The Book of Blah

By Pamela Simon MS RD LDN

Are you too tired to be inspired? This collection of daily humorous essays contains insights into the ridiculous and mostly comical topics of everyday living. Pamela slices to the core and finds humor in issues as diverse as clothing concerns eating habits,adolescent behavior, parent-child conflicts, lawn care, and obsession with wealth and su

• Language: English
• Publisher: ReadersMagnet LLC
• Release date: Oct 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781951775889

Pamela Simon MS RD LDN

"About The Author: Pamela Simon, MS,RD, LDN is a Master's - Level Registered Dietitian who wrote ""Hey God"" when she realized she had been taking her spiritual life too seriously, Pam owns her company called Soulutions to You, Inc. She teaches classes in minimal-movement senior exercise and she counsels clients with eating related self-esteem issues. In spite of her profession, Pam loves Twinkees and hates fitness classes. She lives with her family and various rescued animals in a suburb of Chicago, IL. Her dream is to live in a log cabin on the water (any water) and to always have room for a life traveler who needs hope and a warm bed. Pam's greatest love is for her daughter, who she describes as ""full of light."""

Book preview

xCover.jpg

The Book of Blah

Copyright © 2020 by Pamela Simon, MS, RD, LDN

Published in the United States of America

ISBN Paperback: 978-1-951775-89-6

ISBN eBook: 978-1-951775-88-9

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

The opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of ReadersMagnet, LLC.

ReadersMagnet, LLC

10620 Treena Street, Suite 230 | San Diego, California, 92131 USA

1.619.354.2643 | www.readersmagnet.com

Book design copyright © 2020 by ReadersMagnet, LLC. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Ericka Obando

Interior design by Dindo Sanguenza

Introduction

To help me face the day, I sometimes take a few minutes to read books containing daily inspirational messages.

Within the pages, the words of enlightenment hold the potential of increasing my creativity, clarity, strength, and wisdom.

In a perfect world, this enlightenment happens daily.

In my world, however, true inspiration is a rare event.

Most mornings, I wake up feeling like a bumbling idiot.

Confusion and cynicism make my goals and my dreams seem stupid.

In those moments, I can hardly remember whether

I ever had higher spiritual goals, and I really don’t care.

The Book of Blah was written with those foggy days in mind.

The book’s stupid, purpose-free daily messages can offer comfort and humor to the life of the uninspired reader.

More importantly, however, The Book of Blah can teach individuals how to find entertainment value in laughing at themselves and making fun of others.

Amazingly, this activity is probably the most advanced lesson in the long road to spiritual enlightenment that anyone can learn!

Believe.

Pam

Table of Contents

Bowling

Parenting

Shopping

Working

Home

Middle-Age

Diet

Science

Values

Lawn Care

Mental Health

Old Age

Golf

Holiday

Miscellaneous

Thought for Today

Bowling…

Why?

Thought for today

Bowling teams… Cruel.

Thought for Today

I can’t bowl, and I have no real desire to learn how. But when a neighbor asked me to bowl with the neighborhood team, and said: It doesn’t matter how well you bowl. We only go for fun,

I fell for it.

I was excited!

For the first few games I averaged a 60, which was really good for me.

It was the lowest score on my team, however.

When word got out, all the friendliness turned into cold stares.

I soon learned that bowlers never play the game for fun.

Never.

I had to move.

Thought for Today

I hate bowling.

Please, bowlers, do not take this personally.

I hate bowling because I just don’t get it, no matter how hard I try.

In the past, whenever I took lessons, I my scores went down.

Even with my very own ball and shoes, I usually bowled a 32.

(One time I got a 16.)

If I scored this low score in golf, I would be doing great.

But this is bowling.

Thought for Today

I worked very hard to improve my bowling scores.

I practiced a lot.

I figured that, sooner or later, I would improve, right?

Actually, I got worse.

I needed those inflatable bumpers just to stay in the right lane.

Actually, the bowling place made me use the bumpers after I got pins down in lanes next to mine.

I just don’t see the big deal.

I didn’t hurt anyone.

Thought for Today

I tried for one year to become better bowler.

Not only did my scores go down,

I started crying every time I threw the ball.

It is time to admit the truth.

I am bowling-impaired.

There. I’ve said it.

At least I got a new pair of shoes.

Thought for Today

I used to think that joining a neighborhood bowling team

required the use of valium.

Now I know otherwise.

It requires the use of much stronger drugs.

Thought for Today

My next 2 days’ of comments refer to the cartoon characters

Sponge Bob, and Patrick.

I have placed them in the bowling section because these characters look like they would like to bowl.

At least, I think so.

Thought for Today

Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Who knew?

This cartoon idea was so bizarre it worked.

Now try:

Timmy Tuba in Tights.

I know, right?

I am always surprised by my own creativity.

Now if only I could draw.

Thought for Today

For my cartoon idea, Timmy Tuba in Tights,

I know I need some unusual storyline.

I was thinking that maybe Timmy could have a group of friends who look like different musical instruments.

Each friend could have a different personality quirk, and

wear tights of a different kind/color.

I think readers might be able to identify with these characters, don’t you?

Thought for Today

For my cartoon idea, Timmy Tuba in Tights,

one of Timmy’s friends could be Freddie French Horn in black fishnet tights.

Freddie could be the fantasy freak who is always talking to

the voices he hears in his head.

Then there could be Claudia Clarinet in green wool tights.

Claudia could be the suspicious personality, who takes everything personally, and imagines that her friends are plotting against her 10-20 times a day.

Timmy would be the main character, and would spend his days trying to figure out which personality quirk he has. All the while, he will be the only character to be normal.

Thought for Today

I would be good at creating a cartoon about musical instruments and personality quirk. First of all, I used to play an instrument in band.

And secondly, my own experience with mental anguish and confusion will add to the development of the cartoon characters.

(My life resembles a cartoon, but that’s a different problem entirely.)

Thought for the Day

Being a parent reminds me so much of College Sorority Hell Week. There are just 2 differences.

1) The torture of Hell week lasts much longer than one week (Mine is 13 years long so far. I’ll let you know when it ends)

and

2) Chucky Cheese parties discourage nudity.

Thought for Today

Actually, being a parent of a teenager is much,