"I Hope You Get Diarrhea In Traffic!"

By SK DiGiaimo

Driving in New Jersey is no easy feat and many drivers from all over the country will be able to relate to this book.

For years I have been compiling the different types of drivers you encounter on the roads and now I am able to share those with you and offer tips on how to handle them and to make your driving experience a happier one. We can all identify with one or more of these drivers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: SK DiGiaimo
• Release date: Jun 11, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301053179

SK DiGiaimo

First and foremost I am a mom of three great kids. I love the Jersey Shore and live right outside Long Beach Island New Jersey. I am a google maps expert, road warrior, asphalt queen, and entrepreneur. Throughout my sales career I have had every square inch of this state as my territory and my car was my office. I share many stories about the different drivers I have encountered and offer advice on how to deal with them. May the roads become less angry and our driving experiences happier. If not just tell them "I Hope You Get Diarrhea In Traffic!"

Book preview

I HOPE YOU GET DIARRHEA IN TRAFFIC!

A Jersey Girls Guide to Road Rage

SK DiGiaimo

Copyright 2013 SK DiGiaimo

Smashwords Edition

This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited without the express written permission of the author.

All rights reserved.

ISBN-13: 978-1490301037

Cover Art by Liedtke Design & Illustration www.liedtke.com

Ebook Formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

Table of Contents

Preface

The Pinball Wizard

Greased Lightning

GPS—Tom Tom for Idiots

The Headless Horseman and Driving Miss Daisy

The Mini-Glam Driver

The Shade Blaster

The Doing Everything Else but Driving Driver

The Like a Virgin Driver

The Dog Day Driver

The Parking Nazi

Trailer Trash Driver

The Mack Truck Daddy Driver

Anti-EZ Pass Drivers

Out of State Drivers (OOSDs)

The Psycho Cell and Text Driver

The Who's Your Daddy Driver

The 'My Shit Don't Stink' Driver

The Exorcist Driver

The Backdraft Driver

Jersey Girl Rules and Tips for Driving in New Jersey

Preface

First things first...

The idea for writing this book came about for several reasons, including driving with my grandmother and just plain old driving in New Jersey. For years I have been compiling lists of different kinds of drivers in my head, and finally, I am now able to share those with you. You will undoubtedly find one or more drivers in this book that are just like you. You may not want to admit it, but just as we have different personalities, we are all transformed behind the wheel. I have seen appalling behavior from both young and old drivers—it doesn't matter. And driving in this state makes even the timid and meek morph into Godzilla. Have you ever seen an old man give the old motion in the mouth with that nice hand gesture? I have, and it's completely repulsive, shocking, and gross. You see, it just doesn't matter, because once you get behind the wheel, the person you know is gone.

I'm sure you're wondering why I called the book I Hope You Get Diarrhea in Traffic: A Jersey Girl's Guide to Road Rage. First, I was born and raised in New Jersey and have never left. I am married with three kids and a dog (who looks like Snoopy, as a matter of fact). I had big hair in the '80s, dated a bunch of Guido's, and went clubbing every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. I have driven all over this state at all hours of the day and night, and I know it well.

Second, my grandmother taught me many things while driving. I learned the most important one when I went to the store with her one day. We would usually take several trips to run errands together; we didn't do it often, but when we did, we would be out for hours. As usual, I became enraged rather quickly that day because some idiot cut me off, and I shouted that I wished they would hit a tree and die.

Well, my grandmother was very disappointed that such evil thoughts would cross my mind. Instead, she said I should tell them to get diarrhea in traffic, because it wouldn't be a death sentence, but a longer sentence of pain and agony. Getting diarrhea