Dear Men: Please change.

By Rona Roberts

Dear Men: This is a book for you. It is about how you can change the world by changing how you choose to live among and with the women and girls in your everyday life. It's about how to stop dominating, and how to become a good friend and ally to women and girls instead. This book asks you to stop being an aggressor and make your relationships with women fair and equitable.

 

It's both a "how" book and a "why" book, all rooted in the real world.

 

Of Dear Men's three parts, the first and last sections suggest simple, daily actions men can take—and avoid taking—to value women as equals and partners. These are the how sections.

 

The book's mid-section describes the lifelong impact on one woman of one man's sexual violation. It is my personal story, and it makes plain what men's aggression costs women. It is painful to read, and it is truthful. This is a story told to be useful, to make a difference, to show you why it's important to change.

 

Men, the life instructions that open and close the book urge you to dedicate sustained, earnest effort to making sure not one more story like mine ever needs to be written. You can improve the wellbeing of all the women and girls in your life. Please change. 

 

With hope,

Rona Roberts

 

P.S. When you do what is suggested here, your life will get better, too.

 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hotcakes Press
• Release date: Jun 10, 2021
• ISBN: 9780983132134

Rona Roberts

Rona Roberts is a writer and researcher based in Lexington, Kentucky. Together with Steve Kay, she publishes Meet, a free tiny weekly e-magazine of ideas and art. See Meet issues at robertsandkay.com/meet-magazine and subscribe at robertsandkay.com/subscribe In 1983 Rona and Steve founded Roberts & Kay, a research and facilitation firm dedicated to advancing democratic practices in workplaces and communities. Roberts & Kay serves local, state, and national public and charitable sector clients’ needs to figure things out, think things through and work things out. Rona focuses particularly on long-term projects and qualitative studies aimed at identifying best practices for cultivating and enlarging what communities own together—our commonwealth.  Rona hosts Savoring Kentucky, one of Kentucky’s longest-running food blogs. She writes and speaks about the pleasures of Kentucky food and champions those who produce it. She is the author of two books about Kentucky food, and a book about making meetings better even when you’re not in charge, and a growing number of small books on topics that interest her. Rona is a native of Wayne County, Kentucky, and a veteran of the United States Peace Corps. Rona and Steve married in 1985 and are now the parents and grandparents of a kitchen full of talkers, cooks and eaters. Find Rona’s books at bookstores and online. Rona reveres bookshop.org; it’s a site that helps independent bookstores sell their books online. If you have trouble finding Rona's books, visit robertsandkay.com/rr-books Sweet, Sweet Sorghum: Kentucky’s Golden Wonder Classic Kentucky Meals: Stories, Ingredients & Recipes from the Traditional Bluegrass Kitchen Revolutionary Meetings: How to make your meetings better when you’re not in charge Five Weird, Delicious Gluten Free Snacks Dear Men: Please change.

Book preview

My goal—and it’s not modest

This book is for men.

My goal is to change the present and future so that men do not violate or subjugate women —a low but necessary standard—and instead dedicate sustained, earnest effort to improving women’s wellbeing.

I wrote this to make plain what men’s aggression can cost women, by describing the lifelong impact on me of one man’s violation. 

I share it in order to contribute toward a world in which men value women as you value other men, and do not harm us in any way. 

I wrote this book with awe for the extraordinary women who came before, wonder for the ones living now, and hope for the ones yet to come.

Especially M.A.S.

Table of Contents

This book includes three main parts. It opens with prescriptions and suggestions: what you men can do to fix your own relationships with women and move the world along toward goodness.

In the book’s mid-section, I tell my own story as one way to show why these changes matter.

In the third section I offer additional explicit suggestions for ways to behave in everyday life that will make a world of difference for you and the women and girls in your life.

What’s in it for you? Strong, healthy women and girls will improve your inner life, your love life, your home life, your civic and political life and the future of the planet. You can make this happen through your relationships with women and girls and through the guidance you provide your sons.

So here’s the Table of Contents:

What you can do, part 1

My story

What you can do, part 2

What you can do, part 1

Men and boys, I am here to suggest ways you can act and statements you can make that will make a difference in the world, including your own part of it. These are starting points. Make them your own. Say and do only what you can mean, but try to mean (and do and say) bigger and bigger things.

I’m talking directly to you because we are living in this world at a time when part of our shared human work is to bring women into full partnership and equity. None of us asked to be born into this situation of inequity, but here it is. Only committed work will fix it, making life better for all genders.

We have a long way to go. Even so, please get going now toward a much better world.

I think of a recent University of Kentucky men’s basketball game, where the young Cats were behind by a historic number at halftime. They played better in the second half, closing a 24-point deficit to one point. The coach said he had told them, Let’s just win the second half.

I encourage you to start from where you are and make some goodness happen. Let’s just win from here on out.

I have written this short work because I see a possibility that there can be an end to men harming girls and women. I am sharing ideas that may give you new ideas about how to help make this happen. You can be an intentional ally, friend, partner, equal