Bdsm Basics for Submissives: Dealing With the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission

By Michelle Fegatofi

Over the years, I have found a lot of helpless and sometimes clueless submissives that were mentally and emotionally abused by dominants. They each felt like they deserved anything they got and never even questioned the dominants about their behavior. One of the hardest things to learn as a new submissive in the world of BDSM is how to navigate and deal with the whirlwind of mental and emotional stress that can come from being in a D/s or M/s relationship. Many people believe they are not allowed to feel any bad feelings, think bad or wrong thoughts, and always have to be a happy submissive. As humans, we all have to deal with negative feelings and thoughts from time to time, even though we may be submissives. This guide is a tool that will help you understand, analyze, and deal with different types of emotions and mental stresses associated with being a submissive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: XinXii
• Release date: Jan 7, 2015
• ISBN: 9781312334168

Michelle Fegatofi

Michelle has been in and around the BDSM Lifestyle for over 20 years as a submissive/slave. She mentors and advises new people, as well as writes educational books and blogs on different subjects from a submissive point of view. She shares her own life experiences and incites in hopes of inspiring others.

Book preview

BDSM Basics for Submissives

Dealing with the Mental and

Emotional Side of Submission

By

Michelle Fegatofi

Copyright © 2014 by Michelle Fegatofi

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

ISBN 978-1-312-33416-8

BDSM Unveiled

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www.bdsmunveiled.com

E-Book Distribution: XinXii

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Acknowledgment

I want to thank all of my readers, followers, and fans. You are the reason I continue to write, mentor, and answer questions every day. Thank you for your ongoing support.

Thanks to my Padrone Marco for all of his guidance and support, without whom I would not be at this wonderful point in my life.

Cover model: Kelly Adams   [e-mail]

Cover art Photographer: Cine Image

Preface

Being a submissive is not easy. It can be especially hard in today’s society where we are taught that everyone is equal and no one is subservient to another. As a submissive, we deal with not only our own mental and emotional states that can vary even with a certain look from our dominants, but with those of people around us. I hope this eBook helps you understand certain feelings that you may not be used to dealing with as a sub.

Emotional and Mental Safety Tips

Pain can be mental or emotional and leave the largest scars you have. Having and maintaining an emotional safety net gives you a feeling of warmth, joy, relaxation, the ability to breathe freely, a sense of connection, and a sense of peace. It is an environment that promotes healing and growth and allows people to feel and express themselves more deeply and openly. You feel wanted and welcome. You can just be yourself and be accepted, you feel loved. It makes you feel like you are home.

Before a person can achieve emotional safety, they must also be able to give it. It is a two way street of openness, vulnerability and acceptance. It is a connection of hearts.

We can't feel emotionally safe all the time, even in the best relationships. There will be breakdowns and people may hurt each other unintentionally because we are not mind readers. We need to be able to forgive ourselves and each other, to communicate honestly, learn from arguments or disagreements, forgive and move on.

Barriers to that emotional safety net are made up of many things, such as fear, bad communication, past experiences, or gossip that we may hear about our Dominants. Being closed, going silent, and refusing to discuss hurtful or harmful issues hurts both you and your Dominant.

Fear plays the main role to disturbing our emotional safety - fear of rejection, of domination against your will, of abandonment, and of losing yourself. When this happens, your first reaction is to become reactive by getting angry, withdrawing, resisting, blaming, defending, explaining, or attacking. We use these reactions as excuses to avoid conflict. Common responses and sensations to an emotionally unsafe relationship could manifest physically as an upset stomach, tension headache, inability to relax, inability to sleep and a constantly tense body. Emotionally you might feel alone, hopeless, trapped, and unwanted.

Most people feel safe around someone who is very accepting, caring, and compassionate. The problem is, we all have bad days and may be

Reviews for Bdsm Basics for Submissives

[Anna Andrejková · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

One of the best books I've ever read. Love it