Can Men Really Drive?

By Mad Olsen

Vital information that is necessary for everyone to know about the dangers of the contemporary car driver is given for the first time in this little compendium. This book is not just about the depiction of his weaknesses or about lecturing him. It is meant to portray “his actions” in a mirror to give him the opportunity of seeing and grasping the extent of the suffering he causes society on the roads of the world. Moreover, he is given the chance (at least), to attempt to prove himself as a better, more social creature in the future. Eventually, a long hidden secret is to be revealed: Men can learn a great deal from women, also in the field of how to drive a car sensibly.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jun 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312255173

Book preview

Can Men Really Drive?

CAN MEN REALLY DRIVE?

MAD OLSEN

A little Series about the Extraordinary Road Manners of Human Beings

©Mad Olsen

2014

Translated by the author

from the German Edition

Können Männer wirklich Autofahren? 2014

© 2014, Mad Olsen

First Edition 2014

Cover Art: © Richard Woelfel, 2014

ISBN 978-1-312-25517-3

For Yves,

Who still refuses to believe any of this.

Speeding: This is hellish fun.

To that we’ll drink a toast as one,

And soil our pants while doing it -

But it only works on a brainless git.

Anonymous

WARNING

This little satire was written exclusively for men who think they can drive (as opposed to being capable of operating a vehicle, which is a different thing entirely). Furthermore, the purpose is to clarify a phenomenon, a deeper examination which has long become overdue, as to present instructions, advice and tips, the observance of which could contribute to better behavior (road manners) on the roads of Europe, the world in fact, in the near future.

For women, perusal of this book is suitable insofar as it provides information about the disconcerting patterns of behavior of their male counterparts.

Diehard racers are especially advised, by all means, to buy this little compendium, no matter if they are receiving medical treatment, suffering from circulatory disorders and stomach troubles, insomnia or other – above all psychical – trauma, or cannot go on without alcohol or drugs.

However, claims on account of any distinct deterioration of already existing and increasingly afflicting ailments, asserted and magnified after perusal of this little book, are strictly repudiated.

Preface for the English Edition

This book was originally written from a German point of view. It mainly refers to driving behaviour generally observed in Europe, and especially in Germany.

It cannot (therefore) be easily transferred to states outside this area, although plenty of the actions and antics described in the book will be familiar to many a reader in the U.K. or U.S. notwithstanding many EEC countries. Italy is a nightmare! Greece...? Please don’t ask…

Germany is the only country in Europe where motorways with NO maximum speed limits exist. One reason American tourists like to come to Germany is to discover the feeling (a freedom perhaps), which has long gone in their own country. In Germany there are still no drive-by shootings, but the very lack of them does not make its roads any safer. In the U.K. there is too much road congestion (the streets are too narrow), to give the problem of speeding as much concern as it does in Germany. There are van drivers in the U.K., alright, who are known as the White Menace up and down the country.  Nevertheless, you can find drivers everywhere in the world who prove to be incapable of driving a car safely.

As so many casualties occur in traffic accidents every year, yet the death toll is merely given a marginal glance, people seem to have got used to it, thus it was high time to say more about it, to make people more aware of the fact that an enemy is among us - the contemporary male car driver.

The sometimes-applied black humour in this book is not meant to belittle the situation on our roads, but to heat it up in order to visualize the problems in a clearer perspective. Unfortunately, these bad apples throw a shadow on all those who drive in an exemplary manner, especially our women (and some men).

Finally, many thanks go to my erstwhile friend Bob Francis (who oddly enough is an ex Bus Truck and Car driving instructor, and knows how to drive!), who helped the English edition of this little book come to fruition.

Mad Olsen, May 2014

Introduction

A spectre is haunting Europe – the spectre of male car drivers! ... and it is extremely dangerous.

As is well known, men like to pass the inability of driving a car on