Bdsm Basics for Submissives - Dealing With the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission
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About this ebook
Michelle Fegatofi
Michelle has been in and around the BDSM Lifestyle for over 20 years as a submissive/slave. She mentors and advises new people, as well as writes educational books and blogs on different subjects from a submissive point of view. She shares her own life experiences and incites in hopes of inspiring others.
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Bdsm Basics for Submissives - Dealing With the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission - Michelle Fegatofi
BDSM Basics for Submissives
Dealing with the Mental and
Emotional Side of Submission
By
Michelle Fegatofi
Copyright © 2014 by Michelle Fegatofi
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.
ISBN 978-1-312-33416-8
BDSM Unveiled
Inquiries: bdsmunveiled@gmail.com
www.bdsmunveiled.com
Acknowledgment
I want to thank all of my readers, followers, and fans. You are the reason I continue to write, mentor, and answer questions every day. Thank you for your ongoing support.
Thanks to my Padrone Marco for all of his guidance and support, without whom I would not be at this wonderful point in my life.
Cover model: Kelly Adams kadams.model@aol.com
Cover art Photographer: Cine Image
Preface
Being a submissive is not easy. It can be especially hard in today’s society where we are taught that everyone is equal and no one is subservient to another. As a submissive, we deal with not only our own mental and emotional states that can vary even with a certain look from our dominants, but with those of people around us. I hope this eBook helps you understand certain feelings that you may not be used to dealing with as a sub.
Emotional and Mental Safety Tips
Pain can be mental or emotional and leave the largest scars you have. Having and maintaining an emotional safety net gives you a feeling of warmth, joy, relaxation, the ability to breathe freely, a sense of connection, and a sense of peace. It is an environment that promotes healing and growth and allows people to feel and express themselves more deeply and openly. You feel wanted and welcome. You can just be yourself and be accepted, you feel loved. It makes you feel like you are home.
Before a person can achieve emotional safety, they must also be able to give it. It is a two way street of openness, vulnerability and acceptance. It is a connection of hearts.
We can't feel emotionally safe all the time, even in the best relationships. There will be breakdowns and people may hurt each other unintentionally because we are not mind readers. We need to be able to forgive ourselves and each other, to communicate honestly, learn from arguments or disagreements, forgive and move on.
Barriers to that emotional safety net are made up of many things, such as fear, bad communication, past experiences, or gossip that we may hear about our Dominants. Being closed, going silent, and refusing to discuss hurtful or harmful issues hurts both you and your Dominant.
Fear plays the main role to disturbing our emotional safety - fear of rejection, of domination against your will, of abandonment, and of losing yourself. When this happens, your first reaction is to become reactive by getting angry, withdrawing, resisting, blaming, defending, explaining, or attacking. We use these reactions as excuses to avoid conflict. Common responses and sensations to an emotionally unsafe relationship could manifest physically as an upset stomach, tension headache, inability to relax, inability to sleep and a constantly tense body. Emotionally you might feel alone, hopeless, trapped, and unwanted.
Most people feel safe around someone who is very accepting, caring, and compassionate. The problem is, we all have bad days and may be irritable