was born, I weighed two pounds and seven ounces, and I had the unbiblical cord around my neck, but I survived. She said, God has a plan for you. After I graduated from high school, I went to college—Cleveland State. The problem I encountered once enrolled was that I had the big-head-thinking syndrome—thinking I was better than everybody else. College was a whole new world and I was not ready for it. After a year I was kicked out. I wasn’t going to class and the basketball coach said I was UN-coachable. So now I’m out of school and my dad is on my back. You either work or go to school to stay in his house," he’d say. So I turned to music. I started DJ-ing in local clubs trying to build a little bit of a reputation. I would sleep most of the day and did music at night. I made a lot of money with my music. The more I played music, the further I got away from church. I still played ball, but it was around town and not at church.

Music was driving me. I had a girlfriend, and to be honest, I don’t know how we stayed together. I was always running around doing music or playing ball. I got a job working at the radio station with a friend who did mixes, but I started noticing my life going in this wild direction. My girl had to leave for college, and I never felt so alone. Playing music was no longer fun anymore, and come to think of it, neither was playing ball. My mother was my best friend. She noticed the change in me. She said to me one day, Look at your life! Is this what you want for yourself? I told her no. One day I want a family and a good job. She told me it is never too late. Go out there and get it. Forget about music and playing ball and get it. She said, You can do anything if you believe in yourself. How coincidental is it that my girlfriend told me the same thing? She wanted me to leave Cleveland to begin a new and fresh start. I thought about all the things they told me and decided to join the air force. I took the military test and I scored really high. It was June, and I was scheduled to leave October 13. I never told anyone about me joining the air force. I found a little job at a hardware store as a clerk. It kept my dad off my back and me out of the streets.

My mother and father thought I was trying to work my way up to manager, but I knew I was leaving in October. I must admit that I was scared. I knew I had to change my life. When October came around, I still didn’t know how to tell my parents about the decision I had made about joining the military. On the morning of October 13 I got up and packed a little backpack, and went downstairs to grab something to eat. My mother was sitting at the table and asked if I was going to work. I looked at her, lied, and said, Yes, I’ll see you later. I couldn’t tell her I was going away to the air force. Later that night after arriving in San Antonio, I called her. She was so upset, but she knew it was the best thing for me. Basic training, better known as boot camp, was a trip. I left Cleveland thinking I was only going to have to worry about me and no one else. Wrong! The air force is about team work. After a week of training, I was named the dorm chief; the drill sergeant said that I was a natural leader. I never thought I was, but they sure did. Basic training wasn’t that hard for me. I never changed the way I thought, but I did learn how to lead and to also respect authority. After thirty days, I was off to technical school. Same thing—they picked me to a Red rode. It was in technical school that I learned that I have a specific skill set. My skill set allowed me to watch something and remember it. It didn’t matter what it was. Whether it was schoolwork, a person, or a dance, I could watch it and do it. I finished technical school at the top of my class. I remember my classmates would have these study sessions and I would never go. I was at the gym or partying, and I would always score higher than them.

At tech school, I received first my orders to go to Edward AFB in the desert. In my mind, I was like Oh no, not me! So I found this guy who knew nothing about California and talked him into swapping orders with me. His orders were for him to travel to Travis AFB in the Bay Area. This is where I started my air force career not knowing that at the end of my four years, I would be married and have four kids. I married a beautiful woman not knowing what she was really about, and to be honest, she could say the same about me. Who would have thought I would come to be a single father raising three little girls on my own? I can tell you now, I definitely didn’t think that then! I knew nothing about raising little girls! I couldn’t comb their hair, and I definitely didn’t know about clothing them. This is my story.

CHAPTER ONE

The Setup

You know that saying If hindsight was 20/20 or If I knew then what I know now Those are the thoughts that come to mind as I look back on my life. I guess I should have seen it coming. You know the same ole BS that comes with people who are not sincere with their feelings. Their actions prove all too well that what is coming out of the mouth is not real.

We old-school people refer to that as talking out of the side of their neck. However, as we all know, love is blind. When you’re in love, you see what you want to see. You believe what you want to believe. You want to believe that your mate or significant other is truly in love with you like you are in love with them. Unconditionally. Forever. Nothing or no one can come between you . . . I did say love is blind, didn’t I? Riiiiggghhhttt! Seven months before moving to Miami, Florida, Halle and I had problems in our marriage. Nothing major such as infidelity or dishonesty. It was just your normal disagreements about money or lack thereof, friends, and our children. Money was the biggest and most frequent topic we discussed—mainly because we were barely making any. We were always borrowing money to make it to the next check. You know, robbing Peter to pay Paul.

It seemed like our ends could never meet. Halle worked for the county as a clerk in the local courthouse, making a little above minimum wage. She worked in a room full of women whose job title and description mirrored hers; they basically performed the same job every day. They would girl-chat about their successes or lack of. In befriending her coworkers, Halle would always seem to become envious of the next woman. She paid much attention to what her coworkers had—houses, cars, clothes, vacation trips, etc. I would always have to tell her that they didn’t have four children and/or they made x amount of dollars. She would never want to listen. She often fantasized about all she could have if she lived like them—free of children and free of a husband. She wanted to live like the Joneses, and the Joneses we were not! Halle wanted a lifestyle where her husband took care of everything. In her world, he would take care of her, her children, the bills, put her in a big home, and lavish gifts upon her. In reality, she did not want to work. For