A Force to Be Reckoned With: Regaining Direction after Sexual Assault

By Erin Thomas

Sexual assault doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care about gender, race, or economic status. Sexual assault only knows how to inflicts pain and suffering in all aspects of life for a survivor and can affect those around them. The pain and suffering is not something that a survivor of sexual assault has to carry alone, and putting the correct pieces in place can help facilitate the process of healing.  No matter how long ago the pain was infected, healing can begin and progress can be made.  

Author Erin Thomas speaks from firsthand experience about personal, professional, and spiritual turmoil and struggles, and the breaking point to start healing. She shines a light on social injustice and calls for awareness and education in society.

Unfortunately, her story is a common one. Not the type of story you typically see on the news or circulating through your social media feed. Yet, through personal and spiritual growth, Erin has learned that no two people are identical, and no one walks the exact same path in life. One thing is certain though, similar experiences bring on comparable feelings, fears, and hesitations. She hopes that sharing her story will give courage and strength to other survivors to come forward, unite, and begin healing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 4, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098335557

Erin Thomas

An acclaimed writer among entrepreneurs worldwide, Erin Thomas always knew that she would write a children's book when she had a story truly worth telling. You are holding in your hands that story and her debut as a children's book author. Erin's mission in life is to build a magnificent existence that is authentically, unapologetically, her- and to help others do the same. For her, it's a life full of far-away lands, powerful storytelling, deep connections, joyous music, big love, unbridled freedom, endless play and giant slices of cake.A Charleston, SC, native, Erin currently lives in Europe with her husband, daughter, a Boston Terrier, a French Bulldog and two cats that think they own the place. (They're probably right.)

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 by Erin Thomas. All rights reserved.

ISBN (Print Edition): 978-1-09833-554-0

ISBN (eBook Edition): 978-1-09833-555-7

Disclaimer

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

This book is dedicated to survivors because sexual assault has no boundaries and neither should a survivor’s story.

—E.T.

You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage. 

—Alex Elle

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part I - The Story

Chapter 1 - As I Am

Chapter 2 - The Real Secret

Chapter 3 - Going Through the Motions

Chapter 4 - Full Speed Ahead

Part II - My Shift

Chapter 5 - Its True Name

Chapter 6 - The Breakdown

Chapter 7 - Potholes in the Road

Chapter 8 - Going Deeper

Chapter 9 - An Athlete’s Wiring

Chapter 10 - Check the Box

Chapter 11 - Faith Obstacle Course

Chapter 12 - Back to Basics

Chapter 13 - Educate Through the Uncomfortable

Chapter 14 - Rebuilding

Chapter 15 - Unexpected Grace

Chapter 16 - Safe Place to Land

Chapter 17 - Continual Journey

Chapter 18 - Dust Yourself Off and Try Again

Chapter 19 - Rewrite

Chapter 20 - Redemptions

Chapter 21 - Omega … or Is it Alpha?

Appendix

Glossary

Bibliography

Acknowledgments

I express tremendous gratitude to my counselor for knowing when to ask questions and help me make connections and for recognizing when to coach me and give me assignments. I also appreciate when you knew when to put down the notepad and pen, slide to the edge of your chair, and look me straight in the eye. You made a life-altering impact on me.

To Becky, Laura, Tara, Liz, and Susan: It has been a crazy ride through so many different life stages. The wind has taken us in various directions, but we continue to stay tied together. Each of you has been pivotal.

Mandy, where do I even begin? You have been my sole sister with every mile we logged in the sun and rain. You have been my sounding board and my voice of reason. At times, you have been my encouragement and my inspiration. No words can truly express my thankfulness and love.

To my family, who has been supportive and continued to love me through it all. To my parents, you taught me what hard work, dedication, and fighting for what you believe in looks like. Those traits have helped guide my steps and lead my heart. To my rocks at home, Scott and Alana, none of this would be possible without you. Your unconditional love has been what helped me. You supported me during my entire journey and you were my motivation to keep fighting when I didn’t feel like dragging myself another inch. God used both of you to help me and He reminds me every day to love you each extravagantly.

Finally, a special thanks to Reverend Dr. Karoline Lewis, Dr. Glenda Nanna, Chris, and Jenny. I appreciate the conversations, emails, guidance, and your willingness to invest and believe in me. Your support and input have been monumental. It is funny to think that this little essay was destined to be anything but little or an essay.

Introduction

Writing an introduction for this book made me restless. I wanted to write something that would motivate and inspire you to keep reading. I wanted it to stir something inside of you that you could identify with. I wanted to start my introduction by explaining the wonderful reason I started typing in the first place. The issue was, if I’m honest, that I can’t remember why I started typing my story. I believe at first it was my way of getting the dark thoughts out of my head, my way of trying to get rid of all the relentless junk and purge it from inside my mind. It was my way of trying to get to a point of restful sleep, less jumpiness, and tranquility. Then it turned into something that I was trying to comprehend, something that I wanted and began to yearn to understand, even though at points I still questioned why. It was my own twisted and tangled mess of yarn, and I was beginning to try to unravel it. The desire motivated me to break down all of the warped thoughts, feelings, and actions to the point that they were made into dust instead of feeling like boulders I was carrying. 

Then, at some point, it started to become something that I believed could actually help someone. My story became bigger than just my personal testimony and my personal path. I can’t explain it. For the life of me I have tried, but my mouth becomes like a desert when I attempt to speak and search for the words to answer why and how my pain has given me a purpose and then led me to my passion. Through all of the discomfort, the shame, and the fear that I had been feeling and started to face as I was going through this process of dealing with my sexual assault, came a feeling of peace and direction. The voice was clear and the direction I felt was true north, without a doubt, Help one person. I hope to help at least one person by sharing my story and changing their view of the shame and fear they may carry.

In this book, I bear not just my heart and soul but I bring forth all of the skeletons in my closet. I show the depths and darkness of my spirit. The truth I speak will not hurt me. The issue is that if I do not speak, others will continue to hurt and feel abandoned. I talk about things that I am not proud of and actions that I wish were different. I point out injustice and try to remind everyone that wounds will heal. Yes, I know the scars remain because I have my own to show. Now, the difference is that when I see my scars they do not horrify me, they remind me that I am enough, I am strong, I am resilient, I am a survivor, and I am a force to be reckoned with!

Part I

The Story

The beginning was easy to interpret and uncomplicated. Then came all of the things that