Mindful Pause: A Self-Care Guide to Resilience and Well-Being

By Cami Smalley

I’m busy” is no longer just an exasperation. It is an addiction. People are increasingly uncomfortable with stillness, and the incessant engagement with the outer world fractures our connection to our own inner awareness.

 

Cami affirms that living into the power of the pause supports your efforts to sto

• Language: English
• Publisher: Guided Resilience
• Release date: Feb 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9781946533913

Book preview

Chapter 1

Read the Signs …

There’s more to life than

increasing its speed.

–Gandhi

Stop signs are posted to alert drivers at hazardous or complex intersections. How you live (or drive) … and why you stop are discussed in this chapter. Many are living at a pace that is unsustainable. They ignore warning signals, speed limits, and invitations to stop and enjoy the view. The increase in speed and complexity of life often intensifies without notice, especially if everyone around you is keeping a similar pace!

Because we do not rest, we sometimes lose our way. More than one client has pursued coaching because they no longer recognize themselves. Their formerly happy, healthy self has been hijacked by the circumstances of their life. It’s easy to become separated from the stillness from which wisdom grows. We miss the joy and peace born of mindful presence. Without pause, the inspiration of moments, people, and our environment elude us and leave us longing for something more … when there is a whole lot of something right in front of us.

Sometimes stopping can be forced upon us. The forced stops may be necessitated by any number of life circumstances that leave you feeling depleted, confused, anxious, frustrated, dissatisfied, or off-track. Intentional stops interrupt the dangerous speeds that many have acclimated to in life.

Some pursue coaching for more resilience. But is more resilience really what people need? Sometimes. We will take a look at several determinants that impact your wellness lifestyle. You will assess your resilience and explore the mindset of self-care and your holistic well-being. We will also consider the common challenges of time and stress in daily life.

You are at an intersection moment of life. Examine your whole life … and you are likely to reveal a turn onto a more life-giving path. You have everything you need to navigate your journey with more ease than you thought possible.

Why Stop?

Think back to when you were in elementary school. What were you taught to do if your clothes catch on fire?

Stop, drop, and roll.

Have you ever had the occasion to use this remedy?

Fortunately, most of us have not. But most seem to be able to recall it quickly. It’s catchy and easy to remember. This simplicity is applied to the steps that you can take to put out the metaphorical fires that come up in life. How often does that happen? For most of us, frequently.

Task loading, constant interruptions, career changes, traffic jams, demanding colleagues, difficult clients, patients, partners, or children. The list goes on.

So now that we’re all grown up, we can remember four simple steps to put out the metaphorical fires that inflame our lives:

Stop. Breathe. Think. Choose.

These steps will remedy your self-care crisis.

These simple steps guide you through a self-care process that transforms stress, challenge, or adversity by the mindful integration of body, mind, and spirit. The process focuses on connecting you back to yourself. It helps you remember and align with the inner qualities of peace and stability to empower choices that lead to optimal health and satisfaction in life, work, and relationships. Self-care helps you shift gears.

Clients often post these four simple words as a reminder for how to navigate difficult moments. I needed a reference for these steps, and the cue Mindful Pause was born. Sometimes the most simple words are enough to inspire profound change.

Accept this invitation to pause … to douse the fire of stress in your life and to make room for vitality and growth. Unplug from the incessant pace of modern culture to align with your purpose and strengths, manage mood and energy with confidence, and seek growth and transformation. This is especially critical for those who feel separated from themselves by an exhaustive effort to work harder and achieve more, while simultaneously prioritizing and caring for others.

We need to STOP. But stopping to rest and practice self-care is so contradictory to our cultural addiction to work and productivity. This strong work ethic is producing a population that is literally sick and tired from the pursuit of the American dream. Consider these population statistics:

•Nearly half of Americans (45 percent) have been awake at night in the past month as one stress outcome. ¹

•Forty-two percent of adults say they are not doing enough or are unsure if they are doing enough to manage their stress. One in five Americans (20 percent) say they never engage in an activity to help relieve or manage their stress.

•The most commonly reported symptoms of stress in the past month include feeling nervous/anxious (35 percent), being irritable/angry (37 percent), feeling fatigued (32 percent), having a lack of interest/motivation (34 percent), being depressed/sad (32 percent), and feeling overwhelmed (32 percent).

•Many Americans say they engage in unhealthy behaviors because of stress, including eating too much/eating unhealthy foods (33 percent say they have done this in the past month because of stress). ²

•Fewer than 5% of adults engage in the top health behaviors, and only 20% of adults are thriving. ³

Do you feel overwhelmed by the pace and load of work life?

Are you considering cutting your work hours or changing jobs?

Do you find it hard to fall asleep because of a racing mind?

Do you check your phone immediately upon waking? Is it with you at the dinner table? Do you receive and respond to business emails or texts after work?

Do you eat meals at your desk or in your car?

Is your list of responsibilities for others so long that you never get to your own?

Do you rely on coffee or other beverages or foods for quick energy?

Do you depend on other drinks or food to decompress after a hard day?

Do you feel uncomfortable with nothing to do?

Have you given up hobbies?

Do you give back vacation days?

Do you have headaches or body aches that interrupt work?

Do you have a chronic illness that has interrupted your perception of thriving?

Are your personal and professional relationships suffering due to your choices or behaviors?

If you checked off even a couple of these, you are likely to benefit from this guide. I visited with a cardiologist attending my wellness workshop at a professional meeting. My description of the fast pace and intensity of life resonated with him. He is from Argentina. When he first came to the United States, he found it so strange that people would eat a meal in their car. The concept of fast food was not a part of his cultural experience in Argentina. But working and living in the US changes things. His head dropped as he confessed, Now, I find myself eating in my car during my busiest days. So here we are … chasing the American dream … in some ways rewarded, challenged, and engaged, but also tired.

The indicators above are often evident in overachievers who are swept up in the pursuit of the American dream for prosperity and success that can be achieved by driving hard and fast. Not all of the above behaviors are bad. But it does help to reflect on how we are living and how our choices might contribute to our well-being. The idea of hard work is interesting and can be lived out in countless ways. Being a high achiever in itself is not a problem.

How you engage in hard work may be the difference between the sustainable success of an achiever and the steady decline in personal performance, personal health, and well-being of an overachiever. Shift Happens.

Resilience

"Persistence and resilience only come

from having been given the chance to

work through difficult problems."

–Gever Tulley

Resilience is a broad concept that includes the ability to withstand, adapt to, and recover from adversity and stress. It is multidimensional. We gain physical resilience when we work out at the gym. We test mental resilience in the pursuit of our education and job training. We reflect spiritual resilience when we align life choices and behaviors with our values and beliefs. The emotional domain, with emotional flexibility, positive outlook, and self-regulation, strongly impacts our ability to sustain our healthy living choices. Many feel untrained and ill-equipped with emotional skills or strategies to navigate the sometimes chaotic terrain of life.

Resilience is a target for self-care that mobilizes the power to adapt and flourish. People endure unprecedented levels of stress in life and work that drain mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual resilience, making it difficult to pursue and achieve wellness. Our best intentions can get derailed if we’re ill-equipped to cope with the inevitable intrusion of stress in our lives. In fact, you may end up discouraged by repeated failed experiences to act on or sustain healthy choices.

The Brief Resilience Scale provided below provides important information to guide the course of your wellness plan.⁴

Brief Resilience Scale

1. I tend to bounce back quickly after hard times.

Strongly Disagree = 1 Disagree = 2 Neutral = 3 Agree = 4 Strongly Agree = 5

2. I have a hard time making it through stressful events.

Strongly Disagree = 5 Disagree = 4 Neutral = 3 Agree = 2 Strongly Agree = 1

3. It does not take me long to recover from a stressful event.

Strongly Disagree = 1 Disagree = 2 Neutral = 3 Agree = 4 Strongly Agree = 5

4. It is hard for me to snap back when something bad happens.

Strongly Disagree = 5 Disagree = 4 Neutral = 3 Agree = 2 Strongly Agree = 1

5. I usually come through difficult times with little trouble.

Strongly Disagree = 1 Disagree = 2 Neutral = 3 Agree = 4 Strongly Agree = 5

6. I tend to take a long time to get over setbacks in my life.

Strongly Disagree = 5 Disagree = 4 Neutral = 3 Agree = 2 Strongly Agree = 1

Scoring: Add the value (1–5) of your responses for all six items, creating a range from 6–30. Divide the sum by the total number of questions answered (6) for your final score.

Even if you score high in resilience, that does not exclude you from benefiting from this work. Many of my clients actually score medium to high in resilience, yet they perceive that they are somehow lacking because life feels so out of balance, overwhelming, or off-track.

Another approach to describing resilience relates to how it’s being applied:

The real challenge involves resisting dysfunctional or harmful means of coping. We may make choices or behave in ways that are not optimal for ourselves, our work, or relationships. I had one client who consulted their physician regarding symptoms that he worried were the result of significant anxiety or heart issues. As it turns out, his symptoms were related to excessive caffeine consumption that was helping him meet his strenuous workload.

Sometimes on my way home from a challenging day of work, I’m tempted to stop at a gas station to purchase some of their arsenal of energy support for people. My vice is sugar, and I’m tempted to reward my hard day with a sweet treat. Growing up, my dad often gifted me a candy bar after a sporting event or academic achievement.

I fondly remember the days of my youth when a stressful day was being denied outdoor recess because of the weather! I also remember returning home after elementary school, watching Scooby-Doo on TV with my mom in the kitchen