Life is Fair: A New Framework to Accept Your Realities and Leverage them for Success and Happiness

By Tommy Ajayi

Most people think that circumstances create or forge the path or trajectory of their life. What if, instead of the circumstances themselves, it's our response to them that determines our success and happiness?

Life is Fair looks at the intersections of metaphysics, science, quantum mechanics, spirituality, religion, an

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: Mar 19, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636761930

Tommy Ajayi

Hello, I'm Tommy Ajayi, and I'm an author and speaker who writes about personal empowerment and freedom. The freedom to be, do and have anything you want. My ideas are focused on empowering people to be the best version of themselves in all areas of life. Basically, I bless, heal, inspire, elevate and dignify the minds and hearts of women and men through my writings and ideas.

Book preview

Life Is Not Fair

A New Framework to Accept Your Realities and Leverage Them for Success and Happiness

Tommy Ajayi

new degree press

copyright © 2020 Tommy Ajayi

All rights reserved.

Life Is Not Fair

A New Framework to Accept Your Realities and Leverage Them for Success and Happiness

ISBN

978-1-63676-639-3 Paperback

978-1-63676-190-9 Kindle Ebook

978-1-63676-193-0 Digital Ebook

This book is dedicated to the four people who aided in my expansion and fuller expression. Thank you for your love, support, and encouragement all through the years.

Olaleye and Bamidele Ajayi, my parents, for their unwavering love and support. Thank you for being the best parents ever. I love you.

Oladipupo and Alaba Ajayi, my uncle and aunt, thank you for believing in me. I appreciate you.

Contents

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Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part 1

Self-Knowledge

Chapter 1

The Meme You Failed to Question

Chapter 2

Origin of Human Life

Chapter 3

Connection to Our World

Chapter 4

Connection to Our Body

Chapter 5

Foundations of Nature

Chapter 6

Don’t Create Your Reality: Choose Your Reality

Chapter 7

How Your Mind Chooses Your Reality

Part 2

Principles of a Life is Fair Mindset

Chapter 8

Where is Your Power?

Chapter 9

The Ultimate Power of Self-Care

Chapter 10

To Rise in Love, or to Fall in Love, That Is the Question

Part 3

Applying a Life is Fair Mindset

Chapter 11

The Inner Dialogue

Chapter 12

The Untapped Potential of the Outer Dialogue

Chapter 13

The New Affirmations

Chapter 14

A Visioneer Is Worth a Thousand Words

Chapter 15

Use This! It Is Worth Its Weight in Gold

Conclusion

Appendix

Acknowledgments

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I’d like to acknowledge those who have given this book, and the stories within it, legs strong enough to move forward:

Frieda Yelen Stapen, Eric Koester, Ty Mall, Kristy Carter, Max Abrams.

I’d also like to gratefully acknowledge:

Nick D’Souza, Emily Mantle, Segun Boladale, Tomilola Boladale, Amy R. Gan, Joshua Ram, Zoimar Monroy, Jeannie, Stephanie Kovacs, Marie Angela Franco, Denise Pukarowski, Juan Zapata, Leonard Coronel, Andrei Yuzon, Muyiwa Adetoro, Raffi Karamanlian, Ryan Spencer, Melissa Spencer, Adrienne Arzaga

Lastly, I’d like to acknowledge a few sources of inspiration:

Joseph Murphy, Joel Osteen, Jim Rohn, Wayne Dyer, Neville Goddard, Abraham Hicks.

Introduction

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It might surprise and shock you to learn that life is a game and only those who possess the cheat codes to the game of life truly achieve long-lasting success and happiness. Without knowing how to truly navigate our own existence, we find ourselves thrown into life.

Wayne Dyer, known as the Father of Motivation, confessed that you cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.1 Wayne went through a series of foster homes for the first ten years of his life and learned how to be self-reliant at a tender age. He grew up with an abusive and alcoholic father. The father often mistreated Wayne and his brothers, abused Wayne’s mother, and eventually abandoned the family. After the abandonment, Wayne and his brothers journeyed through a series of foster homes to survive. Wayne held a grudge against his father for the way his father treated him, his brothers, and his mom.

Later in Wayne’s life, when his father died, he was conflicted about going to the grave of a man who didn’t care about him and hadn’t even acknowledged him as a son. Eventually, he took an inward journey and forgave himself, which made him develop the compassion to forgive his father. He later went to his father’s tombstone to honor him.2

This single act of forgiveness marked a turning point in his life because Wayne felt a huge load lifted off his shoulders. Things started to turn around for him, and he achieved true and lasting success and happiness in his life. Wayne’s first book, Your Erroneous Zones, sold over thirty-five million copies. He later went on to publish thirty books that inspired and blessed humanity.3 This change in his life happened through one act of traveling inward and creating an inner atmosphere of compassion and forgiveness for his father. Is Wayne’s path to success and happiness unique to him, or are there others with similar experiences? This question has led me toward a path of finding how others choose their own realities, and what I found has changed my entire perspective.

A survey by the American Psychological Association found that Millennials and Gen Z are the most stressed generation, and this has led to all kinds of illnesses for them.4 Over one billion of the eight billion people on planet Earth have one form of mental illness or another, which shows we are entering an all-time high in mental health illnesses.5 This staggering statistic indicates the old model of living is no longer valid, and it is time to welcome a new one. Many people are depressed about their past and have anxiety about what the future holds. This unhappiness and lack of purpose people are living with today indicates a necessity for hope and change.

Some people believe external forces determine their success and happiness in life; however, what I have found is that challenges or realities in your life are simply what they are. They are neutral; neither good nor bad. It is our attitude, our state of mind, and our perceptions of these challenges and realities that truly shape our lives. In essence, we must develop a strong and solid internal locus of focus.

Just like Wayne Dyer, I experienced my own share of inner conflict. Once upon a time, I was a confused, depressed, and tired soul. I had just graduated from high school. I listened to the pressures from friends, family, and society about what I ought to be doing next with my life and what college or university major be focused on. These external pressures were enough to create doubt and unrest in my mind. The accumulated teachings of society and that of my parents sent me spiraling down the path of guilt; mostly the guilt of not meeting everyone’s expectations.

I refer to those times as the winters of life; life wasn’t fun, people weren’t fun, and my zest for life was nonexistent. It got to the point where I would hear the sound of my alarm and almost start crying because I had no desire to be in the outside world as I knew I was living the lie of my family’s dreams and catering to outside pressures. I wasn’t living in alignment with my life’s purpose.

However, the day that turned my life around was the day I decided to take time off from college to focus on introspection and meditation. After three months of consistently quieting my mind and tuning out the extraneous noises, I became rejuvenated. It was like waking up out of the matrix and being reborn. I didn’t talk, look, or feel the same.

This inward journey allowed me to gain awareness, self-knowledge, and develop my mind. My thoughts changed, my words changed, and my decisions changed based on expansion and growth rather than the fear of disappointing people. The energy within me completely shifted, and I began to examine what my family and society had taught me to believe. In essence, everything I knew was up for questioning, and I became like a child again, questioning everything. Who am I? How did I get here? What is my music? What is my genius? What is my inspiration? Why am I here? Why? Why? And more, why?

Prolific poet and writer, Ralph Waldo Emerson, revealed that to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.6 These questions sparked new life in me, and upon returning to college, I became aligned with my passions and interests, and was more focused and prepared for the college experience. In college, I discovered my passion and zest for dance, my connection with nature, and my desire for innovation. I went on to successfully complete college and segue to university to study the major that piqued my interest, not society nor my family’s interest.

Why do most people believe what they believe? Because they grew up in an environment that ingrained certain beliefs into their psyche that, over time, became their NOW reality. Many people live lives of quiet desperation. Do you know what causes this? You might answer depression, loneliness, sadness, hatred, or oppression, and you will be close. However, the reason why most people live lives of quiet desperation is that they have failed to question their commonly held beliefs. As Wayne said, If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.7

So ask yourself: Is this belief serving me? Is it empowering or disempowering? These questions are monumental because your beliefs shape the way you perceive life. They are the bridge to your happiness and success in life.

Your beliefs are not you. They are the accumulation of continuous programming from your environment. Wayne Dyer described a belief system [as] a thought you’ve thought over and over again.8 Therefore, it is safe to let go of them and create a new you—a new man, a new woman, a new being—an awareness within you that is who you really are. You might ask why you should believe me? Why should you believe in your own awareness? The answer is you don’t have to. This book is an invitation for us to take a look together and allow your answer to this question to be the product of your own conclusion.

In this book, you will learn how to develop focus internally, leverage positive energy, and tune your frequency toward the realities you desire to change. If you picked up Life Is Not Fair, you are someone who desires to create true success and happiness in life or who has struggled to create it.

With this book, your life will become a sheer joy, and you will become fluent in the science, mechanics, and laws that govern the universe. In essence, you will get a reminder of the language of the universe and how to use it to create long-lasting success and happiness in your life. If you are in high school, college, or university, this book is also designed for you because I was once in your shoes and have written this book through the lens of youths and young adults.

The book is written in three parts:

•Part One contains Chapter one to seven. It focuses on a simple fundamental question: Who am I? We will look at this question from different views: science, religion, and spirituality. Then, we will explore mind science and what it takes to create your own reality.

•Part Two contains chapters eight to ten. The section examines why we crave external validation and blame others. Later, we will examine the basic principles of a life is fair mindset.

•Part Three contains chapters eleven to fifteen. This section looks at how to apply a life is fair mindset in all areas of life: high school, college, university, early in career, and later in life.

Let’s take this journey together because we have one thing in common: we are both lifelong learners with a desire for success and happiness. Together, we will look at the cheat codes to the game of life and help you realize that the cards are truly stacked in your favor once you start your engines.

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1 Wayne Dyer Quotes. BrainyQuote, accessed August 17, 2020.

2 Wayne W. Dyer, Early Childhood Experiences, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, accessed May 8, 2020.

3 Kevin Daum, Dr. Wayne Dyer’s 11 Best Lessons for Achieving Success, Inc.com Inc, September 1, 2015.

4 Castillo Michelle, Millennials Are the Most Stressed Generation, Survey Finds. CBS News, February 11, 2013.

5 Ritchie Hannah, 5 Facts about Global Mental Health, World Economic Forum, accessed May 8, 2020.

6 Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes, BrainyQuote, accessed August 17, 2020.

7 Wayne Dyer Quote, accessed August 17, 2020.

8 A Quote by Wayne W. Dyer, Goodreads, accessed August 17, 2020.

Part 1

SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Chapter 1

The Meme You Failed to Question

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What if everything you’ve known to be true is a lie? We all know the magic of the information age: how concepts, ideas, and images virally and rapidly circulate from one person to another.9 This circulation is the basic premise of a meme. At one point or another while browsing the internet, you have seen a cultural practice or idea that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another with the purpose of creating a pop culture and movement politically, socially, and economically.10 A movement and culture people widely accept without questioning the status quo.

I am not referring to the image of two Spider-men pointing at each other as a meme. You have probably heard about the Ice Bucket Challenge. This viral activity involves uploading a video on social media of you dumping a bucket of ice-cold water on yourself or another’s head.11 The thing with a meme is that it needs the participation of an audience and the undivided attention of a crowd willing to go along with the idea irrespective of its validity; however, what happens if an audience starts to go bananas and rejects the meme?

More than ever, the information age has created a hyperconnected society. Keeping in touch with family and friends has become effortless; discovering like-minded friends and communities has never been easier. Finding sources of valuable information is now a walk in the park.12 The information age has brought the World Wide Web to our living room, illuminated our world, and changed our perceptions of things.

With a simple click of a button, we update ourselves on what is happening around the world: the latest fad, the trendiest fashion, the newest scandal, the hippest music, the recent world news update, the current memes. It doesn’t matter where you find yourself in the world. You are just a click away from another friend, connection, job, or opportunity. Such is the magic of the information age.

However, the way we use the power of the information age can either help us or hurt us in the future. As a university student, I usually walk around the campus during my free period between classes to the cafe, food court, library, or the university center. During my stroll around campus, I find people are more comfortable looking at their phone screens than having actual conversations with their friends and classmates. Now, I am no saint. I am also culpable.13

We have become addicted to the social media news sources—that notification sound we hear on the phones, tablets, and laptops have become a drug we greatly crave.14 The thing is, what if most of the information from the internet is false? This meme is what we have failed to question.15 If we take what we read at face value and trust that everything we find in the media is true, we will be misguided.

In this social media age, it is easy to fall into the trap of unrealistic standards of success and happiness and become disconnected from the truth of our existence, which is awareness. According to the Child Mind Institute, several college students who have died had projected a perfect image on social media.16 These students filled their social media pages with inspirational quotes that created the illusion of perfect well-being, thus making it hard for parents and friends to come to the rescue before it was too late. Looking back now, these students were lonely, depressed, and in desperate need of help.17

Stanford University coins this alarming social media illusion as the Duck Syndrome. A duck appears to float easily on the water while below the surface, its legs are desperately paddling to stay afloat.18 Sadly, the reality isn’t always what it projects, and this is the meme we have failed to question.

The information age creates the illusion that everything we need for our existence, including our success and happiness, can be found outward. This idea creates more problems in the average individual, as evident through the rising depression and loneliness in our society.19 Research studies have now revealed the link between multiple social media platforms and mental illness in young adults between nineteen and thirty-two.20 We are social creatures by nature.21

With each passing decade, the average person feels more disconnected with their fellow human. A Forbes article published by Brian Bi, software engineer, states that many people are lonely and starved of genuine positive human attention.22 This is a problem society has been avoiding with the hopes that this too shall pass, but it hasn’t—it has only bobbed its head back to the surface. As a result, a new way of living that empowers us to question the meme society is selling us is necessary.

Mark Twain once quoted along the lines of if you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.23 Simply put: you can take nothing from the outside world at face value. In addition, the person who decides not to listen to the outside world might be at a better place than the one who listens. Therefore, the question is, what should we do? That’s the question we have to answer as a collective. I understand shipping out your television, smartphone, or laptop to China or going offline can be extreme.

How do we manage the onslaught of information in this digital age? To help answer this question, let’s explore a simple fundamental question: who am I? We all have a longing for our origin including the atheist, theist, and agnostic. The question of our origin is what binds us together. Origin is the great equalizer and the forgotten ingredient in the recipe of our lives. Self-knowledge enables us to lift the veil of illusion presented to us as established ideas from the outside world.

Our knowledge of who we are is what allows us to evolve and create a shift in our awareness. As the great Indian philosopher, Jiddu Krishnamurti, confessed, The more you know yourself, the more clarity there is. Self-knowledge has no end. You don’t come to an achievement. You don’t come to a conclusion. It is an endless river.24 Self-knowledge is the essence of awareness; it is so abundant and overflowing with riches. That awareness is what allows us to entertain a different perspective from the information presented by the outside world. It allows us to slow down and reflect as opposed to taking what we see at face value.

This self-reflection is necessary for managing our emotional state when taking in information from the outside world. Dr. Jill Emanuele, Child Mind Institute psychologist and mindfulness expert, recommends regularly checking in with yourself through The Smiling App. It is a meditation-based app that allows you to be aware of your emotions. Emanuele also recommends apps such as Moment, Checky, and Headspace to increase awareness.25

While asking an eighty-seven-year-old man how he had the awareness to live a successful and happy life through the memes of polio, diphtheria, and Vietnam protests, he responded:

I learned a long time ago not to see the world through the printed headlines. I see the world through the people that surround me. I see the world with the realization that we love big. Therefore, I just choose to write my own headlines. "Husband loves wife today. Family drops everything to come to Grandma’s bedside. He patted my hand. Old man makes new friend.²⁶

Now, isn’t that a brilliant way to live life? Isn’t that a wonderful way to approach life?

Awareness is the first step in understanding how we view the world and how the world views us. It enables us to view everyone and everything as complete, holistic, and whole. Awareness is knowing yourself as the other and your oneness with everyone. Licensed clinical social worker, Katie Krimer, likens it to meta-cognition. The ability to think about thinking [and] implies the ability to recognize ourselves as we see ourselves, but also to understand how others may see us based on what we know about human behavior.27

This ability is the key to understanding that you live in a perfectly orchestrated universe. Without awareness, we are susceptible to looking outward for success and happiness and blaming others when we do not find it. With awareness, we start to understand our world within has to be right before the world outside of us becomes right. This is why Life is Not Fair, because we do not have to go out to compete with our fellow humans. What we desire is already within.

I started questioning society’s memes a few years ago when I had a significant phone conversation with my dad, which was key in my self-discovery journey. My old man and I chatted about what fathers and sons usually chat about. You know—women, life, and business. Our conversations are usually intense and satisfying. In this particular conversation, we were on the phone for a couple of hours and when it was time to end, my old man said to me, Do not forget the home you came from.

I thought about my dad’s remark for a few moments, and then it finally dawned on me—I didn’t really come from a home or from my parent or my environment. Now,