I'm Fine

By Ian Maluleka

“Love and light my dear friend”.
After hours of talking
And spending time holding myself
From falling apart.
She said those words as we concluded the conversation for that night.
Of course, I spent days trying to understand this phrase that has become a normal way of saying “later”.
It turns out, it was a wish
From the depth of a friends heart
Uttered in the simplest of ways just to say
“ I hope you find your peace in the midst of chaos, your light in darkness and your strength in your fall, even though at the moment you don't see it possible, but I know you will smile again”.

Love and light.
- Ian Maluleka

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ian Maluleka
• Release date: Aug 6, 2021

Book preview

Denial

(Noun)

Refusal to accept or acknowledge past or present truths, emotions, or reality into consciousness. (Used as a defense mechanism)

Hey you,

So I tried doing that thing we used to love today,

I found myself in a room full of people and I tried my best to smile again but I couldn’t.

I left the room because I thought I might cry,

That never happened either.

I realised that this has been happening for a few days now.

And I’m not entirely afraid of it happening,

I’m more afraid of where it’s leading,

I guess I know and feel where I’m headed.

I have to say that place looks dark and creepy,

I cringe and shake every time I realise this

But it would seem like I have no control over it.

Nah, it will pass.

I’ll be fine, I promise.

This disturbing image in my head won’t go away,

It keeps playing back and forth every day at the same bloody time,

It honestly feels like a never-ending wave.

It is a wave of some sort of emotions,

I can’t help but feel tired every time it arises.

It’s exhausting and haunting,

It’s painful and taxing,

Yet for some reason, I don’t think I know how to deal with