The Henry Biography

By Alex Contreras, Jake Cardwell and Matthew

The absolutely true story of how Henry became the man of the century. This story is sure to bring joy beyond your wildest dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Dec 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781794823396

Book preview

The Henry Biography

The Henry Biography

Prologue

Henry, a handsome young man with an incredible talent for basketball and track, has not always been so wonderfully amazing. Long ago on one of the best days to have existed in human history, the beautiful boy, Henry, was born. It was a wonderful day for all the world. The women were amazed by Henry’s beauty. The men turned gay for him. All was good. As the mother and father endlessly struggled to choose a name, the sister, Uniqua, a nice young girl, said Let's name him Aidan! The parents lashed out in anger. No! You stupid girl! Twenty whippings when we return home! We will name this perfect boy Henry. And so the boy Henry was given the perfect name, and Uniqua was perfect for the rest of her life for she did not want to be whipped any more. As the family was returning home a crowd was gathering to praise the newborn child. Gifts were thrown onto Henry and after a long time of being stuck in traffic the US Navy came in with a helicopter to bring the family to their house safely. As Henry was quickly growing up to be the strong man we know him as, he was learning the ways of the earth. Quite soon he was rapping, eating, and walking and was known all around the world as Henry, the man of the century.

Chapter 1

There are many stories about the man of the century, and so we begin with one of his more popular stories. For this one we have to go back in time a little. Now this stories comes straight from the mouth of Henry himself. As the doctor was giving Henry his daily back rub, he felt a rumble from deep within. The doctor had pushed a little too hard at one spot! Henry had never experienced such pain! His back flared in pain! The rumble boiled getting lower and lower, closer and closer, deeper and deeper. The doctor felt the rumble and knew what it meant. PEE!!! It sprayed all over the doctor! Pee flew everywhere! Henry giggle with joy. It was the first step in becoming the track star he had wanted to be all (48 hours of) his life. The doctor screamed and dropped Henry. Henry’s dad came into the room when he heard the sound of Henry’s scream, and saw Henry falling, and jumped, caught him, and rolled just in time. Henry’s dad died to save Henry. This book will express Henry’s feeling in this dimension.

Chapter 2

After his father’s death, Henry now sexually identifies as a lasagna. Many people make fun of his decision, but it was because of his childhood when he made it.  Every day before school, Henry’s abusive brother would slap a layer of lasagna on his face. He did this so much that eventually some of the lasagna simply merged into his face.  When the janitor of his school noticed his facial anomalies, he taught him kung fu so he can defend himself from the layers of lasagna. One day, he was ready to face his brother, but he did not recognize him, as the layers of lasagna had made him into a new person. His father was the only one who recognized this horrid Henry, and he made an oath: he will be known as Henry as long as his father is alive. Although he had hideous features, one girl in his school still saw him as the same person.

Chapter 3

This girl was Charley.

Chapter 4

The next morning, Charley died.

Chapter 5

After the death of Charley, Henry was forced to move from this hardship.  Henry began pursuing his dream of being the first Indian President. Most people said that he could never pursue this dream, for he is white. But he snapped back and yelled You shall not assume other’s races from their skin color! He fell into instant rage. One can’t be president without a loyal servant, Henry contorted, so he rushed to the phone and called the number of his retarded slave, Jake.

Chapter 6