Interminable: Stories & Steps to Overcoming Life's Obstacles After a Repetitive Cycle of Pain and Loss. How to Maintain Your Win!

By Michael L. Henderson

How do you maintain your win when you climb out of a repetitive cycle of pain and loss? From time to time, life sometimes deals us a bad hand, and while many learn from their mistakes and prevent making new ones, others either consciously or unconsciously, find themselves on a much harder path. Many tools to help light the pathway for personal a

• Language: English
• Publisher: Suite LLC
• Release date: Mar 4, 2019
• ISBN: 9781733539616

Michael L. Henderson

Michael Henderson has been writing church related articles and leadership materials for many years and it has always been one of his passions. His blog, www.truthinspires.com, has been maintained for several years and is viewed around 2,500 times a month. The blog is searchable and has nearly 200 articles to choose from. Michael has a true heart for God and finds great joy in writing and releasing into print the convictions the Spirit of God places on his heart; He views God’s truth as something meant to inspire other believers toward service and obedience. His work is intentional being directed toward inspiring believers toward a deeper relationship to Christ. Michael has been in some form of ministry for nearly thirty years and as a Pastor is constantly abreast of the Lord’s works in changing lives. His calling keeps him focused on outreach and the well-being and spiritual care for church-goers where he shares God’s life-changing truths. Michael currently serves as Sr. Pastor of the historic First Baptist Church, Springfield, IL. Springfield is the state capitol of Illinois and a hotbed of activist activity. He serves with his lovely wife, Brenna, and their two daughters, Gracey, age eleven, and Mika, age twelve. The family currently resides in Chatham, Illinois.

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PREFACE

I am beyond grateful to be alive today and able to share my praise for this beautiful world we live in. Words I never thought 30+ years ago I would ever utter. For whatever the reason, I have been chosen to have lived the life I have thus far. Even though it has not been perfect by any means and sometimes downright cruel, it is my path on this earth, and I have learned to accept it. With the pain and struggle have come some fantastic times. Fun wouldn’t properly begin to describe certain periods of my life.

Throughout the journey, I have met and continue to meet the warmest, caring and thoughtful human beings. Always reminding me that disliking, judging and sabotaging relationships does more harm than good. They all have shared pieces of me through love, and I have taken those pieces and with help returned that love the best I can to the world and the people in it. I apologize to each and every one of you for the pain I caused you. The disappointment for not understanding, respecting and appreciating the heartfelt education of living a better life. I ignored the meaning of family, trust, and commitment. Always thinking I had to live life my way and that it was the correct way. I ask for your forgiveness as I have learned to forgive myself. I may not be able to change the past, but I can do a lot better from this moment forward. I also promise to share what I have experienced in hopes to guide other lost people to hurdle over my mistakes or those they’re facing similarly to find their greatness.

Life for me is not over yet, and I have been given another chance to improve and begin to get it right. With all the life lessons that have been shared with me, it only makes sense to share with others. When I was seeking help with no money at all, I could only turn to books to self-educate. Within those, I found disappointment for none were truthful. No one appeared to open themselves up with real vulnerabilities to guide a lost kid just trying to find his way.

Some of you may know I am no scholar. I am just a man who lived a lot of life in a short period. Throughout that time, I have found strength and knowledge to overcome many things that have been thrown at me. Often self-created problems through trial and error.

Whoever you are reading this if you need any assistance, I sincerely hope I was able to provide enough to at the very least encourage you to keep going. If you’re someone where this book doesn’t apply, I hope to have been able at the very least to help you identify behavioral patterns, that if observed in someone you can provide the right assistance or direction pivotal for them at that crucial time in their life.

I love you all and thank you for taking the time to read this book. I hope you truly enjoy it. Thank you!

Chapter 1

PEOPLE

Luck is the residue of Design —Mr. Branch Rickey

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes and continues to be an ideal representation of who I am. I’ll begin by saying if you took the time to read the Foreword; you were able to see my mothers’ version of my life. When I asked her to participate in this book with her thoughts, I asked her not to hold back and be as open as she felt comfortable. I have two motivations for asking her to write something. Have any of you ever wondered what your parents think about you? Not what we think we know, but what we actually know, because they truthfully shared it with us. Well, this is my opportunity to see what my mother has to say about me.

The second reason is my mother is brilliant. People who could’ve worked with her certainly missed out. Plus, I have no idea in the world how she knows what she knows and where she finds the time to learn it. She is a wealth of knowledge. I often wonder if

the independent risk-taking teenager I was came from watching my mother walk portions of her difficult journey. Nonetheless, this is a wonderful opportunity to give her a speaking platform, and I believe an honest look at my formative years from a thoughtful, yet scrutinizing perspective.

If you are looking for a book written watered down in its context, this is not that book. The words being delivered were explicitly written to be gritty, hard, direct and as accurate in detail as possible. Hopefully, you will be comfortable with the harsh reality of some of the content. Content that is mixed with helpful insights, to strengthen and motivate you to ultimately overcome any rejection, alienation or negative aspects that keep you down.

When I made a personal decision to leave my single-parent home being raised by a single mother at the age of 15, it was the real beginning of let’s say a ‘strained relationship’ that would last for years. That never meant that I stopped loving my mother; it just meant we couldn’t see eye to eye on many of life’s situations.

But really what does a 15-year-old know? It probably would have been an easier journey if I had stayed.

This book isn’t necessarily a biography, even though many life stories are shared. It does paint a picture of the many metamorphoses in my life. You may or may not identify with portions of those life stages. Either way, a different experience adds to knowledge and comprehension.

Perhaps you are saying: I am glad I am not that guy. I haven’t had to deal with any form of that in my life. Strength and wisdom come in understanding just how different another person’s life experiences can be. By reading this book, you will be exposed to a version of life separate from your own. It is one of the ways, I hope the book will touch you, the reader.

I have sought help, visiting three therapists in my life so far. One, as a police officer following traumatic experiences from the job. Another was a court-appointed visit at a younger age for anger concerns. The last was on my own accord to improve myself and find a path especially on how I perceived life, myself as a person and the presence of happiness, stability, and success I have always sought.

The funny thing about the first and the third therapist is they both shared a common statement spread over 20+ years and that each was shocked to learn that all of my traumatic experiences were more than just two or three that most people endured in a lifetime. But I was broaching 10 to 11 separate serious experiences that in their words would have or should have landed me on a negative life path that many people fail to recover from. The second therapist kept falling asleep in session. I literally would have to wake her up every week. I guess the lesson here is not all therapists are competent, or maybe she had a night job?

So, carry the statements of the first and third therapist, I felt compelled to say if there’s truth to those points then I must share these experiences to help others. We know, for many people, the biggest challenge is getting through the tough times. Believing things will get better. Most importantly trying to always believe in themselves.

Have you ever thought how weird it is when someone has a self-confidence problem, or are very insecure? Have you noticed the mad dash for people to say and do whatever they can to boost the individual’s spirits? On the flip, have you observed the usual lack of support for those who are confident? I am not referring to arrogance, which requires a level of rudeness and disregard for others amongst other behavioral traits. I am referring to someone who believes in their abilities, themselves and has a no can lose mentality. The usual statements are Big headed, cocky, arrogant, A**hole, etc. I always found both of these perspectives, no matter which side of the spectrum you’re on oddly amusing because, on the one hand, someone with inner toughness can be at once secure in a sense, yet insecure in other ways. Well, you may know me a little better now. Or you will learn, more about who I have become through the book. Either way, you will see which side of the fence I landed on.

WHY WRITE A BOOK?

In the darkest times of my life and I have had many, the one consistent theme in most of my life is I was left alone. Sometimes, due to self-inflicted pain and other occasions just a lost kid, young adult, and older adult trying to find his way in a sometimes pretty harsh world. During those dark moments, I turned to books for comfort. I was a pretty determined reader as a child, but when I found myself homeless a second time (1st being when I left home at 15 years old) in my life around my late 20’s, I looked to biographies of business people for guidance, knowledge, and comfort. I always tease that during those homeless stints if only I had had some chemical issue or mental imbalance beyond that of a striving entrepreneur, I would have probably found the assistance I was seeking faster.

Back in those days in the late 1990s, it was just the opposite. I just wanted to be a businessman who created his own business. Sure, there were business organizations around, but I quickly found out the hard way how they operated, and they were there to assist if you reached a certain level in your business but a real start-up, forget about that, more on that aspect later.

In my late 20’s my world was crumbling, and I mean fast. Imagine sliding down a slide with nothing to stop you until you hit bottom.

I was raised in a religious Baptist family and grew up in the church. I not only had to attend every Sunday church service but Bible studies, vocational class and staying late after service and so forth. I turned to prayer and the leaders of the church, but that didn’t stop the sliding. I quickly realized that I was on an island of a wanna-be entrepreneur and most of the real world at that time didn’t take kindly to that or better stated it didn’t make sense to anyone why any sane human being would ever choose that path in life in the circles I traveled.

In those days, owning a business wasn’t always a smart life move, unlike today where it’s cool to own your own business. When I say sliding I am referring to having stability one day (as I had been a police officer prior), to the next, making some abysmal decisions like taking a significant risk at owning a business. Those decisions coupled with what I later learned to be an internal hatred and lack of real-life support; I was carrying with me. As a result, I was living under a highway in St. Louis, Missouri in my late 20’s. A time in life where things had once been really good for me had become abysmal. So, I spent time in the downtown library reading books and visiting a church (Christ Church Cathedral) across the street, which kept its doors open to the public during the daytime. Unfortunately, the biographies messages were all on the same page. I mean the exact same page with no exaggeration. They went something like this in their storyline.

The author would tell their story and blah, blah. I struggled, and then I made it—the end. Forgive me I am laughing as I write the above because what a crock of s**t. Who is going to learn from that? I needed help, I had a son, and I needed answers. I needed a way to change my trajectory. I wanted to know the real details. The way they were written led you to believe once you get your hands on some money all will be better instantaneously! I was seeking additional things such as what happens between the gaps. For example, you find yourself struggling, and you are giving it your all to get the new job, break into the new industry or close the deal or sell the product. What the hell happens between that pain and the time when you get the new job or break through into the new industry, or you close the deal? How about a month afterward? Was it all roses? You made money, and now the world was a kinder place to you? Everyone forgave you for any, "ill will that may have occurred? What, everyone all of a sudden received a parade in your honor for crossing over from pain, poverty to riches and comfort? What the F**k happened? UGH! It still irritates me to this day. Even though I can tell you what it feels like, how it looks, how people treat you and if you’re not careful with it I can tell you how long it just might last. I promise you will walk away from some views that I believe will help.

That’s how most of the books read, and I found myself still stuck desperately trying to find a way to not only ease the pain of lack for myself but the pain I caused others in those days by not having my s**t together. Who helps the kid who wants financial stability but wishes to take a less popular path? Today it's prevalent and heroic in America to be an entrepreneur, however in those days to be your own boss and no longer work 9 am to 5 pm for what most believed, and some still do consider having stability and comfort of a consistent paycheck. Of course, until the owner or boss of the company wakes up one day and decides you have no value add and lets you go. But sarcastically that doesn’t happen, does it?

For the record, there is nothing wrong with working 9 to 5 and obtaining that level of stability and consistency. What I am referencing and genuinely saying to you is make sure you enjoy your employment. Make certain it is something that makes you happy and fulfills you. Let it drive you to be the best at it! Whatever it is, become irreplaceable at it! This is critical because it decreases the chances you are without a job one morning. If you are only working for the money and not the passion of the job that, of course, is your personal preference and maybe there is some comfort in just putting up with it because you can live comfortably, but I no longer have that mentality. So, I cannot offer much advice or support in that life category, although I do know people who live and work in such a space. Have you ever thought that maybe you might be