Mostly Fishy Tails from Florida

By Brian "Beastman" Eastman

Short fishing articles from a native Pennsylvanian who moved south and found joy in what Florida had to offer. Even the non-fisherman or woman will find themselves laughing at Brian's excursions during his first years in Florida.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781257399451

Book preview

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Florida Fly-fishing DO’S and DON’TS

November 1999

This past weekend was the monthly outing for the Backcountry Fly-fishing Club. I really was looking forward to the canoe ride around the Banana River no motor zone because it was an area I had never explored and because I had arranged to be accompanied by a friend from work that I enjoy fishing with. I was hoping to gain some insight about the region from some of the old timers and impress upon my spin tackle using friend that fly-fishing is the way to go. The club members met around 6:00am at the Turning Basin and proceeded to get the canoes ready and survey the water conditions. We found that it was more than a little rough with what had to be a 15+ knot wind straight out of the north, but being the adventurous crew of men that we are, the decision was made to brave the high wind and waves anyway. Over the next 6 hours I learned a few things about fishing with a group, fishing from a canoe, and fishing Florida waters in general. I would like to share these things with you as I write down a list of Do’s and Don’ts that I am now going to live by when fishing in Florida.

DON’T disregard the weather reports for the coast because you believe that weather people never get it right.

DO increase the projected wind speed by a factor of at least 20% and the predicted wave height by at least 2 ft because the weather people never get it right!

DON’T follow the pack and venture into waters that would make a veteran lobsterman from Maine turn green and quake in fear.

DO stall long enough to see if all the boats in your party make it more than 100 yards off the beach before capsizing.

DON’T assume that just because everyone else made it that you will too.

DO plan ahead because you aren’t going to make it as far as they did. This can be a good thing, if the water depth where the unavoidable tipping over occurs is shallow.

DON’T try to hang on to the gunnels of the canoe as it is rolling out from under you. Injury can occur.

DO learn how to get out of a flipping canoe gracefully. Practicing this little used skill may look funny to the casual observer but it may prevent unnecessary pain and bruising.

DON’T remove the fly reel from your fanny pack and place it in the bottom of the canoe so that you can carry a cell phone in its place.

DO leave the reel where it belongs. You can fish without a cell phone (people used to do it back in the 1980’s), but you can’t fly-fish without a reel. Another way to look at it is this: The cell phone can either be lost at the bottom of the river, or become full of water. Both of these options render the common cell phone inoperable. The next time this happens to me (I’m sure it will), I am going to explain to my wife that I lost the cell phone while calling her to express my undying love rather than to tell the truth about the phone getting wet because we went out in conditions that we shouldn’t have.

DON’T assume the reel that just sank to the bottom is gone forever.

DO try to find it. All it takes is a little time and a variation of a Florida dance commonly known as the Stingray Shuffle. Trying to locate a lost item of fishing gear using this method only works if the water is relatively shallow. You would not believe the looks of wonderment from the men fishing along the bank as my partner and I wander out into the waist deep water, and begin to walk around in a seemingly aimless fashion. We found the lost reel and then explained what we had been doing, adding that we need to buy lottery tickets and hope that the lucky streak continues. Besides, if you have hopes of acquiring any new rods or reels like I do, you can’t afford to be losing any that you’ve already paid for.

DON’T carry a BIC lighter for emergencies on the water because it won’t work after it has been IN the water.

DO carry water proof/ wind proof matches because they will work.

DON’T assume that since you don’t see any alligators, there aren’t any around.

DO have an escape route planned for when that gator you didn’t see pops up 5 feet away with a hungry look in his eyes.

DON’T reach down to land a fish without looking around for large reptiles.

DO let the fish flop around for a few moments to lure any unseen gator out of hiding.

DON’T assume that since the day started out badly it will continue along the same path to hell.

DO have an alternate plan of action that may save an otherwise dismal day of fishing.

DON’T arrive home with a hang dog look on your face and proclaim to the wife that the only thing you got was back alive.

DO have a backup excuse for explaining why there aren’t going to be any fish filets in the freezer.

All in all, my trip to the no motor zone was cut short due to weather conditions which proved to be a trial by fire for my fishing partner who normally fishes from much larger boats and who somehow manages to remain dry throughout a full day of fishing. I was able to prove the merritts of fishing with fly tackle though by having a backup plan. A short trip to Merritt Island allowed us to fish in relative comfort even though the wind continued to hamper my meager fly-casting. The fish were available as we worked our way around some of the mosquito control ponds and canals, resulting in 3 Trout, 1 Redfish, and 1 Ladyfish, all of which fell to the fly. All fish were promptly released due to season and size limits even though (according to my wife) this is not a valid reason for coming home Fishless. The canals’ reptilian residents provided just enough spice to the outing and earned their place on my ever growing list of Do’s and Don’ts.

Fishing in Florida may not always put food on the table, but it never fails to provide the things that fisherman are really looking for - memories.

Well, did you catch anything?

December 1999

Has this ever happened to you? Fish hard for over 8 hours with the wind in your face the entire time. Hook and land many fish, none of which are legal due to size and/or season restrictions. Return home with nothing gained besides a feeling of contentment. Or worse yet, return home with less fishing equipment than you started with, only to be greeted by your wife (or husband) who asks, Did you catch anything?

Before we address this very touchy question lets define to catch. For most fishermen, to catch, means hooking and landing a fish. What happens to the finned victim at this point depends on local laws and personal practice. To the spouse asking the question, to catch means What did you bring home to feed the family after a day away from performing any house hold duties. At this point the smart fisherman would reply smartly NO! I didn’t catch a thing! and leave it at that. Not being a real smart fisherman, I always make the mistake of answering Yes, but it was too small to keep or It was out of season. These are NOT acceptable answers. Even though it’s a valid excuse, I have never used the line I caught a bunch of reds but they were all TOO BIG. Just imagine what my wife would say the first time I try this one.

I’m not sure many non-fishing spouses understand that the state and federal governments have seasons, size restrictions, and bag limits in place to protect the species we pursue from over fishing. Some basic examples of these laws include the regulations governing Redfish, Snook, and Seatrout. Redfish have to be at least 18 inches long but cannot be larger than 27 inches, daily limit 1. Snook, during the open season February through May and September through December 14th, must be at least 26 inches long, with an upper size limit of 34 inches, daily limit 2. Seatrout are even more confusing. In the Northwest zone they are fair game all year except for the month of February, size limit of 15 to 24 inches, daily limit 7. In the Northeast zone open season is from March through November, sizes are limited to between 15 and 20 inches with a daily limit of 5 fish. The South zone has yet another set of regulations but I think everyone gets the idea. Besides having to Catch the fish, we fishermen need to be able to read a map, use a ruler to accurately measure our catch, and to top it all off, we have to have a degree in Marine Biology to identify the fish after we land it. Over the last few years I’m sure I have thrown back perfectly legal fish just because I couldn’t positively identify the species. Lord knows the pictures in most books don’t look much like the fish in my hand. My motto (when I’m looking for table fare) is When in doubt, Throw it out, without harming it of course. How many sub-species of Snapper are there anyway?

Do our spouses really know what is involved with bringing fish home for dinner? I think not. The odds really aren’t in our favor due to weather, time constraints, season, size and bag limits, smart fish, and the unavoidable equipment malfunctions. It’s a wonder we catch anything at all given these hurdles. According to my loving wife I couldn’t catch anything unless it was suicidal and jumped directly into the frying pan.

A good analogy may be, I want you to go shopping for a pair of pants. Not just any pants. I want neon green pants (Chartreuse is acceptable). They have to be between sizes 34x34 and 36x34. You can only spend between $5.36 and $7.53, in exact change of course. You can only shop on Monday between the hours of 6:00am and 5:00pm. And finally, you can only shop at K-Mart or 7-Eleven.

Now it is my turn. What did YOU bring home?

Road Kill - The Unexplored Resource

December 1999

I recently returned from a family trip to Pennsylvania over the Thanksgiving holiday during which I made an observation that I’m sure has crossed the mind of any fly tier that does any traveling on the highways and byways of this great land. Why am I spending $4.00 on buck tail when there’s a ready supply right here along the road? We have all heard of Road Kill Stew, so why not collect materials for tying flies the same way? Granted, I have never had this particular dish, but I could probably be talked into investigating a fresh gray fox hide. Actually, I have investigated a few animals along the road but I never took the final step in the process.

As I was driving south on Interstate 79 towards Pittsburgh, I couldn’t help but notice the number of whitetail deer, rabbit, turkey, red fox, squirrel, opossum, skunk, raccoon, pheasant and countless others that had perished after encounters with motor vehicles. The natural thought process (unless it’s just my warped mind) began with wondering how morbid it would appear if I sent the wife to cut the tails off the unfortunate beasts. Or better yet, throw the entire animal into a bag (small animals only) and clean the hide when I get home. I guess I would have to get out and take care of the dirty work rather than ask my wife to judge the freshness of the deceased. How old is too old? In Pennsylvania during November, an animal that had a run in with a car may be good for quite a while, but down here it may only last a couple of days provided Florida’s state bird, the Black Vulture, hasn’t found it yet.

I truly believe that this may be an unexplored resource that we fly tiers need to look into. Just imagine being able to collect all the materials you need to tie the most exotic and beautiful flies while driving to your in-law’s house for dinner (the only good thing to come about during the evening). It may even turn into a way to improve your family’s quality time together. Come on kids, it’s time for a road trip, daddy needs some deer hair. I need to make a half dozen poppers and sliders for next week’s trip to the Glades. Snook won’t know the difference! This could even be an easy source of spending money for retirees. All they have to do is drive around and enjoy the scenery, which by the way, seems to be the way a lot of them drive now.

Is this a fledgling industry that has yet to be explored? I can see it now. Dozens of trucks in various states driving around looking for roadside casualties. You, the buyer, would call in a request for a particular type of hair or feather and quicker than you can say Flyfishing a driver is dispatched to some highway in Idaho, Montana or some other far away land to take care of your needs. Just think of the advantages of using this method - no animals to raise, feed, and slaughter, and low cost of materials, coupled with an ever-present supply of hides might make it worth trying. If we branched into foreign countries the variety of tying materials would be endless and no fur would be too exotic. Of course shipping may be a problem, and I’m not sure about the laws in various states regarding possession of road kill. Another added benefit would be the public service that is being performed by picking up the animals littering the sides of many roads. Interstate 79 from Erie, PA to the West Virginia border is a prime example. During the 3 or so hours it takes to travel this 200 mile stretch I’ll wager that you can see a couple dozen deer along the road, all of them going to waste and leaving a lasting bad impression on the visitors traveling the route.

I do want to point out though, I am not suggesting anyone use the family station wagon to actively harvest the items needed to tie your next batch of flies. Besides being illegal to run down our