Establishing Glory: The Relationship Collection

By Jackie Smith Jr

"Establishing Glory" by Jackie Smith Jr is an amazing read! I love how open and honest Mr. Smith is with the reader, while discussing some of the most delicate and personal experiences in his life. I'd recommend this book to any person seeking marriage or courtship as this read dives into the true woes of each life experience while Yet acknowled

• Language: English
• Publisher: J Merrill Publishing Inc
• Release date: Feb 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781950719839

Jackie Smith Jr

Jackie Smith, Jr. is an African-American writer who grew up in Columbus, Ohio. Using his experiences as a technical trainer, business owner, professional musician, and licensed minister he penned, Establishing Glory, a faith-based self-help series.His goal in life is to help people be their best which he does it by shining an unfiltered light on the challenges of his own life including faith, marriage, music, divorce, and parenting in the 2000s.Join Jackie's mailing list at JackieMSmithJr.com for news about new books and upcoming appearances. You can also follow him on Facebook.com/MrJMerrill; Instagram @MrJMerrill; and Twitter @MrJMerrill

Book preview

Establishing Glory

Establishing Glory

The Relationship Collection

Jackie Smith, Jr.

J Merrill Publishing, Inc.

J Merrill Publishing, Inc., Columbus 43207

www.JMerrill.pub

Copyright © 2021 J Merrill Publishing, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, contact J Merrill Publishing, Inc., 434 Hillpine Drive, Columbus, OH 43207

Published 2021

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021900456

ISBN-13: 978-1-950719-84-6 (Paperback)

ISBN-13: 978-1-950719-83-9 (eBook)

Title: Establishing Glory: The Relationship Collection

Author: Jackie Smith, Jr.

Cover Artwork: Candace Curry, Candid Soul

I dedicate this book to those who seek a lifelong, fulfilling, and loving relationship. Don’t give up. The love that you seek is just around the corner.

Contents

The Relationship Handbook

Preface

1. Single and Satisfied

2. Who Are You?

3. What Do You Want?

4. Dating

5. He That Findeth

6. Celibacy

7. The Big Day

8. Till Death?

9. 3D's... Death

10. 3D’s… Divorce

11. 3D’s… Desertion

12. Single Again

Endnotes

The Marriage Handbook

Preface

1. I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife,

2. to have and to hold,

3. from this day forward,

4. for better, for worse,

5. for richer, for poorer,

6. in sickness and in health,

7. to love and to cherish,

8. till death do us part,

9. according to God’s holy ordinance;

10. and thereto I pledge myself to you

Endnotes

About the Author

Also by Jackie Smith, Jr.

The Relationship Handbook

Preface

The purpose of this book is to provide balance.

I grew up as a young man in the 1970s, in the United States of America, in Ohio, in a two-parent home, in church. One of the things that I’ve learned is that people want to be in a relationship, but no one ever talks about what that is, especially the CHURCH.

You see, the church taught us that we couldn’t successfully love one another until we learn to love God. To this, I agree wholeheartedly. My question is, can someone tell me how to love God? What does it mean to be IN a relationship with Him? How does Godly love and relationship translate to being in a relationship with a woman?

I was confused by that analogy for years because when I’m looking at this fine woman with those Yoga pants on, I ain’t thinking about God!! I’m thinking about how to get in them draws!!

Oh, wait. I forgot to mention something.

For those who have my first book, Establishing Glory… The Praise and Worship Handbook, THIS book is NOT that book!!

One of the other problems with today’s society is that people refuse to be REAL when living their lives. We have been tricked into embracing the ascension of political correctness, shut mouth grace, and that’s just the world that we live in philosophies.

Well, as the first line in the book states, The purpose of this book is to provide balance.

Here’s the truth of it all. When we go to church, we do NOT hear about relationships, sex, and sexuality UNTIL some prominent televangelist gets busted cheating on his wife, someone gets taken to court regarding molestation, or we see all of those homosexuals in the choir or playing in the band.

My question is, WHY?????

If sex and sexuality are two of the most significant challenges that people, in general, not just the church, face then, why isn’t the church more consistent with its message and stance on these subjects?

It’s easy to get on the bandwagon and blast Bishop Eddie L. Long for his long history of child molestation, sexual misconduct, and homosexuality. But the same thing is happening WORLDWIDE in the Catholic church!!! Who is teaching us that this is NOT the way to go consistently? Who is sounding the alarm that God is NOT pleased? Who is having that dialogue with our CHILDREN?

If we can’t have an honest conversation about relationships, sex, and sexuality amongst grown folks, how can we continue this conversation with the next generation? Oh, I digress. We AREN’T having this conversation with our children.

Our children are learning by watching our silence and YouTube videos. The conversation is happening while they’re chatting during video games. They’re being taught by a gay promoting curriculum that says it’s okay to have these feelings and it’s okay to live an alternative lifestyle. While we sit on our hands, we are afraid to talk because we don’t want to offend!!!

So, where’s the balance?

Back in the day, we had church mothers and deacons. They taught us in their way how to be men and women. They showed us to have a standard and not to be ashamed of that standard.

Time has passed, and THOSE church mothers and deacons are gone. We are the ones who need to carry on the standard and help the next generation. But we’re so caught up in trying to be like the next generation that we’re losing them.

THAT is why I’m writing this book.

If you’re easily offended by REAL TALK then, I apologize now…

Single and Satisfied

You complete me… My better half…

These are phrases that infer imperfection, insufficiency, and quite honestly defection.

To talk about being in a relationship with others, we first need to talk about being in a relationship with YOURSELF!! Understanding who you are, your desires, needs, ambitions, drive, what makes you tick then, what you don’t like, don’t need, don’t want, and pisses you off, and everything in between.

We make relationships difficult because we create all of these rules. And the even crazier part is that the rules keep getting amended. So, the bar is always moving.

When I was younger, I had an unquenchable thirst for life. I loved just doing SOMETHING!! It didn’t matter what that something was. I just wanted to be a part of whatever was going on at the moment.

Being a church kid, we had plenty of services to attend, and I was actually in MOST of them. But I had friends outside of the church that I loved doing things with, as well. You see, I loved God, AND I enjoyed what and who He created.

He didn’t just create church folk. He created everyone, and I did my very best to enjoy life as a whole. And that was the balance that I found for me.

Now, I did have lady friends that I would hang out with. But I was a late bloomer, by today’s standards. I didn’t start being sexually active until 16 or 17. So, going out with my friends was NOT an automatic assumption of getting ‘laid’ by the end of the night. I’m not saying that it didn’t happen from time to time, just saying that this wasn’t my primary goal.

I was focused on LIFE itself… not dating, not relationships, not any of that. I was happy being single, without any stress, commitments, and without any rules.

Then came the United States Air Force. I was supposed to go to Desert Storm, but I got injured during my Security Police training. So, I was rerouted directly to my duty station at Yokota Air Base in Tokyo, Japan! I lived there a little over two years and, let me tell you something. Baby, I lost my ever-loving mind over there!!!!

Picture this, a 21-year-old, reasonably handsome, church guy is dropped in the middle of the ‘Land of the Rising Sun’!! Japan is a beautiful country!! Tons of history and architecture!! And, let’s not forget the Japanese women!!!

What is interesting is that when I received my orders for Japan, my dear, sweet, loving, see no color, creed, race, nor anything else, mother told me, Don’t you bring home any of them slanty-eyed girls!

What?!?! Not Mommy!! That blew me away!! My mother, a racist? I must’ve misheard her.

Well, my mom had never been to Japan, but she knew her son better than he knew himself.

While in Japan, I tried to stay true to my mother’s wishes. I kept my focus on work, church, and sistas. The problem with the latter is that so many brothas came, messed around with the sistas, and ended up with the JNs (Japanese Nationals) that the sistas immediately threw a block up when any of us approached them.

So, when the sistas are pushing you away, you go with the next options, the JNs!! What made them great companions is that everyone knew that the time spent was limited. Hardly ever did you hear of a GI marrying a local. We all partied, had fun, had sex, prayed that no kids would pop up, and the cycle would repeat over and over again with different and sometimes multiple people. Quite honestly, when I arrived in Japan, my first roommate had eight different girls in our room in 7 days!!! After being there for almost a week, I had to remove the last young lady! She was interrupting his game!!!

But sex doesn’t equal happiness.

Even while in Japan, there came a time that I wasn’t interested in seeing how much kitty-kat I could get—hanging out with as many girls as I could. There were times when I just wanted to chill.

And, having the ability to say no to calls, visits, or anything else was freeing. I was single, yes. But I was satisfied with ME!! I didn’t need to be validated by going to the club with one lady and leaving with another one or leaving with multiple girls for some wild and crazy times that I’ll never tell my children about. I didn’t NEED any of that.

One of the greatest challenges that people face is INTERNAL. It’s self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-promotion.

If I’m fighting the internal battle of not being good enough for myself then, how in the world will I be able to be good enough for a partner?

At some point, I need to be okay with ME!! I have to control my self-esteem, take charge of my self-confidence, and become my greatest promoter!! My pastor used to say, It’s a poor frog that won’t croak in his own pond!

So, we have to get to that place where we can embrace being single and truly be satisfied with that current marital status.

What things are you facing that block you from genuinely being single and satisfied?

What needs to happen for you to overcome those obstacles?

Who Are You?

One of the hardest questions to answer is that of identity. All too often, we succumb to generalities, categorizations, and classifications based on gender, age, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomics, creed, color, etc. But, NONE of this can honestly answer this one fundamental question… Who are you?

I am a middle-class African-American man in my late 40’s living in the Midwest. I work every day at a Fortune 100 company. I live in a decent home. I pay bills/taxes. I go to church every week. And I am a good and kind person.

All of these things describe attributes of who I am, but none of these things answer the question.

You see, who you are isn’t determined by what you have. It’s defined by how you THINK. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7 NKJV, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."

The things in the list help to describe how I think but, those are just ‘things.’ When it comes to relationships, I have to honestly know who I am to be the best ME that I can be. Once I’m in touch with who I am, then I can accommodate YOU.

One problem is that women tend to be with YOU, but they