Secret Cat Business: 7 Steps to a Meowingly Good Life

By Esther L Daniell

A self-help book for cats . . . and cat lovers!

‘This is my world; I just allow others to live in it.’ — Chester

Chester the Cat is talented, handsome and charming—think of a feline Jason Bourne who is so gifted he makes Albert Einstein look stupid. With his street-smart business acum

• Language: English
• Publisher: Esther Daniell
• Release date: Feb 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9780648774310

Book preview

7 Steps to a Meowingly Good Life

CHESTER THE CAT

E.Daniell/IngramSpark

MELBOURNE, VICTORIA

Copyright © 2020 by Esther Daniell

All rights reserved. Apart from fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission.

Esther Daniell

www.estherdaniell.com

This book has been transcribed by my ghost writer and loyal servant, Mum. She publishes under Esther Daniell.

Cover design by Chris Hildenbrand

Cover image by Getty Images

Typeset in Bell MT 9 & 12 pt/Arial 12 &18 pt

Printed and bound in Australia by IngramSpark

Prepared for publication by The Erudite Pen

Secret Cat Business, Volume One: 7 Steps to a Meowingly Good Life/ Chester the Cat/Esther Daniell. -- 1st ed.

ISBN 9780648774310

A Self-Help Book For Cats

…. And Cat Lovers!

This book is dedicated to all cats everywhere. May you rule over your world as I do!

Chester

This is my world; I just allow others to live in it.

chester the cat

Contents

Introduction

Step 1: Managing your human’s romantic relationships

Case Study 1: Gollum

Case Study 2: Elmo

Step 2: Managing veterinary staff and extended family to win in life

Case Study 3: Dr Evil

Step 3: Circumventing cheques in the mail and managing your human’s post

Step 4: How to win at love and have a meowingly good time

Case Study 4: Chester’s First Love

Case Study 5: My Sweet Valentine

Step 5: Kon Marie for cats! Tidy up your home from unwanted clutter and guests

Case Study 6: Destroy Human’s Bond With Homestay Organisation

Case Study 7: Stop Your Human From Travelling to NYC or Go With Them!

Step 6: How to create a Freddy Krueger List

Case Study 8: Boundary-Setting With Humans!

Step 7: How to win in business and life, the Chester way

Business Cat Rule #1: Pocket Money

Business Cat Rule #2: Work Your Catitude!

Business Cat Rule #3: Always Look Your Best!

Business Cat Rule #4: Get a Title

Business Cat Rule #5: Be the Change—Be a Cat Entrepreneur

Business Cat Rule #6: Take Time to Cuddle Your Fluffy Toys

Business Cat Rule #7: Be an A-Grade Student

Bonus Case Studies

Case Study 9: Family Values—Avon Calling

Case Study 10: Fame and Fortune—The Bachelor

Case Study 11: More Fame and Fortune—The Paparazzi

Case Study 12: Royal Blood—Marc Antony

Case Study 13: Romance—Don’t Eat Sardines Before a Date!

Epilogue: It’s a wonderful life!

Sneak Peek

Introduction

My name is Chester the Cat. You may be asking yourself: How is it that I can write and type? Well, the easy answer is that I am gifted and talented to the degree I could make Albert Einstein look stupid. Do I hear you gasp in horror? Well, you get the gist. I am smart.

Believe it or not, but I’m the head of a small covert group of cats with special powers that only I can unlock. I also have superpowers; think of me as a real-life feline superhero if you will. Think of a feline Jason Bourne, perhaps. Although, the truth is I come from a long line of royal blood dating back to the human Queen Cleopatra’s leopard, Arrow.

Would you believe I discovered my superpowers as a mere kitten when sneaking out to Mum’s garden to chase a bird and instead ate some ‘special’ catnip that activated my gifts. Gifts, plural!

Among my numerous gifts is a bionic left paw. I also have the ability to read and write, read minds and impersonate humans. Nifty, hey? It sure does come in handy!

I live in sunny South Australia with my family, who you’ll hear all about in this volume. I’m nine years old as write this, sitting on my balcony and watching humans from my townhouse.

It is imperative that I don’t reveal my exact location because now that I’ve become quite famous in Australia, I don’t want to attract any she-cat stalkers. The price of fame, coupled with being a single and handsome cat can be hard. But my life wasn’t meant to be easy; it was meant to have purpose.

For example, looking after my family is very important to me. And, being proficient at, well, everything—I am writing this book just for you, my extended cat family everywhere. I want to demonstrate that you too can have a successful life in just seven easy steps!

I have so much wisdom, guidance and expertise it almost feels like a burden to keep all that knowledge to myself without passing it on. So I simply must share my teachings with the world.

Human cat lovers would also be well-advised to read my book.

Cats and cat lovers of the world—this volume is my gift to you. But I also offer one-on-one coaching and the opportunity for my feline brothers and sisters to enrol in Chester’s School of the Feline Arts, just in case you’re interested.

My backstory

Before I reveal my seven steps to a meowingly good life, let me tell you more about myself—apart from the obvious that I’m exceedingly handsome, and I think I’ve mentioned single, right, ladies? You may wish to check out my biography and photo in the back of the book at this point.

My coat is a gleaming gold and black and is well-maintained by my loving human mother. I refer to her as Mum, except when I’m angry and then she is ‘Mother’.

I have long claws that I refuse to be cut. They make Freddy Krueger’s nails look like child’s play.

In fact, years ago, Mum and the evil vet (read Step 3’s case study on Dr Evil) did learn that I can turn into Freddy Krueger in an instant. Nowadays, they can only cut my nails when I’m medically sedated—true story!

However, the vet doctors and nurses generally require sedation and even time off after I visit them. No exaggeration here. Just ask about ten vets in South Australia; they’ll provide a sturdy reference for me.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here; let’s go back to my early life story . . .

Goodness, the beginnings to life